• Member Since 25th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen 28 minutes ago

RadBunny


“There is something delicious about writing the first words of a story. You never quite know where they'll take you.” ― Beatrix Potter

T
Source

Sombra was not always the heartless ruler that ruled the Crystal empire with an iron hoof. He once had friends, a home, a lover...
But his thirst for knowledge and power led him down a dangerous road.

By chance or the powers that be, Sombra is deemed worthy of a second chance to correct a thousand year old mistake. History ignores intentions however, only recording actions. Can Sombra find a way to bring peace to his heart and those he cares for, or will the darkness from his past consume him?

Image, story idea and OC used with permission.
Check out her DA Here!
Inspired by StasySolitude's animation. (Watch to provide a bit of clarity/backstory!)
Click Here to watch!
Art by StasySolitude for this fic;
Chapter 8 Picture:
Click here!

Chapters (21)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 248 )

THIS WAS THAT ONE YOUTUBE VIDEO! Wasn't it? :raritywink:

3373572
Eyyyyup ^_^
Contacted the creator for permission to write a fanfic.......
and now she's a proofreader =)

Sombra learned the hard way that darkness lives in the hearts of all of us. And we cannot destory it. We can only try to control it. For without darkness there can be no light and without light there can be no darkness. :fluttershysad:

Even though this'll conflict with my own story, I enjoyed this so far and am looking forward to future chapters. I'd also volunteer to proofread but I've never actually proofread anything before... though I can always check for grammar and such.

3374181
Why thank you! =)
I figure, this is where the alternate universe thing comes in =P
I'd love it if you could mention any grammar/suchsuch that you catch. :pinkiehappy:

Whoa...that was...extraordinary. You did a great job. It just so happened that I am working on a fic regarding Sombra's redemption as well...It's called Wendigo May Cry. I hope you can check it out. Excellent job. :eeyup:

3374416
Why thank you! I'll also be sure to take a look =)

3374656

Just saw the video...and I must say...that is one of the most sad...yet beautiful backstory I had ever seen. Although I picture Sombra with the black hair that runs down his snout, the concept of Sombra fighting his inner demon...literally, is one of the greatest ideas ever. I wish you good luck and if you need any help...I can give it. :eeyup:

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

Comment posted by RadBunny deleted Oct 21st, 2013

3374982
I give all credit for that idea to SassySolitude. She came up with the character and animation for it. I just built upon it. Couldn't have done it without her. (To anyone else reading this....) feel free to check out her DA and leave a nice message =)
I could use another proofreader........

3375363
.....is it worthy? 0_o

3376479

Well, just let me know how you want me to help, and I'll do what I can. Just on an unrelated note, another song that would fit Sombra and his inner demon/shadow self would be 'The Animal I Have Become' by Three Days Grace, especially the part where Sombra and his shadow became one. (I think that is what happened on that video). And that scarf of good Sombra...you gave me a brilliant idea for my story. Ciao. :eeyup:

3376479 I think so. But you'll have to submit it to find out.

Favorited because Sombra :P.

Chapter four of mine is nearly done, just three more pages left to proofread.

Awesome to find a story about that video.
Please continue your great work.

I saw that video. It was amazing. Good Sombra seemed like an awesome guy.
Deffinitly want to see more of this.

Whoa...that was intense. Although, where you said 'medaling', it should had been 'meddling'. Furthermore, Luna kinda appeared out of nowhere, didn't she? Good job either way. :eeyup:

3410252
Whoops! Will correct that!
And yes...she did. That was the point- to make a sudden break in Sombra's thinking, shock value, if you will. (she IS a bit dramatic!)

3410257 Either way, it was pretty nice. If you need a proofreader, still, I can try to help you anyway I can. Just one question though, and I am not sure if I missed this from the last chapter, but how did the 'actual' Somba come back, because if I had interpret the animation correctly, the dark demon had possessed Sombra when Sombra supposedly drowned in that lake.

Furthermore, what of that pony that Sombra had a thing for (Amber Leaf was her name, right)?

3410279
I'd love it if, when I post a chapter (maybe a POST reader? XD) you could just mention any mistakes you find, or I can send each chapter before I post- whichever you'd prefer.

Dark demon possessed him- but what is to say Sombra wasn't totally dead? I aim to have him having been suppressed- unable to act or think coherently. I think I mentioned it in the last chapter...

I ain't saying anything specific, only that I intend to address ALL the things mentioned in the youtube video :eeyup:

3410279
I believe the name of the pony in the video was Autume Gem (it's the same pony Twilight talked to during her investigation in season 3 episode 1).

3410392
Huh!
I'm not sure on that one- The creator of the movie said her name was Amber Leaf. I think Autumn Gem is another OC of that pony, from what I understand....I'll mention that to the creator!

So Sombra's getting a chance at redemption? Well he's going to need all the good luck he can get and then some. :pinkiesad2:

More lovely writing. Awesome. My only compliant is that at times the double spaced paragraph breaks seem out of place.

If you are looking for a proofreader still I am willing, thought I cant say I've had much experience.

Oh. So Amber Leaf is still alive. That's one angst thing we don't need to worry about. Great job.:eeyup:

No hurrying or offence, but
MOAR STORY!
THIS IS AMAZING.
Other than some minor grammar, nothing that is enough to ruin the story though.
Out of curiosity, will Sombra be tossed off to ponyville, the world's best villain rehabilitation center?:trollestia:

“Of course it is. How else could we have defeated you.”
Shouldn't there be a question mark at the end of this?
Honestly, i thought Sombra used dark magic because he learned that the crystal heart had to be restored or something.
The current reason makes him kind of... selfish. At least say the kingdom was already under threat or something.
Other than that,
GRATE STORY. WE WANT MOAR.

Sombra is right on with asking why he should be spared. Even he knows what he did was wrong, and yet now he has a chance to make things right. :fluttershysad:

3463816
Ah! Thank you!
It does seem selfish.....almost as if there's more to it..........:trollestia:
No ponyville planning as of now.

“I will finish...what I started....” The dark furred stallion said, panting slightly. King Sombra now saw that multiple burns adorned the stallion's flank. Perhaps, if I can strike him-
Why did you switch to first person all of a sudden? Shouldn't it be If HE could strike him? Also, why did you switch to present tense? It wasn't speech....
Heck, even my grammar might be wrong, but I don't think you switched to first person intentionally.
Sorry if it sounds like i'm nitpicking.

Such a sentence would, even now, be an easing of guilt on his mind.”
Why does this have a speech end there?
“Amber Leaf! Where is she?! One thousand years-
I'm pretty sure this needs a speech end....

3464536
Thank you for being willing to go through and catch these things! Nitpicking is good! It's often the small details that throw a reader off, so thank you for pointing those out!

“Pyrite- you can put that pick down. This one isn't hurting us.”
I think a comma after Pyrite might be more appropriate. Might be. Probably? Maybe?
If I remember correctly - is for lists and stuff, and a comma is for a short pause. Or this might not be a mistake at all,
and I'm just grasping at straws to find mistakes in this flawless chapter. Meh.

3464748
“Of course it is. How else could we have defeated you.”
This sentence does fall flat. Could it end in a question mark or something?
I have posted this before, but it seems the mistakes I posted later were corrected but not this one.
Not exactly a grammar error, but it still makes the sentence fall flat.:trollestia:

Awesome.
No mistakes(that i could see) and perfect.
I give you 5 staches. :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

3483101 I spotted one. Calling Sombra a filly when he's a boy. The correct term for a young male pony is colt. :twilightoops:

I have to wonder how the talk with Sombra will go and I'm bit annoyed by Shining in this fic but I think its understandable; kinda of since Sombra actually undermined Shining's power when he tried to take over his kingdom once again.

3483778
I'm aiming to have Shining be cautious, but not a total flank (as I've seen in other fics.) I see him as the cautious older brother, who is now confronted by a supposedly-innocent pony. (captain of the royal guard must have made him suspicious of such things, especially after the whole changeling incident!
Let me know if he seems too.....jerkish. Aiming for a balance in this fic.

3483756
:twilightoops:
.....we're going to pretend that never happened..... (thanks for pointing that out!)

He's a late bloomer huh? I can relate

3483756
I meant in grammar. I've only been in the fandom for a few months. :derpytongue2:
So english, good enough.
Equestrian though? Dead loss.

3485154
Not yet. Maybe after I have a few more views (more people to point out mistakes, ect) I do plan on submitting it eventually.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!