The third day of Lord Skeletor’s rule came and passed without much haste or historical importance. After retiring early on the evening on his second day of ruling, on the third day Lord Skeletor had refused to leave his room.
When Emerald Secret had trotted to his room to fetch him for court, Lord Skeletor delegated Court duty to his council, stating that he trusted them to come to any decisions during court, and that if they couldn’t they would need to come to him for a final say on the matter. After she asked why, Lord Skeletor told her that he would be too busy practicing his speech for his subjects while working on spells to make paper to go to court. What was odd though, was that before he delegated Court to them, he asked Emerald Secret to fetch him a series of books from the archives that related to magic and any literature relating to spirits. Emerald Secret didn't question her lord's odd demands, but still kept the questions in her mind as she accomplished her task.
While Emerald Secret was fine, if not somewhat hesitant, about holding court, the other council members held a range of silent opinions towards Lord Skeletor’s choice. Even though nopony would openly say anything negative about Lord Skeletor's decision, Emerald Secret knew that Cannon Fodder wasn’t too keen on letting Lord Skeletor have a day away from court.
During the first court in history to not have a member of royalty present, several more ponies were placed on Lord Skeletor’s newest invention, the “Suicide watch”, two more guards were relieved of duty, and at least a dozen chefs and bakers were given permission to use the castle’s facilities to prepare food for the Crystal Fair. Among the many chefs and bakers was the yellow pony who had come along with Emerald Secret and Cannon Fodder on their way up the mysterious staircase.
Track Record wore a bright smile as he trotted into the throne room, but that happy face soon melted away when he noticed that Lord Skeletor was absent. Once he asked where their new lord was, Emerald Secret informed him that Lord Skeletor was busy preparing for the Crystal Fair and shared the news that the Crystal Fair would mark the beginning of a new holiday for the Empire. While Cannon Fodder and Crumb Catcher had done a good job spreading the news about Lord Skeletor’s new holiday, there was still a large number of ponies who were completely oblivious to the news about Amore Memory Day.
Lord Skeletor for his part was oddly silent the day before the Crystal Fair, only coming out of his room a few times to use the chamber pot in the drawing room. Why he hadn’t used the one under his bed, Emerald Secret and the others had no idea.
It wasn’t until dinner time on the fourth day of his rule that Lord Skeletor left his room to eat in the dining hall, and even then, his skull was buried deep into one of the books Copper Plate and Emerald Secret brought to him. Emerald Secret and the other council members threw weary glances at their silent lord, watching his head slightly bob every now and again as he dove into the passages.
A stifled snore from Lord Skeletor informed the council members of whenever he dozed off to sleep, which caused Copper Plate to cringe as his sleep deprived state threatened to make him use his book as a pillow. After dinner, an obviously drowsy Lord Skeletor excused himself from the table to return to his studies in his bedchambers, leaving the council members to throw each other concerned looks.
“I have never heard a more terrifying snore in my entire life,” Avid Value muttered under his breath.
Copper Plate chuckled lightly at Avid Value’s statement. “You should have heard Princess Amore whenever Torch Wind talked about taxes. Sometimes I wondered if she was part dragon with how loud she snored.”
“Is that why the door has a soundproof enchantment on it?” Crumb Catcher asked.
“I can vouch for that,” Cannon Fodder added on. “My grandpa said that my great, great, great granddad, Red Shirt, almost knocked the door down when he heard Princess Amore snore for the first time. I always hated that damn enchantment. What if somepony broke into her room? None of the guards would be able to hear it,” he complained.
The slightly mirthful mood of the table instantly died down as they remembered how Princess Amore was killed. Emerald Secret buried the memory of Princess Amore’s death and tried to move the conversation back in a positive direction. “So, Crumb Catcher, is everything ready for the Crystal Fair?”
“So far, splendidly. The bakers who came to court today will make a wonderful addition to the festivities. The arena for the jousting tournament has also been cleaned up and the armor has been polished to perfection. The only real issue is the crystal flugelhorn players, a hoofful of tone-deaf daws if you ask me.”
“Speaking of music, are we going to play the national anthem?” Copper Plate asked.
Emerald Secret was about to reply before she realized that she had never asked Lord Skeletor. “I’m… sure Lord Skeletor wouldn’t mind… But just in case, I’ll go ask him,” she said as she stood up from her seat.
“Come now, Miss Secret, I’m sure Lord Skeletor would be ecstatic to have the anthem played,” Crumb Catcher reassured her.
“There’s nothing that will upset him in the song, is there?” Avid Value asked.
“Of course not! Well… How do demons feel about fire?” Crumb Catcher asked after a moment of consideration.
“Lord Skeletor isn’t a demon!” Avid Value argued, earning the attention of a few guards and maids who were sitting at other tables.
“I meant no offense towards Lord Skeletor. I’m just pointing out his species,” Crumb Catcher retorted.
“What makes you say he’s a demon?”
“Do you have a better idea for what he could be?”
Avid value opened his mouth to retort, before he closed it and quietly pondered Crumb Catcher’s question. “He… Maybe he’s an undiscovered species?”
“A species that has a weird monkey skull for a head?” Cannon Fodder asked incredulously. “Face it, colt, we’ve got a bona fide demon running the Empire.”
“We don’t know that for sure! I mean, Lord Skeletor said that he was from a country when we went to the vault."
"And Tartarus is a large place. I'd be surprised if there weren't massive continents that dotted the sea of fire under our hooves," Crumb Catcher rebutted.
"Well, what if he’s like Eris or something? Maybe he’s a god.”
“Of what? Death?” Cannon Fodder asked in a mocking tone, before a look of sudden realization dawned on his face. “All-loving Faust… He might be the god of death…”
“Cannon, you’re grasping at straws,” Copper Plate told him.
“No! It makes sense! Eris is the Goddess of Chaos, and she's made of random body parts from different species. Skeletor is a bipedal version of Death from the book of Faust. Oh Faust, we’re all screwed…”
“You’re overreacting, General,” Crumb Catcher reassured him. “The odds of Lord Skeletor being a god like Eris are incredibly slim. A demi-god, maybe, but I doubt he’s an actual god.”
“Well if he’s not a demon, and he’s not a God of Death, then what is he? There’s not much else besides…. Oh Faust, he’s Grogar…” Cannon Fodder said as his eyes grew wider in fear.
“Please, Grogar is just a foal’s tale,” Avid Value stated, before a hesitant fear ruined his calm facade. “Right?”
“Debatable, since demons were also a foal's tale. Besides, isn’t Grogar supposed to be a goat?” Crumb Catcher asked with a raised eye brow.
“Yeah, but he’s got a goat head on his scepter!” Cannon Fodder argued.
“It’s actually a ram skull,” Copper Plate corrected. “And here’s a funny idea: Why don’t we just ask?”
A heavy silence was the only response to her blunt question as the other council members took a moment to replay her words in their heads. None of them wanted to approach Lord Skeletor so openly, but they struggled to think of a good reason not to ask. Sure, they could claim that he might get upset and kill them like Sombra had whenever somepony referred to him as a prince, but they didn’t have any proof that Lord Skeletor had as short of a fuse as the tyrant.
He wouldn’t be offended if we asked, right? Emerald Secret wondered. “So… How would we ask him?” She asked the other council members.
“Well, it’s not like we can just drop it into a conversation,” Avid Value stated. “And is there even a way to ask that question naturally? ‘Oh, hi Lord Skeletor, so the alchemists have made some progress on the steel, I have a few plans for our finances, and what species are you?’“
“What if we had somepony else ask?” Crumb Catcher proposed. “If a pony came to court to ask Lord Skeletor that question, it would make sense, and if he does get upset and murder somepony then none of us will be harmed.”
“Lord Skeletor wouldn’t murder somepony because of a question,” Avid Value admonished.
“And what would he kill a pony for? Will he never kill a pony again after Sombra? Does the pony need to be evil like Sombra? What if he gets offended by somepony blessing him when he sneezes and he decides to kill them?” Crumb Catcher asked. “Now granted, I’m not saying that Lord Skeletor is a murderer or that he would defiantly kill somepony for looking at him oddly, but the fact of the matter is that we don’t know.”
“He’s got a point,” Cannon Fodder added on. “Emerald and I heard him muttering something about a throne game in the halls, and when Emerald asked if he could repeat what he said, he blew up!”
“I wouldn’t say he, ‘blew up’. I’d say he… was surprised by my question,” Emerald Secret explained.
“Surprised enough to shout at us. How many times have you heard him shout, Emerald?” Cannon Fodder asked.
“I… I suppose it was just that one time.”
“And we still don’t know what set him off that time. What if asking what species he is, is the thing that sets him over the edge and makes him kill one of us?”
“You’re making assumptions again, Cannon, and you know what they say about ponies who assume things,” Copper Plate admonished.
Cannon Fodder simply grumbled in response as he crossed his fore legs.
“You know… Maybe we should wait for Lord Skeletor to tell us himself,” Emerald Secret suggested.
“That’s fine and all, but I think we’re all forgetting what this conversation was about,” Avid Value told his fellow council members. “Are we sure Lord Skeletor will be alright with having the national anthem play for the Crystal Fair?”
“As much as I loath to admit it, Mr. Value has a point, miraculously,” Crumb Catcher stated, earning a glare from Avid Value. “I concede the point that, perhaps, Lord Skeletor may not be a demon. If this is the case, then there should be no problem with the anthem’s lyrics. Alternately, we could ask Lord Skeletor if he could approve the lyrics before the anthem is played and, if necessary, we can modify it.”
Cannon Fodder suddenly stomped a hoof on the table in rage at Crumb Catcher’s suggestion. “We are not changing the anthem! It’s been three damn years since it’s played, and I’m not accepting anything other than the original anthem!”
“Are you sure, General Fodder? I’m sure Lord Skeletor would have a good reason to change it if necessary, and it will still be the same anthem, just with different lyrics. It will make Lord Skeletor happy if we ask him, wouldn’t you agree?” Crumb Catcher asked with a restrained contempt dancing on his tongue.
After a few moments of glaring at the royal spy master, Cannon Fodder surprisingly nodded and gave up his side of the argument. “Fine. We can ask Lord Skeletor,” he muttered bitterly.
As if he was summoned from the depths of Tartarus from his name alone, a orange colored portal opened up near the table for Lord Skeletor to emerge from. The dining room fell deathly silent as their dark lord trudged through the portal, seemingly oblivious to the wide-eyed stares he was receiving as he rubbed his eye sockets.
“L… Lord Skeletor?” Avid Value dumbly asked, earning the attention of his drowsy lord.
“Hmmm? Oh, hello,” Lord Skeletor said as he stifled a yawn. “Crumb Catcher, has the Empire invented coffee yet?”
“... I’ve never heard of coffee before,” Crumb Catcher replied after a moment of pondering Lord Skeletor's question.
“Of course there’s no coffee…” Lord Skeletor muttered to himself as he dragged a hand across his skull.
“Lord Skeletor, if you don’t mind me asking, what are you doing back in the dining hall?” Copper Plate asked.
“… I…. I was refining my magic,” he replied after a moment of silence. “The books I have been reading had passages about strengthening a creature’s capabilities to use magic by casting a variety of spells. I figured that, with my immense and incredible power, if I casted more mundane spells then I could refine my magic enough to do something as menial as conjuring paper. It’s a very complicated process to understand. Sorry for interrupting your dinner, I’ll take my leave and return to my complicated work.”
“Wait,” Avid Value said before Lord Skeletor had a chance to conjure another portal. “Uh-your highness, we were just talking about the Crystal Fair, and we were wondering if it would be alright to play the Empire’s anthem. I-if that’s alright with you, Lord Skeletor.”
“Yeah, yeah, sure,” Lord Skeletor replied with a dismissive wave of his hand. “Now, I need to return to my room to continue stre-er-refining my magical capabilities since they're so immense. Like, you can't even fathom how powerful it is, so don't even bother thinking about it. Good? Good. Bye!”
With a wave of his scepter, Lord Skeletor opened a mystical portal that stood as tall as his staff and stepped through it. Once Lord Skeletor was completely swallowed by the portal, the oval distortion in reality collapsed on itself, leaving a room of bewildered, terrified, and confused ponies to simply gawk at the area where the portal appeared.
“Well… That was unexpected…” Copper Plate said as she turned her attention back to the rest of her dinner.
Skeletor returned to his bedchambers through his orange portal and instantly collapsed face first onto his bed once his portal collapsed behind him. His muscles burned with the fury of a volcano after his experiments with opening a portal back home. Hours of studying and experimenting had left him no closer to his goal of returning to Earth.
“Push through the pain… Just gotta try again in a few minutes… maybe an hour…” Skeletor grumbled to himself as he flipped himself onto his back.
His mind wandered to the many failures of his attempts to open a portal home. He knew it was a fruitless endeavor since he wasn’t powerful enough to open a portal all the way back to Earth, but part of his mind just refused to accept that fact. If he got back to Earth, then he would likely be able to open a portal back carrying whatever ghostbusters tech and cross necklaces he'd need to take care of Sombra. Skeletor eventually convinced himself that he would be able to eventually create a portal to take him back home if he just did it enough times and strengthened his magical powers.
His first attempt to leave the Empire that day resulted in him falling into a deep bank of snow that was pressed against the barrier that covered the Crystal Empire. After nearly freezing to death for the second time in one week, Skeletor opened a portal to the hot springs under the castle, then to the only room in the castle that Skeletor knew had a toilet, and then to the dining hall before he finally returned to his room.
Each portal was influenced by a small thought at the back of Skeletor’s mind; a desire to get out of the Empire sent him to the border of the Crystal Empire, a desperate need to get somewhere warm placed him in the hot springs, a slight need to use the bathroom landed him inside the drawing room of the castle, and then a small desire to see his council again placed him in the dining hall.
To make matters worse, Skeletor barely had any idea what to say for his speech to the crystal ponies to start the Crystal Fair. Part of him was hoping to push that off in the vain hopes of returning home and not needing to worry about it, but reality firmly stomped on any aspirations of heading home by proving how weak his magic was. Add on the fact that any of the paper Skeletor managed to create earlier that morning crumbled apart after an hour, Skeletor felt even worse.
No paper meant no money, which meant the Empire would get upset and send him to the guillotine, and then bam, off with his head.
“Why the fuck is the money problem my problem? Christ, I guarantee King Henry never had to deal with this shit. Then again, apparently, I’m the only damn magic user in magical pony land. Fuck me,” Skeletor complained before he sat up and buried his face into a pillow.
He a loud scream escaped his invisible throat and was muffled by the fabric that was pressed against his skull. “FFFFFFFUUUUUUUCK!”
Skeletor’s face remained firmly planted in the pillow as he took a few deep breaths to calm himself. After a few moments of weakness where he was tempted to fall asleep and push his problems back further, Skeletor took his skull off of the pillow and walked towards his book shelf.
After taking one of the blank books that he repaired off of the shelf, Skeletor took a bottle of ink and a quill out of his dresser drawer to prepare writing for his speech for the Crystal Fair. Fresh ink dripped onto the mostly empty pages as Skeletor mindlessly tapped the quill on the paper. The ink stain dried on the page as he tried to think of a single sentence to start his speech with, and he idly wondered if he could plagiarize a speech from his home.
“I have a dream… No, I'm not butchering that speech... Fore score and.... …. God damnit, I’m so screwed.”