Twi-B-Gone
The Narrator Finds Twilight
by Crazy Professor Stratocaster
Chapter 1: Twi-B-Gone
"Citizens of Equestria, friends and family, we are gathered here today to witness the union between these two beloved. Princess Twilight Sparkle, do you take the Narrator to be your husband, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health?"
"I do, Princess."
"And do you, Narrator, take Twilight to be your lawfully wedded wife?"
I certainly do!
"Then by the power invested in me, by the kingdom of Equestria and by the magic of friendship, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may now kiss the bride!"
...
"Sooooooooooooo?" asked Pinkie. "What did you think of my fan fiction?!"
Twilight and I get married in the end?! Pinkie, that's insanity! Why would that ever happen? How would we even physically kiss?!
"Well excuse me, Mister Picky Voice!" sassed Pinkie. "If you're gonna poke holes in this then you can just forget the sequel!"
Good! Fan fiction's a waste of time anyway!
"What are you two talking about?" asked Twilight.
"Nothing!"
Nothing!
"Okay, whatever." Twilight said as she entered the map room of Friendship Castle. "Pinkie, I really wish you wouldn't monkey around in this castle. That table is fragile. It's made of crystal after all."
"Oh come on, Twilight!" replied Pinkie with, springing on her crystal chair. "You don't think a big magic-y castle can withstand little ol' me?" She then face-planted on the floor after slipping on the chair.
Twilight sighed. "Maybe it can, but one thing I can't withstand is germs. We're giving this whole castle a good scrubbing from top to bottom."
"Aw, cleaning? That's no fun!" Pinkie scoffed. "And isn't anypony else here to help?"
"Because I think you need a lesson in good housekeeping." Twilight said. "Plus everypony else was busy. Now why don't you start by sweeping up the front hall?" She then levitated a broom over to her.
"Aha! Luckily I'm a champion at broom skating at Sugarcube Corner!" Pinkie grinned as she mounted the broom. "You won't take my fun away yet, Twilight!" She whooped as she rapidly slid away riding the broom once again defying any physical logic.
Twilight blinked. "That was easy."
Well good luck with cleaning the place, Twilight. Wish I could help but, you know. I guess I'll just go and see what Applejack or Fluttershy are doing.
"Where do you think you're going?"
...Um...where do you think I'm go-
"Don't think you're getting out of cleaning just because you're omnipotent, my dear voice." Twilight glowered. "You're going to start doing a little manual labor around here. Because I know you refuse to just 'narrate' the whole place clean."
Not true! It would just be an abuse of my powers.
"Oh please, that's the excuse you made when I told you to pick up your dirty tissues." She said. "And what the hay do you need tissues for anyway?!"
That's none of your business! And there's nothing you can do to convince me to clean your house!
"...Pweeeeeeeeeease?" she squeaked, her face resembling a big-eyed puppy. "Pwetty pwease, Narry? I'll be weal happy if you help me!"
...mmmmmph...Okay, okay! Darn you for knowing I can't resist cuteness!
"Thank you, Narrator! You can start in the kitchen!" Twilight said smugly and trotted away.
...
Over the next couple of hours, Twilight got underway with her cleaning that was a few months shy of spring. She worked to organize the upstairs while Pinkie continued sweeping, and meanwhile the kitchen began tidying "itself". The dishes in the sink were given a good scrubbing and drying, the food in the pantries were organized and old dirt and grime was scraped up from behind the- oh who am I kidding this is boring! Narrators aren't supposed to dictate common household chores! I'll go crazy if I have to keep up this monotony!
"Stupid bag! It frikin' stinks!" muttered Spike as he dragged a bag of garbage out of the kitchen. "Why am I always the one to do this?!"
Oh that's right, Spike still can't hear me...Heh heh heh heh heh...
"Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick. What the?!"
Suddenly, the brush from the kitchen sink began swooping around Spike's head, causing him to drop the garbage and swat around in fright. The brush even began scrubbing against the little dragon's head, still covered in suds. Spike sputtered as the brush moved all around.
"AAAH! What's going on?!" he exclaimed. "Oh wait a minute! You're Twilight's ghost friend, aren't you?! You think you're so cool just because you make crap float around?!" He shouted at the air, his purple scales looking shinier by the second. "Come down here so you can fight me like a man!"
Spike then began hurling pieces of trash other than himself around the kitchen, hoping he would hit some sort of invisible assailant. But his efforts were in vain as he simply made the whole kitchen messy again. After I've been cleaning it! You want a war, lizard?! I'll give you a war! As Spike threw discarded food, the sink gave off a loud, metal rattle and a torrent of water rushed out of it. The water gushed Spike completely and rinsed off the dish soap from his scales. Several dishes lay shattered on the floor.
"Now I got you!" he shouted, foolishly, and catapulted garbage at the sink.
Then, the upper cabinets sprang open and box after box of oats fired in Spike's direction. Sprinting to avoid the flying food, Spike quickly opened the refrigerator and darted inside. A second later he poked out of the freezer door and proceeded to chuck frozen veggie patties at his unseen foe. A fleet of fruits from the counter retaliated and flew towards him, splattering against the fridge as he hid inside like the coward he is!
At this point, the kitchen had become a battered war zone. Every food group was found smeared against every surface at great velocity. Oat flakes lay strewn about the tiled floor amidst pools of spilled water, milk and juice. And what's more, the stench of the forgotten garbage bags wafted through the hellish battlefield along with the stench of conflict. When would the fighting come to an end?
"Give up now, you crazy ghost!" shouted Spike, holding a carton of eggs and standing atop the fridge. "You can't keep this up for much longer!"
Just then, a discretely stashed box of gemstones levitated over the sink.
"Wait, what are you doing?!"
The box opened as the garbage disposal in the drain whirred to life.
"AAAH! Don't you dare!" Spike panicked and laid down his weapons.
The box tilted ever so slightly as the gems began tumbling inside, ready to take the final plunge.
"I'm warning you!"
A delicious-looking ruby inched toward the edge, awaiting a gruesome demise.
"You monster!!!"
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!"
The garbage disposal switched off and the box of gems was laid down, as Twilight stood in the doorway of the kitchen. The snarl on her face did not give off the impression that she was happy about the progress of cleaning.
"Twilight! It wasn't my fault!" Spike pleaded like a pansy. "Your narrator guy or whatever started it! He would stop spraying me with water and-"
Honestly, Twilight, I have no idea what this lizard is talking about. Don't believe a word he-
"Enough!" Twilight scolded. "Spike, you pick up every last bit of garbage that you apparently just threw everywhere! And you! What part of 'clean the kitchen' did you think meant turn it into a modern art studio?!"
Um...are you saying it looks good?
Twilight threw a banana peel at the wall out of rage, somehow thinking it would have effect. "How can somepony with omnipotent powers not carry out a simple task?!"
Well, to be fair, Twilight...this is boring.
"Oh excuse me! I'm every so sorry for subjecting you to boredom! How unfair of me!"
I can't help thinking you're speaking sarcastically.
"Just shut up and start over!" Twilight ordered. "You're cleaning this whole kitchen from top to bottom. And with effort!" She started out of the kitchen with a sigh. "I swear, Narrator, where in Equestria would you be without me?"
Is that a rhetorical question?
"Get back to work!"
Yes, ma'am!
"That's what you get, you psycho ghost!" Spike gloated as he exited the kitchen.
Hey! Lizard! Get back here and clean up the trash you threw! Oh wait, he can't hear me. Darn, I really have to do something about pastry carriage glass little frog boil heavy grandfather mountain trouble...Whoa, I just bugged out for a second. That's never happened before. Weird. Oh crap the faucet is still running.
...
At last the kitchen of Friendship Castle was spotless and pristine once again. The remnants of the food war were now history and the room was restored back to its crystal state. And it was all done the hard way, Twilight! I narrated every minute movement of every cleaning item in this kitchen and it only took me three hours! How ya like me now, Princess?! Still think I can't do manual labor?!...Hmm, what the heck is she doing?
Upstairs in the master bedroom, sheets and linens for the cozy furniture were piled on the bed after having been washed thoroughly. But only some of this pile had been neatly folded. What's more, the adjacent bathroom was sparkly clean but was void of any purple ponies. There was no sign of Twilight here even though she had been upstairs all day...Okay wait, something feel right.
"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!"
Pinkie suddenly appeared riding a moistened mop over the upstairs hall and into the bedroom. Her unsafe velocity caused her to crash into the newly tidied closet and clothes to rain over her. She lay there in a daze.
"Whoo! Too much wax!" She said, coming down from adrenaline.
Pinkie, did Twilight go anywhere? I didn't sense her leaving.
"What? She wouldn't leave." Pinkie sprang up. "She'll spend all day trying to make sure this place is super squeaky clean! At least she would have told me or Spike. And I would have seen her going out the door. Ooh! Or maybe she flew out a window? I keep forgetting she can fly, usually because she's only okay at it, but really she's-"
Pinkie! Are you sure you didn't see Twilight anywhere?
"Positive!" Pinkie's expression instantly turned from happy to shock. "Wait...she's not here!"
Reeeeeally?
"Twilight! Are you still home?!" She shouted. "Should I assume you're still home if you don't say anything?! If this is a random game of hide-and-seek, you won't last long! I am a master hider seeker and you will escape my hunt!"
Pinkie, this is a big place and I can't see, hear, or sense Twilight here in any way. And if she left the castle I would have known. I can't feel her presence at all.
"What are you saying, Narry?" asked Pinkie.
I'm saying Twilight must have disappeared!
"Oh come on, you invisible worry wart!" scoffed Pinkie. "What, did you forget that Twilight is a master at magic? She probably teleported herself to somewhere else in Ponyville!"
You're sure about that?
"Of course! Twilight bounces around everywhere almost as much as I do!" she replied with a jump. "I'm sure she'll be back soon."
...Well, I hope you're right.
"Jeez, Narrator, I didn't know you'd get so crazy about Twilight being gone." Pinkie teased. "You're like Gummy when I come home from vacation. He has such this worried look on his little face!"
Look I just have a gut feeling, okay?
"Eww! I know that feeling after sprinkled marshmallows." Pinkie said and trotted away. "Hey why don't I show you how to make some yummy ginger cake?! It's good for digestion!"
But I just cleaned the kitchen!
"Great! So now it'll be sanitary for us to bake!" She happily hopped downstairs.
"Did somepony say cake?!" called Spike from below.
Hmmm...maybe she's right. Maybe I am worrying over nothing. After all, Twilight's so busy, there's really no telling what she's up to.
...
"...mmmph...mmm what...what happened? Ugh, wh-where am I? It's completely dark. My head is spinning. What was I doing?...Hello?!...Is anypony here?!...Can you hear me?!"
Hello, Twilight.
"What?! Somepony there?! Where are you?! How do you know my name?!"
Hm hm hm! Wouldn't you like to know?
"Who are you?!"
Your new best friend. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Introducing my long awaited threequel to Twilight and the Narrator! I certainly hope you like the direction I'm taking in this endeavor and that you're ready for a crazy ride! Leave plenty of feedback as I always enjoy hearing from you fools amazing, beautiful ponies! Also for some reason this new format seems to have a bug in the paragraph indent tool so I apologize for that. You'll just have to do with unindented paragraphs like some filthy troglodyte. Enjoy, comrades! 
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Oh ho ho! Now who might just be this new oddity?
This looks like it'll be fun! Can't wait for the next chapter!
Ooh! Another sequel!
Instant fav!
Liking this so far, but you should do a once over. Saw a few grammar errors, and missing words here and there.
Who is this mysterious pony? Will twilight be okay? How will pinkie's cake taste? Find out in the next episode of Dragonball z!
Sooo, Twilight is captured by another Narrator?
maybe, maybe not but thats an interesting concept of Narrator vs Narrator
*vibrates with joy*
Why does that ring a bell for me?
NOICE! I am definitely jazzed about this new addition to the series.
And until this gets blown to bits in the next chapter, I'm imagining the TF2 Spy as the evil Narrator (complete with evil French cackling).
oooo...the story continues!
Hey I absolutely love this series and hope it never ends :P Just got some Spelling and grammar stuff to help you with :)
Reading this back this feels really too analytical but I mean no Ill intention from this. I love this series so much and I hope it goes on forever! I just want to point out things I noticed as I want this story to be as best as it can! :D You deserve so much more recognition and you can expect me to do this for your next chapters (and hopefully sequels)! Muahahaha! I love you man!
1)
I believe this is supposed to be spuds :)
2)
A small punctuation thing
Should be in an embedded clause i believe.
Also a bit later on that paragraph it should be "metallic" instead of "metal"
3)
i believe you intended it to say "wouldn't" instead of "would"
4)
Minute used incorrectly but its slang so whatever. But "How ya like" would flow better as "how do ya" or "how d'ya like"
Nothing wrong just might flow better :P
5)
I believe this is supposed to be "something doesn't feel right"
6)
"coming down" is maybe supposed to be "calming" i feel like. just feel more natural for me to say calming :P
7)
something doesn't
feel right about this it could be a few things
"Hide and seeker player"
"hider and seeker"
"hide and seeker"
all work but not too sure what you were going for, the sentence just doesn't feel right :P
Right after that as well i believe it should be "you will not escape" :P
8)
Should be "are you sure" as "you're sure" would be a statement rather then a question.
9)
Again, just doesn't feel right maybe "such a worried" or "he has this worried"
Also a few tiny issues I noticed that aren't worth bringing up in a comment, for example just some incorrect tenses, but hope I'm helping! :D
8358838
Narrator-jitsu?
Yes! It continues!
This "evil voice" will make things quite interesting.
Whether that's a good thing remains to be seen...
I think there might be a word missing.
9064176
The meta
9091956
pm1.narvii.com/6201/4924801e3e621b2d5dd2901b90671cebf7718cd5_hq.jpg
and like that onto tracking.
flowey, don't make me call sans
I suspect the editor.
New Narrator giving the old one trouble?
Im confused about the end...
Nice duel... Spike lost i guess?
Get out of here, that was the worst thing to've done to your readers. Come now, what da fudge?!
11524844
I take that back. That wasn't nearly so bad, as I thought it to be... I suppose, the opening almost didn't suck.
Discord? Bill Cipher?? Flowey??!
Who is that mysterious voice??!