• Member Since 24th Aug, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

Stratocaster


Hello! My name is Stratocaster, pegasus, musician, and author extraordinaire! Feel free to browse my work, leave plenty of feedback, and chat with me at any time! :D I hope you enjoy! *waves*

E

This story is a sequel to Twilight Shares The Narrator


Twilight has developed her relationship with Mr. Narrator, now with the addition of her friends being able to contact him. But one day, she disappears from sight and the Narrator grows worried as he sets out to track his best friend down. And much to his suspicion, Twilight finds herself in an unfamiliar Equestria controlled by an unknown malevolent being, one equally as powerful as the Narrator! Can Narry and the Elements of Harmony save Twilight from a world of chaos? And will more of his existence and abilities be revealed in the process?

Chapters (3)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 44 )

Oh ho ho! Now who might just be this new oddity?

This looks like it'll be fun! Can't wait for the next chapter! :twilightsmile:

Ooh! Another sequel!

Instant fav! :twilightsmile:

Liking this so far, but you should do a once over. Saw a few grammar errors, and missing words here and there.

Who is this mysterious pony? Will twilight be okay? How will pinkie's cake taste? Find out in the next episode of Dragonball z!

Sooo, Twilight is captured by another Narrator?

maybe, maybe not but thats an interesting concept of Narrator vs Narrator

*vibrates with joy*

Your new best friend. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Why does that ring a bell for me?

NOICE! I am definitely jazzed about this new addition to the series.
And until this gets blown to bits in the next chapter, I'm imagining the TF2 Spy as the evil Narrator (complete with evil French cackling).

oooo...the story continues!

Hey I absolutely love this series and hope it never ends :P Just got some Spelling and grammar stuff to help you with :)

Reading this back this feels really too analytical but I mean no Ill intention from this. I love this series so much and I hope it goes on forever! I just want to point out things I noticed as I want this story to be as best as it can! :D You deserve so much more recognition and you can expect me to do this for your next chapters (and hopefully sequels)! Muahahaha! I love you man! :scootangel:


1)

still covered in suds.

I believe this is supposed to be spuds :)

2)

Spike then began hurling pieces of trash other than himself around the kitchen, hoping he would hit some sort of invisible assailant

A small punctuation thing

other than himself

Should be in an embedded clause i believe.
Also a bit later on that paragraph it should be "metallic" instead of "metal"

3)

"Twilight! It wasn't my fault!" Spike pleaded like a pansy. "Your narrator guy or whatever started it! He would stop spraying me with water and-"

i believe you intended it to say "wouldn't" instead of "would"

4)

Twilight! I narrated every minute movement of every cleaning item in this kitchen and it only took me three hours! How ya like me now,

Minute used incorrectly but its slang so whatever. But "How ya like" would flow better as "how do ya" or "how d'ya like"
Nothing wrong just might flow better :P

5)

Okay wait, something feel right.

I believe this is supposed to be "something doesn't feel right"

6)

"Whoo! Too much wax!" She said, coming down from adrenaline.

"coming down" is maybe supposed to be "calming" i feel like. just feel more natural for me to say calming :P

7)

I am a master hider seeker and you will escape my hunt!"

something doesn't

"Twilight! Are you still home?!" She shouted. "Should I assume you're still home if you don't say anything?! If this is a random game of hide-and-seek, you won't last long! I am a master hider seeker and you will escape my hunt!"

feel right about this it could be a few things
"Hide and seeker player"
"hider and seeker"
"hide and seeker"
all work but not too sure what you were going for, the sentence just doesn't feel right :P

Right after that as well i believe it should be "you will not escape" :P

8)

You're sure about that?

Should be "are you sure" as "you're sure" would be a statement rather then a question.

9)

He has such this worried look on his little face!"

Again, just doesn't feel right maybe "such a worried" or "he has this worried"

Also a few tiny issues I noticed that aren't worth bringing up in a comment, for example just some incorrect tenses, but hope I'm helping! :D

8358838
Narrator-jitsu?

Yes! It continues!

This "evil voice" will make things quite interesting.
Whether that's a good thing remains to be seen...

Totally worth the wait! Keep it up!

Huh. Was honestly not expecting that, of all things. But this sounds cool! (And I kinda want to read the story of this alternate Equestria) Can't wait for more!

So there IS an Anti-Twi. You tease. Well, you’ve got me hooked.

*takes off sunglasses*
"Mother of Me" :trollestia:

...Maybe I'll just go ask Fluttershy.

That's probably for the better.

She then crumpled to the ground and began sobbing in typical dramatic fashion. "I don't know who I am anymore!"

That's another, hidden hint something is wrong.
Normally she would say "This is the Worst! Possible! Thing!" and faint on her couch.

Ya think Rainbow should be a rainbow farmer 'cause of her name?

Maybe she works at the Rainbow Factory...

"Oh please, I'm glad I don't have to hear that invisible goon." The little pansy replied.

The Narrator should be glad he didn't hear that...


Good chapter!
I can't wait to see what happens next!
(But why did Luna let Anti-Twilight keep her book and magic?)

I have a small suggestion for you:
When you make scene changes use an horizontal line instead of three dots. Like this:


Looks much better, right? There is even a botton for it! (Left from the "Add Link" button.)

Found an small error:

I don't she's told you this

I think here is something missing.

Well, I'd say this was worth the wait for sure. So the Editor is lying to the real Twilight, eh? Can't wait to see where this goes!

"We need to see the Oracle." Pinkie said, still in her mysterious black garb.

If you make a there is no spoon reference, you will become my fav pony.

8738706
Best character: English Spoon-bending Buddha Boy :rainbowlaugh:

When I think of this, I think of that level in Halo 3 with the Gravemind, and Cortana XD The editor is Gravemind, Twilight is Cortana lol

"I? I am a monument of all your sins." the Editor said. ( Lol XD )

This is an interesting chapter btw. 😄

I am not entirely sure what is going on right now, but I’m definitely looking forward to more.

How many times must we go over this, Twilight? I'm the Editor! I rule this world! I can stop any attempt you make to try and live your own life! Everything is done according to my plan! In this world, I am a god!

Where have I heard that before...? ....Oh yeah.

vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/wikizilla-role-play/images/d/dc/Dan_is_God.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20170510000915
NEITHER PONY NOR MAN CAN DEFY A GOD'S WILL! BEEEEEHEHEHEHEHEHEHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Hey! Your back! Wow, Twi has herself a real pickle doesn't she?

It took a shove from Princess Luna, causing them to fall over each other like dominoes, to snap the others from their baffled state.

Now I'm laughing!
What would be the most fitting sound effect?

"Oh okay, Princess Celestia!" said Pinkie, as she swiped up the white duck and placed her on her back. "You can come with us! Not sure what an alicorn turned duck will do to help. But at least you're super cute now!"

Good enough.

"Uh huh," replied Twilight, shutting the book. "So you've said. But I bet that's not the whole truth. Why should I believe an entity who changes things at the drop of a hat?"
I'm not familiar with that expression. Who's dropping hats? If anypony was dropping any hats then I would know about it!

Discord would probably literally dropping hats, right?
By the way, will he ejoin the party later?

"Not to mention you mixing my toothpaste with love potion!" added Colgate.

What happened? I would like to know the full story about this!
(At least it wasn't love poison...)

"You have nothing to fear, Miss Mayor." Twilight smiled like the fool she is. "What?"
Nothing!
"What?" asked Mayor Mare.
"Nothing!" replied Twilight.

:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Comment posted by Nornin deleted Jun 26th, 2018

I think I have an idea of who caused it. This looks like something Princess Celestia might be able to help with. Pinkie, I need you to come to Canterlot so you can talk to her for me. I don't think she is aware of my existence yet.

Didn't Twilight seek help with the Narrator from Celestia in the first story? Is the Narrator being forgetful or did that not happen in the threequel's continuity?

LOL! This is great! :trollestia: The troll level is high in this one.
I do hope you continue with it.

Good! Fan fiction's a waste of time anyway!

:rainbowlaugh::pinkiehappy::rainbowlaugh::pinkiehappy::facehoof:

"Twilight! Are you still home?!" She shouted. "Should I assume you're still home if you don't say anything?! If this is a random game of hide-and-seek, you won't last long! I am a master hider seeker and you will escape my hunt!"

I think there might be a word missing.

Oh yeah, that place. I don't she's told you this, but Twilight quarantined off the portal to the human world.

I do believe there's something missing :rainbowhuh:

Wow princess twilight needs a helping hand right now. Well the is nothing I can do about it right now but hey it's will get better after the s:yay:t storm right? Right?

I hope discord appears during this (and actually can hear the narrator because he's discord).

And I've now caught up with the Narrator trilogy, can't wait for the next chapter!

9333568
Of course he is, it usually takes him a while to post one chapter at a time. :)

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!