ZeroandInfinity
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Over 100,000 words and no comments or ratings? Odd. Well, I think I'll take a look despite the lack of *any* indicator of quality.
Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
I have fallen in love with this story
LOVE IT so far
Foul mouthed protagonists are often bad enough on their own, but writing this in 2nd person only makes it much more painful to read. The notion behind 2nd person POV is that the reader should be able to easily interject them into the situation, but this person, thus far as presented in this first chapter, is so far from most folks that it fails. 2nd person, poor choice. As is the constant cursing for seemingly no reason, or reasons that quite honestly don't require such. Tossing about profanities to this casual degree implies that the individual is going to be the same or worse throughout the story, and who wants any part of something like that? I certainly don't.
8004529
You win some, you lose some. It's all good. This story may not be to everyone's taste, and I realize that starting off, it might seem somewhat like what you described. Yes, the story may be dark in terms of content here and there, but rest assured the entire story is not written like that, at least in terms of continual cursing and behaving in such a manor. Yes, there are swears here and there, and it might seem like that’s how the character will always behave based on what’s in chapter zero, but the protagonist does not stay that way throughout the entire story. They do change, quite significantly as a matter of fact. Just think of chapter zero as a background intro to the story. Rest assured, things do pick up after this chapter.
8005043 Wanted to finish reading before saying anything else. The initial bit is quite jarring, and combined with a generally poorly viewed POV, doesn't help all that much.
Having read it now, it's definitely a total mind fuck. That's about the best way I can summarize it. The first chapter I suppose serves as a heavy contrast to what occurs as the mare that he's changed into takes root. After that, though... it's written well enough, and you do a good job choosing the type of language to add more emphasis to the changes and such, especially the mental ones, but then... the twist of sorts. Thus my description of it as a mind fuck. It's... definitely something else. Not bad, but perhaps... strange or weird would be an apt term.
8005062
It is...well...I did write this in terms of wanting to mess with the mind so to speak. And if I managed to accomplish that, then I'm proud. Still though, I do appreciate you and anyone else here for reading through the entire thing. It is definitely long, and yes, the start might either attract or steer readers away. The start more or less gave some background intro into who the protagonist was and used to be, which is used to showcase how they change throughout the story. In second person, it might be odd since not every reader is like how the protagonist used to be, but at the same token, this is not a story for everyone.
At any rate though, thank you for reading and for your feedback. Positive or negative, I do appreciate it as it helps me to work on my writing. Thank you.
I liked this. it even almost made me cry at some points. though I am weirdly emotional at the moment. so... meh
m.popkey.co/883ecc/ZpVr0.gif
Ooh!
First line of the story!
That must be some kind of record.
brakes
bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/apg-wi.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/2/cd/2cd3a850-d965-11e4-a322-1b41e1baa9bc/551d893e1fd5f.image.jpg
I don't think that's how it works.
Oddly, this reminds me of something....
Amazing story I love it!
8002904 Very great read. I highly recommend it
8006631 How bad is the Dark ?
Nice step into creepypasta territory
Definitely worth the read, what kind of update schedule do you have?
8027229
Thank you for reading and I'm glad you enjoyed it. Unfortunately, I do not have an update schedule and am not sure when the next chapter will be up. I tend to be a bit of a slow writer and I also write a lot, and dealing with multiple things in life at the same time can make it a little hard to quickly write another chapter. That said though, this story is only half-way done, and there's still the second-half to be told. There is much more that I have planned. And while I'm not sure when the next chapter will be out, just know that it is being worked on.
8006905
I'd say dark and eerie mixed with cute and loving. It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but dark is definitely a reoccurring theme throughout the story.
Hey,I remember reading this at ptfg. Nice to see you here on fimfiction.
8007989 I would be the same in her position, i would get the freaking heck out. Paranormal crap It is on the top of things never to deal with.
Wow this has been one wild ride, i am so looking forward to more.
Interesting so far. I just hope it doesn't.end up with this all being a dream or something like that.
I have to say, this story is very well thought out and written. Never before have I ever thought so deeply about people using technology to make themselves happy, by any means necessary.
I've read all that in 3 days, I've felt weird reading it, it unsettled me, played with my nerves, and this eighth chapter had me totally on the edge. You did greatly, and now I am eagerly waiting to read what will happens to Radiance next.
I have been utterly mind fucked. Now i can't help but want more.
Thanks for the update to the story! I'm glad to see this one continue. I have to wonder though, are the beings in the human universe real or all simulated (it does seem to be including the Zephyr universe?)?
holy crap that was a good chapter, so glad we got a update ^o^
The twist here was very obvious, probably something to do with having seen plenty of similar stories over the years, but I have to say that this has been an exceptionally enjoyable read so far. You've done a very good job working everything together and making the contrast between the pleasant and comforting imagery and the disturbing undertones and implications in a way that makes it all just a little bit more jarring in the best way possible.
There are a few issues I've noticed, some with the writing itself and a few grammar mistakes here and there, but none of it has been enough to detract from this story in any meaningful way so far. As such I certianly hope you continue working on this, though I recommend that you consider submitting your work to an editor for review to clean it up slightly from the grammar side, since like I said it's pretty clean, but there are occasionally missing words here and there.
Oh, and fun fact
The awnser is technically yes, if you didn't know. If you made two identical clocks that were perfectly accurate and both had a sufficiently high degree of precision, then synchronized them, you would find that if you left one on earth and took one on a trip to space and back that the one that went to space would end up ever so slightly ahead of the one that was on earth the whole time.
This is due to an effect called "gravitational time dilation", there's tons of literature available on that if you want to look into it.
Edit: Clearly looking into the next chapter you're very much so aware of time dilation at least in a basic sense, so sorry to lecture!
I wasn't expecting a tie in to Zephyr’s Tale here, reminds me that I have to finish reading through that too at some point...
Also, on a completley unrelated to this story and any related stories.
8060960
i.ytimg.com/vi/WrRdPN5Qmo8/hqdefault.jpg
I've played The evil within, and this screams STEM.
There is a reason the MLP TV show has Hay Fries and other Hay related potato products.
Much like how chocolate is poisonous to dogs, Potatoes are incredibly poisonous to horses.
Hash Browns would kill the main character in the MLP universe, especially since the writers themselves acknowledged it in cannon.
The Monk
Thanks for the new chapter
Always happy to see a new chapter here!
On a side note, there may be people curious about "Zephyr's Tale", and I'm not seeing it on this site-do you mind if I post the pastebin URL?
<edited and added link after response received>
https://pastebin.com/u/Tfanon
8993596
Certainly. Go right ahead. It's not on FimFiction. It's only on Pastebin. Do be forewarned about that story though. I'm not joking when I say it has affected many. Read that at your own risk. Still, it's an excellent story, and might provide a little bit of extra background to the latest chapter for those curious.
Damn, zephyr's tale still living on all these years later. I did not see this coming, though its been a good amount of time since the last chapter. The source material of course being a lot lighter and fuzzy in tone while this chapter is just straight up calling it out.
And next chapter is going right back to mind fuck town I bet.
Can't wait to read about Anon's mind trying to reject or cope with 'egocide'.
In Zephyr's Tale, I recall the part where Charlie was transformed into Sunflower and it seemed as if Charlie and Sunflower were entirely different people, not merely one person turning into another. They would "switch" with one another, alternating control over the body and actions while the other went unconscious or temporarily ceased to exist. When I read that, I immediately knew that it was plurality, or the state of having more than one mind or consciousness in a single brain. Pretty much separate people sharing the same brain. The case with Charlie and Sunflower looked to be a specific type pf plurality called Dissociative Identity Disorder (previously called multiple personality disorder) as DID is unique from other forms of plurality in that the different consciousnesses will not share memories with one another and may not even be aware of one another's existence, which explained why Sunflower did not remember anything that Charlie did and wasn't aware of his existence. Something about the transformation process must have generated a second consciousness in Charlie's brain, which came to be Sunflower. It mildly annoyed me when the author of Zephyr's Tale never explained this, Master himself even not knowing what it was. It makes me wonder if the author actually knew what plurality was, and if it's inclusion was intentional. Otherwise, the author described DID and plurality almost unnervingly perfectly without even knowing what it was.
Regarding egocide, it usually only happens to those who are plural, as looked to be the case with Daniel in this story whether you realized it or not. In rare cases pony hypno files have created a new consciousness (based on the specific pony the file is for) rather than replacing the user's personality, and the original person for whatever reason later fades away, as Daniel did. That doesn't usually happen though.
8525161
i agree first we went all matrix. then we went inception. then we went to saw. then we went to paranormal activity. and then looped back to matrix. i am thoroughly unbalanced i thought i was reading a mlp fanfic not a sci-fy psychological thriller. great story very uncanny valley.
I remember starting to read this via pastebin what feels like years ago and thinking it could only have a bittersweet / outright depressing ending. I've not read anything else like this fic (though I'm thankfully familiar with Zephyr) and I feel like it could go anywhere at the moment! Really enjoying it and happy to see it still updating.
inb4 it's Dr Money's hypnotic rendition of the events a la Zephyr's Tale
I don’t actually know the proper procedure for amnesia victims, so excuse me if i sound like an idiot, but this ‘Big Sis’ seems to be treated her amnesiac of a little sister like a baby. It feels... off.
Wait... didn’t the girl in the dream that looks disturbingly like nullity push Radiance into the lake?
This needs a tag a bit more dark than ‘mystery.’ Thriller, maybe? Parts of it definitely have been horror movie-esque, not to mention the literal mind-fuck that just droned on for thousands of words.
I can't think of many things creepier than a broken Lotus Eater Machine. Where you're living in a paradise where everything is fine, and then the machine glitches out and something horrible starts happening. But you're not trying to wake up! And the worst part is, eventually someone fixes the machine, or it gets past the glitchy part, and all that horror just vanishes, leaving a peaceful paradise behind, with no evidence that it was ever there.
8850521
here comes another chinese earthquake EBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBRBR
you notice a staircase leading up. Hrm... that's strange. What's upstairs?
Well, since the future is in a state of quantum uncertainty, it can be said there is no such thing, at least not yet. And according to thermodynamics the most likely past is a mirror of the future, not the past we remember, so there's no such thing as the past either. And according to relativity, in the present, you can only observe the state of things far away some amount of time in the past, with no limit to how short "far away" is down to the planck length. So the present doesn't exist either, at least not in any other than a 0 dimensional sense. Isn't physics fun?
Because if everything is meaningless, then it's also meaningless to end it all? Why stop continuing, if there is no point to continuing? There's no point to not continuing, either. People are so desperate for meaning they'll delude themselves into thinking suicide accomplishes something, when it's just as meaningful, or meaningless, as anything else. There's no point to killing yourself because life has no point, because life has no point.
Not helping! Not helping at all!
At least it's not Crankmaster
No, doing the impossible is how you prove that you're real.
Oh, he is not seriously blaming her for his shitty, broken machine. Hey doc, you want it to operate efficiently, how about don't have it make screaming cadavers hanging in the bathroom!
It might not have been realized by the random interaction between atoms, but the person who thought up that experience is right here in front of her, all those assholes are right there in his mind, and he chose to nurture, support and unleash them.
Sweet Celestia, does this guy ever shut up...
Well at least he admits it...
You bastard. This is a Zephyr's Tale sidefic, isn't it.