• Member Since 21st Apr, 2013
  • offline last seen March 3rd


Hi, I'm Windburst. Fan of Twixie, Lyrabon and transformation fanfics. I can't keep an update schedule at all, and expect typo's in my stories, but if you can get past that, welcome aboard!

Comments ( 251 )

Hey, not bad! Good characterization of Trixie and the chapter sets up the story quite well.
The flow is a bit jerky at times, but I'm assuming this is your first story, and that's the sort of thing that quickly improves as your write more and get more practice.

I do really like this story premise though, can't wait to see what awaits 'her' on the other side :twilightsmile:

Hey there, first of all thanks for the comment, big fan of your work. :pinkiehappy:

And yeah, this is indeed my first fic, the "jerky" flow as you describe it was more or less to get the prologue out of the way, the actual fic will of course be about 'you' playing (or trying at least :rainbowlaugh: ) to be Trixie ...that or try to undo this whole mess!

You should get some help with editing for punctuation and grammar. There are plenty of times you use a comma when you should be starting a new sentence, and you use "its" a lot of times you should use "it's". Other than technical gripes like that, I like it so far.


2911777 Royal Duties all over again?

Heh, I do see some faint similarities. But that's great, I wrote Royal Duties because I love that story premise. Seeing another fic with parts of the same theme is like a dream come true. :pinkiesmile:

You have all my attention)

I'll blame that to being from europe and from a non english speaking country. Unfortunately I don't have a proofreader or anything of the sorts so there might indeed be some spelling errors and wrong uses of comma's and the likes.

I read allot of fics, but this is my first time actually writing one, so I do apologize for any wrong use of comma's and spelling errors, I'll try to make more work of that in the later chapters

So many fucks but kinda like it:pinkiecrazy: must be coming down with a ton of craziness but this could be a lot more better.:raritywink: just keep trying and no doubt it would b the best story :twilightsmile: just make the next update faster or I will rip you to pieces :flutterrage:

The swearing actually works as a story plot though. 'You're' a human, kind of an ass with a small hatred for everything and everyone, hence the actual swearing. It wil be severly toned down in the next chapter (which is actually done, just proofreading and spell error checking) and will be gone completely later on

Good stuff, when I saw the jail I was a bit worried (or is it excited:trollestia:) about what was in store for our hero, but good to know she's out on her own now. I agree with the last line, what is she set to do now? Should be interesting:pinkiesmile:

Oh and saw a typo in this sentence. Save should be safe:

He makes his point clear by using a foreleg to direct your view back at the cell. Well, least you’re somewhat save if you don’t go to that place, not that you have any plans on doing that anyways.

Rechecking my story like 10 times before posting and still letting that slip by makes me facepalm for myself!
Thanks for pointing it out though, fixed already :)

Don't worry about it, typos happen (seriously, if I had a dollar for everytime someone found a typo in Five Score...)

I did learn one trick to help proofread better. Read your story in reverse order. Read the last paragraph in your story, then the 2nd to last paragraph, then the 3rd to last, etc. When you read it in the wrong order, the flow of the story gets broken and your brain actually has to read the words, making it easy to find typos. If you just read the story start->finish your brain starts skimming because it knows the story and it will often sail right past obvious mistakes.

Much better comma use this time around. Another minor technical complaint, it's "a lot" and not "allot." Though "allot" is a real word so spellcheck wouldn't catch it, it means something totally different than "a lot." Technical stuff aside, I'm enjoying this. Good job.

Yeah, thats my biggest 'fear' and issue I'm afraid, I always had issues like this, with were, where, your, you're, things like that basicly, so sometimes I might use the wrong version or meaning. Still, feel free to point them out so I can edit, won't learn otherwise anyways :twilightsheepish:

This story looks interesting. There wasn´t much happening so I can´t say much trough the writing is decent and I couldn´t spot any major mistakes. Looking forward for more. :)


2914693 OMYGOSH!! Fav author replied!!:pinkiegasp:

Easy lie then go to ponyville and figure out where in the plot you are, from their I would convince twilight that me and trixie swapped bodies, but that's only me, .....also granted this is coming from a follower of slaanesh so...

For some reason the room is dark, allot darker as it should be.

*a lot

you indeed have two more legless limbs

Not really legless considering that they are legs.

You try getting up the same way you normally would, which means trying to stand on your legs to get leverage but that’s not working at all, you had some luck, but this is actually painful, as every bone in your new pony body is crying out that it shouldn’t be bending that way.

Major run on sentence there. It wasn't the only one.

The next hour your mind raced a minute with all kinds of possible reasons as to why you’re in jail

Seems like something is missing there.

Aside from some spelling and grammatical issues, it was a good chapter. This could be interesting.

Hey there, thanks for pointing those out

The legless limbs is mostly something that got lost in translation I guess, but will fix that later on. The actual mistakes I did already :twilightsheepish:

But sadly as I keep mentioning expect more of these issues since I'm not from an english speaking country ...maybe I should find myself a proofreader first :twilightoops:

Telling the truth would be useless, I mean have you ever tried going out there and telling people youre a pony in a human body?

Doesnt work out that well, also being human isnt exactly the proudest thing you can tell to a pony kingdom.

"Oh yeah! We humans enslaved every other species on our planet to serve us, including ponies, also we created weapons that are able to destroy all of life on our planet and fought two world wars where we killed millions of each other in the most violent ways imaginable!"

Yeah uhh...he should probably only tell the good bits if somepony asks... :twilightsheepish:

Also I just realized that Lyra would believe him for sure! :rainbowderp:

Good chapter. Should be interesting to see how she pleads her case to Twilight.


I didn't see any plot... :trollestia:

Not sure if I approve this scene...

But I'd be lying if I said this wouldn't be the first thing I'd try if I became a girl... :twilightblush:

Hey, we know that everybody faps.

Mature tag is there for a reason :derpytongue2:

LE GASP! This is right after the changeling invasion, meaning Trixie isn't on any good terms with Twilight, meaning our lazy fucktard of a waste of humanity hero is screwed! Ok, now I'm starting to actually get into this. I must know what happens!

Btw, the writing is reaching into the realm of being really good, despite the occasional odd sentence and typo, such as multiple (2) instances of putting "life", instead of "live".

No idea where you got that idea from as I mentioned Magic duel like twice in the fic so far :)
It's set after season 3 for sure

And yeah. Spelling errors are my main issue. I really need a proofreader it seems >_<

You've improved quite a bit on the technical side since your first chapter. I had to look back at the comments to make sure you were the same person to whom I'd been talking about comma usage.

Thank you. Still not there though :twilightblush:

New chapters. yay.:yay:
I´m looking forward how our protagonist is going to resolve this mess here. Also the clop scene...would be lying if I wouldn´t try it if I would turn into a girl. :twilightblush:

"Your entire body is spasming and shacking as it goes bright white behind your closed eyes."
Should be shaking, not shacking.

Heh, no idea how I typo'd that one, but thanks for pointing it out

Again, it's a real word so spellcheck wouldn't catch it.

Nothing to do with spellchecker this time though. That's an actual typo from me :twilightsheepish:
Must not have realized I typo'd it, or auto fix must have screwed me over :facehoof:

Traffic sucks, job sucks, boss sucks, pay sucks, coworkers are decent besides that one asshole, fuck that guy!



Also I just realized that Lyra would believe him for sure!

That would be the second most reliable pony to tell the truth to. Princess Celestia being the first.

Also, your OC has the muzzle of a mare. :rainbowlaugh:


Definitely the first thing I'd do as a mare.

Yay consistant updates! Looking forward to the next chapter!


Yes, hes the most super feminine stallion pretty boy in town! :raritywink:

Still using "allot" when it should be "a lot." Remember, "allot" is a verb. Also, "Must be why Trixie’s body feels so weak to psychical labor." Should be "physical." And finally, while it's not a typo or anything, "dere" instead of "there" sounds more like a New Jersey accent than a Southern accent. Other than that, very nice.

Thanks for pointing those out. I didn't proofread this chapter much, wanted it out today, so I kind off rushed it (can probably be noticed at the end :twilightsheepish:)

The dere thing I actually had as der first (As in dem der ponies), but it sounded silly to me (and too german ...) so I added an e. I just studied some fics based around AJ to help with the southern accent typing, and most seemed to use dere, so I editted based on those ^^"


It can get worse, there are A LOT of devious things a writer can do to the protagonist without going off on a wild tangent, especially with a mature rating on the fanfic. Like, for all we know, Trixie could get molested by Twilight in the next chapter.


Tel the truth...and have RD eavesdrop.

Are making oven casseroles again? I know you've made them before.:scootangel:

2980164 That should make it better then last time.

Oh boy, a secondary plot!

It´s just me, or the protagonist doesn´t seem particularly bright? The least he should do considering his situation, is trying to absorb as much information regarding Equestria as he can, including socio-politics.

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