• Member Since 24th Apr, 2016
  • offline last seen 12 minutes ago

Octavias Melody


I'm mostly just here for the porn.

Comments ( 47 )

Haha! I remember this from yesterday night!

This was great, but there are a few minor errors, such as

Getting up, Silver raises herself onto her bed, and spreads her legs for the stallion before her. Using her hooves, she pulls apart her labia, and blows a soft jet of warm air at Cupid. ā€œYou know you want to.ā€

This is past tense, not present.

ā€œOh, fuck!ā€, she exclaimed, wholly unused to the sensations her body was being subjected to.

Don't put a comma after the dialogue; it's improper.

One more thing: all dialogue has to have punctuation marks on the inside of the quotation marks.


Otherwise, I'd love to see more of this; I found it extremely hot.

You got to love magic, ain't that right?:rainbowlaugh::ajsmug::rainbowlaugh:

My name is PKMN Trainer Red and I approve of this fic.

Based on an idea from the FimFic Discord server. You know who you are.

:trollestia:

I suppose Silver Stripes is about to have a little bit of existential angst. Hopefully it doesn't last too long so the two can get back to cuddling and snuggling every day (oh, and don't forget fucking one another's brains out).

8197735 One can only hope for more snuggling between the two.

This, folks, is why you read the whole article. Failure to do so can result in overdosing on medication, setting your house on fire, and gender swapping, among other things.

I found this to be a fun little romp. Though I noticed two small errors:

Cupid teased them with a hoof, feeling them firm to the touch; getting bolder, he took on into his mouth,

Should be one. Not on.

Slowly getting up, Silver brought herself to eye-level with Cupidā€™s fully-erect penis. Nervously poking it, she could feel the desire behind the firmness. Moving closer to Cupid, she leaned forward to whisper in his ear. ā€œSilverā€¦ do you find me attractive?ā€

If I'm reading that correctly, Silver just called her friend her own name.

Kinda wish there was another part to this. I'd love to see if Silver was pregnant, and how she'd handle that.

8198815

Fixed, thanks!

Certainly considering that route, time will tell, eh? ;)

Oh, this is certainly interesting. šŸ˜— I'll be watching this closely.

Aside from striking distressingly close to home (In so many ways :rainbowlaugh:) I enjoyed it. Of course, I can't help but wonder if you can layer the transformation spells. If only the temporary version over the permanent one.

Taking a gulp, Cupid avoided eye contact, and looked down at the ground in shame. ā€œSilverā€¦ I donā€™t think I can change you back.ā€

Aww man. He really is a cupid stunt :trollestia:

Cupid Stunt

ha :twilightsheepish:

Nice start to a story (very nice!), but I'm hoping that we see the consequences of these actions.

8201043 still marked as "incomplete"

What was it Britishname Complicated said in his Marvel debut? Oh yeah...They really should put the warnings before the spell...

If this idea were expanded and upon... I would read the shit out of it. Holy shit I love this so damn much.
I'll be looking for more :rainbowdetermined2:

Spacecowboy
Moderator

Nice chapter with some information provided, and some hints of what to potentially expect in the future.

The conversation with Redheart was perhaps a little weird feeling, but not too bad overall.

I'll be keeping an eye out for the next chapter.

Very well done. You can truly feel for Silver as well as the anger towards Cupid.

Denial and Anger. How quickly through the other stages of grief for her old life will she go?

Sooo, Silver isn't going to face assault charges, or even apologize in any way shape or form, because her situation does not justify that level of brutality.

My only question is why the 'first spell' hasn't been removed from print yet, or hasn't had a counterspell finally designed if this has happened before.

...fault was equal on both sides in this incident, i feel that someone should have least bothered to remind silver that she could be charged for her actions and is ver lucky she isn't being.

Son of a gun! You've done it again! :twilightsmile:
Another great chapter, so much character!
Looking forward to the next bit, I hope you follow your heart when writing this. Don't let others sway you :derpytongue2:

Oh, that's just wonderful, nothing brings the boners like fucking anti-choice rhetoric.

8240636
You must tell who your personal trainer is, because that's one hell of a fucking reach.

A character sharing their story does not mean that it is rhetoric, just as what an author writes is not necessarily the opinion that they hold.

I find these two perfect for each other. Their personalities just kinda blend well
one is the half witted casinova, and the other the quiet but reasonable mind.

I also found that clop scene quite detailed, though I would try doing things Diaries style and post something like "(Clop is coming.)" Just in case somebody does not want to see that. So they can skip it if need be.

One day in, and Silver has already had the talk and is already becoming super emotional.

Bravo, this guy's life just officially spun the top and took a dip.

That poor stallion that got gelded, ouch. On the other hoof, he would have an elegant solution and self-penance all in one by turning himself into a mare as well to join the friend he also permanently turned into a mare :trollestia:

If there's at least a few other stallion-turned-mares (or possibly mare-turned-stallions) that are victims of the spell, there might be a support group for them.

"Hello everypony. My name is Silver Stripes, and I've been a mare for two weeks."

Chorus: "Hello, Silver Stripes."

Depending on how fast Silver Stripes falls down the path of the cock-hungry mare, she might sneak into the hospital during (or after) visiting hours to suck off Cupid Stunt while he's unable to move around in all his casts and bindings. Like that one story with Rainbow Dash and the stallion, Hard Knock.

8240636
How in the name of every single fucking deity of every religion did you ever come to such a conclusion? Redheart said that she didn't like aborting foals, but would still allow Silver to get an abortion and provide it for her. What she said may be somewhat pro-life, but she was in favor of providing a choice, even if she personally disagreed with getting abortions. Your conclusion is like someone looking at someone who says "I don't want to have gay sex, nor do I find it tasteful, but you can still engage in it if you so desire after some thought" and then the person who heard that statement says "Oh, so you're homophobic/anti-gay/whatever-other-word-or-phrase-which-would-fit?"

I'm really not sure why I read these gender-swap stories, because the part where the pony/person comes to grips with their situation is often incredibly off-putting to me. The whole "now I have female hormones, so I'm a completely different person" concept is overdone and inaccurate. Hopefully this story doesn't lean too hard into that material. Best-case is that Silver starts to find that by being allowed to embrace and express his (her?) emotions, they realize a few things that were already true about them. For instance, that they were into stallion (in addition to mares).

I guess I'll see how it plays out in the next chapter.

Great story so far, I will be looking forward to see if she will be keeping the foal or not... probably will, and see if she can make it work with Cupid or not.

jxj

Hmm, interesting story so far. I'll be tracking to see where this goes.

8240006 8240237
As a medical professional, Redheart can't turn her in for the obvious assault; she is oath bound not to. And with no witnesses or anyone pressing charges, yes, Silver will get away with it. As for apologizing... that may come at a later date.
8240009
I thought that too. Either a major oversight, or there was some other reason for the spell to be in there.

Good chapter, good story so far. Am a little iffy about the instant pregnancy; permanent, instant gender swap is cliched enough and it would be throwing another cliche on top of it, but it can work, and I can see it working here. You'll probably have to have a good understanding of female puberty and pregnancy to pull everything off. I wish you well, and look forward to more.

8291534
from a legal standpoint thats arguable at best, redheart hasn't been told by cupid not to say anything and in most legal systems if someone where injure and or killed because of abuse that a medical professional outright ignored, thats worse then if they note to the police about suspicion of abuse. your logic is only along the idea that women or females cannot be the abuser which is a moraly disgusting way to look at things.

8291623
I did not say for a minute that females can't be abusers. Don't you dare misinterpret me. Don't you dare put words in my mouth. Male to female, female to male, etc, the result would be the same: not being charged. Where the hell did you get the idea my logic said otherwise?

I said Redheart can't turn them in for the obvious assault. She can report the injury on suspicion, but cannot outright say 'He/she beat him/her, they're lying, I have the medical degree to back that up.' That would be violating her oath. That's what I meant by she can't turn them in. I skipped this step in my previous post because I thought I didn't need to. Apparently I did.

Love the idea and you seem to be going about the actual relationship in a way that's not too rushed or unrealistic so far. What's with the tone, though? It's been wavering all over the place. We have a silly scene where two ponies talk about their troubles, play with sexy magic, and have somewhat-awkward sex.

Then instead of some justified slapstick, which would fit the tone more, one character puts the other in the hospital. I'm sorry, I can't imagine any love story where one character hospitalizes the other and then they get together. It's discomforting and jarring. You could have had Silver give Cupid a bloody nose or some minor injuries in the heat of the moment, then have them go to Nurse Redheart to pick up some ice, where she'd pick up on the situation as the two snipe at each other. Maybe Silver would feel too violated and upset to apologize, but you'd be able to tell that she knew what she did was wrong. Cupid could be unsure of how to act, apologetic, confused at their feelings. Something other than violent assault, at least!

It would help the character development, too. Other than the overuse of ellipsis, I don't think the dialogue is anything other than surprisingly fitting and of good quality, but you're not really structuring your story to take advantage of that. When you're writing a romance, you should want the characters to interact with each other more--especially if you have a knack for dialogue. The only real exception is Nurse Redheart, who bizarrely goes from a curt and annoyed doctor to talking about how it's surprising what you can shove up a vagina, and an honestly pretty cringey abortion talk. It's generally a bad idea to include discussions about abortion in romance, and just as bad to focus on it.

But really, the main issue, the underlying thing that bothers me is SIlver. I'm sure you're trying to convey the image of a stallion turned mare who is dealing with hormones and changing self-identity, but it feels like she changes overnight. Silver acts like how you'd expect how she would act after some amount of time. Pretty shy, effeminate, talking out her feelings to her partner that she put in the hospital, and don't get me started on how she acted with Redheart. It's okay to do these things, but it should be a change that isn't immediate, and the character should notice how they've changed in a way that Silver really hasn't. It's not something that you can just shove into the story and say, "Man, why have I been acting like a mare so much lately!" as much as it has to be worked into the narrative, so it's a little jarring to not see it here.

I do like where you're going with this. It's cute, it's clever, and the sex was nice. I'd consider thinking your plot and tone through a little more before continuing, but it's clear that your strengths as a writer are going to make this better as it goes. Take a little care about some of the finer details and it'll be a trip to see where you take this.

Aside from the extremely overused 'jinkies, this spell is utterly irreversible just because' part, this was a fun little ride.

Really curious where the story goes from here, I must admit.

The first time I read Cupid Stunt I thought it said Stupid Cunt. oops

I like this, good story so far.

8320618
You make a few good points.

I kinda agree about the hospitalization part, but considering the characters are ponies and thus more prone to forgiveness and friendship it doesn't tweak me all that much if they make up, forgive and forget and become romantically involved very quickly.

as for silvers sudden femininity in action, I have an idea about that (biased on rationalizing tones of tg stories, and a tiny bit of probably 'wrong or incomplete' psychology). he's basically become the stereotype of 'his' ideal mare. he has spent a significant amount of time looking at mares, watching them seeing how they act and has activity and subconsciously built up a ideal for how a mare should behave, act and react.

At the moment she is a bit to overwhelmed by the night's events to get much thinking done and is thus kinda at the mercy of her preconceptions. it could be that in time she becomes less a stereotype of her idea of a mare and more of a balance of her old and new self. Then again she might not, a good number of people don't think too deeply on the 'whys' of how they act.

However, one can not... overuse... ellipsis...!

8513181

Characters need to feel real. It doesn't matter if they tend to act like idealized versions of people, they still need to feel like people. That's how we empathize with them. When characters stop feeling real and start feeling more like fetish fuel, that's bad for the story and even worse for the eroticism of it.

Sure, you can make some ad hoc rationalization for why it looks so unrealistic that makes sense in-canon. You could even shove that explanation into the story at some point if you wanted to, but that doesn't change the simple fact that it feels that way to the reader now, and that's not a place you want to be as a writer. You want your story to be enjoyed the whole way through, not to look amateurish for a fair chunk of it.

If the author cut out some of the focus on the changes and made it more subtle, or ramped it up and made the character struggle to get a handle on the changes, it would work. There's value in making the change slow, and there's value in making it overwhelming. But you can't have this middling back and forth and make it have the same sense of weight and realism.

8514423

true enough. I kinda prefer using 'believability' over 'realism'. my mind drifts to realism = ponies acting more horse-like then human-like, due to them being well, tiny horses. I get what you mean though, and I think most people would see it your way.

I agree with you 100% on slow changes being better, the struggle to deal with it is one of the big parts of TG stories. we got the actual transformation all in one go, so I think well see silver trying to deal with it in upcoming chapters. She does have a week until the doctors appointment, that should be plenty of time to for silver to think as well and get into shenanigans. Maybe not about everything but at least enough time to make some kinda decision or realization, I guess we'll see.

This is very good, would love to see more :twilightsmile:

Quick question for Octavias. is this story still going? I know this may sound like a reader calling for more updates, but I'm genuinely a be confused. Mainly due to the length of time since last update vs the relatively new cover art added. Had this story on shelf for a bit while I waited to see when it would updated next then noticed new art despite no chapters.

8291829
been a while but in response? because all medical professionals are bound by that same oath you mentioned to bring all cases of possible abuse or assault to the police and use there medical knowledge to support there suspicion. only cupid has the right to ask them to not report it and even then it's still on there decision if they do or not. the oath you keep mentioning doesn't apply to criminal situations and this is most assuredly what they have here. red heart is actually taking a larger risk letting her walk away as she is quite clearly a danger to others.

Is this ever going to be finished?

Cupid stunt may perhaps be the best name ever and I may or may not use it on friends in the future. On anther note, this story is great and Id certainly hope for more. Hopefully this reaches you.

I'd like read more. Got any clue if this going or not or where are other fics like this?

Login or register to comment