• Member Since 29th Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen 8 hours ago

Psychic Smith


Just a man with a passion for drawing, music, art, memes, and small cartoon horses.

Highly Recommended
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Latest Stories
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2531297

no problem! I love helping any way I can, I know that not a lot of people do this but, more should. It helps anyone struggling with anything really. Fanfics or not.

Well, I hope you have a marvelous day/night whatever time it is 4 ya.

2531292
Wow. Now that is some feedback. Seriously though, i really appreciate you taking the time to write this out for me. I dont get a whole lot of feedback like this, and your last point is duly noted. I'll be in touch, and i hope you'll stick around for the story's upcoming chapters.
(P.S. I'm an editor as well, and I'd be more than willing too give your stuff a read if you're interested. )
Catch you on the flip side!
~Psychic Smith

This is what I thought of your story Fires of friendship


1. your oc has a tragic backstory and is not a dick.
Giving a character a tragic backstory is not automatically amazing, this can make a pony seem one sided. However, Mr.Wild while at first, he seems like the typical Snowfall Frost, in the beginning, does not have that problem. He was scared and for a good reason, none of that Starlite crap. (I do not hate nor dislike Starlite just thought that her reasons where questionable) Yet he does not let this affect him in such a way that makes him scornful. I have seen a lot of people slap a tragic past onto an oc then spend 5k- 8k+ words before they think of friendship (which again is not automatically bad, so long as it is done right and in a way that hasn't been run through the drier). However Mr.Wild is still open to friendships and relationships, this has been evident since the first chapter.

2. Your grammar is not as bad as mine and your storyline
As you can tell from this, my grammar isn't that great (I'm using the free version of Grammarly to edit this) and it takes a lot for me to notice an error in grammar or spelling. Not naming any fanfics but, there is this one anon-a-miss that I read a while ago that's grammar belonged in a folder of "Overly Stupid Fanfiction" Which would have benefited greatly if it was just put on Google drive and spell checked, even more so if som1 ran it by Grammarly. There is also your storyline. A lot of stories with OC's that have tragic pasts go something like this [ (Backstory/Prolog, meeting the Mc's, declines friendship, bits of between, backstory comes out to others, becomes friends "sometimes more" Also there can be instances like where Fluttershy is scared of everypony. I have seen a lot of stories do something similar. As in she gets hit by her father.) order and events vary a bit for each fanfiction.] however your storyline isn't quite like that. You first gave us his current point on life and his take on the holiday season before having him make a friend, almost right away. Showing that he can bounce back from his hardships and due to the time skip from when he arrived in ponyvill and the present you were able to skip the almost identical meetings of the mane 6. Strait to their relationships, which is purely business. Then soon after Mr. wild gets acquainted this Twilight after the event getting on the train, he was able to open up, even a little bit, to Twilight and spike. Not completely but enough to the MC could understand that his life hasn't been all sunshine and rainbows. I can't wait to see how this continues.

3. Relatibility
I can not say that my backstory is like Mr.Wilds, I was never hit. My Ex stepfather never had the balls to do it, however, he was still a prick. Much like Mr.Wild's father though, he was always putting me down constantly because I wasn't like him. I preferred reading and walking (paper and digital) to video games and sports. I was a nerd because I liked to read more then I liked to play my Gameboy. I was lazy cause I didn't play sports. So I can say that I know at least how Mr.Wild felt when he was disowned by his father. I can also say that you portrayed the whole situation with the father quite nicely. Then there is the whole bullying situation, during school, I was constantly bullied. Tripping, pushing, this one guy put a wad of gum on my head and stolen possessions. While we have not been giving a lot of information on the bullying it is still clear that how you are handling it is also quite good.

4. what to fix.
Honestly, I don't see many things that should be changed, between the good grammar and a storyline that as far as I can see, has not been done hundred times. If I had to pick one thing, and this is just my opinion, I don't even think that many would agree with me but, due to the effort that you put into making your OC have the depth, it seems that the other characters are one-sided. Even this little nit-pic took me a while to find, But I hope I was able to help and can't wait to see how all this plays out.`

im sorry that this was 700+ words

Thank you kindly for the follow! :twilightsmile:

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