• Member Since 5th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 12 hours ago

cleverpun


Defund the Police, Black Lives Matter | A teacher, student, writer, and opinionated reader. Responsible for the cleverpun's Critique Corner review series: http://tinyurl.com/h3ftsm3

T

At Celestia's behest, Twilight Sparkle arrives in Ponyville to prepare for the Summer Sun Celebration, and potentially the return of Nightmare Moon.

Her preparations will be anything but easy. The stallions in charge of the festivities all seem to have taken a "romantic" interest in her, and every one of them is terrible at flirting. Really terrible. Really.


T for innuendo/creepy behavior. Thanks to Sereg for prereading and to Midnight Rambler for helping with the first draft song sequence. Thanks to Posey, Jetto, Blank!, and Kuroi Tsubasa Tenshi for editing (Plus three other anons who didn't give me their fimfic names). Especial thanks to whatmustido and ocalhoun for nitpicking the hell out of this mess.

All-mare version: Gdocs/FIMfic
All-stallion version: Gdocs/FIMfic
Stallion Twilight/mare main five version: Gdocs/FIMfic
The password for the FIMfic versions is: TUSH
(Every version is essentially identical, save character gender. Comments are enabled on the Gdocs if you notice any typos :twilightsmile:)

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 315 )

I'm not the only one who thought The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine was sexist, right?

...Right?

Maybe I'm just whiny.

2891242 Words cannot describe how much I love you for this fic right now. So have a cute pic 24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m67fd2Agm01qdv0p0o1_500.jpg

“It’s my party and I’ll frown if I want to!”

I see what you did there. Hehe.

Uh, dude? Did you just replace the first few paragraphs of the gender-swap edition, then get bored?

2891794
Thanks :twilightsmile:

2891835
I wouldn't recommend it. Glad you liked mine though :twilightsheepish:

2891956
I triple-checked all alternate versions of the story. I am only human, however; if you see any mistakes all the gdocs have comments enabled :twilightsmile:

2891861
You would frown too, if it happened to you.
:rainbowkiss:

Umm... if all potential element bearers are perving on Twilight, how will they become friends and get the jewels to work?

I mean I don't think a girl would like to be friends with those three. Way too creepy.

Heh. Well, this is amusing. I'm looking forward to more. Though some of the alternate versions could use a little work. (Spike doesn't swoon over female Rarity? Really?)

2891242
Well, it's not like any part of that story is meant to be taken seriously. I realize that doesn't excuse that sort of thing, but it does lessen the sting a bit. I think. Maybe. Unless you disagree. :fluttershyouch:

2891242 I read it, and it was more random and crazy than sexist to me.

I love this story, and it sounds like a carbon cut out of The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine. I expect more.

2892188
You'll have to wait until the end of the story to find that out :raritywink:
Maybe I don't know :rainbowderp:

2892242
It is a response to Love Life, it is emphatically not a copy of it.

2892202 2892218
Perhaps. Love Life felt more like a fantasy than a joke to me. I couldn't sit through very much of it, though, so who knows.

And the point is that all the alternate versions play out the same :rainbowkiss:

2891242 Yep. Turns out, looking for sexism in everything just makes you mildly irritating.

That said, sixsome doesn't sound right, so let's just call it a sextet. Huehuehue.

I preferred the all mare version myself. Any reason you can't just have three copies of each chapter? You could put links to the next chapter down in the authors note.

2892356
I considered giving each version a FIMfic entry and leaving all but one unpublished, but that seemed unwieldy. I didn't want to cram them all in a single entry (would confuse readers and inflate wordcount). Archive Gdocs was the best solution I came up with. Perhaps I'll rethink it when more is written.

Would Celestia give Petey a work visa?

2891242 Well, at least it doesn't try to make us think that ponies would want to have sex with bronies, like SOME stories I know.

Actually, that could be a followup; parody all the bad second-person human-on-pony clop out there by writing one where ponies have absolutely zero interest in human males (not even Lyra), and "you" have blue balls because of it.

2891242
TULLODS is your typical harem story, if you read Mangas or watch Anime. They're silly, sexist, and incredibly amusing at times.
Just like this story!

Well, I kinda liked the male version of the names. Doesn't really matter for Applejack though.

You know something, I've seen more harem fic parodies on this site than I've seen actual harem fics. There was this trilogy but I count them as one really.

Also not counting clopfics, just saying. The story can have sex but it has to be focusing on something else.

I predict she will wake up with five other ponies in her bed.

2891242
This is really good, and I'm definitely watching this, but why do you say The Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine is sexist? Frankly this is just as sexist, given all the male characters (save Big Mac because he's a boss like that) all act like horny assholes? Last time I checked sexism could work two ways.

Now I'm not saying this is bad, or that Love Life is in essence bad, but both provide opposite gender stereotypes. I don't mean to offend, but while this is obviously not a "copy" of Love Life, you said yourself it is a response to it, and this story is, once you boil it down, a reverse Love Life showing the other side of sexism.

In short, both are sexist and both have my admiration: Love Life for it's quirky humor and this story for it's satirical humor. You earn a mustache.

:moustache:

2893159
I think those stories do a pretty good of parodying themselves, actually :rainbowlaugh: tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PoesLaw

2893341
I'll take your word for it; I don't see a lot of harems or harem parodies, but I don't read as many fics as I should.

2893219
But this story is sexist and indignant :raritywink:

2893465
Love Life struck me as sexist because of the way it used negative gender stereotypes in a wish-fulfillment scenario. Love Life has other issues, but I feel the same way about all harem stories.

Of course this story is sexist, that's the point. You may notice, however, that I have included a version of this story for four different gender combinations :rainbowkiss:

Even if we disagree, thanks for the thoughtful comment

2891242 Well, I went through the first thousand comments, not a single person wrote the word sexist, so I suppose it was just a typical harem story to most of them.

2893624
I think other harem stories are sexist too. Love Life just happens to also be popular. :trixieshiftright:

2893629 Eh, I guess they are a bit. But it's just fictional romance, doesn't really matter if it's sexist on this site, people get off on the characters they hate, being tortured and raped, so sexism should be alright.

2892188
Well, when Nightmare Moon starts hitting on Twilight... :rainbowwild:
/wildguessing

I'll give it a like but eh, this story seems to try too hard to make a point when really nobody cared too much about the obvious sexism in Love Life in the first place. :ajsleepy:

Ugh, liked the story but the point it made in response to Love Life seemed a bit... high strung, no offense, author dude.

So I take it that Twilight's the one with the crowbar in this fic... :pinkiecrazy:

2893644
Oh if only they were as awkward as The Inbetweeners; it would actually be an improvement :rainbowlaugh:

2893645
Too late, I already wrote a parody clopfic too :trixieshiftright:

And you can ignore the point if you want, I'm not great inept at making them, if comments are any indication.

2893746
If this is your idea of a feminist rebuttal to the Unexpected Love Life of Dusk Shine then you're right, you really aren't good at making a point.

It's a cute idea/shoutout to the fic, but if you actually think it's sexist then just write your own version of it (it should probably be rewritten seriously because the concept is hilarious, the author just likes to get very side-tracked and throw way too much head-cannon into it).

2893746
Ok i'm sorry I have to change my reaction to this i.imgur.com/6mrjw0s.gif

I like the version where Twilight is the only one gender swapped. I don't know why but I always found it amusing to have girls chasing guys and frightening them in the process.

I wish I could put voice actors to the characters. Pinkie Pie became Eddie Murphy in Shrek, and Fluttershy had her poisonjoke voice (mixed with Chef from South Park), but the others were more challenging. Or maybe I'm just really tired right now.
Anyway, snickered throughout the whole thing. :rainbowlaugh: Good read!

A highly amusing story where I found myself flipping around all four gender versions for kicks till I just settled on the all mare one after Rarity since I found it funnier with none of the cast being gender swapped. I'll be keeping an eye on this to see if you can keep the funny coming.

Things that worked was how you followed the similar aproach of going from one pony to the other but altered the scenes for the most part so it wasn't just a show play-by-play with extra stuff added. Also, them being bad at hitting on Twilight along with it not being TOO over the top made it more believable and thus enjoyable for this kind of story. Also, I laughed hard and loud with Fluttershy jumping the shark after having a few similar interests with Twilight. It's always the quiet ones eh?

2893622

Love Life struck me as sexist because of the way it used negative gender stereotypes in a wish-fulfillment scenario.

I'd say Love Life is more about absurdity humor than anything wish fulfilling as it were. The author said at the start of the story that it wouldn't be a harem story and that it was making fun of them (and harem anime are typically - read "always" - sexist to begin with). There's also the whole Dusk was getting tortured continuously - and sometimes too graphically for me - by Pinkemena Diane Pie along with him not being totally oblivious in the story and actively trying to figure out how to "friend-zone" some mares without losing his first and only friends and possibly still get with his one love interest (Fluttershy).

EDIT: Course, you can find sexism anywhere really. Hell, I could make a case for the show MLP being sexist with how so many guys are portrayed as idiots. Snips, Snails, Rarity's Dad to a degree, Soarin, and that window worker pony in the Rarity goes to Canterlot episode for idiots. I don't think I've seen any mares portrayed as idiots/slow folk quite like that. With the possible exception of Derpy (depending on how you view the character edit they did of her and of her actions as a background pony).

2891242 I didn't think it was sexist, I just felt really filthy after I stopped reading it. It just got overwhelming. And since this fic is a response to that fic, I can't help but compare the two, and I think the first one had a better start to it. This one kinda feels like you're launching into things without really giving them much of a chance to start, almost as if all you're trying to do is, "See, I can do it too!"

That's not to say it's bad, in fact it's quite funny. I can easily see Rainbow Dash acting the way he does in this story if she were male. And excellent point about the names at the bottom; I never thought of it that way. I like the alternative names myself, but you're right, the names don't have to be different if the gender changes.

Looking forward to more, but I had to get out of TULLDS before it was over after it made my skin crawl one too many times, so I really hope this one's just a little bit... cleaner. :twilightsmile:

In my opinion, the best is this! I mean the parodies from the episodes with whatever content.

Riz

2893746

I see why you won't use the r63 names and I respect your decision. Although I have to adapt to it to get use to it..

You should throw up the other versions here too. Makes them easier to read,

Probably "cheap exploitation." A quick glance through (note: not thorough by any means) indicates that the alternate versions are a copy-paste-replace job. There are also some pronouns you missed (eg. a mare sliding "his" flank over).

I'm not saying that you can't create multiple believable gender-swapped versions of a story to see audience reactions, but you should probably do a bit more than swap pronouns.

It's like a reverse "unexpected love life of dusk shine":unsuresweetie:

2893159
I actually remember coming across a fic like that, and reading it. Except I can't remember the title for the life of me right now :raritydespair:
I wish I could cause I'd link you to it. And I can barely work the search function on this darn site >.<

I love the all-mare version. :heart: Keep it up, I'll be watching!

I didn't think Love Life was sexist. I thought it was hilarious!

I don't think this is sexist. I think it's hilarious!

Either I turn off my higher brain functions when reading fanfiction or I'm just shallow. Whatever the case, I found this MOST amusing. Please do continue.

Thank you very much for the All Stallions Edition!
You are one hell of a well-prepared author :pinkiegasp:

2891242

No. Do not start with the sexist crap in our pony. This is the one place that needs to be free of chauvinism and feminism and all the gender-dominance -isms.

It was just a comic/fanfiction-thing. Leave it alone, don't try to throw it at the sexist wall and see if it sticks. We have generally two genders, if it wasn't a guy going around meeting a bunch of girls, it'd be a girl going around meeting a bunch of guys. If one is sexist, so is the other. So no. Just a comic/story, not a sexist agenda message thing. Shame!

This must be like the best fic title on this site

Good Story, you've earned yourself a follower.

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