Domestic Dispute
The castle looked suspiciously clean. No moss or cobwebs covered any part of it. Countless blank spots hinted at absent furniture.
“So, what exactly are we looking for?” Applejack asked. “What does an Element a’ Harmony look like?”
“I don’t know,” Twilight answered. “I saw an opening in the upper part of the castle. We could start there. Let’s just try and focus on finding the Elements instead of…other stuff.”
“Ooh, what kind of other stuff? Like cupcakes or cheesecakes or maybe—”
“You know what I mean,” Twilight snapped. “It’s bad enough I had to deal with a chimera and a rockslide at the same time as inept flirting. I’d rather not add a crazy alicorn to the list.”
“Hey, my flirting isn’t inept!” Rainbow Dash said.
“Well, it obviously is, compared to mine,” Rarity said.
“Hey, I’ve got all kinds of lines I didn’t use yet!” Rainbow Dash countered. “You haven’t seen my best stuff. Why, I’d--”
“Be quiet!” Twilight paused at the stairs. “I think I heard something.”
The castle was silent. Twilight and the others slowly moved up the stairs. During the entire walk, the only noise came from hoofsteps.
The central chamber was empty. The walls had worn down. More patches showed that furniture had gone missing, and remnants of wall hangings and scrolls littered the walls. The moonlight flooding through the missing ceiling made it look that much more desolate. The only decoration still standing was a circular pedestal in the center. A few stone orbs hung loosely to it.
“Finally! This must be it!” Twilight moved toward the pedestal.
Thunder cracked through the room. A blue flash came with it, just bright enough to give everypony pause.
When the light faded, Nightmare Moon stood in between Twilight and the pedestal. Her coat shimmered slightly in the moonlight, and her mane seemed to suck away light that hit it. The armor she had worn in the town hall was gone.
“You!”
Nightmare Moon smiled. Her teeth glinted in the moonlight, even brighter than her coat. “None other. I was wondering when you six would finally arrive. I expected Celestia’s knights to be more competent.” She waved a hoof at the pedestal behind her. “I assume you are here for the Elements of Harmony?”
“Yeah, hoof ‘em over!” Applejack said. “I don’t wanna hit a girl if I can avoid it, but I will.”
Nightmare Moon laughed. It sounded like cracking glass, and it managed to echo despite the missing roof. “Oh, by all means. Help yourselves.” The stone orbs glowed as Nightmare Moon grabbed them and flung them forward. Each one landed with a heavy thunk in front of the six ponies.
“Well, that was easy…” Twilight crouched down. The orb in front of her looked like an ordinary chunk of concrete. “What did you do? Booby-trap them?”
“Heh, boobies.”
Twilight looked up, intending to berate Pinkie Pie for his inappropriate and juvenile comment. She jerked backward. Nightmare Moon had moved next to her without making a sound.
“Quite the contrary, my little pony. I didn’t do anything to them. I didn’t need to.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Rainbow Dash flew up. “Spill it! I don’t wanna hit any hot girls, but I will!”
Nightmare Moon took a step forward. A chill passed through the room as her hoof hit the floor. Twilight took a step back.
“I meant just what I said. I was watching the six of you progress through the Everfree Forest, you know. Quite unimpressive.”
“We still made it here. And we’re still going to stop you,” Twilight said. It didn’t sound as confident as she had hoped.
“Oh, are you now?” Nightmare Moon’s eyes were so bright in the darkness of the room. Her smile widened, and moonlight glinted off her teeth. “The Elements are not misnamed, you know. You may have defeated my obstacles, but I did not see very much harmony during your ordeals.”
“Well, that doesn’t mean—”
Nightmare Moon took another step forward, and this time all six of the ponies retreated slightly. “Oh, but that’s exactly what it means, my dear!” Her gaze did not waver, her eyes and teeth followed Twilight, like an archer aiming at a target. “The six of you came all the way here, and you have no way to defeat me.”
“Well, we could still do it the old-fashioned way!” Applejack said. “It’s still six on one.”
“Yeah, and I even brought some frosting for it!” Pinkie Pie added.
Nightmare Moon smiled. “Oh no no, that won’t work at all.” Blue light flashed through the room as she teleported next to Applejack. “Six broken little mortals would never be able to stop me without the Elements. Why, your only real option is to offer yourself to me.” She leaned down, her nose inches from Applejack’s. “Beg for mercy and I may grant it.”
“I’ll show you ‘broken’!” Applejack turned around and kicked backward. There was no pressure of contact. He looked behind him, but there was nothing there.
The six ponies glanced around. Nightmare Moon had vanished.
“Oh, but you are,” Nightmare Moon whispered. Her voice cut through the silence of the room.
Her hoof hooked over Fluttershy’s shoulder. He let out a tiny squeak. As the rest of her body reformed, the mist of her hair wove across his body. “Why, just look at this one. So cowardly, so frail. And yet, so desperate for affection. You can’t even pick a paramour without using some silly excuse to alleviate your guilt.”
“That’s…that’s not—”
“Isn’t it?” Nightmare Moon leaned down. Her mouth brushed against Fluttershy’s ear. Her flanks pressed against his body. “You could always surrender, you know. Being my pet would be so much easier. No decisions to make, no burdens to carry, no worries ever again.”
“Hey, you leave him alone!” Rainbow Dash shouted. He reared back, prepared to charge, but the movement was interrupted by Nightmare Moon’s face pressing against his.
Mist billowed off her body. The room became colder. The other ponies recoiled, leaving a space around Nightmare Moon and Rainbow Dash.
“Oh, and what are you going to do?”
“I…”
“Nothing, that is what I thought.” Nightmare Moon rubbed a hoof along Rainbow’s chest. Everyone in the room saw him shudder. “Just a veneer of confidence around a broken pony. It’s like looking at a doll held together with tissue paper.”
Rainbow Dash gulped. “I don’t…”
“And what happens when that fragile coating breaks?” Nightmare Moon whispered. “Your little charade is all that’s holding you together at this point, isn’t it?”
Rainbow Dash didn’t answer.
“You could surrender as well, you know. I treat my toys very well. You wouldn’t need to keep up that silly attempt at confidence anymore.”
Nightmare Moon turned around. Her mane swatted Rainbow Dash to the ground. “Too easy.”
“Hey, don’t you talk to him like that!” Applejack said.
Nightmare Moon laughed. “Why ever not?” Her body dissipated again. The mist soaked into the floors and walls, leaving her voice to echo through the room.
Applejack turned and kicked again. “What, not gonna do another close up like the others? Maybe you’re scared?”
Nightmare Moon cackled. The sound filled the place, like smoke filling a burning building—slow and deliberate and claustrophobic.
“Applejack, maybe—” Twilight glanced around again “—maybe you shouldn’t taunt her.”
“I am inclined to agree,” Rarity added. His voice wavered slightly.
Rainbow Dash whispered something, but it was too quiet understand.
“She’s just tryin’ to catch us off-guard. She wouldn’t be all dodgy and misty if she wasn’t tryin’ to avoid us kicking her or somethin’.” Applejack’s ear flicked. He spun around and raised a leg, but there was nothing behind him.
He froze. The room was getting colder. He pulled his leg back and kicked.
“You missed.”
Applejack felt a hoof drape across his neck. He tried to turn his head, but Nightmare Moon’s head pressed against his own, holding him in place. A tongue ran across his cheek, leaving a trail of ice-cold saliva behind. He tried to move away, but Nightmare Moon tightened her grip.
“You taste like misguided bravado,” Nightmare Moon whispered. Even her breath was cold. It lingered on Applejack’s ear, soaked into his skin.
“You’re a lot like the blue one,” she continued. “With a bit of the yellow one. Using traditionalism as an excuse, masking your insecurities. Capable of being honest with everypony except yourself. I’m not sure I need another one of those, but you might be nice as part of a set. I like to have a complete collection of toys, after all.”
Nightmare Moon vanished. Applejack fell to the ground, his breaths heavy.
“Applejack, are you okay?” Rarity whispered.
“Hey, you can’t treat my friends like that!” Pinkie Pie poked a hoof at a patch of wall. “You’re just a big mean bully!”
Nightmare laughed again. It was louder than before. Thunderous, almost painful. “Oh, now that is quite rich. Do you always lie so badly, my little pony?”
“No, it’s definitely true! You’re a bully!” Pinkie Pie reared back. “Come out here and apologize right now!”
“Oh, but that is not what I was referring to.” Nightmare Moon still had not reformed. Her voice echoed slightly. “I meant them being your friends.”
“You’re the liar!”
“Don’t listen to her, Pinkie,” Rarity said. “She is just manipulating all of us. You have plenty of friends. Doesn’t he, Twilight?”
“Uh, sure,” Twilight said.
“Oh, I’m sure you have plenty of acquaintances.” Nightmare Moon pronounced it like a fatal disease. “Plenty of shallow relationships. That peppy mask of yours attracts them like flies to rotten food.”
“You’re rotten food!” Pinkie Pie’s voice cracked. His legs wobbled and he fell back onto all fours.
“And then eventually, they’ll grow tired of you and move onto the next one.”
“You’re lying!”
Nightmare Moon reformed, and her breath brushed against Pinkie Pie’s ear. “You could just surrender, you know. Just like all these acquaintances of yours did. Being my pet would be so much easier. I would never throw you away like they will.”
Rarity’s horn ignited. “Of course! I don’t know why I didn’t see it before! You’re using mental magic! Nopony should break that easily.”
Nightmare Moon chuckled. “And if I am?”
“A simple spell should break it. Hypnosis is very unreliable.”
“Oh? And what makes you think a little weakling like yourself can cast an appropriate counterspell?”
Rarity rolled his eyes. “Obviously you don’t know who you’re talking to.” Rarity’s spell activated, bathing the room in blue light.
“Ah yes, I’m sure you have quite a high opinion of yourself. Tearing down all those other silly ponies must give you some…misleading ideas about your competence.”
Rarity smirked. “Nice try, but you can save the personalized speech. My spell should start working any second now.”
“Oh, should it?” Nightmare Moon stepped over Pinkie Pie. Her horn ignited, and the temperature dropped even lower. “Then why aren’t any of my pets springing into action? Why is Twilight still standing there, trying and failing to do something?”
Rarity’s eyes flicked to the side. His horn glowed for a moment, then dimmed.
Nightmare Moon leaned down. “Why is your breathing getting shallower?”
“You…you can’t manipulate me…”
“Oh, I can do whatever I want with you. That’s what toys and pets and playthings are for. And you really are too pathetic to be anything else, aren’t you?”
Rarity’s mouth moved, but no words came out.
“Now sit down and be quiet.”
Rarity complied.
Nightmare Moon bit her lip. “Mmmm…It has been too long. I forgot how intoxicating that could be.” She turned to Twilight. “And I have still have one left.”
“That… You can’t…” Twilight couldn’t think of anything to say.
“Oh, but I can, and I did. And all it took was some ice magic and some light hypnosis. I really did expect better from Celestia’s saviors, but all she managed was you six.”
“I’ll think of something. This… You won’t get away with this.”
“Face it, you lost, my little pony. Surrender like your suitors did.” Nightmare Moon bit her lip again. “Mmm. I must admit, my sister has good taste. Whatever she was grooming you for, I’m certain my plans will be much more fun.”
“I’ll never surrender to you! Elements or not!”
“Perhaps it would be more tempting if I was slightly different?” A blue flash lit the room. When it subsided, Nightmare Moon was still standing in the same spot. Her—or rather, his—build was more muscular, his jaw more pronounced. Yet it was still clearly the same pony. “I can assure you I will be gentler than these peons were.” He waved a hoof at the ponies scattered about the floor.
“Your actions say otherwise. Why not just hypnotize me and get it over with?” Twilight asked.
“Oh, you’ll succumb eventually. All my little ponies will. But I thought you would enjoy it. After all, they did the same to you the entire way here. A little comeuppance should be a nice consolation for a lifetime as my slave.”
“They are nothing like you!”
Nightmare Moon laughed. Despite the gender spell, his laugh still sounded like broken glass, sharp and painful and yet light. “Yes, I suppose not. I’m clearly much better at it.”
“No, I mean, you’re only obsessed with control. You fought with Celestia for control, and you want to control ponies. You’re just a monster. They may not be tactful, or subtle, but that’s just because they were misguided. Or scared.”
“And how do you know any of that?” Nightmare Moon asked.
“Your little speeches.” Twilight glanced around the room. “They may have been cruel exaggerations, but I can see where you got them from. All that talk of charades and confidence, I can see it now.” She turned back to Nightmare Moon. “And you knew that, didn’t you?”
“Excuse me?”
“You targeted everypony’s flaw’s so carefully. So methodically. And the only reason for that could be…”
Nightmare Moon rolled his eyes. “Could be what?”
“Applejack was right. You’re scared of us!”
Nightmare Moon laughed. “Stop deceiving yourself, my little pony.” He waved a hoof at the fetal forms on the floor. “I have shown quite clearly that you cannot defeat me. And once you realize that, you’ll surrender just as they did.”
“But you said it yourself!” Twilight pointed a hoof at Nightmare Moon. “There is something that can beat you! The Elements of Harmony!”
Twilight turned to the stone orb still in front of her. She lifted it up with her magic, and turned it around for a moment. “Everypony here represents one of the virtues of the Elements, and you planned your speeches to attack each one.”
Twilight looked up. She could see Nightmare Moon trying to restrain his expression. She had to be right.
“Even if you were correct, I’m afraid my pets aren’t in any position to embody their Elements.” Nightmare Moon smirked. “Though your attempts to resist are certainly admirable. Resistance enriches the conquest.”
Twilight’s mind raced. The list of the Elements from that book had to mean something. She replayed Nightmare Moon’s speeches in her mind. “I guess…Fluttershy represents loyalty?” The orb in front of her started to vibrate. “Yeah, that’s why you called him desperate for affection.”
The orb glittered and vanished. A burst of light surrounded Fluttershy, and the orb floated in front of him. “What? What happened?” He got slowly to his feet. “My head kind of hurts…”
“Stop this foolishness.” Nightmare Moon pointed a hoof at Twilight. “You are only delaying the inevitable!”
“And Rainbow Dash! You called him broken, but you were just trying to cover up his, uhm, jocular demeanor! He’s really the element of laughter!” Another one of the orbs burst into light and reappeared next to Rainbow Dash. “And Applejack!” Twilight turned to him. “He shared that food with me, so he must represent generosity!” Another flash.
“Stop this at once!” Nightmare Moon shouted. “I shall not allow my pets to be so—”
“And Pinkie Pie. He may have a weird way of showing it, but he did throw me that party. He represents kindness.” Another flash.
“You are—”
“And that leaves Rarity. With his, uh, straightforwardness, must represent honesty!”
The fifth orb teleported, and Twilight glanced at the pedestal. Only one left.
“Enough!” Nightmare Moon flared his wings. A breeze swept through the room, the moon glowed brighter, and frost formed on some of the windows. “You still don’t know the sixth Element. I know it was lost. Admit your failure now, and I will make your training enjoyable.”
“No,” Twilight said. “I’ve figured it out. The last element has to be me. And how did you try and get me to break? By targeting everypony else!” She jabbed a hoof at Nightmare Moon. “The last element is obvious! It’s the one that binds all the others together, the one that got us here in the first place. The one you tried to keep me from seeing.”
“You…you can’t have figured it out that easily.” Nightmare Moon’s voice skipped a beat.
“That’s right!” Twilight said triumphantly. “The last element is tolerance!”
Nightmare Moon opened his mouth to say something, but the words went unsaid. The last orb flashed and reappeared in front of Twilight. The room lit up. The flash was so pure and white it nearly blinded everypony present.
The light faded, and the orbs vanished with it. In their place were necklaces, one on each pony, save Twilight, who had a tiara instead.
“All right, everypony! Concentrate on your element!”
“That’s not possible! The Elements do not work that way!” Nightmare Moon’s protests did not make it across the rush of noise as the Elements flared to life. Everypony circled him, and their Elements began to glow.
Beams of light crisscrossed between the ponies and their necklaces, each one a different color. They circled and bent and twisted across Nightmare Moon. The gender spell flaked off her body, bits of magic blowing and dripping onto the floor. More beams circled her, and an electric hum filled the room.
She shouted in protest, just as the torrent of energy engulfed her. Another flash lit the room. The ponies covered their eyes.
Then the light faded. In Nightmare Moon’s place sat a smaller alicorn. Her color scheme was different, bluer and softer.
“Uhm, did we win?” Applejack asked.
“Indeed you did, my little ponies.”
A golden burst of light filled the room, and Celestia stepped forward. “I knew you would be able to handle it, Twilight.”
“Princess Celestia! You’re all right!” Twilight rushed over to her mentor.
“Yes, when you banished Nightmare Moon with the Elements, the spells keeping me prisoner shattered.”
Rarity leaned towards Pinkie Pie. “I must say, Princess Celestia is much more attractive than Nightmare Moon.”
Pinkie Pie nodded. “Yea, way more regal, way less evil.”
“But Princess,” Twilight glanced at the alicorn sitting in the center of the room. “Who is this?”
“This, Twilight, is my sister, Luna.” Celestia knelt down. “Long ago, she was corrupted, and I could not save her. I tried to use the Elements, but they require a bond between their users. Using them alone is practically impossible.” Celestia reached out a hoof. “Are you okay, sister?”
Luna nodded. “I will be, eventually.”
“So that’s why you sent me to Ponyville? Instead of just, you know, telling me what was going on?”
“Yes. I am sorry, Twilight, but the Elements require a more natural bond.” Celestia smiled. “But I knew you were up to the task.”
“Well, I guess it all worked out,” Twilight said. “I managed to figure out that the last element was tolerance, anyway.”
Celestia’s smile flickered. “Tolerance? I’m afraid you are mistaken, my dear student. Tolerance is certainly an admirable virtue, but the central Element is Friendship.”
“Really? Cuz I definitely heard Twilight say ‘tolerance’ when she was yellin’ at Nightmare Moon,” Applejack said.
Celestia frowned. “Well, certainly the Elements are malleable, but that seems like a rather severe oversight.”
“Yeah yeah, this is all great,” Rainbow Dash said. “But we’re forgetting the important part.” He draped a hoof across Twilight’s shoulder. “The six of us have a magic laser bond now. So, uh…” He leaned in. “Maybe we should, you know, consummate it.”
“Ew, get off me!” Twilight swatted his hoof away. “Didn’t you learn anything from all of this? All of Nightmare Moon’s creepy speeches and everything?”
“Well, I did get this new idea for a pickup line,” Rainbow Dash said. “‘Baby, are you a demon? Cuz you’re hot.’” He leaned in again, his face nearly rubbing against Twilight’s. “Get it? Pretty clever right? Sure you don’t wanna do it?”
“Oh please.” Twilight pushed him away, then turned to the others. “What about the rest of you? Surely you learned something from this creepy ordeal?”
For a long moment, nopony answered.
Pinkie Pie poked his hoof into the air. “Ooh, I got one! Maybe, when you have a crazy goddess using magic on you, you should write stuff down, cuz it is really hard to remember what is going on afterwards! That’s kinda close, right? Do I get a prize?”
“Yes, and I learned that manipulating ponies is bad,” Rarity added. “Maybe we should compare notes on our emotional trauma at my home? I have some nice local wines. They really take the edge off.”
“And, uhm, I learned not to go into scary forests,” Fluttershy said softly.
“Even ones with hot ponies in them,” Applejack agreed.
“Oh for Celestia’s sake! You five are pathetic.” Twilight turned back to Celestia. “Can we leave now? I can’t wait to go to sleep in my own bed in Canterlot.”
“Need some company?” The five of them asked it almost simultaneously.
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Wow, you five really are dense.”
Celestia frowned. “Wait. You mean that you would not like to move here, and explore your bond with these new friends? After all, the six of you used the Elements successfully. While everypony embodies all virtues, that bond must mean something.”
“No offense, Princess, but look at them. I’d rather not wake up with a sore hindquarters after somepony roofied my drink one day.”
“What’s a roofie?” Rainbow Dash asked.
“It sounds like ice cream,” Pinkie said. “Who wouldn’t want ice cream in a drink?”
“Don’t be silly, obviously it must be a type of tiny umbrella,” Rarity scoffed. “Clearly Twilight is just concerned with the amount of class here compared to Canterlot.”
Twilight resisted the urge to bury her face in a hoof. “Anyway, let’s go. I can get my stuff later.”
Celestia opened her mouth, but visibly changed her mind. “Very well, my faithful student. If you’re sure.” Celestia helped Luna to her feet, and the three of them left.
The other five stood there.
“Wait, she left?” Rainbow Dash said. “I thought chicks liked confidence?”
“Yes, I thought so too.” Rarity rubbed his chin for a moment. “You’d think that she would have picked one of us. I mean, what other options does she have?”
The room fell silent. A few bits of ice dripped in the background. A few crickets and birds chirped outside.
“Maybe…maybe we came on too strong?” Fluttershy said softly.
Pinkie Pie gasped. “Wait, there’s such a thing as coming on too strong? Since when?”
Applejack scratched his head. “Maybe, she was just playin' hard to get? Ponies do that, right?”
“So it was her, not us?” Pinkie Pie rubbed his chin. Unlike Rarity, it was a full body motion. “I dunno, that doesn’t sound like the line usually goes.”
“Well, what else could it be?”
The five of them sat in silent contemplation for a while. The moon moved across the sky ever so slightly. The crickets and birds continued chirping. Finally, they headed back to town.
Celestia took a slow sip of her tea. Twilight had settled back into her room, and Luna was resting in the medical wing. Everything had worked out.
“Is something wrong, auntie?” Cadance asked.
“I don’t know,” Celestia said. “I suppose I should be happy that everything turned out alright.”
Cadance took a drink of her own tea. “Well, it certainly sounds like Twilight had her hooves full. But you don’t sound relieved.”
“I suppose I am just concerned about the Elements. Why didn’t Twilight want to stay in Ponyville and explore her new friendships? I can not understand it.”
Cadance laughed. “You know Twilight. She likes her routine.” She smiled. She tried to hide it with the lip of her teacup, but since Celestia was so much taller than her it did not cover anything. “Besides, the way she tells it, her ‘friends’ were a bit on the pervy side.”
Celestia frowned. “I admit they were a bit forward when I was there, but still… The Elements triggered! They must have had some bond, if the Elements worked correctly.”
Cadance shrugged. “Perhaps the Elements of Harmony are more lenient than you’re giving them credit for? I mean, you used them by yourself, that one time.”
Celestia glared at her niece. She had many types of glares, but she could never bring herself to use the stronger ones on Cadance. “Yes, and I shouldn’t need to reiterate how poorly that turned out.”
Cadance coughed into a hoof, then took another sip of her tea. They both sat in silence for a moment.
Cadance coughed again. “Well, if you’re that worried, we could always arrange some sort of meeting between the six of them. See if it was just Twilight being her usual self or not.”
Celestia took another slow sip. “I don’t know. Twilight was quite adamant about leaving. Wouldn’t that be a bit underhoofed?”
Cadance chuckled. “Auntie, when was the last time you had a suitor?”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, uhm…” Cadance moved her hoof in a little circle. “Relationships these days have a lot of subtleties and back and forth. You can’t just admit you like someone.”
“That seems rather juvenile. If Twilight wanted them to leave her alone, shouldn’t we respect her wishes?”
Cadance giggled. It was a giggle she hadn’t used since high school. “Oh, auntie. Trust me on this. I am the princess of love, after all.” Cadance lowered her teacup and saucer, her eyes widened slightly. “I know! What about the wedding? We’re still planning out the staff. What if Twilight’s friends helped with the preparations? They did help arrange the Summer Sun Celebration, after all.”
Celestia took another sip of her tea. “I don’t know. I suppose I am curious about whether the Elements will still work or not.” She put down her cup and saucer. “You’re sure it isn’t underhoofed?”
Cadance waved a hoof. “Don’t be silly. This is how things are done. If it doesn’t work out, then the worst that can happen is Twilight gets a little annoyed.” She rubbed her chin, staffing lists and invites already rearranging themselves in her head. “And if it works out, Twilight will probably thank us some day.”
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Well.
This was certainly entertaining.
I love your twilight
Not like rainbow does but still... It made me giggle a bit
Wow. Thanks for the wonderful ending to this episode. I wish you good luck in all your future writings.
Lets annoy Twilight more!
The Elements of Friendship With Benefits.
The latest chapter is pretty amusing. It seemed more like Twilight was just desperately naming the elements the stallions represent which kind of works in the situation and makes sense. I can't blame Twilight for her final reaction. Also kind of curious how she's going to react to seeing them again as they prepare for the wedding.
I can absolutely see this going steadily more and more wrong the more Celestia tries to push it. Eventually, Twilight snaps and marries someone else, like Prince Blueblood or some other noble, just to keep the others away. And it doesn't work.
I'm still weirded out how you kept their mare names, but I can deal. At any rate, I think
ButterscotchFluttershy as the best chances of (eventual) success, based solely on the fact that he was the only one to actually consider that he was doing something wrong.Ooh, or how about: Celestia invites them to the Gala as a reward for their part in saving Luna, and while there they witness Blueblood "flirting" with Twilight in the exact same way they were, get mad, tell him off, and get halfway through the list of why he's terrible before going through collective realization. After that, they still flirt with her, but have enough self-presence (usually) to stop before saying something truly infuriating.
This ended excellently. Is it over permanently?
Sequel
Twilight throws them off Caterlot upon sight. And throws Cadence for the fun of it. She can fly.
5084690 A sequel isn't completely out of the question--there's lots of directions it could go, after all. And watching Chrysalis interact with a bunch of pervy jerks might be funny.
Considering how long it took to finish this, however, I wouldn't expect it anytime soon
So Twilight never moved to Ponyville? Okay.
And next chapter will be when all five are continuously flirting with her during the wedding, while she's worried because Cadence is acting strangely? Not to mention her concerns will be a bit more valid, since the last time she saw Cadence will be just before the swap, rather than years ago. ...unless Chrysalis has someone replace Twilight, who interprets each stallion's forwardness as them already being in a relationship, so Changeling Twilight comes on to them too strong, which leads to them figuring out it isn't the real Twilight, at which point they find Cadence and Twilight in the caverns, free them both, and apologizing for coming on to Twilight so strong in the past, knowing how creepy it is now from what Changeling Twilight was doing...
...and I suddenly like that idea a lot more than how the original episode went.
5084786 You wouldn't happen to know of any other stories like this? If there are they probably aren't as good, but I need my fix.
Maybe they will follow Twi to Canterlot. I hope these guys are not giving up that easy.
They're all like Tucker. XD
I think Twilight made up for that mistake by leaving.
More. There should be more! xD
[sexual harassment panda intensifies]
A good ending. Nightmare Moon was extremely creepy (though it may be the sexual objectification, a concept that always creep me out), and she managed to top the Perv Five. The adaptability of the Elements was a nice touch too. (I've never really seen how AJ's "Trust me, you'll survive this" counts as honesty. Trust, sure, but...)
And so glad Twilight didn't find a reason to stay, or was forced to. It annoys me so much when a character gets routinely mistreated in ways that would not be accepted in real life, and I keep asking myself "Why doesn't he/she just leave?" (Dusk Shine being a prime example.) Obviously the answer is "Because the author says otherwise", but that's still shoddy writing.
The ending of this chapter just made me shiver. Poor Twilight.
That got dark, and then hilarious.
is there going to be a sequel cause this is really funny
Sorry, I couldn't get through the first chapter. I mean, do you really thing every single one of the mane six would openly admit to falling for Twilight? Let alone the fact they all seemed to consider themselves masters at getting girls. Fluttershy would NEVER do that.
So yeah, the story feels to out of character for me. Plus, it didn't tickle my funnybone like I thought it would. Nothing wrong with that, I just personally didn't find it funny.
*waves* good luck in future endeavors.
Why do the other versions have to be google documents. I hate those things.
5086643 Because you can't post the same story twice on the site.
Each of these are variations of the exact same story, with slight changes for gender consideration.
Well, that was an interesting twist. Can't wait to see how the rest of it goes.
Great story. I couldn't help thinking to myself, the second Scootaloo turns 18, Rainbow Dash is totally going to sleep with her, he's that kind of creep.
hey, look, it's published
5086755 Ah, makes sense.
5089296
Ah...
5084809 That actually sounds kind of funny. I may have to use that. Maybe Chrysalis replaces Twilight instead of Cadance to try and feed off Shining's love, and when she tries to use mind control on the main five it doesn't work because they're too dense to notice or something.
Food for thought.
5084822 Nothing comes to mind, sorry.
5084664 That could work, but wouldn't Twilight know better than to go the Gala if she's been there before? I mean, it's supposed to be really boring and she only went there to hang out with Celestia in the show.
5085956 You can thank Kegisak for that suggestion--back when I first had the idea he pointed out that Twilight pulling a "forget this, I'm out of here" would be funnier and more realistic.
5085480 5086271 See my reply here; 5084786
5086427 The OOC behavior was intentional. You needn't apologize--if the story didn't click for you then that's more likely to be my fault for advertising it improperly.
I'd link every comment that agreed with you, but then this comment would be longer than the chapter
5086643 I may give the other versions unpublished FIMfic entries now that the story is over, since enough people have asked for it.
5087699 I like to think of the main five as being driven to bad behavior by a lifetime of rejection, not as sincerely creepy. Rainbow Dash may be a dink but even he wouldn't stoop to Wife Husbandry (or at least, I hope not
).
5089134 I actually went through them manually, but yes, the use of pronouns is the main difference
At the time I thought it was clever, but now I think it may have been a bit too gimmicky to really matter.
5087955 And it only took like 4 weeks because of classes!
5090034 Oh, I'm sure they're not that creepy. Why, Fluttershy even strikes me as a Nice Guy.
I'm just going to say it: Sequels. All of them. Discord, Chrysalis, Sombra, Tirek, the whole gimmick. Let's go even further and take a risk with Equestria Girls because why the hell not?
5090034 I'm sure that Celestia could get her to come somehow. After all, don't you think a national hero might have some obligations? ...hmm. Maybe you could have it so Cadance is going, and they want to hang out, I guess. Maybe she hasn't ever been before, I don't know.
Wonderfully captures the awkwardness felt by women being hit on by socially awkward men. Excellent satire! Should be required reading, along with Captain Awkward, for any bronies trying to get dates...
Even though you said in the comments that you feel the gender-change versions are a "gimmick", I feel the rest of the comments indicate differently. People are reading all the different versions. It seems that everyone has their preferences (I read the all mare version myself).
Anyway, it was a funny story. The only thing I felt that I would want to see differently was the ending. I would have liked to have seen something funnier with NMM, like maybe Twilight sides with her to get rid of the other suitors, or maybe she flirts with the other five so hard she scares them off. I don't know; there's a lot of different things that could have happened. I guess I'm just not a fan of cliffhangers.
Great story. Will there be a sequel?
Cadence, you're a Ditz. Celestia, you need to get laid. Twilight, I agree with your choice completely, Therapist, yes I am talking to fictional characters.
5090169 Maybe. He certainly comes the closest to learning a lesson.
5090847 Well the term "Sexual Harassment" is in the title
5091591 The irony there is that I'm bad at getting dates
5092272 The author's note in chapter one explains why I didn't use different names for R63 characters. Even if I had wanted to use R63 names, I probably would've made up my own, since so many of the "standardized" ones are rather arbitrary/biased.
5093232 If I was the one reading this story, I'd probably pick the all mare version myself--It puts a bigger focus on the OOC behavior.
I had an idea for a different epilogue where Luna hits on Twilight, but it felt a little out of place. After all, if Luna was bad enough at publicity that she became Nightmare Moon in the first place, it would make sense for Nightmare Moon to be obsessed with control and for Luna to be shy.
5093850 See my reply here; 5084786
5095032 btw, I much preferred that you used the ponies' real names rather than their fanon r63 ones. I dunno, I sometimes feel like there's too much of a... herd mentality (haw) about fanon matters. Your way makes it much more accessible to a new reader not immersed in the fandom.
5090034 Thank you, Kegisak!
... I'll be honest... I didn't find the attitudes of the Stallion Five funny... I found them, even Fluttershy with his 'soulmate' stuff extremely creepy and bordering on willingness to rape.
That said, if there is such a continuation of this, I want to see Cadance EAT HER WORDS!!
good job reposting the same fic four times
5098362 A) people asked me to and B) they aren't actually "posted"--this base one is the only entry publicly viewable on the site.
I'm accommodating my fans (since a lot of them hate Gdocs) and I'm not breaking any rules or taking up four spaces in the popular box, so I'm not sure if you're being sarcastic or not.
5098960 Was reading your Stallion Twilight/mare main five version on Gdocs and there was some errors I noticed where you should've added a he/she when it should be the opposite.
All I can is:
Olé~
Loved the comedy that was done here~
5095499 I don't have an inherent problem with fandom memes, but I can understand the sentiment. Once people latch onto a certain way of doing something it is easy to stagnate or become insular.
5099135 Anonymous commenting is enabled on all the Gdocs--if you highlight and comment on the typo I'll do my best to fix it
5095778 You're hardly the only one who felt that way.
If there's a sequel, Twilight had better end up shiving one of those SOBs.
Or taze. Or fit with a Sun Wukong headband to taze them with.
5110471 There is an all female version with an identical plotline right over here. If the only reason you disliked this story was the gender shift then hopefully you will enjoy that version better
As an aside, I would also advise you never to visit the R63 group.
5110275 She already tried a lot variants of violence and combat magic in chapter 1 and it didn't seem to work.
There we go!
Yes, yes, I like this little twist! And they do represent these Elements well.
We have no idea where she was, that's just a convenient place for her. For all we know she was stalking Twilight the whole time.
Liieess!
And just forget about Luna? Is she chopped liver or something?
When has she ever cared about being underhoofed? She just sent Twilight to Ponyville to defeat Nightmare Moon and lied about why she was going.