Jake Feldsparr, a college student and gamer, had a decent life. His family has always gave him support, but decides to do things on his own as he goes to college, but still keeps in touch with them. As for his friends, he hangs out with them at a college café, where they spend time playing, Super Smash Bros. Ultimate. His main character is, Ridley, and so far, he is the best.
Until one day, after the semester ends and beating a Smash Tournament, held at his school, he heads back to his dorm, and once he entered, an explosion erupted in his room.
After a painful fate, a bright light shined in his unconcious state, has awoken at a rocky land full of lava and dragons. But, there is something very different that, Jake noticed. No longer a human he once was, but a familiar purple space dragon.
Disclaimer: Ridley belongs to Nintendo.
Note: Tags will be updated in further chapters.
Interesting to say the least
Hmm...Interesting. Being reborn into a new world as one of Nintendo's greatest enemies. What will await for him next? For the Author, I have three questions.
I. Will any other characters, faction or creatures from Metroid appear in Equestria? (Space Pirates, Galactic Federation, Other Bounty Hunters, Metroids or Samus Aran?)
II. Is this Ridley gonna have alternative forms during his time in Equestria?
III. Will there be another Ridley appearing?
Is it just me, or does Ridley look like a mutant Aerodaktyl in the cover art?
👌👌👌👌👌
9846177
I. Not sure, but that does give me some ideas
II. Haven't thought about it, but now thinking about it!
III. Now this would be at a future chapter indeed. For gawd knows how long...
9846242
I... I'm pretty sure it wasn't intentional.
Congrats, you got featured. 9/22/2019
Also, try to think more about your sentence structure. You have far too many pauses (commas especially). Try reading it aloud, and see where the pauses should be.
Just a heads-up: First chapter is titled 'prolouge' instead of 'prologue'.
Oh another story to follow, I'm loving the concept here, I look forward to see where this story goes
I like it so far
There seems to be an accidental space between the two halves of this word. I would say that this was a funny coincidence, but I only counted two other spelling mistakes, so I think this is intentional.
Also, "trans" instead of "trance," and "To shocked of my win," instead of "Too shocked of my win."
Oh ho ho!! Delightfully devilish, Ember!
Has potential, gonna keep reading.
Pro tip. A simple match isn’t enough to light off thermite. You’d need to light it with something hotter like a torch or igniting a magnesium strip into the thermite. Just a friendly tip from a friendly pyromaniac.
9846609
Eh. It's a fantasy story. Might be more than a lighter.
Great story so far. I do hope you intend to finish this story and not leave it to rot like a lot of writers do. Keep up the great work!
Can't wait to see him Down-B something!
9846609
(Takes notes)
9846652
what's the update schedule on this, it's not half bad
One thing I wanted to point out.
Me. Not be.
9846992
The scheduling is not planned, but only to my judgement on how far each chapter I write is to my satisfaction.
Needs an editor, but otherwise decent.
This isnt a comic book, you cant add sound effects into a story. ex *knock knock* and *sighs*. You describe knocking, you tell us the character is knocking on a door or sighing. You cant just say *Biff!* "Ow that punch hurt!" *pow!* "Haha, eat that!"
9847255
Also, seconded.
this story has my intrest here have a mustashe
Hey you got featured have a stache
First, I want to see Ridley play wack-at-Garble with his tail, and second, I sensed shipping was being done in this chapter.
i like it
It's crazier if you realize that, like Ridley, he can shoot a blast of energy along with fire, harden his skin, camouflage himself, and has the potential to break battleships. He could theoretically 1v1 a dragon of Torch's size with all that, never mind his speed.
i.imgflip.com/10dxi5.jpg
This has potential. I like how you wrote Ember, and the protagonist doesn't seem to be the usual idiot. The way he acted was reasonable, though I think an emotional breakdown when he settles down for the night might be appropriate.
One problem I noticed was that you switch between present and past tense quite often, which I found quite distracting. Try sticking to one. Preferably past tense, since that is the standard for stories, but the most important thing is to be consistent.
I wonder if Ballista, the pink background dragon who balances on her tail, will play any part. If she’ll take note of Ridley's tail.
...Interesting... PLease continue... No, seriously update this frequently, I'm curious to see where this is going.
9846652
That’s fair. Carry on.
9848788
Who's Ballista?
lol
them last few sentences
9849837
https://derpibooru.org/tags/ballista
Look here.
9849931
Too funny looking on my opinion. Reminds me of Tigger.
Title should be "Dragonland's Fiercest and Fairest."
The "Most" modifier is grammatically unnecessary, since "Fiercest" and "Fairest" are already superlatives.
9850054
Touche.
Okay so I wasn't really feeling this fic from the start, but damn did you write Embers personality really well! I'm interested to see how this goes, and though the writing may be a little shaky at times , it does seem pretty fixable. I'll track it.
Some spelling errors that could be fixed with some tlc, story seems promising so I’ll keep on reading. Have a nice day
.
I like it
Just reading the story synposis alone is telling me something. You use commas way too much where they're just not necessary, try reading it out loud with brief pauses every time you put a comma. You'll sound like that kid in the wheelchair from Malcolm in the Middle.
Edit: Was pretty much as I thought it'd be. Learn how to use commas correctly my dude, it's super jarring.
The kommas are killing my soul
Just gold there was an update. Did you mistakenly publish the new chapter.
Don't worry everyone. I read and cringed, so excuse my self editing process. I just edit some mistakes here and there.
9851022
Yes, that publish bar betrayed me...
I get the distinct impression that I’m gonna love this.
.....
More please I crave for more of this series