• Member Since 15th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Jun 19th, 2021


Reads at the speed of lightning. Writes at the speed of molasses.


When her horn is transformed into a spork, Twilight is fairly certain who's to blame. Discord takes the opportunity to tell the epic tale of the origin of The God of Sporks.

Written while waiting for servers to finish upgrading.
Coverart credit to CrunchNugget

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 54 )

All Hail, Twilight Sparkle, Queen of the Sporkainians! :twilightoops:

At least she didn't become a Ballchinian. There's that at least.

Twilight Sporkle!

Spoiler: Up until now, Twilight's horn looked something like this:

Whether it was the fork or the knife is left as an exercise for the reader.

A delightful feghoot. Thank you for it. Oh, and because someone's going to say it:


*facepalms and laughs* Bravo.

This is quite possibly the most amazing thing that boredom has given us.

This gave me many a good laugh. Well done! If only boredom could bless us all as it has for you.

especially when a ten-pack of plain cotton socks cost half as much and were, in her opinon, just as good.

Seeing as ponies are quadropeds, a ten-pack of socks would be really inconvenient for them. They'd either use it as two sets with two leftovers, or take two additional socks to turn it into three sets.

:facehoof: Why do I notive these things? What the hell is wrong with me?


I... I did not even think of this. Pony math should be in 4-base.

5016873 This is actually a deliberate conspiracy on the part of Equestrian sock-making corporations to make ponies buy two ten-packs so that they would have five sets of four.

I'm going to die of........
Give me some time, I'll think of something
:heart: /)(\

Now that I think about it, maybe a full set doesn't consist of four socks, but five. The fifth sock is supposed to go on the horn during the... more private hours of the day, when a unicorn needs some... relaxation, to release herself from the stress of wearing socks all day.:twilightblush:

5017091 But what about Pegasi and Earth Ponies? It still doesn't work out even. This is obviously a sign how Equestrian society is biased in favor of Unicorns! Stupid Unicorns get all the good stuff...

A bunch of mediocre jokes strung together with a cheap pun at the end. :trixieshiftleft:

It's perfect! :trollestia:

5016980 Make it an eight pack, then call it a day.


I promise you, I spork the truth.

You wrote this entire fic just to set up that line, didn't you?

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

“In my day, we had only two instruments, the flew-flewber and the tah-tinker, and dagnabit we liked it.”

Stop saying things that sound like they came from a Doctor Seuss book.

You know, I noticed that myself. I assumed that it meant ten sets of socks, which only emphasized how ridiculously expensive the hornsock was.

I definitely have to wonder how frequently ponies get banned and unbanned from the Boutique. Seems like it could be pretty common for certain suspects.


I think "mediocre" is being generous. :facehoof:


5017454 5017450 5017452 5017449
if it helps, just think of this as the literary equivalent to idle doodling.

I imagine it's fairly common.
*Gets thrown out.
:twilightangry2: Well-well... I think plaid looks really pretty!
:raritystarry: I will murder you in your sleep, Twilight Sparkle!

"Did ya bring us some milk?":moustache:
:facehoof: "I forgot sorry spike"
:moustache: "Twilight?"
:twilightblush: "WHAT SPIKE?"
:moustache: "Why do hot dogs come in a pack of ten and Hot dog Buns come in a pack of eight?"
:twilightangry2: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
:duck:"Sporks ? Spikey how uncouth!" :moustache:"Yea that's totaly messed up"

That cover art is to dine for!:raritywink::rainbowlaugh::pinkiehappy::ajbemused::twilightsheepish::yay:

“Why, Twilight. That’s simply ridiculous. I promise you, I spork the truth.”

I am of the belief that you wrote this entire story just so that you could set up Discord to tell this joke.

I am in no way disappointed.

I swear, as I read this, I could hear the character's voices in my head. Dialogue: spot on.


I think you mean: spork.


Confession time. I did not write the story for the last line. I wrote it because Discord's story about the Spork God wandered into my head and wouldn't leave. Everything else is just window dressing.

5017560 I think Discord might have escaped from a Dr. Seuss book.

5020502 Ehh, okay then. Either way, it is still pretty funny.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~


5019692 I agree

spork spork spork spork SPORKKKKK!!!!!! :pinkiehappy:

Sporky spork spork sporkity spork.


Awesome although it took me 2 weeks to make up a shit story about Barack Obama making twilight his bitch and it was barely long enough...

5016684 Please tell me you wrote that. :rainbowlaugh:

Sporks for the Spork God!!!! :pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:

that is a 100 percent original CG comment. feel free to quote me.

Twilight Sparkle: Princess of Sporks :pinkiecrazy:

This one really spork to me, even though Twilight was kinda a poor spork. It's safe to say your spork of creativity definitely payed off.


I'm glad it was interesting enough to spork your fancy.

The things I see when I open this site...

Twilight Sporkle is best cutlery.

One dark and stormy night, after the particularly spectacular failure with a self-immolating fire extinguisher.

Sentence fragment.

Discord closed the book shut, looking mildly offended. “Why, Twilight. That’s simply ridiculous. I promise you, I spork the truth.”


This story really "spork" to me on several levels. :facehoof:

The power of sporks compell you!

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