• Member Since 27th May, 2019
  • offline last seen 14 minutes ago

Hotel_Chicken


Oh my Gosh, I can add Emojies? 🐵🙈🙉🙊🐒

T

After thousands of years inside a pocket dimension, the Crystal Empire returned to the Frozen North. Mere moments after a purchase at comic con, a man was sent to a magical world of mythical creatures as Skeletor. After a short amount of time, the Displaced Skeletor stumbled his way towards the Empire. What happened next? Well, only time would tell.

(Part of the Displaced multiverse.)
(I don’t own squat except for the story.)

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 251 )

I think you're the first person to do a Displaced Skeletor.

Sombra getting mushed into a bloody puddle in a fit of panic and his own stupidity...
Thats a first. In most stories he puts up at least a bit of a fight.
Looking forward to how this will go on.

Cannon Fodder

With a name like this, he's not long for this world.

The idea that the Caribou are dead somewhat uplifts me.

I liked the Prologue you wrote out, I'm looking forward to how a displaced Skeletor will go.

I might be behind on your Bizarro story but still a big fan of it, but I think I might love this story even more than that one. Seriously Displaced Skeletor is a brilliant plot and i'm quite eager to see where your going with it.

As your certainly off to a fantastic start as Sombra gets a well deserved beating to death. Which means the Crystal Emperor needs a new leader slash overlord and who better than Skeletor!

I look forward to seeing what will happen next. :pinkiehappy: I'm also curious if besides our Displaced Skeletor, if we'll see anything or anybody else from He-Man and the Masters of the Universe come into play, or heck even something like She-Ra and the Princesses of Power.

You know. I thought this wasnt going to be interesting. Way to prove me wrong, have an updoodle.

nyeh

Damn, skelletor, you're supposed to pay them then they'll go away on their own. You don't need to kill 'em!

As the smallest, most insignificant snowflake in all of history slowly drifted to the ground on a frigid morning, a completely unrelated event was taking place universes away.

This sentence is 100% true.

And for the first time in many years, Cannon Fodder blinked on his own.

Now who would name their foal "Cannon Fodder"?

10128494
The Crystal empire’s equivalent of a unicorn. I figured since Crystal ponies were essentially a different breed of earth ponies, and that thestrals were a different breed of Pegasi, unicorns needed something too, so I looked up different mystical ponies and found the ruva.

Okay, it's started interesting and I still have hope

But.........
I read some stories where displaced humans were scared and disoriented after change for some time.
But I think it's one of the most pitiful humans I have seen and remember

“Ho-holy shit…. Are… Are y-you one of the f-f-four horsemen?” The creature stuttered out in what King Sombra assumed was faux fear.

WTF!?
First, how can you mistake a pony for a horse?
Second, I'm pretty sure four horsemen are much scarier than Sombra could ever be.
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/mythology/images/4/4c/Bob3-799x640.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20191213152444

I probably could point out other examples of his stupid thinking, but you probably got the idea

For real, was this guy a 10 year old or something?


Also, these are probably good examples of how he looks, right?
You could choose and add it into the story to a better picture of his look
images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.com/f/1b26cdfc-e09f-409a-ba86-4e3d35d6639c/d9oedag-bf6e343d-6177-49fa-809d-af4f61edcd25.png?token=eyJ0eXAiOiJKV1QiLCJhbGciOiJIUzI1NiJ9.eyJzdWIiOiJ1cm46YXBwOjdlMGQxODg5ODIyNjQzNzNhNWYwZDQxNWVhMGQyNmUwIiwiaXNzIjoidXJuOmFwcDo3ZTBkMTg4OTgyMjY0MzczYTVmMGQ0MTVlYTBkMjZlMCIsIm9iaiI6W1t7InBhdGgiOiJcL2ZcLzFiMjZjZGZjLWUwOWYtNDA5YS1iYTg2LTRlM2QzNWQ2NjM5Y1wvZDlvZWRhZy1iZjZlMzQzZC02MTc3LTQ5ZmEtODA5ZC1hZjRmNjFlZGNkMjUucG5nIn1dXSwiYXVkIjpbInVybjpzZXJ2aWNlOmZpbGUuZG93bmxvYWQiXX0.gUT4g47hDFfTwoNmKjOqApJVCa35p4Y9eb36RPOoi_E
Unfortunately without a cloak
vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/villains/images/d/dc/He-man_skeletor-model_sheet_with-cape_without-cape.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20150704194141
i.pinimg.com/originals/82/5b/7c/825b7cb9100179af239c2245738efd38.jpg

10128753
Number two is the one I based my idea off of but I changed how his feet look. For some reason, the feet are like the most inconsistent detail on any iteration of Skeletor. For this I chose to imagine him with three toes since it's more draconic and allows the ponies to associate his feet with something, but the amount of toes isn't important to the story so imagine that detail however you want. Also, he doesn't have pupils.

10127995
well there another fic where you got a human who cant talk acts like Skeletor

This seems pretty good thus far, but I can't tell if it's going to be good or bad, because the only one that can decide that is you. After all

YOU HAVE THE POWER

It's a little difficult to follow what's happening at the end of this chapter. It's not clear if what is happening is occurring in the MC's mindscape or in the waking world, or if what was happening in one was happening in the other at the same time.

10128909
Sorry about that, I'll try to clear that up in the next chapter.

10128115
At least his name not “Red Shirt”

10129030
Of course not, that was his great grandfather's name.

I'm Very Interested, So Far. :raritywink:

Comment posted by StarPortal deleted March 13th

Wait, when did they get back to the throne room? I thought they were in his mindscape? I mean, I know that physically they never left, but when did they transition back to the real world?

10129380
In the heat of the moment, Skeletor failed to notice the transition from the Mind Scape to reality. I'll try to explain it in the next chapter. Sorry for the confusion.

dam i want more this is good!

Orrm #34 · 2 weeks ago · · 11 · Prologue. ·

Walls upon walls of text that I can assure you is mostly useless information or pretentious dribble.

It's daunting to look at, much less read and I am genuinely surprised at the sheer volume of words you can expend without giving a stint of valuable information. Or any information, really.

The introductory paragraphs are a mess of pseudo-philosophical nonsense and the followup sentences lack flow. Hell, the entire Prologue lacks flow. Yes, creative language is used quite... well? It's better than the average writer but a tad bit...Off. You've somehow managed to be oddly specific, yet still present any image exceeding the size of a billboard through a foggy lens.

At the very least your description of characters is fairly well done. Though the sheer amount of redundancies and repeated pronouns in Rapid Succession hurts to read.

On the bright side, if I was any less used to wading through the written equivalent of muck, I would have likely complimented you on a job well done.

Unfortunately I have higher standards than your passing reader and a waning desire to express them.

So.

Decent, you pass. The use of creative writing is done well, descriptions of characters range from accurate to do-so and the story thus far has very few spelling errors. Unfortunately your masking of philosophical narration is garbage, the redundancies and repetition add to your daunting word count and consistent prolonged readability is low.

Experienced Reader Score: 5.6/10

Average Reader Score: 6.8/10

Regular Reader Score: 7-8/10

(Chapters 1-3)

I, for one, am a bit experienced.

All in all, not bad. Just not particularly good, though, on a site like this, its leagues better than most of the trite out there.

10129472
his story has more likes then all your stories combined

10129540
Didn't know you had to have a story with a certain amount of upvotes to criticize writing. Hell, my story has nearly ten times the amount of likes as this one currently has and it's got issues worth criticizing too. He could have worded it better, but he's got a point that it's sparse on dialogue, action, and is heavy on filler that doesn't advance the narrative. You don't need to be petty to perceived snarkiness.

10129540
A reader can get more attached to a character throughout the story than one big info dump.

Congratulations on getting to the tip of the featured list!

10128133 That's because of the Fall of Equestria stories, right up there with Cupcakes, Rainbow Factory and TCB as a reason why some people should have their fanfiction writing privileges taken away and probably be on some sort of watchlist, with a tracking bracelet that shocks them every time they get within 10 feet of a keyboard.

Though to be fair, the original TCB story was a harmless enough one where the Barrier was a natural event, and the ponies were genuinely helping the humans to survive. It was basically an excuse for the author avatar to become a pony.

I just wish there would be no AHAHA CROSSOVER TOKEN AHAHA GILGAMESH. So tired of those.

10130698
Do you mean, "Hey, come to my universe so we can have a dick measuring contest. Mine's bigger because my character is more OP."

Because if so, then don't worry. If there ever is a token used, it'll be integral to the plot. Not for a simple, wam bam thank you ma'm.

10130804
here’s hope you do it right, then)
At least, the attitude seems right from your text.

10130804
Character growth, world building, and plot progression comes first and not some random rp fight or a meet, greet, and dick around between displaced.

I like it so far. But am concerned that the caracter is just going to act all panicked the entire time. Or just focus on getting home in spite of how being magic.

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