• Member Since 15th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen June 19th

Seether00


Reads at the speed of lightning. Writes at the speed of molasses.

T
Source

Applejack has never missed a meal on purpose before, let alone a Pie Day dinner – that glorious day of the week serving Granny's famed hot, fresh apple pie. So why was Applejack absent at the dining table today, of all days? Little does the rest of the family know, Applejack's a lot closer than they think – she's in her bedroom, nervously pacing around and building up the courage to perform the single hardest thing she's ever done.

What is this herculean task that not even Applejack can overcome?

Being honest…

Editors' credit goes to: ping111, NotMurphy, John Perry, and Distaff Pope

Cover art used with permission by MuffinExplosion

Rated Teen for light sexual references.
Featured on Equestria Daily 9-19-2013

Now With Dramatic Reading!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 121 )

As much a pleasure to read this time through as it was the infillion times before, even if it was riddled with errors. Great work with this one, and I look forward to working with you again!

Fun, sweet, and no inter-Mane Six shipping.

A fave and mustache for thee, I say! :moustache:

Pfffft. Granny is awesome in this one. Loved it.

“Ya say ‘eeyup’ or ‘eenope’ one more time an’ ah’m takin’ ya ta the woodshed. Ya got me, Macintosh?”

So... Many... Ways... To take that...

~Skeeter The Lurker

Hilarious :D Especially Applebloom! :applecry: Upvoted!

This was so good I could even overlook Apple Bloom saying "friends with benefits," which is a phrase that has always grated on me for some reason.

That bar scene is an instant classic.

“Eee—“ A glare from his sister terminated the nascent ‘eeyup’ before it had a chance. Big Macintosh sat down in his recliner with a huff. Who was she to tell him what he could or couldn’t say? He was the stallion of the house, darn it! He had a right to say ‘eeyup’ and ‘eenope’ all day long.

“Eeyup,” eeyuped Big Macintosh from top of the stairs. Felt good to be back in the saddle. Take that, Applejack. Big Mac answered to no mare... as long as said mare was out of earshot.

:eeyup: Eeyup... stallion's got to wear the metaphorical pants in this family
:ajbemused:
:eeyup: 0_0;; ..... I'm sorry. *Trots off with head down back to his room*
:ajsmug: Heh, Ah still gots it.

“Eee—“ A glare from his sister terminated the nascent ‘eeyup’ before it had a chance. Big Macintosh sat down in his recliner with a huff. Who was she to tell him what he could or couldn’t say? He was the stallion of the house, darn it! He had a right to say ‘eeyup’ and ‘eenope’ all day long.

Because she can take you, Mac.

3067209 Jake, I'm curious: You ever gonna get off that track? It's kinda old.

3067902

Probably not. It's something that really annoys me and I feel ruins a little bit of what makes the series special, so... no.

:twilightsmile:

3068122 Second person fiction pisses me off but you don't see me reading second person stories and bitching about it in the comments. But I've several times seen you do exactly that for Inter-Elements ship stories. And now you're doing it in stories that don't even have it.

You wanna soapbox, that your prerogative, but there are appropriate and inappropriate places for it. Appropriate is your own blog. Inappropriate is a story's comment section. It's not valid criticism, it's just personal taste.

3068166
And I only complain when it's not explicitly stated in the synopsis that it will be there, ie when you trick me, or when it's beyond contrived and silly and forced and nonsensical and everyone simply lurves it.

Also, Seether and I have had numerous conversations about this. Hell, he even sent me a PM saying that I should like it because there's no inter-Mane Six.

I'm not entirely sure what I just read... but I think I enjoyed it.

*grins and applauds* Very silly and fun. The ending was an especially nice touch.

I'm glad to see the term fily-fooler go down in flames. it always felt dumb and forced to me.

As for the story? Got a damn good laugh out of me.

"just try not to act as drunk as you are." Well AJ failed then. :applejackconfused:

3067242

Granny is awesome to write for. You can channel all sorts of grandma stereotypes through her.

3067209
Thank you, Sargent. I endeavor to please. I knew you would like seeing that trope thrown on its head.

3067496>>3067647
Having the CMC say inappropriate stuff is always fun, just to see their sisters' reactions. Except for Rainbow Dash. I am pretty sure she is a bad influence on Scoots.

3068675>>3070233>>3068449
Glad you enjoyed it. :pinkiehappy:
The bar scene kinda came together at the last minute.

3069549
Happy you got a laugh. I at least one person chortles, I have succeeded. Yeah, poking fun at filly-fooler was the point. And having some fun annoying AJ.

3067798>>3067895
We all know AJ is the boss of the family. Sisters can be scary.

3071193

You can also make he so different than you'd expect.

And no one will ever expect it. Each time.

~Skeeter The Lurker

“Ah learned Ah’m bi-curious!”

The New Adventures of the Cutie Mark Crusaders?

If you didn't label this story as a comedy, I would've worried this story would go a whole other way. I was pleasantly surprised, of course, and the story was very well-written. It really helps to have a great team of editors behind you to make you look good, doesn't it?

One thing I will say, and this is a personal quirk of mine and not necessarily a negative trait of the story itself; being different and doing something unexpected is great for a story, but it kinda seemed like this one was trying a bit too hard to be different. About the only predictable part of this story (that is, one we've seen in a bunch of other fanfics before) is the beginning where AJ comes out to her family. After that, though, this story vehemently disregards every convention, as though such ideas are somehow offensive.

But the story, for what it is, is a very in-depth and entertaining character study for a pony who really doesn't get enough depth or entertainment in our community. So I applaud you for a great story, and I'm very excited to see what you do next!

3072333

The New Adventures of the Cutie Mark Crusaders?

Been done... repeatedly.

It really helps to have a great team of editors behind you to make you look good, doesn't it?

Yes, my editor(s) are badass.

being different and doing something unexpected is great for a story, but it kinda seemed like this one was trying a bit too hard to be different. About the only predictable part of this story (that is, one we've seen in a bunch of other fanfics before) is the beginning where AJ comes out to her family. After that, though, this story vehemently disregards every convention, as though such ideas are somehow offensive.

Well that was kind of the point of this idea.
I sought out to do the following, which I believe happened.

1. Skewer the Apple Family/Granny Smith intolerance thing and the whole 'Woe is me, I'm gay thing.' Also, Granny Smith is just ripe for parody.

2. Have Applejack be annoyed that people ship her with her friends. Seriously, all we see is AJ x RD x Twi in some combination in the feature box all the freaking time. Enough already! Everyone knows she belongs with Rarity. :raritywink::trollestia:

3. Conserva-Jack (Conservative Applejack) is hilarious to annoy, even more so than offended Rarity.

3073123
I've seen "Character comes out to their family and nobody cares" done several times, but this is great. Why don't you try putting your own spin on the "CMC-a-Trois"" thing? If that's what you're saying has been done so many times.

I kinda miss the days of star ratings instead of thumbs up/down. I was one of the people who actually rated instead of simply throwing out 5-star ratings all willy-nilly out of some misplaced sense of courtesy. And I was quite strict, too. I think I only ever gave three perfect scores. Even a story I myself was partially involved in didn't get a perfect score from me.

Why am I bringing this up? Because this story would have earned a 5-star rating from me. I almost never laugh out loud like that just from reading.

This was a really fun short read, and I am jealous that you can tell a story in less than five thousand words. My story is at sixty thousand words and nothing important has happened yet. Still, bravo. It was cute and funny, and I am curious about who Applejack asked out even though I know it is wholly irrelevant to the actual story you are telling.

Such is life, I guess.

“Why, I remember this one time with this unicorn filly. Boy howdy, the things that girl could do with her horn—“
and
“Girl’s gotta learn sometime,” the elder retorted. “Where’d ya think ya’ll came from, huh? The stork? Why Ah remember ‘fore you were born, yer Ma an’ Pa goin’ at it like jackrabbits. Yer Ma was a real screamer, if I remember rightly…”
“…could hear her caterwauling right ‘cross the house.”

I nearly died!:rainbowlaugh: I spit my soda all over my desk and everything!:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

3076121
I kinda wish I could tell good stories in even less words, like some of people on this site.

3077829
No one ever wants to think about where they really came from or the physical act it took to make it so.
Also, there needs to be more funny Granny Smith fics.

“That filly’s got some nice, wide childbearin’ hips. Give ya some fine foals, that one.”

Did I detect Ranma 1/2 references in this story? :pinkiehappy:

3080585

:facehoof: Wow, you are the only person to figure out which character I was inspired by.

3080607 I used to write Ranma 1/2 fanfics under the name Animedevildog in AFF.net

Applejack has skills with the ladies. :ajsmug:

3083331

I see you missed the part where she got a wine to the face.

3088249

D'awwww! Who was the mare with the wine?

Hahaha! Wow, this was great. It started off with the feels, and then it just got funny-awesome. :rainbowlaugh: :rainbowkiss:
I personally enjoyed...

“And—and…”

“And what, dear?” Granny had her back turned so didn’t see Applejack practically bursting with excitement.

“And Ah’m gonna marry her!” declared Applejack with all the joyful commitment a child possessed at that age.

I remember doing that as a kid. I had like, two friends, and held them a bit too close. :twilightblush:

I am a man of weird tastes, and I approve of this story :moustache:

Seriously, that beggining conversation was just plain win.

JBL

This was pretty good.

Yeah, this story tries to talk about being accepting, and then it talks about being a virgin like its a bad thing, or something to be gotten rid of. :ajbemused: Granny may have been somewhat teasing her granddaughter, but that's still the message that came across.
I did crack a smile at Big Mac's thoughts about answering to no mare as long as she was out of earshot. That was pretty much the only time.
On the bright side, the story made it's point (even if I don't agree with all aspects of it) and then ended. It was concisely written and didn't drag on.

*Wonder how this stories going to go*

Applejack closed her eyes and spoke, “Ah’m a fillyfooler.”

That escalated quickly.:rainbowlaugh:

3073123

Have Applejack be annoyed that people ship her with her friends. Seriously, all we see is AJ x RD x Twi in some combination in the feature box all the freaking time.

I feel targetted here. That or bats. :rainbowlaugh:

Enough already! Everyone knows she belongs with Rarity

:ajbemused: Hmph!

As for the fic... very much yes. Granny is such a gem for humor. She plays off Applejack so wonderfully!

3231410

I feel targetted here. That or bats.

Well to be honest, yes this story did kinda evolve out of a reaction to the recent flood of AJ x RD X TS shipping. Not that I didn't enjoy those stories, heck I upvoted and faved a number of them. I'll leave romance to the experts, however.

Didn't actually believe you or bats would every see the comment, to be frank. :twilightoops:

Glad you enjoyed it anyways. And yes, I do agree more people should use Granny Smith. She is just a goldmine of comedy.

3231469
No worries, I found the comment amusing more than anything! And I didn't think there was a flood, just me and bats. Unless you've found others I haven't seen! (that trio just have some of the best interaction of all, it's wonderful!)

And she totally is. It was so much fun using her in my own fic ^^;

Loved this. As a Bisexual redneck this story was a very nice bit of catharsis from all the 'farm ponies are intolerant' sentiment that gets thrown around.:ajsmug:

This is a very cute story, and I absolutely enjoyed reading it.

Nice too see an unscrupulous portrayal of the Apple familiy's values when it comes to relationships and sexual orientation. It was a good poke at some very unorthodox sexual joking. Apple Bloom telling everyone she was bi-curious was definitely one of my favourite parts as well as the use of Tangerine as AJ's middle name. I'm not sure what inspired you to come to that conclusion but I can say I paused to laugh, a LOT; but that generally goes for the entire chapter.

I couldn't stop laughing at this. I seriously could. Not. Stop. Laughing. Granny Smith is a riot.

Ha, that story proved something to myself : I don't hate stories with gay ponies, I only hate the ones where it's so lazy and predictable. Was wondering if I was getting home-ma-fo-bic too...

Nice work. The only reason I didn't laugh out loud is 'cause I'm at the office. That was tough. :eeyup:

Nice story, I really like this Granny Smith.

Coming from a genuine lesbian, this story is grade A hilarious. This officially qualifies as the funniest fanfic I've ever read. 11/10, would laugh uncontrollably again.

My only nitpick is the little "being a virgin is bad" bit in the middle. Ain't nothing wrong with being a virgin anymore than there ain't anything wrong with not being a virgin. Ya ain't somehow a better or worse person cause ya and someone else slapped ya'lls genitals together. But I'll let it slide cause it was coming from Granny Smith and was hilarious in general.

Also, ya finally gave me a reason to ship Applejack and Fluttershy together, just cause now I wanna see Fluttershy helping AJ on the farm by tending to all the animals. I hope you're proud of yourself, what with the creating shipping fuel and all. What would your mother think? :P

That was fun. Loved the whole "We disapprove... of your language. Stop being a potty-mouth."
Makes me wonder if they planned that.:trollestia:
And raunchy old ladies are always a scream, especially when they surprise you.

3232564

It wasn't my intention to espouse a of view of virginity being good or bad. It was mostly Granny wanting some great grandchildren.

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