• Member Since 3rd Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen Aug 12th, 2017

Note Sketch


Note here, not much to say other than I love to write. My dyslexia is a huge obstacle when it comes to that, but I still enjoy sharing my stories, especially about King Sombra, my favorite villain!

T
Source

With his dark past heavy on his mind, Sombra is put to the test as he begins a reformation process. Though his thoughts are clearer and no longer crowded with the influence of dark magic, his heart is none the lighter. Will Pinkie's motto of "Giggle at the Ghosties" be enough to turn a tyrant good? Or Will Sombra succumb to the power of dark magic once more? But more importantly, will the reason for his tyrannical rule finally come to light?

Inspired by a series of one shots and the very popular "Feeling Pinkie Mean", though with a more serious undertone.

Warning: comments section on the last chapter contain some spoilers.

Chapters (48)
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Comments ( 506 )

What's with the dislikes? I read it and it looked fine to me.

4204088 They probably don't like the pairing or concept. :applejackunsure:

You qualify for a Warren Peace review. Prepare yourself...

Everything pre-story (description, tags, chapter length, etc) are fine, so good job there.

Onto the story!

It had not been very long since she had moved to Ponyville,

Um, three whole seasons isn't a long time? The fact that the fourth one began with another sun solstice thing implies that at the very least a whole year has passed by this time. That's a rather long span of time, so consider removing this bit as this is a logical flaw.

"Oh Pinkie."...just rolled with it.

That's a bit on the long side, so consider breaking it up into smaller, more bite sized paragraphs.

none of the bookshelves she had visited had anything to do with animals, let alone chinchillas.

And why not? It's a library, it has books spanning all sorts of subjects and whatnot, so again: logical flaw detected.

Sombra who held a face of surprise towards

I normally wouldn't be bothered by something small like this, but there were one or two other grammatical instances before. Go back and do a thorough out-loud edit, as only editing out-loud can get small things like this. In any case, I really don't see why there's all the hate. It'd be a lie if I said the story was gripping as some top-tier stories I've read before, but it's certainly not garbage deserving to be sent to dislike hell so far.

Sombra.," The stallion responded.

Punctuation error aside, using: The stallion instead of Sombra is an act called: purple unicorn syndrome (or something like that). I honestly don't care about it, but some others do. Instead of using things like: the stallion, the [color] pony/unicorn, etc, use the actual being's name.

Sombra said, trying to bring Celestia's point to head

Sombra, so far, seems pretty chill with this whole reformation thing. This is OOC. As you should remember, Discord was far from okay when it was decided he should be reformed and I doubt Sombra would be any different. Him just openly admitting this like he is now seems too conversational for someone who should be against this whole thing to begin with. This could also be a likely source of hate.

on you 24/7 twenty-four-seven

All numbers less than 1,000 must be written out. Otherwise it looks lazy and unprofessional.

Sombra's ear twitched

Good piece of foreshadowing/character development here. Gives us just enough to see that there's something there without actually telling us what that something is.

The details of Sombr'a Sombra living arrangements were to also briefly discussed

Grammar errors aside, this whole paragraph is kinda weak as well as unnecessary. Consider expanding on it or just removing it.

that had dragged on since their short journey had began.

This wasn't made apparent beforehand, so consider making it so. Otherwise it makes this look a little confusing and isn't brought up to its total potential.

"It's uh, nice to meet you Mr. Sombra.," Mr. Cake greeted with a gulp.

[New paragraph]With a small chuckle that seemed to pierce into every pony's chest as it left his lips, the ex king responded.

It's somewhat confusing to have one character's reaction right after another's dialogue, so don't do it. Also, I did rather like this whole Sombra feeding off and fanning the flames of fear scene.

So yeah. While not entirely deserving of the hate it's got so far, I do see where it stems from (that being the too friendly Sombra as well as a few oddly placed errors). I'd consider getting an editor or two to help with these minor problems.

Questions or concerns? PM me. Otherwise good luck and farewell...
/)

4208130 Thanks, I appreciate your review, especially the little note about reading it out loud back to myself. I have dyslexia and English isn't my first language, so doing that really helps and I had no idea it would :twilightblush: anyway, I'll get the chapter rewritten soon as I can.

So will Sombra try to take Flutters with him for a constant source of fear?

4230919 :pinkiegasp: I had no idea that there was an actual series like it, I had gotten inspired an april fools story where Pinkie tricks Sombra into thinking she's pregnant, I thought it was a just a random one shot, not one with a whole group behind it

I guess I understand the hate towards it now. I should probably take it down then.:twilightblush:

4231728 why? I like it. Simply because pinkie is reforming him there should be no reason for him not to spread a bit of fear around. And it has it's differences. His relationship with Luna could be an interesting point to explore along the way, and so does his past. The story is different enough to be a fun read. It's not like this is a clone story.

Well this was rather unexpected. Are you changing tones? Sombra seems to have gone from melanholic ex tyrant to Daddy from 3 guys and the baby.
Sombras explanation on the fear of darkness was a pretty good one. Never thought of it that way my self.

4273021 Well I'll definitely will be writing more :twilightsmile:

4280970 I hope this chapter explained why Sombra was good with foals to an extent since you seemed to dislike it in the previous chapter :pinkiehappy:

4281133 Yes, but it does also provide some inconsistencies. In earlier chapters Luna called Sombra a vanished prince. So before his time as a tyrant he was a prince. And even here it's mentioned that he was a king before he was a tyrant. Yet in this very chapter in the memory he acts like a commoner. Going to the market while injured isn't something royalty does or even would be allowed to do by various captains,advisers and servants.

4282644 If you bare with the story a while longer, I'll explain it all in due time :twilightsmile:

4284604 i'm happy to wait. Besides more fun that way

Well sombra my friend, your in a deep hole now. Want to let Twilight burry you?
Note, you might want to review the chapter to fix all the ''he'' that were plased instead of ''she''.
Otherwise it was fun to see Celestia to drop Twilight down a peg. Don't think I've seen any story do it.

4287851 Thanks, I did :twilightblush: like I said before, having dyslexia doesn't help much when writing, so please feel free to tell me if there are any mistakes at all, because I assure you I did proof read, but I tend to over look some things by accident.

Glad to know I'm not the only SombraPie writer on this site besides RainbowBob! Also, great story!

4302552 Funny, it was one shots like "April Fools" and "Pink is your Color" that inspired me, so that means it was thanks to you that I wrote this :twilightsmile:

4303031
That's great to know! Keep doing what you're doing, you SombraPie writer, you!

Not nearly as fancy as Warren Peace's critique, would that be the right word, but towards the end there you put "fro" instead of "for", otherwise i quite enjoy this version of Sombra. Calm, collected, and manages to spend most of the conversation in a constant state of awareness unlike the other's of this kind that I have read. I look forward to how he will develop. Also just want to point out a good use of what I consider the "say for it not to happen and it will" rule. At least I hope I'm not assuming how things will turn out in the long run. Either way it is a good read with a nice amount of seriousness to it, again unlike others that i have read.

New fan acquired! :pinkiehappy:

Aerigim

I can do nothing but agree with Harmony Charmer. Just want to point out one thing that confused me in this chapter "it's no wonder she can't help but be afraid of her". The more I go over it the more confused I get. Maybe adding "herself" at the end instead of just "her".

Either way, great chapter

Aerigim

Siding with Kniznik on this one, this story has such a different feel to it that it's like comparing black to white in my opinion, when you get down to the basics, yes they are similar, but I think that execution of the story and the presentation of the characters, Sombra being the biggest difference, is what sets the stories apart. I believe in Rainbowbob's story Sombra spends a good portion of time physically showing just how much Pinkie bothers him and even more so with how he talks. These are just my observations though, maybe I'm just seeing things but I definitely think you should keep this up. Kind of making my point late seeing as to how there are three more chapters but thought it needed to be said regardless of time passed.

Aerigim

4315471 Thank! That really means a lot to me :twilightblush: As for the mistakes you found, I'll go right ahead and correct them, thanks for pointing them out. I do hope you enjoy the chapters to come :twilightsmile:

Did you draw the picture yourself because if so, you sir are good at it:pinkiehappy:. Another great chapter as the story grows deeper.

I also noticed a few things were wrong so here's what i found,at least what I think I found:

"He was weak and he knew it." Rarity was observing him before this statement was said, so did you mean to put "she knew it" instead or were you just confirming that Sombra was well aware of his position?

"Calming down from their 'imaginary illusions"", from where I'm setting, which is on a bed, imaginary illusions sounds a bit redundant, I'll admit I'm no English expert so I really don't have any right to poke at this choice of words but it could have been something like "after shaking off what they had imagined" or something in the same ballpark.

That is all I have to say on the matter of what I found wrong. Keep up the good work and never let what others think or compare your work to define how it flows, unless you need help :scootangel:.

Your humble fan,
Aerigim

4317254 I did in fact draw that picture :pinkiehappy: Sketching is one of my favorite past times. I also drew the cover art for all of my stories and plan to draw more for each of them :pinkiesmile: As for what you found, yes I indeed meant "he", Sombra is rather self conscious about his power, or lack there of. Though I do see what you meant by redundant, I'll see how I can fix it while I look for more typoes and errors :twilightblush: Thanks again for the support!

Sombry teaching Dinky magic=awesome things to come.

Also, is Flutters starting to get a crush on Sombra...? If so, I wonder how Pinks will react!

An interesting take on wedding fiasco you got there. And is Sombra getting his own harem? Better be careful of Big Mac, Good Doctor and the Sandwich. :D

Nice to see the fic getting more likes. Aren't you happy you decided to continue the story? I know I am.

4379359 Yes I am, I am so happy people are enjoying my story, I think perhaps the beginning simply gave the wrong impression. Truth be told, I had been seating on this story for a while, I even have the ending planned out :rainbowkiss: but that's quite a while from now. I just hope I don't end up boring my readers with so many chapters to come :twilightblush:

4380582 Depends. For every person the length of the stories losing interest is different. For me, the longest one had like 104chapters and over 300k(maybe 400 or 500 k's. Been some time since I've read it) words, and that's just in fanfiction. And as for the actual books. Well lets just say that Twilights house in ponyveile would have been my childhood dream come true:twilightblush:, well one of them.

I have been waiting for you to update for such a long time. I'm glad you didn't stop the story.

Yay it truely is a good day now that this is back, too bad I work third so I'll be sleeping through most of it

Oh come now everyone, it hasn't even been a week since the last update :twilightblush: no need to think I quit the story. I actually got a bit of writer's block on this chapter which took me a while to work around.

4408714 Writers block:rainbowhuh:? On this story:fluttercry:? Where's my shotgun:ajbemused:. I have a WB to kill:flutterrage:

4410775 You're too kind :rainbowlaugh: But the writer's block for the privious chapter, which is why it took longer than usual, I should be back on track now :twilightblush:

Oh, Sombry.... You are going to regret that statement later on! Watch him get sloppy drunk and then make a move on Pinkie when he's out of it.:pinkiegasp:

Glad to read that your back on track! Was begining to wonder what was going on

Man you got this out fast.

4417934 Like I said in my blog, I just happen to have a lot of free time early this week, so I put it to good use:scootangel:

Hahaha, Sombry's drunk! Lord, I can't wait 'till it's morning and he goes, like all blackout drunks do, "...Did I do that?"

''Either way, he could feel her heart gain speed when he was around.'' Probably want o change it to she. I think there was another one but I can't find it.
You are good at writing poems. Pinkies bit about Sombra was quite well made.

No, is this where we find out what happened to Diane?! Gah, the sadness to come will be too much to bear!

And the cat is out of the bag now. Oh and both Pinkie and Fluters are cudling Sombra. All thats left is add Derpy and Dinky, and then we are set to kawai rainbow blast.

Pinkie dreaming of Sombra freaking killed me!

4424336 That sounds like a delicious icecream...I'll take 5 tubs. :rainbowwild:

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