• Member Since 3rd Aug, 2014
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Cosmic Cowboy


I'm a linguist. I like ambiguity more than most people.

T
Source

Before Equestria had a Princess of Friendship to handle (or cause) international incidents, the business of diplomacy was carried out by trained, capable ambassadors, hoof-picked by Celestia herself. In fact, in all truly serious matters, it still is.

One of Her Majesty’s best and brightest ambassadors, Laurel Wreath, has done much to establish friendly relations with the minotaurs in their city-state of Minos. Too much, someone decides. When word reaches Celestia that her star diplomat has disappeared under extremely suspicious circumstances, she knows that she needs to act fast if she wants to stop whatever is next. A fast-flying ambassador might just be able to make it to Minos before it’s too late, but he would need escorts who could keep up with him.

There are two ponies in the Royal Guard who might be up for it, Celestia's captain tells her. His first choice is an abrasive, dispassionate rookie named Lightning Dust.

His second choice is... worse.


Edited by Cherry Frosting and Burraku_Pansa
Pre-read by Biker_Dash

Chapters (8)
Comments ( 49 )

Mmmmm... A promising beggining. Do tell.

:rainbowkiss: Yes! A story about best pony!

Looks like Dusty's finally gettin' that temper in check to be able to join the Guard. :scootangel: Hopefully she won't slip and beat everyone up.

Wait.

Oh god, she's gonna be in the middle of a political crisis in a foreign nation or whatever...
...
...
...
:pinkiecrazy: This can only go well.

5861400 Sure, why not. Might be updated by then, but probably not.

Interesting, but there's a potential plot hole there: being a Pegasus, couldn't she just land on a cloud and drift away? Even if it breaks up, there should be another within reach: or is the area known for its cloudless skies at this time of year?

5862937 Don't forget this is Equus, where clouds don't move on their own. If she wants to ride a cloud, she'd have to push it. And that's just like flying, but with extra effort and a place to sleep. She'd die of dehydration and exposure long before she saw land.

Wow. This was good. Also, I'm sorry I missed it two days ago.
That prologue was intense, nice twist there, interesting way of writing, I don't think I've seen that before.

On Posts, Plumage, and Possibilities I've got a few things.
1: Wonderful job showing exactly how boring it is on post. Or on any kind of militaristic deployment that mostly involves guard duty.
2: I'm liking the characters so far.
3: Ranking officers never salute first. You had the lieutenant salute them and then they returned it, but it should really be the other way around. In fact, at least in the American armed forces, a working party, detail, or formation (for parade, etc.) don't all salute individually (unless the formation is explicitly ordered to with "present arms") the commanding officer or ranking enlisted would salute and everyone else would continue on their way.
That's kind of nit-picky and doesn't really matter, but you had everything else so perfect I wanted to point it out.

Looking forward to seeing where this goes.

5866839 Well thanks. I've had two veterans involved in production for this, and somehow that slipped past both of them, and me as well. I think I'll go fix that.

5867167
No worries mate, I'm just glad I could be of help.

5867174 Actually, I can't find the part you're talking about. The lieutenant who leads them around salutes to the captain, and the lineup of guards salutes him when they're dismissed. I can't find anything else like what you're describing.

5867384

“Lieutenant Seaworthy will now call you up individually for an interview with Ambassador Olive Branch, and you will follow his instructions afterward.” He clicked his own hooves together and saluted, to which we saluted back.

I may be misunderstanding but I'm pretty sure this is the captain saluting the formation, and then them saluting back. Having looked at it again all other instances seem correct.

5867675 Aha. I missed that somehow. But looking at it, I'm not sure there's a more appropriate way to let them know he's done telling them stuff. I'll look into it.

5867757
I know what you mean, and it's probably not important at all if no one else is pointing it out. It works fine in context, besides, their military customs don't need to be exactly ours.

5867802 Believe me, that excuse has come up multiple times already.

5867757
If I may suggest:

"At ease!" We spread our hooves and relaxed a bit. "Here is what will happen. You will all stand by till your name is called by Lieutenant Seaworthy. At that time, you will report to Ambassador Olive Branch for an interview. Afterwards, follow any instructions he gives you. Is that understood?"

In unison, we all replied, "Yes, sir!"

"Good." To Seaworthy he said, "They're all yours, Lieutenant." With that, the captain made his way back inside to deal with whatever business he had, leaving us alone with Lieutenant Seaworthy, as the guy who must have been Ambassador Olive Branch went off on his own to the far corner of the parade grounds.

With whatever changes you feel you need to make it fit, of course. Just my thoughts on that particular piece.

5915546 Never thought of that one, thanks. What do you think about him saluting first right before that? Is that weird?

5917980
Yeah, it kinda does feel weird. I can't remember any kind of formation where the Officer/NCO in charge saluted the group, and the group saluted back. When they reported to him, then I could see him saluting, but before giving orders, not really.

I think you missed a sentence right before the 'earth ponies have magic?' bit, and there's also some author's notes tagged onto the end that I'm pretty sure aren't supposed to be there.
But other than that, I'm liking it.

5977420 Gosh dang, I knew something like that would happen. Thanks for pointing that out, it's been a really busy day for me.

Hmm. Based on the description, I like where this is going. Let's see where this goes, eh?

5862937 There are likely clouds, sure.

But can you survive on a couple for weeks/months with no supplies?

Even if she grabbed some saddlebags, filled them with whatever she needed, and got on a cloud, she has no way to get herself to safety.

She'd just die of starvation/dehydration.

I must say, I'm really enjoying the story so far. I've been searching for a well written story about Lightning Dust for some time now. She's one of my favorite characters, and I'm a sucker for her ambitious and brash personality and her ambiguous fate after Wonderbolts Academy.

The premise and pacing are engaging, giving us just a enough to work with. Lightning is well written, and I like how you've taken a hold of her character beyond her past with the Wonderbolts. So many stories become fixated on Lightnings failure at the Academy that its the only thing authors use to define her character. Its useful to drive her character, usually in some kind of revenge or redemption story, but very few seem to have explored her character beyond that. This story uses it correctly. The academy is only mentioned when necessary, and not tied so insufferably to Lightning, leaving room for her to develop more naturally and deeper as a character in context of this new adventure. That's not to say that I wouldn't enjoy seeing some resolution with her Wonderbolt past, but I wouldn't be disappointed if it didn't. Lightning herself is well balanced in her disposition, though I would dare say she seems to have mellowed a bit; perhaps its just the writing style, but she doesn't seem quite as outspoken in general, whether it be about herself or the current situation. I look forward to seeing her grow.

Plume is more interesting now that we've seen things from his perspective. Initially he seemed a bit flat to me; Lightning described him as an arrogant know it all (which it likely exaggerated from her bias), but we never really see him embody these traits to the degree that I would believe to substantiate Lightning's accusations. I expected some harsh words and more verbal sparring between Lightning and Plume, but the most we get is descriptions of rolled eyes or gestures. Once we get into his head, Plume is a much deeper character, and I like how you introduced the principles he holds for himself and the Guard via the narrative of his helmet and his father. Also well done with how Plume has started to break down the image Lightning has for him, it will be interesting to get back into Lightning's head and see her reaction after he apologized to her. I will say I'm glad there isn't a romance tag. I think a developing friendship for the two by the end of the story would make more sense.

Olive Branch (clever name), is sufficiently interesting. A tad whimsical in the face of danger, I think we'll see him really shine once the three of them get to Minos.

So as luck would have it, out of all the Lightning Dust stories I've been searching for, the good one has to be on a hiatus? I kid of course, but I do hope you plan on continuing this story. It's shaping up to be the best I've read concerning Lightning Dust.

6611599 Thanks for the comment! It's always nice to hear why someone enjoys your work.

I only recently put it on hiatus, and for a couple reasons. After thinking more about the story ahead, I realized I really should have had Twilight as the protagonist and main character, maybe with Lightning on the side. The only reason it's mostly about Lightning is because she's the only holdover I had from the old FoE headcanon story this was based on, that wasn't a silly OC. I just took away everything I didn't like and then filled in the gaps with new stuff that's less boring. Still not the best way to make a story.

Long story short, the more I thought about it, the less satisfied I was with the whole premise. I still have a lot of worldbuilding I haven't used yet and tons of characters and settings, and I was planning to make a whole trilogy. I may still, someday, but for now I'm not really working on it at all. And I'm never happy with my own writing, and I'm busy, and I'm just feeling less and less interested in fanfiction in general lately. It may pass. We'll see.

I'm glad my characters work, though. I bet we'll see Lightning in her own Map episode soon, so that should be fun. Stay tuned though, now that I'm thinking about it and I know at least someone really enjoys it, I may pull out Chapter 4 and see if I feel like adding to it. Finally getting to Minos!

6612921
Interesting. I can see why in retrospect Twilight might have been a better choice, what with all the diplomacy and all. But in defense of your original choice of Lightning Dust I think that's what makes it all the more interesting. The plot is entirely original, so there are no preconceived notions about how this is going to be a 'Lightning Dust story' (I.E. wonderbolts revenge, redemption, drunk dust, etc.), which I think provides greater opportunities for the growth of the character.

I can completely sympathize with the frustration of your own writing. I've been working on the same drawn out story for two years. The pacing is rough and the plot at times feels all over the place. And I'm lucky to get a chapter complete per month. I can also sympathize with your sentiment about world building; it always seems difficult to balance pacing of the story with world building while not losing the focus of the plot or the reader.

Don't feel pressured to continue of course. Though if you do I will definitely be a consistent reader. I very rarely comment/review, but even if this story wasn't to continue I would still stand by my earlier comments.

As far as Lightning Dust appearing in a episode, I would be ecstatic to see her (along with Sunset showing up in the show). It seems all the antagonists have had a redemption of sorts. It would almost seem unfair if she wasn't given a chance as well.

*looks at picture* Minos is in a crater.

If Celly gets PO'd enough, it'll just end up being a bigger, molten crater. :trollestia:

Will Lightning Dust be beating anybody up in this story?

“If it helps you at all, this animal knew what its body would be used for after it died, and would understand why you have to do this. Isn’t that right?” he asked the vendor, who raised his eyebrows before nodding.

\

'The vendor smirked as the stupid ponies left. "Yeah, it understood, all right," the minotaur chuckled darkly. "The cow was pleading the whole time, so I'm pretty sure it knew exactly what we were doing with the knife at its throat."'

In a world where a huge number of species are sapient, this WOULD BE A MAJORLY CONTENTIOUS ISSUE. I have encountered this exact sort of scene a number of times and it's the same thing every single time. NO, we all do not have to agree with everything another culture does when it is in diametric opposition to our own, and we CERTAINLY don't have to engage in it if we oppose it!

You know, simply because someone understands a culture does NOT mean they must take part in it. The ponies all kowtowing and eating meat is actually a significant sign of weakness, that they will not stand up for their own beliefs and bend at the slightest pressure, as demonstrated by the narrator falling prey to the peer pressure.

And, of course, the pony then starts to like it... which is ridiculous. Many vegans become ill at the taste of meat and cannot at once even digest it properly if they begin to eat it because their systems have adapted to a meat-free diet. Should we force vegans to eat meat if it's part of our culture? I notice that these 'cultural sensitivity' piece in these stories are extremely one-sided. The ponies are ALWAYS obligated to serve whatever a visiting species demands of Equestria, but then they are then expected to eat the local food when they are in another country.

The knife cuts both ways.

I, naturally, would steadfastly refuse to engage in something I did not wish to, as people who attempt to pressure me to an annoying degree eventually find the pressure of my fist squarely in their face. This tends to result in them leaving me alone, even after they regain consciousness! (I don't argue with what works) :trollestia:

7018792 There will be ups to be beaten, but we'll see if it happens in this story or the next one.
7018837 "Diplomacy is as diplomacy does." -Olive Branch, in response to Equestrian ethical activists.

7019482 I would point to a certain British Prime Minister who kowtowed a bit too much a little madman marching all over Europe.

Diplomacy for the sake of diplomacy is merely another form of madness. There must be a goal, and a direction, and a purpose. And behind all, wisdom enough to know when something is wise to do, and when it's merely pandering to tyrants and fools.

Once diplomacy becomes merely a blanket set of rules and premises, he who blinds and binds himself thusly to meaningless formality cannot see when the viper begins to move; while the beguiling serpent, ever-shifting in its ways, easily moves in to deliver a lethal strike.

7019494 There is a good deal of distance between being too lenient with Hitler's political actions and showing respect for a society's millenia-old dietary customs.

Equestria has long since reconciled themselves politically with the fact that the majority of the world's cultures eat meat. If it weren't for Equestria's rulers having so much power in themselves, no one would even be humane about it, which they are; in Minos, livestock are kept on estates outside the city, and are only butchered after dying of old age. Not the best meat quality, but the ethical question was decided long ago with that as a compromise when the minotaurs realized they really didn't want to start a war with the ponies.

The political issues that Olive is here to deal with are much more important than forcing minotaurs (and the rest of the meat-eating world with them) to become vegetarians. They're also completely unrelated.

The point Olive is making by asking Plume to eat meat is that just judging someone by what makes them different blinds you to what's really important, and what needs to be judged. Eating meat doesn't make minotaurs evil any more than it makes wild predator animals evil. But murdering politicians and diplomats is pretty evil, and Olive doesn't want the ponies he's going to be working with to make decisions and judgments based on generalizations and prejudice.

I compare this issue to religious differences. If I were a Jewish diplomat to a fledgling Nazi Germany, I wouldn't waste my time condemning all Germans for eating pork. They're not Jewish, so I shouldn't expect them to do Jewish things. But there is are some people at the top who hate my people, so I should probably be doing something about that.

7022301 And yet, despite being so compromising to said Nazis, they'd still be building concentration camps. Playing nice does not change the minds of monsters.

My point is that trying to not to offend everyone's cultural sensibilities is pointless if it's not done cleverly.

Case in point, my grandfather was a political liaison to Saudi Arabia and was invited to a dinner by Prince Saud. He was given the delicacy of sheep's eyeballs, which is something typically reserved for high-level guests at a royal banquet.

As he put it, "I looked down at those eyeballs and they looked up at me and I knew there was no way I could eat those things without throwing up." But, being clever in his way, he politely declined by saying that he was merely a lieutenant colonel by rank and was not high enough to be worthy of such an honor. This went over quite well with everyone there.

To put it simply, there are better ways to deal with uncomfortable situations than timidly acquiescing to everything. The greatest of diplomats are also consummate con artists. :raritywink:

7024835 You missed my point. The Jewish ambassador's decision to ignore German consumption of pork had nothing to do with his efforts to stop the monsters in the Nazi party. They're completely separate issues, and the same thing goes for minotaurs and meat.

As for your grandfather, it's true that Olive can get out of uncomfortable situations like he did, including cultural ones. He often does.

But this isn't about an uncomfortable cultural expectation, or about whether or not Minotaurs should eat meat. If it was, Olive wouldn't have gone out of his way to get his guards to try meat like he did. But Olive doesn't actually feel uncomfortable about it at all, and no one expects ponies to eat meat. That's why the vendor raised his eyebrow at the order. Olive wanted to teach Dust and Plume a lesson about understanding. He's just the sort of guy who orders meat for you to prove a point, even though you're a vegan.

Do you get what I'm saying? Olive made this decision of his own volition, not to kowtow or appease the locals and certainly not out of pressure, but for Plume and Dust, because most Equestrians look at it like Plume did. He wanted Plume and Dust to get over that mindset, and he succeeded. And Plume's reaction to the experience is very much an exception to the rule, and that's what freaks him out so much about it.

7024978 Then you're saying they would have been free to refuse to eat it?

That's a little like expecting children to resist peer pressure, while still declaring they have a 'choice'. Certainly a rare few are strong enough in themselves (myself included), but most fold like a piece of paper in an origami master's hands.

What WAS the point of that little episode? If he'd wanted them to understand the minotaurs ate meat, why was it so critical to entice them to eat it too? That, to me, comes a bit too close to the act of spitting over your own values to raise up another nation's. It's a baby step to cultural suicide.

You pointed out offering meat to a vegan... are you aware that most vegans would have been horrified and insulted immensely by such an offer? I would counter that those who offer meat to someone they know is a vegan... well, to be blunt, they're being an ass.

Respecting someone's cultural differences is quite a different thing from adopting them, then asking others to behave the same way. It's like asking a woman from our country to undergo female circumcision if they wish to serve in countries with that practice. And yes, in this case it is similar, since the minotaurs are admittedly eating sapient creatures, which is about as horrifying even to us as is female circumcision. The choice to refuse is there, but what does that say about the one making such an absurd request in the first place when common sense alone should suggest it should not be done.

I see no rationale behind it.

7025112 This is all according to Olive's opinions and views, so it's okay not to agree. I don't even claim they're mine.

But to explain his reasoning a little more, he doesn't want Dust's and Plume's impressions of minotaurs as a whole to get in the way of finding out who killed the last ambassador, which he's counting on their help to do. So he's ripping off the band-aid, knowing that it's really unlikely that either of them will refuse, and not really thinking of it as that big of a deal. Like I said, the issue of carnivorism (I wish that was a real word) has been around for thousands of years and it's not limited to the minotaurs, so it's not really controversial anymore, at least on a political level. Individually, most ponies are pretty ignorant of the world and of history, so those who are knowledgeable, like Olive, not only expect this sort of reaction from them, but tend to look down on them as naive and immature.

This is just the world of Equestria according to this story, though, so again, it's fine if you disagree. I'm only presenting it as one possible interpretation, and any other stories I write will probably handle things differently.

By the way, if Plume or Dust had refused, Olive would have congratulated them on upholding their standards, and explained why he did it just the same. He does think a little less of both of them for caving like they did, though.

7025250 Caving in is a break in the mind. Such a thing is extraordinarily dangerous to do around me, as my will seizes upon the fissure and rends my adversary's mind asunder! I simply possess a will of transparent aluminum... so powerful it hasn't even been invented yet!

Maud understands this... we are both...

moviepropwarehouse.com/image/cache/data/unbreakable2-500x500.jpg

:trollestia:

In reference to the rest, it's odd that the ponies in this world are as naive as those in the canon Equestria, where it seems even griffons tend to subsist on pastries rather than people.

I hadn’t even known minotaurs were real.

Pegasus schools, I tell you what.

Finally getting around to reading this, and it's pretty great. Your Lightning Dust is not somepony I mind hearing the thoughts of.

Olive Branch is a pretty solid diplomancer. It seems that he's supernaturally good at his job.

I was surprised to get a peek inside Plume's head. Oddly, this actually made me feel more sympathetic to Lightning Dust and less sympathetic to him. It might be that he reminds me too much of somebody I used to be. :derpytongue2:

Let's see... Fluffy, silent wings; has a taste for flesh; is a colossal nerd...

Is Plumage secretly part owl?

Silliness aside, I liked the introduction to the city. Why is it dug into a pit, though? Is it to keep the place dark and cool?

I think I predicted Trump back in November 2015 when I wrote most of this. Too bad we don't have an Equestria in our world to step in and stop us from a stupid election.

We do, obviously. Problem is, it's us. Herp derp! Blueblood for President! No, Spoiled Rich!

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to voting. :pinkiesick:

The next chapter will come out when it is ready. Us fans understand that perfection is worth the wait.

Previous chapter was a fascinating look inside Olive's head. How do you keep writing characters that I don't really like as people, yet feel highly invested in how things go for them?

And then there's this chapter. Wasting no time at all getting to the danger and intrigue, are we? If these are the "pro-friendship" minotaurs act, then I shudder to think of their opposition.

And yay for LD doing bodyguardly things!

7318857 Glad to hear it's working. I have no idea if the characters work, I just write what feels right and hope it sticks.

I think this fic is the best representation of Lighting Dust yet, I also love your ability to craft entirely new characters and make me as a reader care about them. Good job :twilightsmile:

Thank you for coming back to the story.

I really enjoy it and I hope you enjoy writing it.

Dumb luck had been a better bodyguard to Olive than me,

Come to think of it, Dumb Luck wouldn't be a bad name for a bodyguard. Sort of a cross between Derpy and Inspector Clouseau, foiling plots with his own clumsiness.

Lightning Dust, I give you my permission to think freely.

An amusing twist on the expression, and also a dangerous order. The Guard doesn't like it when ponies think for themselves. :rainbowwild:

And it’s not just me, either—you came highly recommended.

What did you do, Lightning Dust, to get Celestia's attention?

Let it slip away like an idiot filly dropping her puppy on a cloud and then waiting for it to miraculously pop back out!

Oh no. :twilightoops: I get the feeling that this is a disturbingly regular occurrence in pegasus cities.

“Say what you want, but you haven’t let your ambassador die yet.”

She settled back onto her pillow, letting out a ragged, shaky breath.

“That’s more than the rest of us can say.”

Augh, my heart!

Regarding that author's note:

Greetings from one aspie to another. I've known about my condition since I was about eight, and everyone always thought I was more than a little weird, so I can't say it was much of a shock for me to receive my diagnosis. Getting the correct diagnosis did help me a lot, though, since I got to stop taking cocaine ritalin (practically the same thing) and get more targeted help with my social skills.

While I'm no stranger to writing parts of myself into my characters, I think the only one that's obviously an aspie would be Obvious Question for the OC Slamjam. I've said it before, but I think you did a much better job writing him than I did (though I still prefer my treatment of Rachis Barbule).

Well, I hope to see you around. I, for one, am looking forward to more of this story, and to whatever side-adventures catch your fancy in the meantime.

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