- Member Since 28th Mar, 2013
- offline last seen April 5th
alCROWholic
I write TF stuff. Commissions are open, $20 for 1000 words.
alCROWholic
Joined 28th Mar, 2013 ·
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Mmm, very nice.
Dark, but vividly written. I love how much detail you put into the transformation itself.
Etcetera, etcetera, etcetera!
[youtube=1JHH6iwgIek]
I cant see the story even if I click Confirm... That never happened before.
This definitely seems to be a different approach to things. Pretty good setup, although you've got a few errors, mostly missing words or misspelled words. I might just have to go ahead and follow this for the ssake of curiosity if nothing else, as it does seem promising. I also noticed the lack of a romance tag, and the characterization you have to Sombra. Stockholm Syndrome, here we come!
Hmmm, interesting, this is.
I want to know more.
Also, this transformation seems rather well written, good job.
I think Sombra is an underestimated character anyway, it's refreshing to see something like this.
Write the next chapter quick!
-Zeph
4333375
i take pride in my ability to portray horrifying body horror in a manner which anybody can enjoy
Oh... you shameless.
Nice story. I want it to be continued!
4333389
And you do it spectacularly, great job!
I just wonder. In other gender switching transformation the gender switched the last, the human always turns into pony first - or in the same time with the other change.
In this story the gender transformation is much more well defined, it is a very nice addition to the story.
Interesting idea and excellent imagery, and there are relatively few mechanical errors. Oft updated or not, I'll be keeping an eye on this one.
Oh, The King and I, a play, book, terrible animated movie, another movie, and a real life historic event. And. . .an MLP:FiM fanfic instead using King Sombra and somepony who is supposed to represent Anna Lee Anoans I think. Well the animated movie was terrible so have a review of it from Nostalgia Critic!
Interesting. I must learn of the intricacies involved with having one's own eyes 'meat' themselves.
That transformation sequence was excellent! I can't wait to see what'll happen next~
Without reading, I thought this would fit.
scontent-a-lga.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc1/t1.0-9/10155771_515303508592776_4198978270262338485_n.jpg
4334289 It could be a dude turned into a mare?
“Wow! His majesty did a good job with you!”
“His majesty?” You ask as she turns to face you.
Hmmm, sounds like (s)he isnt the first one he invited in. Sombra building a devoted herd, maybe?
Alternate universe + human?
Do I smell a story that actually has nothing to do with ponies apart from a name and the sexual blatancy and inadequacy that comes with this fandom?
PS: Author, look up how to use dialogue tags. I can't help but notice that you don't use them, and it makes reading any sort of dialogue obnoxious and mildly confusing.
4335904
im sorry my shallow clopfic didnt live up to your expectations
4336232 I also tend to have very high expectations. No offense towards you, but this kinda thing has been done... a lot... like, a lot a lot.
I'm serious about those dialogue tags though.
4336232
>See a story in which Sombra has a consort
>Consort appears to be a crystal pony OC
>pump fist and yell fuck yeah
>power click on story link
>look at tags
>human
>look at description
>me at my computer
>whatthefuck.jpg
>be annoyed
>came to read sombra x crystal pone
>not pointless human in equestria recycling
>was a good idea without human
>is bad with human
>doesn't need humans to work
>why did you include humans
>aside from liking to write humans
>why
>there must be a legitimate reason
>there must
>or chewbacca lives on endor
dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/81530720/rose.jpg
Sketch for motivation.
Shit, I read it anyway.
This is not bad for an outline, technically and stuff. It's definitely got some good ideas in it. But you need to increase the description by about 120% if this is going to work--good clop fics, especially transformation ones, have extremely vivid imagery, and this just doesn't have enough of that. I'd recommend rewriting the chapter once or twice (never a bad idea for anything at all) and getting some editors to point out where you can improve in the future.
No fav, but no downvote, either.
4336255
This is fantastic, thanks!
4336279
I'll crank it up a bit for the next chapter and get an editor.
You get a fave from me, cause I wanna see where this is going!
More, More, Show me where this is going
I wanna be mareknapped by sombra........
4334289
Actually unintentional, unless its a coincidence this story won't have much relation to any of that.
Great.
Now I'm imagining Sombra being voiced by Yul Brynner.
I guess that could be entertaining?
4332885 I find this in the favorites tab and decide to check it out. First comment: you... Well, I guess this story is worth reading then
Creepy, Dark, and Interesting. I love it! Can't wait till the next one!
4338920
Hopefully I didn't give you the wrong idea, my tastes don't always align with everyone.
But alCROWholic here is always amazing with his TF descriptions, so reading his stuff is usually a good idea regardless
4339353 Your tastes are included in my tastes... more often than not... nowadays almost half of all stories I read has your commentary in it
This looks very interesting. I really like all the detail you had in the transformation and I'm looking forward to where this may go!
this reminds me alot like "curse" a certain Adult game i know made by AnonymousMan
You know what, I think I'm going to watch this, because upon reading it a second time, I've found it's actually pretty good. Dunno if you changed anything, but you obviously have the tools to write effectively, and that's what matters. Hit me up if you want an editor/another editor/a prereader/another prereader/whatever.
4332885
Twisted commented on this... I can give it a try.
Update?
"Great job man! I can’t wait for the next chapter. This is one of my favorite stories. You did an awesome job with Sombra, he’s my favorite pony now :P"
See what i did there?
4351762
DOOMED
Short indeed, but better than nothing.
I wonder, what are Sombra's intentions?
Hm. I think about some mind breaking game he plays.... hm. Though i don't know why would he put this much energy into bringing our protagonist here, if he pulls this with her right after.
Oh well. Guess we will se in the next chapter, maybe?
-Zeph
Is this ganna be a Belle and Beast kinda thing?
4354371 Judging by the lack of romance tag I kinda doubt it.
4354371 4354545
All that the lack of a romance tag means is that our protagonist will most likely resist as much as she is capable of doing so without being destroyed by Sombra. I'm actually leaning more towards the Stockholm Syndrome approach over everything else. 'Romance' doesn't necessarily mean Romance. So, probably a smart reason to drop the tag, the only way I could think he could tag it would be if the protagonist willing accepted Sombra's dark/tyrannical ways and tried to help rule alongside him. But, doubt that'd happen.
Wow, I'm just like the guy in the story! I comment on the story, a guy replies to me, and then the next day the story updates. Oh god.....
AAAHHHHH!!!!!
Ooh can't wait for the next chapter!!
I don't envy the protagonist very much . Sombra created her in an image of the woman which he would like to see always near himself. But being not confident in her loyalty, Sombra can't give her freedom: the risk of escape, or treachery is too high. So he is compelled to show the cruelty, to hold her as the concubine deprived of civil rights.
The protagonist has not many exits from this situation. Or she shows the loyalty and usefulness, or continues useless fight against a superior force, dooming thereby herself to long torments and degradation.
Cool, so when do I get to have my own ass fired up by Sombra?
Damnit! Why did I have to fall in love with that story and make Sombra my favorite pony?! Although, if this was really me, I would probably be bowing down at the sheer magnificence of his power, and i'd be his fuggin' concubine even though I don't roll that way.
P.S. That was hot how you described Sombra, truly a Stallion of great stature.
Sombra did something stupid. Why to humiliate her? To "punish" later?
Hmmm
go on
CHapter is quite good. In doubt discretion of the agent from rebels. He behaves too openly in a place which is looked through by Sombra from all corners.
Being the human, the protagonist wasn't bright one. She hid the list with components for the explosive device under a pillow. The first servant will find this leaf and will bring it Sombra.
The protagonist signed death sentence to herself.
As a whole everything is quite good. I wait for continuation.