Shadow's Enigma

by Note Sketch

1. A Clean Slate

The sun barely on the rise, the quiet streets of Ponyville laid barren. The light gently touched the buildings of the town as the celestial orb moved across the clear sky. As if on a schedule, ponies here and there would open their windows and look outside at the brand new morning. Among these ponies was a newly ordained princess who resided at the town's library. It had been just over a year since she had moved to Ponyville and had made friends with many if not all the townsfolk. Perhaps not as close friends as Pinkie Pie was with them, but at least she knew them in some way or another.

Yawning, she walked over to her balcony where she liked to admire the morning sun rising. It reminded her of her old home in Canterlot where she would watch her old teacher raise it in person. As she stood at her balcony she heard a shout from down below.

"Twilight!" Called out a rather high pitched voice, one that was easily recognized by any citizen of Ponyville.

"Oh hello Pinkie. How is your morning so far?" Twilight asked as she spread her wings, gently taking off only to land softly in front of her library where the pink pony was bouncing in place.

"Just peachy! I can't wait to find out what Princess Celestia wanted! I couldn't sleep at all last night when you told me she wanted to talk to us! I just hope it's nothing horribly bad, like complete chaos and total havoc that would cause the end of Equestria bad!"

"Oh Pinkie." Twilight began as she turning around, giving her friend a gentle smile as she furrowed her brow. "If it was anything like that she would have had me gather all the others." Without wasting much more time the newly appointed princess began to walk to the library's door, opening it with her magic she and Pinkie walked in. Like every other day, it was as neat as can be. Spike usually did a good job at keeping the place spotless and in order, last night especially he made sure the place was perfect for visit that would occur this morning. With a quick glance to grandfather clock nearby, Twilight took a seat at one of the tables nearby to begin readying. It was much too early for the princess to arrive.

Pinkie hopped from one place to another, keeping herself entertained as she looked at all the books that were shelved. Periodically she would grab a seemingly random book, open it to a just as random page, skim a few paragraphs, then place it back on the shelf. Like always, Twilight eyed her friend as she proceeded with her strange actions, but had long ago stopped trying to understand her friend and just rolled with it.

"Find anything you like?"

"Yup! Lots! Did you know Chinchilla's eyes aren't developed enough to see very well so they 'see' with their whiskers?" Pinkie blurted out as she skipped to another shelf and opened yet another book. Twilight was bewildered, none of the bookshelves she had visited had anything to do with animals, let alone chinchillas, those were in an entirely different part of the library all together. At this point she was wondering whether Pinkie already knew this fact or if she might have accidentally miscataloged a book, both equally bizarre. However, before she had a chance to respond, a bright light began to shine in the middle of the library. The duo shielded their eyes from the rays that shown almost as brightly as the very sun. When it finally faded, in front of them stood a very graceful figure, an Alicorn that stood much taller than even Twilight, who had grown a few inches since her coronation.

"Hi there Princess Celestia!" Pinkie said as she hopped over to her, a large smile stretched across her face.

"Why hello Pinkie Pie, how have you been?"

"I've been great!" She responded, though the pink pony's smile faded as her expression became one of curiosity when she noticed the rather dark figure standing beside her princess. At first glance the tall stallion could very well pass as Celestia's shadow, his color scheme certainly fit it. Before any other words could be said, however, both Pinkie and Celestia were teleported to the other side of the library, Twilight standing a few feet in front of them, facing this figure with a glare that would shake even the most sturdy of stallions.

"King Sombra! What are you doing here?"

With a sigh, the unicorn took a step forward and spoke with a rather cold and firm voice. "Ex-King, Miss Sparkle. That title was stripped of me when I lost the Crystal Empire to your sister-in-law."

"That doesn't answer my question!" Twilight's voice almost reached a scream, but her shoulder was suddenly grasped, making her lose her aggressive composure.

"I brought him here Twilight." Celestia said as she looked down at her old student. "Sombra was found half...conscious. When he was taken in and brought to me, I thought it would be a good idea to bring him here to have him reformed, like Discord was."

"No disrespect to you Princess, but Sombra isn't exactly the most peaceful pony out there." Twilight responded as she took a quick glance at the dark stallion. Though he heard what she said, he remained stoic and unfazed.

"Do not worry, he is not at full power, and he won't be until he is reformed, I made sure of that."

Seating down to take this all in, Twilight looked up at her sun goddess as if looking for a way to reply but unable to come up with the right words to do so.

"Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie!" A high pitched voice broke the rather strange silence in Twilight's head. As she turned to see her friend she noticed her quite close to Sombra who held face of surprise towards the pink mare in front of him who was much close in his opinion.

"I am Ki-...Sombra, my name is Sombra." The stallion responded.

"I didn't get a chance to introduce myself last time I saw you at the Crystal Empire, I'm sooo happy I can finally get to meet you!"

Unable to retain his stoic expression at the mare, he took a step back to distance to himself. As Twilight finally caught up to Celestia's plan, she gasped and turned to her.

"You don't mean to say Pinkie Pie is to reform Sombra are you?"

"Why yes. If I remember correctly from a friendship report, you said that Pinkie had a motto that keeps her oddly unfazed when it comes to scary events."

"Well, yes, but what does that have to do with anything?"

Sombra stepped close to the princesses, mostly to get away from the mare who had once again encroached on his personal space. "I draw my dark magic from a pony's worst fears and nightmares. I believe you had a personally experience with that." He said, trying to bring Celestia's point to head, but instead only made Twilight angry. The door Sombra had placed at the Crystal Empire had made her witness something horrible that she clearly had not forgiven him for.

"Yes, Pinkie here doesn't seem to processes these fears, she would be perfect to reform Sombra, since she can clearly speak to him without having even the smallest amount of fear towards him."

"But what about the dark magic he already processes? Surely he could just-"

"No, I can't. Celestia made sure to cut my ties to dark magic, the only think I can do at this moment is levitate objects. That is not to say I can't reconnect with dark magic. "He said with a smirk "But right now, at this very moment, I am no more powerful than a colt...magic wise at least."

"Not if I keep my eyes on you twenty-four-seven!" Pinkie said with a giggle, but Sombra had a completely different reaction. Somehow, she had managed to appear from under his red cape.

"What? How did you get under there?!" The old king asked as he stepped away. This brought a small smile to Twilight's face. Truth be told, it was rather amusing to see such a 'powerful' unicorn react to Pinkie Pie's weirdness. Celestia also shared in her student's amazement since even she did not comprehend how Pinkie did what she did.

"That's not important right now."

"Of course its important, are you going to do this all th-" Sombra, however was silenced when a pink hoof pushed against his nuzzle.

"Shhhh, if you're going to stay with me we need to establish some ground rules! First and fore most, this is completely business, so don't start liking me too much."

"What a ridiculous-"

"Second! I partake in seven snack times a day, you are to do the same."

"How are you not fa-"

"Lastly, you must also attend all the parties I put together." Sombra did not bother trying to get a word in this time around. Instead he only turned to look at Celestia with weary looking eyes.

"May I return to my icy prison now?" This was only met by a snicker from the sun goddess and Twilight who held a hoof to her mouth to try to muffle her laugh.

"Now now, we agreed you'd at least try to be reformed before taking such extreme measures, after all you were the one that was so against being trapped in ice again." Celestia said as she thought back to the little 'event' that had taken place when she met him not too long ago. Sombra took quick notice of how she had changed her expression and quickly changed the direction he was afraid the conversation would go otherwise.

"Yeah, but you never mentioned how nonsensical my 'reformer' would be."

Another chuckle escaped Celestia's lips before turning her gaze to Pinkie.

"As I understand it, you currently live with Mr. and Ms. Cake correct? I presume they would be against the idea of having Sombra live with them."

"Yeah probably, they do have twin foals." To this, Sombra's ear twitched, it was subtle, so no pony really saw it, but the idea of foals seemed to cause some sort of reaction in him it seemed. "I would hate to have them cry every time Sombrie here entered the room."

"Sombrie?" Sombra asked out, not welcoming the nickname for him.

"In that case, Twilight, how would you feel with having Sombra stay here at the library for the time being?" The purple alicorn almost slipped from her standing position when she heard the princess's proposal. Though uncertain about how things would unfold if he did stay, she hesitantly agreed to the request. "Perfect!" So from this day forward, Pinkie Pie, you are Sombra's reformer until he enters the side of good."

"Woohooo!"

The details of Sombra's living arrangements were to be briefly discussed, but it was obvious that neither Sombra nor Pinkie wanted to talk all of them out. So as per the pink mare's request, they were let out and allowed to give Sombra a quick tour of Ponyville. As the newly made duo left the library Twilight couldn't help but show her concern for her friend, something Celestia took well note of.

"There is nothing you should worry about Twilight. Have faith in your friend."

"Yeah, I know you say that this is for the best, but I can't help but worry that Sombra is up to something. I mean don't you think he is taking this much too casually?" Twilight asked as her concerned eyes looked up at her teacher. Celestia's tried her best to hide her own worries and with a gentle smile consoled Twilight's worries.

《=●=》

"Soooo, where do you want to go first?" Pinkie asked as she hopped around Sombra who managed to regain his stoic composure. He walked slowly as the mare continued to pester him with the question, her energy seemed endless.

"I care not. I simply wanted to leave that room as soon as I could."

"Oh tell me about it! I love Twilight to death, but sometimes that mare can talk your ear off. Say do you like sweets?" The stallion couldn't help but feel how much of a pain this 'reform' would soon become with this mare constantly at his side.

"Yes, I do enjoy the occasional sweet treat." His emphasis seemed to completely fly over Pinkie's head as an idea soon popped in her head.

"Oh! I know, you should meet Mr. and Ms. Cake! Since I work there you and I will be at Sugarcube Corner a lot."

"Goodie...."

Pinkie took hold of one of Sombra's fore leg and dragged him a good distance before deciding he could walk for himself, but by that time they had already arrived.

"...and that was like the craziest thing ever, I mean who puts raisins in cookies to make them look like chocolate chips?!"

"Only the worst of ponies I am sure..." Sombra responded to the long conversation that had dragged on since their short journey had began. He did not know just how long he could possibly put up with the audio torture of being with Pinkie. However, as they walked though the store's door a sense of strength overwhelmed him, almost to the point of cracking a smile out of him.

"Uh....Pinkie, who is this you've brought?" Mr. Cake asked as he slowly gave a customer their change. The rest of the ponies in at Sugarcube Corner only stared as they walked to the counter. This was heaven for him, the rich, satisfying smell of fear.

"Oh this is Sombra, ex tyrant and merciless ruler of the once unhappy and miserable Crystal Empire. Don't worry though, I'm here to reform him, but since I also work here I thought it'd be best if I introduced him first." Mr. Cake looked nervously at Sombra who had stepped close to the counter. His figure seemingly blocking the artificial lighting at the store and covering the poor earthpony in his shadow.

"It's uh, nice to meet you Mr. Sombra." Mr. Cake greeted with a gulp.

With a small chuckle that seemed to pierce into everypony's chest as it left his lips, the ex king responded.

"It is a pleasure." His voice was once more threatening in tone. At this point many of the customers decided to leave the store, presumably to their homes or to spread word of the newcomer. The fear that had began to consume the populace of the store only feed Sombra's hunger for power and fear. While he had previously been without the purple aura of flames that escaped his eyes, they seemed to have ignited at this moment, bringing back the old image of the Tyrant of the Crystal Empire. The newly added intimidation factor made it even harder for Mr. Cake to look him in the eyes, but he persisted in their undeclared 'staring contest' to see who would break first, the winner clear as day already.

"Anywho!" Pinkie said as she pulled on the purple flames, simultaneously pulling Sombra's head to the side and ending the struggle Mr. Cake was barely able to keep up.

"How did you manage to do that?" Sombra asked, as curious as he was shocked. "These not tangible objects!" He added as be passed his hoof though the flames originating from his eyes.

"Sorry Sombrie, we should let Mr. Cake get back to work, right now lets go visit some other ponies!" Pinkie said as she began to hop out of the sweet's store, completely ignoring the question asked of her. The ponies still around began to murmur amongst themselves. Sombra could already feel the grip of fear begin to leave them. In order to keep whatever strength he still had over the dark magic gathered from them he quietly walked out and followed his escort. "Jeez, what took you so long, you slowpoke!" Pinkie asked as stallion finally reached the outside.

"Forgive me, I am not as...spirited, as you."

"Okay, I forgive you." She replied with a smile. He raised an eyebrow, it seemed that sarcasm had no effect on her whatsoever.

"So pray tell, what is our next destination?"

"Well, I think that outfit you have on is too intimidating for you to make friends, I mean just look at what happened when we went in to Sugarcube Corner." The pink mare said as she began to make her way along the street. Sombra followed suit and decided to humor her further.

"So what do you intend to do? Certainly you don't mean to have me walk nude as the commoners do."

"No silly, we're going to get you a brand new outfit!"

Comments

[nodamnbrakes]

no

[Drifting Heart]

What's with the dislikes? I read it and it looked fine to me.

[Note Sketch]

4204088 They probably don't like the pairing or concept.

[Warren Peace]

You qualify for a Warren Peace review. Prepare yourself...

[Warren Peace]

Everything pre-story (description, tags, chapter length, etc) are fine, so good job there.

Onto the story!

It had not been very long since she had moved to Ponyville,

Um, three whole seasons isn't a long time? The fact that the fourth one began with another sun solstice thing implies that at the very least a whole year has passed by this time. That's a rather long span of time, so consider removing this bit as this is a logical flaw.

"Oh Pinkie."...just rolled with it.

That's a bit on the long side, so consider breaking it up into smaller, more bite sized paragraphs.

none of the bookshelves she had visited had anything to do with animals, let alone chinchillas.

And why not? It's a library, it has books spanning all sorts of subjects and whatnot, so again: logical flaw detected.

Sombra who held a face of surprise towards

I normally wouldn't be bothered by something small like this, but there were one or two other grammatical instances before. Go back and do a thorough out-loud edit, as only editing out-loud can get small things like this. In any case, I really don't see why there's all the hate. It'd be a lie if I said the story was gripping as some top-tier stories I've read before, but it's certainly not garbage deserving to be sent to dislike hell so far.

Sombra.," The stallion responded.

Punctuation error aside, using: The stallion instead of Sombra is an act called: purple unicorn syndrome (or something like that). I honestly don't care about it, but some others do. Instead of using things like: the stallion, the [color] pony/unicorn, etc, use the actual being's name.

Sombra said, trying to bring Celestia's point to head

Sombra, so far, seems pretty chill with this whole reformation thing. This is OOC. As you should remember, Discord was far from okay when it was decided he should be reformed and I doubt Sombra would be any different. Him just openly admitting this like he is now seems too conversational for someone who should be against this whole thing to begin with. This could also be a likely source of hate.

on you 24/7 twenty-four-seven

All numbers less than 1,000 must be written out. Otherwise it looks lazy and unprofessional.

Sombra's ear twitched

Good piece of foreshadowing/character development here. Gives us just enough to see that there's something there without actually telling us what that something is.

The details of Sombr'a Sombra living arrangements were to also briefly discussed

Grammar errors aside, this whole paragraph is kinda weak as well as unnecessary. Consider expanding on it or just removing it.

that had dragged on since their short journey had began.

This wasn't made apparent beforehand, so consider making it so. Otherwise it makes this look a little confusing and isn't brought up to its total potential.

"It's uh, nice to meet you Mr. Sombra.," Mr. Cake greeted with a gulp.

[New paragraph]With a small chuckle that seemed to pierce into every pony's chest as it left his lips, the ex king responded.

It's somewhat confusing to have one character's reaction right after another's dialogue, so don't do it. Also, I did rather like this whole Sombra feeding off and fanning the flames of fear scene.

So yeah. While not entirely deserving of the hate it's got so far, I do see where it stems from (that being the too friendly Sombra as well as a few oddly placed errors). I'd consider getting an editor or two to help with these minor problems.

Questions or concerns? PM me. Otherwise good luck and farewell...
/)

[Note Sketch]

4208130 Thanks, I appreciate your review, especially the little note about reading it out loud back to myself. I have dyslexia and English isn't my first language, so doing that really helps and I had no idea it would anyway, I'll get the chapter rewritten soon as I can.

[Aerigim]

Not nearly as fancy as Warren Peace's critique, would that be the right word, but towards the end there you put "fro" instead of "for", otherwise i quite enjoy this version of Sombra. Calm, collected, and manages to spend most of the conversation in a constant state of awareness unlike the other's of this kind that I have read. I look forward to how he will develop. Also just want to point out a good use of what I consider the "say for it not to happen and it will" rule. At least I hope I'm not assuming how things will turn out in the long run. Either way it is a good read with a nice amount of seriousness to it, again unlike others that i have read.

New fan acquired!

Aerigim

[Iracondus]

"Oh tell me about it! I love Twilight to death, but sometimes that mare can talk your ear off. Say do you like sweets?"

Says Pinkie, the master of talking your head off

[NikitaKitten]

There are way too many spelling, grammatical, and punctuation errors in this for me to continue reading.

[Note Sketch]

4845969 Well that was a little huffy. I assure you that I have proof read this chapter various times as I do with all of the other chapters I post. Yes, I did still miss one or two errors because I am simply unable to catch them due to my dyslexia. I work very hard to get over this obstique in my writing, but I doubt I missed the grand number of mistakes you say I made.

I'm sorry if perhaps my few mistakes offended you in some way, but no one benefits by leaving comments like those around. There is no constructive critisism, only bashing the chapter as a whole on something you don't like.

I wish you a good day since you seem to be having a bad one, take care.

[NikitaKitten]

4846166 Huffy? Hello Pot, I'm Kettle. Pleased to meet you.

As for why I commented, well, I've heard numerous authors state numerous times that they wished that everyone who down-votes would at least comment as to why they did. That is why I commented.

If you only made a few mistakes, I might not have commented or down-voted. Then again, I probably wouldn't have continued reading, as there are other elements that make me not like your story. As for the "few" mistakes you missed, I went through and picked some of the easier errors (that don't require a lengthy explanation on my part) from the first fifth of the story or so.

...she had moved to Ponyville, and had made friends...
Unnecessary comma.
Yawning, she walked over to her balcony[,] where she liked to admire the morning sun rising.
Missing comma.
It reminded her of her old home in Canterlot[,] where she would watch her old teacher raise it in person.
Missing comma.
I Couldn't sleep at all...
Unnecessary capitalization.
"Oh Pinkie." Twilight began...
Should be a comma, not a period.
"If it was anything like that....
Should be "were," not "was."
...opening it with her magic [as] she and Pinkie walked in.
Missing word.
...miss cataloged...
Should be "miscataloged."

Considering I passed commenting on several more involved issues, and I only went through the very beginning of the chapter, I'd call that more than a few. Obviously you proofreading your own story isn't helping much. I laud you for putting in that much effort, but clearly it needs more. If you're serious about this, I'd find someone else to proofread for you. There are several groups where you should be able to find a proofreader.

I'm sorry if you took offense at my original comment, and I wish a good day to you as well.

[Soft Shell]

So far so good.

[The Shade]

4846166

my dyslexia.

Welcome to the club! Or, if you're older than me...
Still welcome to the club!

[CyberneticBlackjack]

Dude, aside from all the other commentaries dealing with your grammar, I just have this to say: The story has already snagged my interest right from the first chapter, and is making me want to keep reading. Not only that, but you have captured Pinkie Pie's randomness and abilities flawlessly. At least to me. There wasn't one scene with her where I didn't end up like this --> Great job!