• Member Since 28th Dec, 2012
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The Surprise is in the Pickle.

Comments ( 82 )

This is pretty good, i will keep up with this. A bit short for my tastes though.

Interesting. Was keeping up with something similar, but I like the more serious approach to this one.

4272481 Thank you for the compliment. As for the the length I felt it was abit short myself but I came into writing this with the naive idea that I could write more than this in a couple of hours. Next chapter will slightly longer and I'm gonna try to make the third even longer.

4272911 I thought I had seen something like this as well. I do intend to keep it fairly serious for abit before it lightens up and some feel start to come out. Cause thats what the romance tag is for :rainbowkiss: Although I do hope i portray his, for lack of a better term, no f**ks to give right without seeming over the top.

Unsure if gore tag is warranted, we shall see...we shall see....:trixieshiftright:

4273778 :pinkiecrazy: Not juuuusst yet. Soon, very soon.

I would say the same thing that 4272481 has said.
Looks good. Too short. Want more.

This is similar to Hail to the King. I enjoyed the comedic take on this idea, but I was sorta hoping for a more serious take too. I'll be over here, happily following this one.

So true. It is like Hail to the King. :rainbow laugh:
This is gonna be good.

4278513 I know right?! Had no idea it would be this well received.

Hmm. I liked the chapter, but please dont have him be some push-over 'Im sorry' kind of characters. I would like him to stand up for himself(as he seems to be doing) and actually be able to fight back somewhat.
Other than the short-ish dialogue i enjoyed this chapter very much, i imagine there would have been a bit more conversation but i can understand trying to be concise about it.
I look forward to the next one.

And once again, all I wanted o say was already said by 4278923
Damn, next time I have to be quicker.
So, with nothing new to ad, I'll just say: give me more.

4278923 I can promise you he will not be any sort of a pushover. Which will be seen in the next chapter.
That is one of the biggest turn offs for me when reading a fic and I want to emulate a Coming out of it sort of -*rolls wrist in a circle*- anger I suppose would be the word.
I will work on making the dialog last abit longer, along with the chapter *Cough*:trixieshiftright:

Comment posted by PickleSurprise deleted Apr 23rd, 2014
Comment posted by PickleSurprise deleted Apr 23rd, 2014

Looking forward to more.
Keep up the good work. Deus tecum.

Interesting. I wonder what they will do to his head? :pinkie happy:
I can foresee mind rape!:pinkiecrazy:

4281011 Spoilers: Of who though? :pinkiecrazy:

4281049 Two ponies come to mind.
Princess Luna or Sombra. Either way, somepony is getting messed up.:pinkiecrazy:

i know its not where your going with this fic but I would LOVE to see a story with this premise where the protagonist doesn't understand why any of this is being done to him and decides to enact sweet revenge on those that tortured him. On a note related to this story. I see immense promise for this. I can't wait to see where this goes, you've got me invested in this story(what little there is so far) and that usually takes stories much longer to draw me in. A really cool premise and a main character who isn't a ginormous pussy sounds fantastic.

4282475 Happy to hear that you're enjoying this.
That would actually make for a good fic. Maybe one day when I feel adequate enough I'll go down such a dark path. Who knows...
I'm also happy to hear that him not being a pushover was established well enough in these early chapters. As I said to another him being a pushover won't be an issue and if you feel he's starting to lean in that direction please let me know. I don't want to end it to early nor do I want to draw it out for an absurd time, it needs to be... perfect!:coolphoto:

Sombra and luna figt like a newly wed couple! :pinkiecrazy:


Oh. My. God. That story hasn't updated in forever! If this story replaces it...I'll be so freaking happy!!:pinkiehappy:

awesome chapters you are are doing a amazing job:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Description sounds interesting. Human tag was a disappointing sight, though.

4284326 Then what drove you to inform me of this? Is it the story itself you don't like or just that tag and what it may imply?

The plot's not bad from what I've seen, a non-comedic Hail To The King. However, your writing's terribly hard to read along: the pacing is all broken because of the weird syntax.

I suggest you get a good proofreader (and I mean a GOOD one, not these pretentious dime-a-dozen nimrods that know even less English grammar than the author and still think their job is better than sliced bread). I'm sure this will shine big time if you do.

4284611 Of the two chapters which seemed the most broken?

4284631 The second one, by a narrow margin. After Sombra woke up, everything just jumbled together until Cadence started talking, and then it got muddled again.

4284637 I see what you mean. Just one of the other things I need to work on I guess. Thanks for pointing this out.

4284693 No problem. Make a blog post once the improvements are completely done.

I'm just jealous now. Two chapters, and you already have the number of views my story has. It's not fair! :raritycry: Also, less gore than I expected from someone that reads my stories, any reason for that? Good first chapter though, your meager fame is well deserved.

4284907 Believe me I don't feel I've truly earned the recognition I've received. Having the backing of a fairly well known author is probably why its doing as well as it is in such a short time.
The gore will be coming soon. Probably be delayed a bit since an important flaw was pointed out to me in these two chapters.

From the description:

Takes place after session 3, session 4 will not happen.

Forgive me if I'm mistaken, but I was under the impression that the show was separated into seasons. What are these sessions of which you speak?

4285351 Huh I looked that over multiple times just to make sure I didn't make a mistake like this... O well thanks for pointing it out.

Stop mentioning me...I mean fucking hell I contemplate quitting on a daily basis....


Inb4 breaks 200

Good story!!

Once upon a haiku:

Poor child of great strife
Lives his complicated life
Stormy horizon

Don't become a stranger, be an update ranger‼‼

Stop ending every chapter protag being unconcious. Its cliche,

This is true...either stop, or make sure it's how every chapter ends.

I agree. Its way too common. Spice it up, throw in some defiance, some action! Anything is better at this point then him in a hospital unconscious.:scootangel:

Will read later, but for now, I will comment that the shadow in the picture belongs to Grogar, not Sombra.

4306197 O ya I know its not his but its the best pic I could find for this.


I have a related but slightly different criticism; overuse of tags.
I haven't started reading yet, but Sad and Dark are two tags that are so close in meaning that I'd wager they're redundant in this particular case.

Also, I think I can shed light on that guy's earlier criticism:
Pony fanfiction with humans (of any kind) in it elicits a knee-jerk negative reaction from quite a lot of people on this site; the fact that a fic with a good premise has a human tag can elicit a "there's a hair on this delicious free cupcake" reaction


Found some typos!

WIth them fully inside

Twilights train of thought was stopped as she felt a hoof on her back. Not looking back she heard the voice of her mentor,

having now read this; bafflingly enough (at least to me) my main complaints are that it's often hard to tell who, exactly, is speaking; the phrasing is often very...weird; the fic doesn't go in-depth enough into what's happening.

Aside from that, it's still so early in the story that I feel it would be premature to cast more judgement* for now.

That said, I'll now follow this, because it has a good premise (and I was actually thinking of writing something similar).

*I am of the opinion that when someone says "don't judge me" what they're saying is actually "I am in an inexcusable position and I'll get pissy at you if you call me out on my flaws/mistakes.

Pickle...look at your graph...go under the little stats button and look at your graph...


4311261 where is this little button? Never mind, found it.

4311349 Ha! Gotta love those little moments where you're like, "what are the chances...."

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