Twilight flung another book off the shelf. The pile on the floor grew steadily larger, not a scrap of useful information in sight. It was too bad that Spike had fallen asleep; his assistance would’ve been helpful. Whomever had arranged this library had clearly never heard of the Donkey Decimal System. Alphabetical order and no cards index—it was a travesty.
“Ugh, this isn’t right either!” Twilight groaned as she dropped another book. No wonder they fired the old librarian! This system is so primitive the shelves may as well be made of carved stone, Twilight thought to herself. Another book flopped onto the floor.
Twilight’s ear flicked as voices wafted through the door. She turned her head just as the door burst open and her ears flattened; the five stallions who entered were lamentably familiar. They were in the middle of an enthusiastic debate, and the topic was neither surprising nor subtle.
Rainbow Dash’s hooves clacked loudly as he landed. “I’m just saying, I’d do her.”
“That’s not saying very much, since you would do anypony,” Twilight muttered.
Rarity rolled his eyes. “Nopony is denying that she’s attractive, Rainbow Dash. I think we can all agree on that.”
“She does have really nice legs,” Applejack said.
“And a cute flank!” Pinkie added.
“And, uhm, pretty eyes,” Fluttershy agreed.
“Yes, yes, and her mane is gorgeous. We covered this already.” Rarity bit his lip for a moment. “I am just saying, perhaps trying to…hit on an alicorn bent on creating eternal night may not be the best idea.” Rarity glanced at Twilight. “Especially when there are equally attractive, less uncouth options available.”
It was Rainbow Dash’s turn to roll his eyes. “See, that’s the problem with you prissy types. You’re always thinking small and conformist.” He grinned. “Who’s to say I can’t have both?”
“Ahem,” Twilight interrupted. “What exactly are you pervs doing here?”
“Ooh, I know this one!” Pinkie waved his hoof around a bit, not unlike an overenthusiastic kindergartener. He inhaled deeply, and the suction of it was just enough to ruffle some of the papers scattered about.“Nightmare Moon showed up and everypony was like ‘oh no!’ but you were like ‘hey I know who you are’ and then the guards tried to stop her but they got hit with lightning and then Rainbow Dash tried to tackle her but Applejack stopped him and Nightmare Moon was all ‘muwahaha’ and she vanished so we all followed you since you look really hot when you panic!”
Rarity poked Pinkie with an elbow.
“What? It’s true.”
Rarity cleared his throat. “What Pinkie is trying to say, is that we would like to help you stop this Nightmare Moon. It seemed like you might know a way to defeat her.”
Twilight narrowed her eyes. “And why would you want to do that?”
“Oh come now, darling,” Rarity waved at the window. “Do we need a reason to want to stop eternal night? I had hoped that would be a no-brainer, as it were.”
“Yeah, when am I supposed to nap if there’s no daylight?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Twilight sighed. “I suppose you have a point. Well, not Rainbow Dash.” She turned back to the shelves she had been ransacking. “Even if I wanted your help, I don’t actually know anything about Nightmare Moon. I only read about the prediction of her return. Some mysterious objects called the Elements of Harmony are the only things that can stop her, but I don't know where they are or what they do.”
“Ooh, will this help?” Pinkie held up a large, leather-bound volume. “The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide.”
Twilight snatched the book away, leafing through it. “Where’d you find this?”
“In the E section, silly!”
Twilight rolled her eyes. Alphabetic sorting really should be outlawed. She cleared her throat and started to read from the book. “There are six Elements of Harmony, but only five are known: Kindness, Laughter, Generosity, Honesty and Loyalty. The sixth has been lost to time. It is said, the last known location of the five elements was in the ancient castle of the royal pony sisters. It is located in what is now the…Everfree Forest!”
“Ooh! I know that place!” Pinkie poked his head in between the book, his mane rubbing along Twilight’s chest as he scooted forward.
Twilight scurried backward. Her chest felt distinctly sticky where Pinkie’s mane had rubbed across it. Even from a distance, the smell of sugar and flour wafted off Pinkie’s hair. Yet another reason to leave this town as quickly as possible.
“Yes, Pinkie. We all know that place,” Rarity said. “It is right outside of town.”
Twilight headed toward the door. “Well, thanks for the help, but I can take it from here. I can’t technically kick you out, since the library is public property, but you’ll probably leave soon enough. We don’t carry any pornography.”
Applejack flung a hoof over Twilight’s shoulder. “Don’t be crazy, sugarcube. We can’t let a mare go inta the Everfree Forest unescorted. It’s one of the most dangerous places in Equestria!”
Twilight lifted the hoof off. “I can handle myself.” She turned back to the door. Rainbow Dash floated in front of it, his wings and body just wide enough to block her way.
“Don’t be crazy, Twilight. Nopony who has gone in there has ever come out. You won’t last two minutes without some help.” He landed inches away from Twilight, one eyebrow rising as he leaned towards her. “Luckily for you, the fastest pegasus in Equestria is willing to accompany you.”
“I’m not going in there to hit on her, so I don’t think your skillset would be that helpful.”
“Not that kind of fast.” Rainbow Dash smirked. “Unless you like it that way.”
Twilight had to resist the urge to bury her face in a hoof. “Why would anypony like it that way?”
Rarity had already opened the door. “Don’t worry, dear. You are in very capable hooves.”
Capable of what? Twilight thought to herself. She shook her head violently. By Celestia, I have to be more careful—they’re starting to rub off on me…
The night was cold. None of the pegasi had bothered to adjust for the lack of sunlight; there were too many other things to deal with. They had scheduled a series of cross-breezes to help keep the crowds cool during the celebration. Had the sun actually risen, the wind would have complemented warm sunlight quite comfortably. Now it just made the night that much colder.
Twilight walked along the dirt road slowly and carefully. Fluttershy trotted a few steps behind her, as silent as ever. Now and then Twilight would glance back at him, and the stallion would plainly avert his gaze. The other four ponies walked a few yards ahead, talking amongst themselves. Every so often one would turn to look at Twilight, and she would give them an irritated scowl. The six ponies had originally been in a single group, but after five separate attempts to “warm her up,” Twilight had decided to cultivate some personal space.
The sheer audacity of the situation was becoming distracting. Instead of thinking of ways to stop Nightmare Moon, running scenarios about the Elements, or casting a triangulation spell to find the castle, Twilight could only walk along and grit her teeth.
“Are you alright?” Fluttershy asked. He was on Twilight’s left, so his bangs obscured his face.
“Not really,” Twilight muttered. “I wasn’t expecting today to go quite like this.” She kept her eyes on the road.
“Sorry,” Fluttershy said. “I guess none of us made a very good first impression. It’s just…” His wings twitched slightly. “I’m not very good at talking to ponies, so when you liked all the same things I did, I just…” His ears flattened. It might have been the color of his mane, but there looked like the beginnings of a blush on his cheeks. “Sorry. I guess somepony as pretty as you is used to being treated better. I just never know what to say.”
Twilight sighed. “Actually, I don’t really talk to many ponies either. I’m usually busy with studying. That’s one reason I got assigned here, to make me get out more.”
“Kind of…kind of like work is just easier than dealing with ponies?”
Twilight didn’t answer immediately. “I suppose I never really thought about it that way. I just like reading and studying and assignments. Whenever I got invited to a party or something, I was never in the mood for it.”
Fluttershy didn’t answer right away, so Twilight continued walking. The silence continued, and the longer it went, the harder it became to ignore. Twilight finally turned her head to say something. Instead, her neck jerked backward. Fluttershy’s face was inches from her own. His mouth had broken into a small smile. He exhaled loudly and warm air hit her in the muzzle—Twilight could smell lettuce and breath mints.
“Oh, I knew we were just like each other!” He leaned in further, his mane brushing against Twilight’s face. Twilight leaned back, trying and failing to salvage her broken personal space. The narrow path didn’t help. She was barely able to keep walking forward without tripping.
Fluttershy’s smile had grown; if Twilight had been in the mood, she could have counted his teeth. “I always knew I’d find my soulmate one day. My mom kept telling me I just had to wait for the right pony to come along, and she was right! I didn’t really believe her at first, but here you are!”
Twilight grimaced. “That’s really not what I was—”
“What exactly do soulmates do?” Fluttershy gasped. “Should we move in together? My cottage is really spacious, even with all the animals in it. Not that you mind animals, obviously, since we’re soulmates.”
Twilight quickened her pace. “I really don’t think—” She bumped into Rainbow Dash’s flank. The group had abruptly stopped walking.
Dash turned his head and smiled. “Change your mind, eh? Not that I can blame you. Don’t worry, I’ll still be here when we finish saving Equestria, so no need to rush.”
“Ugh.” Twilight stepped to the side. She could be properly indignant later, but for now she had to focus on the Forest. She had read about it, of course, but this was the first time she had been anywhere close to the place. A vast expanse of trees stretched before her. The moonlight barely filtered through the thick canopy of leaves, but the tangled bushes and roots were still visible enough. The path continued into the forest, though it became considerably less flat and noticeably less wide as it stretched deeper into the woods.
“We’re here!” Pinkie shouted. “The Everfree Forest!” He waved a hoof dramatically at the trees, though the size of the forest meant it was more of a directionless waggle.
“Yes, thank you, Pinkie. I think everyone figured that out,” Rarity said
“Last one to the castle is a stale cupcake!”
If the path had been narrow outside the forest, then inside it was nearly non-existent. Underbrush and tree roots encroached at every opportunity. The space that wasn’t being clawed at by plants was littered with rocks and fallen leaves. Enough moonlight filtered down to see, but the sheer volume of debris made walking difficult anyway.
Pinkie jumped over a bush. “Wow, this place is pretty ominous. And vol-ominous.”
“It’s pronounced voluminous,” Twilight muttered.
“Gesundheit.”
“It certainly is quite dreadful. No wonder nopony ever comes in here.” Rarity pushed aside a branch. “I had hoped the rumors about it were exaggerated.”
“I’m sure we’ll be fine,” Applejack said. “There are six of us here, after all.”
Trekking through the dim forest was surprisingly easy. Before long, they emerged from the trees and quickly stopped. A sheer cliff stretched in front of them, tall enough for fog to form at the bottom. Another woody expanse poked through the mist, the barest indication of ground below. The six of them gathered at the edge and looked down, though it wasn’t quite in unison.
“Ooh, what’s that?” Pinkie jabbed a hoof forward. There was a noticeable blotch of grey in the middle of the green foliage.
“Looks like a building,” Twilight said. “Guess we know we’re going the right direction, at least.”
“And exactly how are we supposed to get down this cliff?” Applejack glanced down. “I don’t think I can climb and carry Twilight at the same time.”
“I could carry her,” Rainbow offered. “I may not be an earth pony, but I have been working out.” He curled a foreleg and leaned toward Twilight. “Pretty good right?”
Twilight rubbed her forehead. “Ew, no.” She was reminded of the saddlebags she had left at the library. The tailenol inside would have been helpful at the moment.
“Well, somepony has to carry you, sugarcube. You are kinda wispy—wouldn’t want you ta get hurt.”
“Ugh, nopony is carrying me!” Twilight took a step sideways. “Especially not any of you.”
“Ooh, I brought some balloons! I could attach them to you.” Pinkie pulled a package out of his mane. “The string isn’t too strong, though, so I’ll need to tie them on really tight. If you’re not into that, I could just use more.”
The argument was an impressive distraction. None of the ponies noticed the blue smoke seeping into the cliffside.
Applejack’s ear flicked. “Did y’all hear that?”
“Hear what? The sound of an approaching restraining order?” Twilight replied.
The crack echoed through the forest. A few birds scattered from a tree nearby.
“Look out!” Applejack tackled Twilight, flinging both of them sideways. A piece of the cliff crumbled away just as they left the ground.
For a few moments it was nothing but dust and coughing. Eventually the thick brown cloud cleared, and the six ponies stumbled to their feet. They were still at the edge of the cliff, though that edge had moved several yards in the intervening minutes.
Twilight let out another cough. She could definitely feel dust in her lungs, and there was a smear of dirt clinging to her mane. There might have been a small clod in her ear. It wasn’t surprising, given the skidding from Applejack’s tackle. “Is everypony okay?”
“I think so.” Applejack smacked some of the dirt off his hat. “We’re all still here, at any rate. Are you alright?”
Twilight coughed again. Yep definitely a clod in her ear. “I’m fine. Uhm, thanks for saving me?”
Applejack smiled. “Don’t mention it. Why I’m here.”
Twilight opened her mouth to reply, but Rainbow Dash landed in between them.
His wings flared out. “What’s the big idea, blondie?” he asked angrily. “I thought we agreed I would get the first turn!”
Twilight’s ears flattened. “First turn at what, exactly?”
“I figured that wouldn’t apply to life-threatenin’ situations!”
Rainbow took a step forward. “Why wouldn’t it? How else am I supposed to show off how awesome I am?”
Applejack took his own step forward. “Well, if you were really so fast, then I wouldn’t’ve been able to beat ya to it in the first place!”
“At least I’m not some deal-breaking farmboy!” Dash poked Applejack in the chest.
“My granny always told me two things—you gotta be honest with mares and you gotta be there to help them when they need it. No way takin’ turns is more important than that!”
“Taking turns at what?” Twilight’s voice was a lot louder, although the answer was starting to become obvious.
Rarity stepped in between the two ponies. “Now now, let’s calm down. Applejack, darling, I’m sure your granny is a smart cookie, as it were, but you cannot be so black and white these days. Modern mares need more subtlety and tact. That’s why we made that arrangement in the first place.”
“We made an arrangement?” Fluttershy asked softly.
“Yeah!” Rainbow Dash pointed a hoof at Applejack. “When was the last time you even talked to a girl anyway? I’ve never seen you off that farm.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. She turned away from the arguing ponies and surveyed the cliff. It was quite tall, but there was a flat outcropping about halfway down. The cliff sloped heavily, but the fog made it difficult to see the bottom. She bit her lip. Forty-nine degrees, maybe? It may not continue that way, though. Guess I should play it safe and do it in two.
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Her horn started to glow, and a few seconds later she vanished in a bubble of purple light.
She reappeared about halfway down, on a flat spot just before the drop. After a quick check, she teleported again, landing safely at the bottom. The fog was still thick, but her spell had gone off without a hitch. Twilight smiled. The other four were still arguing.
Wait, four?
“Nice teleport spell,” Rarity said, inches away from her. His hooves had sunk into the grass, just like hers. The complete lack of hoofprints made it obvious how he had followed her. “Perhaps you could give me lessons sometime?”
Twilight’s tail whipped violently. “How’d you do that?”
“Oh, well, I don’t like to brag.” Rarity fluffed his mane with a hoof. “My first marefriend was one of those independent, athletic types. We took a few magical self-defense classes together.”
“And you don’t anymore?”
“After she le—after I moved on, the habit had already formed.”
“Riveting.” Twilight turned and started scanning the forest. Even from the lower angle, the ruined castle jutted out of the treetops. The shattered stone didn’t contrast much with the night sky, but it was visible enough.
Twilight took a step forward, but stopped. While ditching four-fifths of her suitors was tempting, it also meant she would be alone with the other one.
“You know, I wasn’t joking about those teleport lessons. Your spellcraft is obviously very good.” Rarity leaned forward. “I’m sure you could teach me a lot.”
“Ugh.”
The other four were already halfway down the cliff. Rainbow Dash was carrying Pinkie and Fluttershy was carrying Applejack. Rainbow Dash and Applejack appeared to be continuing their argument, but the details were muffled by wind and echoes.
“Wee, that was fun!” Pinkie said as he landed on the grass.
Rainbow ruffled his wings. “Maybe for you. Why are you so heavy, anyway?”
“Oh, there’s a lot of stuff in my mane. Plus I might’ve carbo-loaded before we came here.” Pinkie patted his stomach. “A guy’s gotta be prepared.”
Twilight rolled her eyes and continued into the forest.
If the forest had been a passive impediment earlier, then now it had evolved into an active threat. Benign stubbornness had given way to irate assault. The shrubbery had gotten uppity, the rocks had multiplied, and the vague suggestion of a path had vanished completely. Twilight ducked to avoid a branch, but her mane caught in a different one. Rainbow hopped over a large rock, and his wing tangled in a vine. Rarity avoided a thorn bush, only to be caught in a spiderweb a few inches after. Even the other three had trouble, despite their extensive experience with flora. The wide clearing would have been a welcome sight, but the foliage seemed preferable to the manticore standing in their way.
“Where the hay did he come from?” Twilight shouted.
“Better question, how are we supposed to get past it?” Rarity pointed a hoof forward. “That passage is too narrow to sneak around it.”
Applejack turned to Rainbow. “Well, Rainbow Flash, you wanted the first turn.” He waved at the creature. “Help yourself.”
The manticore roared loudly. A few birds scattered from a nearby tree.
Rainbow didn’t move. “You know, I figured that wouldn’t apply to things that needed teamwork to get past.”
“Oh, but you’re so eager to protect Twilight!” Applejack smiled. “Surely a big ol’ manticore is a pie walk for ya.” He leaned in. “Unless you’re scared.” His voice was just loud enough to hear in the quiet clearing. The manticore chose that particular moment to let out another bird-scattering roar.
Rainbow leapt up, his wings flaring and his coat bristling. “Scared? I’ll show you scared! Out of the way, Twilight.”
“Rainbow, wait!” Twilight held up a hoof, but Rainbow Dash had already launched himself towards the manticore. Twilight was still in the middle of the motion as he shot forward. By the time her foreleg was fully outstretched, he had already been smacked by the manticore’s tail. As her muscles settled, he had already skidded back to the group, leaving a noticeable furrow in the grass.
Twilight’s leg fell back down. “Well, that went better than I expected…”
“I was just gauging his weak points,” Rainbow muttered. “I got this.” He didn’t move.
Twilight put a hoof to her chin. “I could use a spell on it, but Everfree fauna is resistant to magic.” I could also teleport past it, she thought to herself, but these pervs wouldn’t last five minutes without me.
“Oh don’t be silly, Twilight,” Rarity said. “We can handle this. You just stand there and look pretty.” He turned to Pinkie and Applejack. “I believe it was my turn next?”
“And what, exactly, is your plan?” Applejack asked.
Rarity cricked his neck. It would have been a dramatic gesture, had his mane not swished around his face as he did it. After he had twisted his neck left, then right, his hair sashayed right back into place. “I figured I would kick it in the face. Manticores freeze up when you hit their nose, don’t they?”
Applejack’s only response was a low snicker.
Pinkie leaned over Dash. “I don’t think that’s a great idea. Dashie sure has a lot of dirt stuck in his coat.”
“I’m fine,” Dash murmured. “Weak points.” The ditch, and the pegasus in it, remained unchanged.
“For the last time, I can take care of myself!” Twilight shouted. “I don’t need some pervert praetorian guard following me everywhere, trying and failing to impress me!”
The three ponies exchanged a glance. It would have been four, but Rainbow remained partially buried in the ground.
“Twilight, sugar, I’m sure you c’n take care of yourself just fine,” Applejack said slowly. “But we wouldn’t be able ta forgive ourselves if anythin’ happened to you.”
“Yes, it’s the principle of the thing,” Rarity added. “No one should have to brave this dreadful place alone.”
“What they said!” Pinkie punctuated his sentence with an upward leap.
The manticore let out another gravelly roar. It shook the plants nearby, but there were no birds to be seen.
“That’s not the point!” Twilight jabbed a hoof at the ponies. “You’re not doing this for me, or Equestria, you’re just doing it for yourselves! And you aren’t even helping!”
“Manticore’s out of the way,” Fluttershy said. “Did I miss anything important?”
Applejack cocked his head. “The manticore is what now?”
“He moved out of the way. Turns out he was just grumpy because he had thorn stuck in his paw.” Fluttershy smiled. “I pulled it out and he perked right up.”
Rainbow sat up and glanced around. The manticore had indeed left. “When did you do that?”
“Just now. While everypony was arguing.” Fluttershy’s bangs swept in front of his face. “I figured, you know, since everyone was busy, I could take care of it. Sorry if messed up your plans,” he mumbled.
“No, uhm, good work, I guess.” Twilight scratched her head, then turned to the passage the manticore had been blocking. “Guess we should get going.”
As they continued into the forest, the trees became steadily more numerous. Every step seemed to make the moon a little dimmer as more and more leaves crammed their way into the sky.
“This is ridiculous,” Rarity muttered. “I can barely see where I am going.” His horn ignited, throwing soft blue light onto the trees. “Dear Celestia, what is that?” he shouted, stumbling backward. He pointed a hoof at the thing, and his balance collapsed as he crashed into Fluttershy. Fluttershy turned to follow Rarity’s outstretched hoof, and suddenly let out a panicked squeak.
“What happened?” Twilight’s horn lit up, and she had her answer. The tree in front of her had a fang-laden face jutting out of it. Its branches ended in claws, and all five of the faux-arms swayed menacingly. One brushed past her face and she fell onto her flank.
The ponies bunched together as more of the faces crept out of the darkness. A dull pink glow leaked out of each one, highlighting its features like a deadly jack-o-lantern.
Rainbow’s wings flared out. “What do we do?”
“I don’t know, there’s too many of them!” Twilight’s horn grew brighter, but it only threw more of the demonic trees into focus.
Pinkie giggled. “Oh everypony, don’t worry! These are nothing to be scared of!” He stuck his face right next to the tree that had shocked Rarity.
“Pinkie, what are you talking about? Get away from that!” Twilight waved her hoof, but didn’t dare move any closer.
Pinkie produced a small, metallic tube and loudly cleared his throat. “To the tune of ‘Giggle at the Ghosty.’” The whistle let out a sharp fweeee as he blew on it.
“The tune of what?” Rarity asked.
His question went unanswered, covered up by Pinkie’s loud singing.
When I was a little pony and had trouble falling asleep,
The boredom and the darkness would always lurk and creep.
My pa took me aside and said "Pinkie, I know just what you need.
Just think of something pleasant, have a good book to read.
You just need a distraction, to think of happy things."
Then he handed me a stack of magazines,
And said those pretty ponies would help to guide my dreams.
Twilight's mouth fell open. "What?"
So if something scary appears,
Just think of something nice.
And all those silly phantoms
Will run away like mice!
Pinkie took a deep breath and closed his eyes. A smile spread across his face.
Twilight's mouth refused to respond to her orders. One of her eyes might have twitched. “You can't seriously—” A loud, glittery pop interrupted her sentence. A few wisps of pink smoke whirled around the tree in front of Pinkie, but otherwise it was completely normal.
Twilight buried her face in a hoof.
Pinkie's eyes popped open. His gaze settled on the now-normal tree, and his smile widened.
So~ conjure some cute coronets,
You'll feel better I bet.
Imagine a nice muzzle.
Necks you'd like to nuzzle.
Picture some pretty knees,
Or maybe pert primaries.
And if that imaginary monster doesn't take the hint then you can just put a special calendar on your wall so you'll always have something to look at and the very idea just makes me smile!
Twilight finally managed to unroot her face from her hoof. She twisted her neck to look at the other four. "Can you believe this?"
The others didn't answer; they all had their eyes closed. Dopey smiles stretched across their faces, save Fluttershy, who was instead biting his lip.
"Right, of course" Twilight muttered. Her voice was drowned out by the pops coming off every tree. Before long, every tree had returned to normal.
Pinkie giggled. “That was fun!”
“There’s no way that should have worked!” Twilight stood up and jabbed an accusatory hoof at Pinkie. “You…you didn’t even get the stresses right!”
“Calm down, Twilight.” Rarity pushed Twilight’s foreleg down. “While Pinkie’s methods were, uhm, unorthodox, at least they worked.”
“Uhm, not quite.” Applejack pointed at one of the trees, and sure enough, it still looked like the cover of a pulpy horror story.
“That’s weird. Ooh, maybe I should sing the song again!”
“Let’s not,” Twilight said.
“Oh, I bet I know what it is.” An evil grin spread across Rainbow’s face as he leaned towards Twilight. “I bet one of us wasn’t using her imagination.”
Twilight rolled her eyes. “Of course I was. I was imagining being someplace else.”
“No, he does got a point,” Applejack said. “Maybe we didn’t clear all the magic cuz you weren’t thinkin’ about the, err, same sorts of things we were.”
It suddenly dawned on Twilight what they meant. “Ew! Keep dreaming!”
“Oh, come now, darling.” Rarity gestured at the tree. “You wouldn’t want to leave volatile dark magic alone in the forest, would you? What if it made its way back to Ponyville?”
“Yeah!” Pinkie pulled out his whistle. “Need me to sing the song again, so you can concentrate?”
“No, I don’t.” Twilight turned to the solitary monster-tree and closed her eyes. Her chest rose slowly as she took a deep breath. Her horn sparked and a thin ray of light struck the tree. Splinters of wood scattered across the forest floor. A smoking stump was all that remained, though the smell of ozone and smoke lingered for a brief moment.
“There, can we go now?”
Rainbow smiled. “Oh, you like it rough, huh? Well, don’t worry about that. I can be as rough as you like, baby.”
“Yes, good idea. Why don’t you start by running into the nearest boulder?” Twilight turned around and continued into the forest.
The trees quickly began to thin out, either because they were no longer possessed or simply because the Everfree was hard to predict. Making their way through the forest was still not easy, but it was better than it had been.
Before long, they emerged from the tree line. A wide, violent river stood in their path.
“How big is this stupid place?” Rainbow muttered. “No wonder nopony comes in here.”
“Ooh, looks like the pegasi will have to fly us over again,” Pinkie said.
“No way I’m carrying Pudgy Pie over that. I might throw out my back or something.” Rainbow turned to Twilight. “I wouldn’t mind carrying slightly sexier cargo, though.”
“And I’ve still got the balloons if you don’t like long hugs,” Pinkie added.
“For the last time, nopony is carrying me!” Twilight looked up and down the river. It stretched off in either direction. “Rarity and I can just teleport across, and the pegasi can carry the rest. It’ll be tiring, but the river isn’t that wide.”
Rarity’s ear perked upward. “Do you hear that?”
Pinkie nodded. “It sounds like crying.”
Rainbow Dash started towards the sound. “We should go check that out. What if a hot pony needs help with something?”
“Why would a ‘hot pony’ be in the Everfree Forest?” Twilight muttered.
“Well, you’re here. You never know.”
It didn’t take much walking to find the source of the noise. A huge purple sea serpent was crying and thrashing about near the shore.
“What’s with him?” Applejack asked.
“Well, that’s a silly question! He’s sad.” Pinkie rummaged around in his mane for a bit. “Don’t worry, I’ve still got those balloons somewhere…”
Rarity held up a hoof. “Don’t worry everypony. I can handle this.” Rarity approached the sea serpent. “Are you alright, darling?”
“No!” the serpent sobbed. “The last thing I am is alright!”
“Well, what could possibly be the matter?” Rarity took a few steps forward. “A handsome creature like you shouldn’t have any problems worth crying over.”
“Oh, it’s just awful!” the serpent replied. “I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when this tacky little cloud of purple smoke just whisked past me and tore half of my beloved mustache clean off! And now I look simply horrid.” The sea serpent buried his face in an arm and let out another set of loud, pitiful sobs.
“Really? When I first saw you, I thought you looked wonderful.”
“Oh, you’re just saying that!” Another sob.
“No, it’s true.” Rarity walked forward and brushed a hoof along the serpent’s belly. “You are clearly quite refined. Polished scales, an expertly crafted pompadour, the feathering on your tail spines…”
The serpent lifted up his head. “Well, you’re kind to notice, but it is all pointless without my moustache.” He absently stroked at the stub of hair. “My look is ruined without it.”
“Nonsense!” Rarity flipped his mane. It sashayed slightly before settling back into place. “Asymmetry is very in this season. That’s why I styled my mane this way. Why, when I walked up, I could have sworn your half-moustache was a deliberate style choice.” Rarity beckoned the serpent closer, and he lowered his face. “And might I just say, very chic.” Rarity held a hoof up to cover his mouth. “If I were 100 feet longer, I would even be getting hot and bothered.”
“Oh, my. You’re just saying that.” The serpent waved a claw dismissively.
“Nonsense! You should never be afraid to admit to yourself that you’re beautiful.” Rarity pulled a slip of paper out of his mane. “Here, take my card. If you ever need any clothing to complement your new look, the first one is on the house. I know how it feels to have your self-esteem disrupted.”
“Oh, thank you so much, kind sir.” The serpent took the card, and his tail stopped squirming as he read it. “If you ever need anything, just let me know!”
Rarity smiled. “Well, there is one thing. I’m sure it would be no trouble for a fine physical specimen, such as yourself.”
In no time at all, the serpent had ferried all six ponies across the river. They thanked him and continued on their way.
“Wow, Rarity!” Pinkie hopped over a rock. “You cheered him up, and you didn’t even use any balloons! How’d you do it?”
“Oh, it was nothing really,” Rarity said. He ducked to avoid some cobwebs. “My first model after my marefriend lef—ahem, after we broke up was the same way.” Rarity smiled. The average pony might’ve called it “nostalgic,” but a more astute observer would have said “predatory.” “So many individuals, pony or otherwise, just need a little emotional boost now and then. And if they want to repay such kindness, who am I to argue?”
Twilight shook her head. She was briefly concerned that statements like that weren’t as worrying as they should have been, but all the more reason to focus on the task at hoof.
Finally, they arrived at a huge ravine. The castle of the Royal Pony Sisters stood on the other side, clearly visible despite the thick fog.
“Oh come on! Was this forest colonized by pegasi or something?” Twilight buried her face in a hoof. “I swear, if I have to be pony-groped by a pervert to cross this thing…”
“Well, we could always teleport across.” Rarity leaned towards Twilight. “I’m sure a tandem teleport would trivialize all of that nasty fog. Of course, my combined spellcraft is a little rusty, so you’ll have to hold onto me very tightly.”
“Oh, don’t listen to him, baby.” Rainbow Dash smiled. “I promise I’ll be gentle. My coat is so soft you won’t even notice you’re being carried across. I’m almost like a cloud—a really muscular, sexy cloud. With great legs.”
“How modest of you,” Twilight muttered.
“Settle down, y’all.” Applejack pointed a hoof into the ravine. “Ain’t any need for all that fuss. The bridge snapped. Somepony just needs ta re-tie it.”
“For Celestia’s sake, AJ!” Rainbow groaned. “How many of my moves are you going to ruin today? That would have totally worked.”
Applejack chuckled. “Was ruined before I stepped in. Now are ya gonna fix the bridge or not? Won’t take ya that long.”
“Alright alright.” Rainbow floated over to the ravine and shot another smile at Twilight. “Don’t worry, Twi. Rainbow Dash is gonna make everything all better for ya.”
He leapt over the edge and quickly rose back up. Sure enough, there was a rope bridge dangling from his teeth.
The rope was frayed, but there was still enough left to re-tie the bridge. Rainbow circled the opposite post and landed, pulling the rope taut as he moved backward. The wood and hemp strained loudly, but quickly settled into place.
Rainbow moved to do the other side, but he paused. His coat bristled and his mane stiffened. Before he could put a hoof on it, he heard a voice behind him.
“Hello, Rainbow Dash.”
He spun around to find a trio of pegasi standing in front of him. One female and two males, all with a similar color scheme. Most of their features were covered by their uniforms, but the purples and blacks of their outfits matched the dark blue of their manes and tails. The tight spandex was reminiscent of a Wonderbolt outfit, but it had much less slack; there was a distinct strain around the joints and flanks of the three strangers.
“Who are you?”
The mare in the center smiled. Her mask strained loudly and visibly as it matched the movement. When it finally settled, there were quite a lot of her teeth showing. “We are the Shadowbolts, the greatest stunt team in all of the Everfree.” Her mouth shifted, and one of her teeth caught a glint of moonlight. For a second they looked a lot pointier than regular pony molars.
Rainbow scratched his head. “Sorry, never heard of ya.”
“Oh, we aren’t too well known…yet. But that could all change with the right captain to lead us.” She took a few steps forward. “Somepony told me you were the best flier in all of Equestria.” She leaned forward, her mouth stopping a little bit from Rainbow’s ear. “I’m sure we could use somepony like you, provided you weren’t too attached to your current social circle.” Her uniform squeaked as she withdrew her head. “So? What do you think?”
Rainbow Dash rubbed his chin for a moment. “I’d say you’re about a seven.”
“Excuse me?”
“Don’t get me wrong, you got a nice body, but that mane ain’t doing it for me. And your tailor must be half-blind.” He leaned in. “With some extra incentive, I’m sure I could join your team, though.” His eyes ran along her wings and across her tail. “I always did like the athletic types.”
“As if,” the pegasus scoffed. “Like some commoner is good enough for me.”
“Oh baby, I am anything but common!” Dash turned around, his tail swishing slightly as he showed off his flank. “I mean, look at that! My abs are even better.”
“I’m not going to sleep with you just to get you to join! I’m offering you a job as a captain! That should be plenty!”
Rainbow Dash let out a loud, fake yawn. “I get offers like that all the time, babe. You gotta sweeten the deal if you want someone as awesome as me.”
He turned around, but the pegasi had vanished.
His tail twitched. No matter where he looked, there was no sign of them. “Well, your loss!” he shouted. It barely echoed in the dense fog. “I’ve got dozens of teams competing for me! And I’ve got like, a hundred different chicks after me! I’m still getting love letters from the high school prom queen! So I don’t even need you and your lame team!”
The forest was silent.
Rainbow sighed and turned back to the bridge. A quick test showed the creaky planks would hold, so Rainbow fluttered back across the canyon. He landed in front of the others and waved a dramatic hoof at the bridge. “After you, milady.”
“Oh how polite of you,” Twilight muttered. “What took so long?”
“Oh, nothing important. These no-name stunt flyers begged me to join their team, but someone as awesome as me can’t settle for just anypony.” He leaned towards Twilight. “It’s really not fair. Nopony ever has to worry about settling for me.”
Twilight rolled her eyes as she stepped onto the bridge. “Yes, I’m sure all those restraining orders offer you such a wide selection.”
The others followed her. The ancient overpass creaked and teetered as their weight moved across it. One of the wooden planks sagged heavily as Pinkie stepped onto it, and another let out a violent crack when Applejack moved his hoof. The bridge swerved slightly as the group walked to the other side, but despite its vocal protests and irate gestures, it did not break.
Finally the ravine was behind them, and the ponies let out a collective sigh as they stepped off the rickety wood. Standing in front of them was a decrepit mass of stone: the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters.