//------------------------------// // Planes, Trains and Incorporeal Entities // Story: The Narrator Finds Twilight // by Stratocaster //------------------------------// Chapter 4: Planes, Trains and Incorporeal Entities The steady click and clack of the rustic rails became white noise in everypony's ears, as the 4:30 to Appleloosa thundered through the sun-baked plains. The five ponies, one dragon and one web-toed princess had found an open cabin on their coach and sat on the benches looking out at the setting sun. This would have been the opportune time to rest up for the dangerous quest that lay ahead. But nopony was in the mood to relax, anxious to get the Princess of Friendship back from the brink. The sense of nervousness was palpable in the compact cabin; that is beside the fact that Applejack was too busy out in the aisle arguing with the attendant over the snack cart. "Yer tryin' to tell me there's not ONE celery based snack on this here cart?!" scorned Applejack. "Sorry, ma'am, but no." The serving mare replied sternly. "We only serve our passengers with comfort food." "And just what's that supposed to mean?!" scoffed Applejack. "Don't tell me ya can't get any comfort out of some ants on a log!" "I have no idea what that is." The attendant said, irritated. Inside the cabin, Rainbow was growing restless as she stared out the window, fidgeting in her seat. "Urgh, this train cannot move fast enough. I don't know where we're going ultimately, but I want to get there already." "What else does that book say about the Fate Coin, Rarity?" asked Fluttershy, breaking the ice. Rarity opened up the tome she borrowed from Princess Luna. "According to this, the unknown wizard enchanted a coin that he acquired from a treasure of gold he found. The treasure was part of a caravan run by thieves who lost their way in the desert and disappeared. It is said that legendary outlaw Blazing Buck was leading this caravan." "How does anyone even know about this stuff?" asked Spike. "A lost thief caravan discovered by an unknown wizard? I mean, who was actually there to recount the story?" Rarity peered at the back binding of the book. "It says, 'From the collected accounts of Fibbing Fables the Dubious, the Exalted Exaggerator of Equestria'." "Man this is a waste of time!" blurted Rainbow. "Princess Luna has unlimited magic resources and she sends us on some kind of snipe hunt! How are we supposed to save Twilight with this dreck?!" Take it easy, Rainbow. You've been through crazier stuff before. We are sure to be closer to finding Twilight than we were just sitting around Ponyville. "Whatever," she sulked as she stood up and exited. "I'm gonna take a walk. We'd be closer if this whole train were to derail." Oh please don't let that be foreshadowing. Rainbow stalked down the aisle of the train car past Applejack stirring up a fury over the snack cart. She crossed over onto the last passenger car where she hoped to get some fresh air on the end balcony. But before she could open the door to the outside, a voice called to her from the bench to her right. "Pardon me, young miss," came a lilting male voice from behind a newspaper. "Might there be something troubling you?" "What's it to you, old timer?" Rainbow sneered. The newspaper was lowered, revealing a light gray stallion with a combed white mustache, top hat, and monocle. "I couldn't help but overhear you and your friends, as I was strolling up the train, that you were in search of the fabled Fate Coin." "None of your bus- wait," Rainbow approached the stranger. "How do you know about the Fate Coin?" "Begging your pardon, miss," the gentlecolt said. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Finders Keepers, scholar of archaeology. I have spent my life collecting rare treasures, especially those of potent magical properties. And I have studied up on the very coin you are looking for." "Then does that mean you know where it is?" asked Rainbow. "I am afraid there are only wrong answers to that question, my dear." Finders Keepers explained. "The Fate Coin does not even exist. It is a myth. A product of exaggerated history and the telephone game." "I knew it!" exclaimed Rainbow. "So this is just a waste of time!" "Ever so awkward to bring up bad news to a stranger," said Finder Keepers. "But, there it is. I'd hate to let somepony such as yourself wander into danger for no reason." "Normally I'd thump you for eavesdropping on me and my friends," glowered Rainbow. "But you may have just saved me from certain death in the desert. So thanks, I guess." She walked on back toward her passenger car. "Don't mention it, my dear!" Finders Keepers tipped his hat. "Always happy to steer others on the right path!" Uh, Rainbow, did that guy seem a little strange to you? "Of course he looked weird, Narrator," she said as she crossed the aisle. "He looked like the mascot from that board game: Corporate Takeover." I mean there was just some kind of odd vibe to him. Some kind of energy that makes my skin crawl. Just think, how did he knew about the Fate Coin? And what are the odds of a so-called treasure hunter ending up on the same train as us just as we're looking for this thing? Awful bit of a coincidence, isn't it? "You're being paranoid, Narrator." Rainbow sulked. "Right now, we gotta stop wasting time and find another way to find Twilight. We gotta turn this train around!" That's not how it works. But I'm telling you, that pony is pretty suspicious. He even gives me the chills. I don't think he's who he says he is... Rainbow rejoined her friends in their cabin. "Good news, guys!" she said. "Well, sort of. I just talked to this rich artifact guy and he told me that the Fate Coin doesn't even exist. This is all just a big wild goose chase." "Quack! Quack!" came Celestia. "I said goose chase! Goose!" "Yer takin' the word from some stranger on a train?" glowered Applejack. "That's mighty dim, even for you." "Rainbow we can't give up for one moment on any chance of rescuing Twilight." Fluttershy said. "Who's to say this coin doesn't exist?" "C'mon, this guy seemed pretty credible to me." Rainbow shrugged. "I think a guy named Finders Keepers would know a thing or two about lost treasures." "Finders Keepers?" repeated Rarity, skeptically. "Rainbow, I've heard that name before. Finders Keepers isn't an artifact collector; he's a high-end property landlord from Canterlot. He has no business in magical artifacts or the desert for that matter." "My gosh!" gasped Pinkie. "He's become completely delusional with amnesia and has come to reinvent himself riding the rails!" "Pinkie, the only delusional one is Rainbow." Spike said. "That guy was obviously an impostor! Probably someone trying to throw us off the trail!" "But who the hay would want to stop us?" pondered Rainbow. "Who would even know of the kind of adventure we're on?" "I reckon I have an idea who." Applejack said gravely as she took a slow bite from a celery stalk. "AJ, seriously, that crunching sound is making me ill." Fluttershy cringed. "I don't tell ya how to live yer life, Fluttershy!" blurted Applejack with a mouthful as she got up and cantered down the aisle. "He was in one of the seats over here." Rainbow followed alongside. But when they both approached the correct bench, there was no high-end archaeologist or landlord sitting upon it. "But- but- I swear he was here!" "He must know we're on to him!" said Applejack. "Ooh the suspense is killing me!" Pinkie exclaimed and tapped her hooves rapidly. "Oh wait, that's just my bladder. Excuse moi." She then zipped over to the washroom in the corner of the carriage and opened the door, ignoring the possibility of it being occupied. She looked up with a blank expression at the disturbed occupant as he stared back at her. "...Hiya Discord!" Pinkie grinned wide. "Oh come on!" grunted Discord. "Haven't you ever heard of knocking?!" ... The lonely twang of a solo blues guitar resounded throughout the dimly lit pub. Smoke rose from the cigars of some of the grizzled old patrons, seated at the wobbly tables and crowded around games of billiards. A palpable mixture of despair, regret and beer breath hung in the air like a fresh cloud of plague. Man, I should be a poet. Over at the bar, Twilight sat with her head hung over an ice cold glass with her lovable scamp Crag sitting beside and puffing a cigar. The salamander felt right at home; Twilight however, after weeks of useless fleeing, felt homesick, among other forms of sick. "Bartender!" Twilight called with a slur. "Another over cider here, please!" The barkeep paused his polishing and sulked. "Fine. Here comes number three." He poured another glass of the sauce. "And make sure you keep 'em, blurp, coming!" She added with a belch. "You know this cider isn't alcoholic, right?" the barkeep said. "I think your drunkenness might be a little...fake." "The word you're looking for is 'psychosomatic', you greasy booze jockey!" blurted the downtrodden princess. "Right," the barkeep rolled his eyes and walked away. "I'll just leave you the bottle and go put more grease on my face." Twilight dropped her head on the counter. "Ugh, who am I kidding? Maybe I really am a bad pony." "Jeez, talk about a lightweight." Crag scoffed as he downed a shot of fire whiskey. "Cheer up, will ya? So everyone in town hates your guts. How do ya think I felt when I was kicked out of my swamp?" "Why were you kicked out?" asked Twilight. Crag took a long inhale from his cigar and blew an entire plume of smoke into her face, making her cough. "I have absolutely no clue. Ya know, it's about time we got out of that stuckup town anyway. Time to begin anew, right? Start fresh." "Easy for you to say," grumbled Twilight. "You don't have to live with a malevolent, omniscient editor tripping you on your every step." "Right, right, your new imaginary nemesis." Crag played along. "If you're such a powerful witch or whatever, why don't you just get rid of that voice in your head?" "You don't understand." Twilight swigged more cider. "He's too powerful for me to have any effect. It's like he's something beyond pony magic. I still don't fully understand where either of them come from." "What do you mean 'either of them'?" asked Crag. "Well...you see...ugh, never mind." Twilight sighed. "Just thinking about someone I once knew. Someone I could really use right now." He's not coming for you, Sparkle. I'm afraid he can't even come near my realm. But not to worry; I have no intent on harming you. Just making your life an agonizing, if not irritating, constant Tartarus. So drink up! I'll conjure some eighty-proof cider for you this time. "Go soak your head." Twilight grumbled. "Say what now?" "Not you, Crag." Oh, excuse me, something exciting is happening that I must narrate. Ahem! Just then, the front doors swung open with a gust as a lone darkened figure stood against the sunlight. Some of the patrons gawked at the newcomer; he was cloaked in all black with a canvas jacket, heavy boots and big round helmet. A pair of sunglasses and a bandanna concealed his face. He stalked a few meters into the bar without saying a word and looking at no one in particular. "What'll you have, mysterious rugged stranger?" called the bartender. The figure spoke in a deep, gravelly voice, muffled by the mask. "I'm looking for Twilight Sparkle." Murmurs began to circulate throughout the pub upon hearing the name, further adding to Twilight's reputation as a social pariah. Twilight swiped a fedora from one of the barflies, donned it and tilted it over her face. "This ain't an office, friend." The bartender snarked. "I don't take pony's names in here. Just their money and their sobriety." "If anypony in here has seen her," the stranger growled. "Now would be a good time to tell me." "You been makin' new friends, Twilight?" quipped Crag. "Shhh!" she hissed. "I know this is just another one of the Editor's gags but I still don't want to be seen." Oh I had nothing to do with this, Twilight. This is just a random act of chaos. But knowing your reputation in Ponyville, somepony must've hired a bounty hunter against you! Oh happy day! "You are just the worst!" seethed Twilight. "Miss...you're gonna have to come with me." Twilight slowly peered up to see the black-clad rogue staring down at her through those soulless shades. She gulped and quivered with a sense of doom. "Relax, you won't be harmed. But when I say so," he then took off his helmet, revealing a blue mane and a white unicorn horn. "I want you to run." "What?" Twilight stiffened, her fear now combined with suspicion. "You gonna order something or not?!" the barten- PWOOOOW Wait, what the hell was that?! "Run!" Oh no you don't, Sparkle! Let's see you run from a swarm of angry wasps!...Uh, where are my wasps?...Where are my WASPS?!!! What did you do to me?! "Hey, did you just zap the Editor? You know about him too?!" "Only temporarily, so keep moving!" "Your voice..." This is bullcrap! I can't' control anything anymore! So all I can do is...narrate? Ugh, fine! Whatever! Let's just do this! Twilight broke into a canter as she followed the mysterious stranger out of the bar and into the dirt field across the street. Mmph, this is so boring! "We can't take your balloon." The rogue said. "I got something faster." "Wwwoah." Twilight remarked. Waiting for them in the clearing was a large biplane, complete with- Wait, a biplane?! Like a fully motorized aircraft?! Why didn't I think of that! You're telling me I could've just sent a whole bomber squadron to blast the daylights out of Ponyville? Man when this stupid spell wears off I'm gonna raise some serious hell! Ugh, anyway, Twilight climbed into the rear seat of the biplane. "No get in the other one!" said the stranger. "That's the pilot's seat!" "What?! Why is it behind the passenger seat?" replied Twilight. "It's an observation plane! The view is better up front!" he explained. "It just seems a little crazy!" retorted Twilight. "Will you just get in the front?!" barked the stranger. "Crag, hurry up!" called Twilight. "Oh so now you enjoy my company!" the little salamander joined her hesitantly. After clambering like a moron into her respective seat with her beloved companion, Twilight waited anxiously as her pilot gave the plane's propeller a spin. The engine sputtered to life and the propeller blades whirled into a blur. After climbing into the cockpit, the pilot revved the rickety crate up to speed and it began to bumble over the terrain. With a yank on the flight stick, he tilted the plane toward the sky and immediately they were aloft. Twilight shakily peered over the side of the fuselage at the plains quickly shrinking below her, not accustomed to motorized air travel. But what troubled her mind even more was who was behind the controls of this confounded flying machine. She turned around and gave a stern look at her savior. "Nopony's ever tried to help me in this universe so far." She said knowingly. The pilot removed his goggles and bandanna. "Why wouldn't I save my own little sister?" Twilight's jaw descended. "SHINING!" She instantly lunged at her brother for a hug, but ended up sliding off the body of the plane and into the air. "Twily!" exclaimed the pilot. "Hold on! Coming back!" Twilight flapped her wings vigorously along with the plane and hurled herself back into the passenger seat. Yippee. "You don't know how happy I am to see you!" Twilight chirped. "I mean you haven't once tried to drive me out or insult me or burn my house down!" "Yeah, I kinda heard that you were a social pariah over in Ponyville." Shining Armor replied. "But I don't believe what they say, Twilight. And I know what you're going through." "You do? How?" she asked. "Can it wait?! It's a little hard to hear you over the engine!" he raised his voice. "No! Tell me everything! Don't leave me hanging!" urged Twilight. "Alright, alright!" Shining Armor tried to make himself coherent. "You see, I'm part of a secret coalition led by Princess Luna, and we're all dedicated to help make things right in the universe. And you're the key to it all." "Princess Luna wants to help me too?" came Twilight. "Yes, but she cannot let anypony know that." Shining explained. "Except for those who have also felt 'the Unbalance'." A dramatic music sting was heard as he said this. "Do you mean...the Editor?" asked Twilight. "I'm not sure if we're talking about the same thing," said Shining. "But it happened about three weeks ago. I don't mean any offense, Twily, but up until recently, you've always been evil to everypony you've met. Since the day you were born you've been nothing but trouble, casting chaotic spells and generally wreaking havoc. Pretty soon you just ran away while you were still a foal, spreading turmoil everywhere you went as you grew, and eventually settling down in Ponyville to become a powerful witch. Mind you, until recently that was the truth that everypony knew. Until recently!" "Yeah you don't have to keep stressing that." Twilight glowered. "That's when I felt this instant surge of magical energy that we call 'the Unbalance'." Shining said as the dramatic music sting returned. "Suddenly, I knew for sure that this was not the world I was used to living in. Thanks to this 'Unbalance'," *dramatic sting* "I became convinced that this was not the real sister that I knew, that you were actually kind and brave and you used your power for good. At first I thought I was going crazy. But then Princess Luna told me that she felt the same thing. Only she, I and a few powerful unicorns you knew have been affected by 'the Unbalance'." *dramatic sting* "Do you hear that too?" Twilight asked. "Yes. Strangely enough, Princess Celestia was unaware of 'the Unbalance'." *dramatic sting* "Instead, she was somehow transformed into a duck! It was enough to convince us that something malevolent was at play." "Something malevolent IS at play!" blurted Twilight. "Shining, something happened to me at the same time you felt 'the Unbalance'." *dramatic sting* "I was sucked out of my own universe and into this one, which was formed by this evil entity called the Editor. Only I can hear him and he's been controlling everything that happens to me." "That's about what Princess Luna had guessed." Shining said. "And that's why she developed and taught us a new spell, the Anti-Chaos Charm, for your protection once we found you. But it works for about half a day and it takes a lot of energy out of the caster; I'm barely able to keep this plane aloft." "...Um, that's kind of troubling to know." Twilight said flatly. "Don't worry," he said, reaching down. "They gave me some medicinal herbs for that!" Shining began munching on a few slimy leaves, the effects of which caused him to emit an enormous belch. "Ugh, Shining!" whined Twilight. "I can smell that from here!" "Yeah, sorry," he replied. "These things have some side effects. 'May cause gas, bloating and temporary dyslexia'. But we should be fine as long as I keep the compass pointed at 'thorN-sEat'." "This sounds very poorly planned!" Twilight discerned. "Hey, you try running a rebellious, underground magical society!" remarked Shining before he began coughing from a plume of smoke. "Um, did I mention that this was a non-smoking flight?!" he angrily called at Crag. "Just try and stop me, top gun." The salamander retorted with a puff of his cigar. Twilight pondered for a moment. "So...what now?" "Well, Princess Luna apparently has something planned for you, in order to restore you and all of our memories back to the real Equestria." Shining explained. "Until then, we just have to stave off the powers of this Editor from causing any more chaos." "I guess this means that there really is an alternate me." Twilight said sullenly. "A crude, malevolent me. And she's probably running amok in the real Equestria. What if she runs into my friends? I don't think they can handle somebody so dangerous and unpredictable." Discord quaintly sipped some piping hot ceramic from a cup made of tea while sitting in the train cabin. The ponies whose lives he had frequently mucked about with in the past all eyed him with begrudging intent. Not a word had passed for minutes. Except, I guess, for the ones I'm speaking right now which most of them can hear. "Sooooo, are ya ready to tell us what yer doin' here now?" asked Applejack. "I need to calm my nerves after being so crudely intruded upon!" huffed the chaos demon. "Spill the beans, you blithering, fay creep!" barked Rainbow. "And now I'm being insulted?!" Discord raved. "Is there no end to the stresses of today?!" "Discord?" spoke Fluttershy in a gentle tone. "Remember what we talked about concerning honesty and openness? Come on now." "Hmph!" he turned away from her. "Do I have to use the ruler again?" asked Fluttershy, still maintaining her smile. Discord gulped nervously. "Alright I'll talk!" he cracked. "You see, I know what happened to Twilight. I have felt it in the very fabric of reality." "We know, we know," sulked Applejack. "Twilight has been replaced by an alternate version of herself and zapped to another dimension by the Editor." "Oh drat!" cursed Discord. "I wanted to be the one with all the prophetic information! Well I bet you don't know everything about the Fate Coin!" "No. What?" uttered a bored Rainbow. "I've been trailing you all since Ponyville because I deduced that you were going to find the Fate Coin and use it to reset the dimensional balance and save your fair Twilight." Discord explained with a sly air. "But what you don't know is that the coin will not help you the way you think. It was I who forged that trinket and imbued it with magical power, while disguised as a unicorn. And I created the prophecy to warn others of the time when the Editor would tip the universe askew." "And how did you predict that?" asked Spike. "Is it really that surprising?" Discord chuckled. "I knew the Editor personally! Isn't that right...Narrator?!" Wait, what? "That's right, you cheeky devil," he taunted. "I can still hear your voice! We sure go way back, don't we, Narry?" Um, have we met? "Wha- Seriously?!" he blurted. "You don't remember me?!" I only know about you from what Twilight told me. "We met at the Inter-dimensional Oddities Mixer?" he goaded. "I was wearing a blazer? I bought you a drink!" Heh heh, I had a lot of drinks at that party, pal. And lots of people bought me them. It was kind of a blur. "Oh don't pretend to be oblivious you creep!" huffed the overly sensitive demon. "And don't you dare try to spice up narration on me!" "Wait, Narrator, you and Discord met before?" asked Fluttershy. "And what kind of party was this?" One problem at a time, Fluttershy. I'm curious as to why this loser would want to stop us from using that coin. "For your information, pretty boy," growled Discord. "I disguised myself because I knew you wouldn't trust me. And I was trying to stop you because that coin will not completely fix things. If anypony flips it, it will indeed bring Twilight back to her own Equestria. But it will also transport everypony else, including you, to the Editor's world!" "What? Why the heck would it do that?" asked Applejack. "I originally intended for the coin to flip everypony to a parallel dimension should the Editor start nosing around in this one." Discord continued. "But since he has already somehow switched our Twilight and his, we would still be stuck with the bad Twilight, only in his world. And meanwhile, the good Twilight would be in this world but surrounded by the entire population of the Editor's world. So flipping the Fate Coin now would only be a lateral move." "Owie owie owie!" Pinkie rubbed her temples. "I concure, Pinkie Pie," said Rarity. "This inter-dimensional logic is giving me a migraine." "So, there's no way to reunite with Twilight?" Spike said sullenly. "Saving her wouldn't make a difference." Not quite so. If the coin is flipped, and Twilight is brought back to this world, the only difference is that she would be hearing me and not the Editor, because I would be able to stay here! "Oh yes!" gleamed Fluttershy. "At least then she would have your help!" "Please, you don't know if that'll happen, you hack." Discord scoffed. "Your powers pale in comparison to the Editor's and you would just be dragged along with everypony here. I should know; he was the life of the party at the I.O.M." You're right, I don't know. Because we haven't tried yet. You're gonna take these ponies to your magical coin, and we're gonna make that big switch. "Yeah! Let's do it!" cheered Rainbow. "I had faith in this all along!" "Oh fine! Be my guest!" rebutted Discord. "Throw yourselves out of the frying pan and into the fire by flipping that confounded coin!" "You wanna see fire?...You don't know fire..." Everyone in the cabin gasped as a stranger stood in the doorway. "Hiya, Twilight!" Pinkie waved. "Nopony's going anywhere!" hissed the alternate nasty Twilight as she charged her magic. "Especially not to any other dimensions!" "It's mean Twilight!" gasped Fluttershy. "She's escaped from jail!" "I feel like the security on these trains is pretty lax." Rainbow stated. "We don't need any trouble, ya alternate sidewinder!" threatened Applejack. "Well you punks sure are looking for it." Evil Twilight said. "I'm not letting any one of you flip that coin!" "Why not?" asked Rarity. "Wouldn't you rather be back in your own wretched hive of scum and villainy?" "Are you kidding?" she spat. "All those prudes in the Editor's universe hated me! Just because I put a little rat pheromones in Granny Smith's wig. But here, I got a clean slate! I can start my reign of power all over again! And best of all, I don't have that drag of a disembodied voice Editor to get in my way. In here, it's just the Narrator. He can't control me! He's just gotta sit there and take it as I raise hell! You hear that, ya pansy? You're mine now!" Goodness gracious! "You forgot one thing, you...you...stank face!" cursed Fluttershy. "Narrator still has us!" "Quack quack quack!" added Princess Celestia. "Yeah!" cheered Pinkie. "So do your worst, alien scum!" "No, you don't want to see my worst." Evil Twi menaced. Just as her horn sparked, the entire train suddenly lurched with an audible clunk. The others peered outside the window to see that the scenery was passing by at a slower rate. The sound of the locomotive engine was now receding as the train car lost velocity. "She's detached our car!" exclaimed Rarity. "There is no way I'm getting stuck in the desert again!" Rainbow growled and immediately lunged towards the offending Twilight. But a quick burst of bright light emanated from her at the moment of impact, and just like that neither Twilight or Rainbow were anywhere on board. "Narrator, where did they go?!" asked Fluttershy. Hang on a second! Out on the dusty terrain by the tracks, Evil Twilight stood where she teleported to, standing over Rainbow who was now buried up to her neck in the sand. "Hey no fair!" grunted Rainbow, squirming. "The real Twilight would never play that dirty!" Back in the cabin, Applejack took charge. "Fluttershy, you fly after that train. Tell 'em to back up and come for us. C'mon, y'all, we gotta hold off that two-timin' doppelganger for as long as we can!" "Oh dear, I've never chased after a moving train before!" Fluttershy quivered. "I could do it if you're too scared, Fluttershy." Discord shrugged. "No way!" she blurted. "You're not leaving our sight for one second, mister! FOR TWILIIIIIGHT!!!" She ran down the corridor, and took off from the exposed front of the car. "She still terrifies me." Discord gulped. He and the remaining adventurers disembarked from the coach as Fluttershy soared ahead to fetch the runaway engine and front three cars. Applejack charged towards Evil Twilight ready to rumble. "You ain't too fast fer me, impostor!" she yelled. But as the rowdy celery farmer unleashed her fury in a series of kicks and stomps, Evil Twilight blocked every blow with a magical ward, barely moving more than her eyes. Having finally caught a break in her movements, she cast a stunning spell on Applejack, shocking her into a daze on the ground. "Granny...the outhouse is on fire!" she mumbled, reeling from the shock. Pinkie was next to stand her ground against the witch. "Good thing I always come packin'!" Out of nowhere, Pinkie produced her trusty party cannon and fired a terrific blast. Evil Twilight simply stood in the same spot as thirty pounds of strawberry frosted birthday cake splattered all over her. She licked some of the frosting from her face and cast another spell, this time transforming Pinkie into a pony made out of tied up balloons. "AAAAAHH!!" she screamed. "This has always been my greatest dream, but it's actually super painful!" Evil Twilight then stared down Rarity and Spike. "Let me guess, you're gonna make fun of my dress size, and you're gonna blow a letter to the police." "I don't know how things are in your universe, you imitator," said Rarity slyly. "But in this universe, there is one thing that everypony knows me and Spikey for." "And that it's we are the greatest Kung Fu fighting duo in Equestria!" Spike exclaimed as he and Rarity struck martial arts poses. Wait what? Oh right, another glitch in reality. "Oh this oughta be good." Evil Twilight spat as she widened her stance. "Alright, let's do this. No magic. Just fighting hoof to hoof. And tiny claw." Rarity and Spike let out wailing war cries as they flew at their opponent with airborne kicks. "Watch the head! Watch the head!" Rainbow shouted, still stuck in the ground. And so began one of the most excellently choreographed fight scenes ever- Wait a minute. Discord! Shouldn't you be helping them? You're sitting there on a beach chair sipping from a coconut! Where did you even get a coconut?! "Oh please," he scoffed. "I would never pass up an opportunity to watch the Elements of Harmony getting humiliated by otherworldly magic. Besides, Rarity and Spike seem to have the situation under control. Whoa! I've never seen a flip like that before! Are you seeing this? You have to be a fool to miss out on this kind of action." I'm just saying if I were you, I'd do something really easy about taking care of that alternate Twilight. "If I were you," he retorted. "I'd do something about that train reversing towards us really quickly." What?! Holy crap, that's our train! "Um, Narrator?" came Fluttershy, who was now a few kilometers ahead standing at the controls of the engine. "We have a slight problem." Fluttershy, what happened? Why is the train coming back so fast? She spoke in a panic. "I may have landed onboard suddenly and screamed 'TURN THIS TRAIN AROUND!' and the engineers must've thought I was a hijacker and got spooked and jumped off so I had to try and reverse the train myself but I pulled the throttle too far and now I can't push it back and I put the brakes on but the train is moving too fast to stop in time and now we're going to CRASH!!!" Son of a- Evil Twilight must've hexed the controls! Alright, Fluttershy, just carry off everypony onboard as fast as you can. I'll see what I can do about the other half of the train. "Okay! Oh goodness! Oh goodness!" she heaved as she ran into the conjoining cars. Uh let's see, who's left?...Pinkie! Can you still move? "Sure can!" she replied. "But this dry air is making my balloon body all frizzy and zappy." Didn't need to hear that. Listen, now that Evil Twi is distracted, I just need you to get everypony off the coaches immediately. There's going to be a crash. "Holy moly!" she exclaimed. "I'm on it, Narry! I shall use my balloon powers for good!" She quickly jumped onto the open coach and stood before the confused passengers. They were currently observing the fight from the cool comfort of indoors. "Listen up, people!" announced Pinkie. "Don't be alarmed, but I'm gonna need you all to-" "AAAAAHH!!" screamed a pony. "Balloon monster!" Immediately, all of the passengers evacuated the last three coaches and caboose in a flurry of terror, spreading word of the horrible balloon golem. "What have I become?!" screamed Pinkie dramatically. Pinkie, get off! Fluttershy, how's it coming on your end? "Um, so far so good?" she said nervously. She continued to ferry non-pegasi passengers, carrying them by their hooves, flying them off the speeding train and safely landing them in the desert. "There shouldn't be that many left now." "The service on this train is preposterous!" complained a wealthy passenger as Fluttershy lifted him away. "You'll all be hearing from my lawyers!" "I'm trying my best, okay?!" belted Fluttershy. Meanwhile, down the track, a crowd of ponies were now wandering around the desert in a confused frenzy. In their defense, they had just been spooked by a balloon-pony homonculus, were currently watching a spectacular Kung Fu fight between Rarity, Spike and what seemed like Princess Twilight Sparkle, and were about to witness their own train collide with itself. C'est la vie. "Urgh, and here I thought this would be a peaceful day." Discord grunted, irritated by the gaggle of ponies hollering around him. "Alright, let's put an end to this. I'm calling you out, cheap knockoff Twilight!" "But Rarity and I were just about to bust out the nunchaku!" said Spike, holding Evil Twilight in a leg lock. In one instant, Discord procured a tiny wooden box, opening it as if to reveal a piece of jewelry. Instead, a vortex swirled out and enshrouded Evil Twilight, sucking her into the small compartment. "Hey, what is this?!" she yelled. "I'm not done with you clowns yet! Don't you dare put me in tha-" Discord closed the tiny box, and just like that, she was out of sight. "What ever did you just do?" asked Rarity. "Like it?" he gloated. "Another little old invention of mine. It traps in any one magical entity that has caused harm to others." "You mean you could've just used that the whole time we were fighting her?" glowered Spike. "Or any other time we were fighting ANYPONY?!" "Don't yell at me!" fussed Discord. "I work in mysterious ways! I'm not a miracle worker! I'm very tired! Shut up!" "I chipped a hoof trying to incapacitate her!" griped Rarity. "I'm fine, if anypony is wondering!" yelled Rainbow's head. "I'm comin' for ya, great apple crumble in the sky!" uttered Applejack, still in a daze. "Looks like I'll have to live the rest of my life as a balloon." Pinkie said dourly. "Hey, maybe I can find work in parades! Or maybe carrying ponies in wicker baskets!" Discord snapped his fingers, and suddenly, Pinkie was back to her old furry form. "Ah come on! I just had everything planned out! Hey where's Fluttershy?" "EVERYPONY GET THE FRICK OUT OF THE WAY!!!" shrieked Fluttershy. She was now barreling through the air towards the others, barely staying aloft and carrying the last six ponies in a monkey chain. The stranded passengers all ran away from the track on either side as the front of the train came reversing at breakneck speed. Pinkie dug Rainbow out of the sand while Rarity and Spike carried the incapacitated Applejack. The crash was mere seconds away. "Wait, aren't we missing somepony?" asked Rainbow. "Princess Celestia!" gasped Rarity. Sure enough, the sun princess turned waterfowl was still in their cabin on the carriage. She had been unaware of the danger up until now, seeing the train backing her way. Using her bill, she unlocked the window, pushed it upward and quickly took flight. The second the plucky duck was airborne, impact was made. The carriages collided in a violent mass of splintering wood, shattering glass and crunching metal, quickly toppling onto each other. The chugging engine smashed into the calamity, rupturing the firebox and unleashing a ball of flames. In just seconds, the fire erupted across the wooden wreckage and the entire train was consumed in a horrific explosion. Propelled by the force of the blast, Celestia slammed into Discord's chest, knocking him over in the dirt. He raised his head and looked at her in befuddlement. "What in the...?" he stammered. Duck Celestia simply made a low crooning sound and nuzzled his chest happily. "Whoooooa," came Rainbow, watching the chaos. "That would've been awesome if we weren't in mortal peril." Fluttershy, are you sure you got everypony off the train? "Positive, Narrator," she said, panting heavily. "That was the last of them. Now if you'll excuse me, I need a nap." She slammed face-first in the dirt. "Um, does anypony else feel the earth shaking?" asked Spike. In fact, it was. The force of the train explosion not only split the rails underneath it, it was enough to cause a quake in the loose ground. Before long, a cavity opened up beneath where the tracks laid into a massive sinkhole. The ground even buckled beneath everypony's hooves. In a wave of screams, the entire crowd of ponies, one dragon, one duck and one demon disappeared into the blackness below. With the sunset basking the sky in an orange glow, the biplane continued its trek across the air. Twilight had fallen asleep in her seat, the drone of the engine acting as a kind of white noise; that and the sleeping pills she took were enough to relax her. Behind her, Shining Armor tried to maintain focus on his course. "And that was the fifth time Twilight released fleas into Ponyville." Crag regaled. "I got to run their little circus that time. Loads of fun. And the sixth time-" "Look, salamander," sulked Shining Armor. "I really don't want to hear about all the horrible stuff your version of Twilight has done over the years. It's kind of bumming me out." "Whaddya mean 'my version' of Twilight?" retorted Crag. "And by the way, since when does she have a brother? She never told me." "For the last time," said Shining. "That's not the Twilight you're used to. The evil one, that is. She's from my world where she's a hero to everypony." "And you suddenly remember that you're also from that world?" asked Crag, still not fully getting it. "Yes, because this whole universe is just a sham made by a malevolent being." Shining explained. "But...am I real?" Crag suddenly pondered. "Is there no Crag the rambunctious salamander in the real world? Is my whole life just a lie?!" "Um...we'll get back to that one." Suddenly, the clouds overhead became heavy and blackened. A reddish glow erupted from the mass, unlike the sunset, along with a distant descending whistle of air. Shining Armor looked up in shock. A flaming meteor the size of his plane was plummeting toward him, ready to obliterate the dainty aircraft. He swerved dramatically to the left and out of the way of the falling chuck of space rock. But it only gave him a view of the hell above where an entire shower of meteors was coming to rain molten hot death on the world below. "Ah great, and now the world is ending!" yelled Crag. "Might as well put me outta my misery!" "Oh no, it must be the Editor!" Shining said. "He's regained control of the universe. Twilight! Wake up!" A remarkably heavy sleeper, Twilight simply snorted while slumped over the rim of her seat. "Really?!" Shining swerved the plane again, this time jolting his sister awake. "Huh? Wha happa?" Twilight stirred and rubbed her eyes. She then gawked at the unwelcome sight of hundreds of fireballs descending around her. "Jumping Applejack folksy expression! Shining, what did you do?!" "You know darn well what's happening!" replied Shining, yanking the flight stick to and fro. "The spell wore off and I haven't recharged yet." "Are we almost there?" asked Twilight. "We are," he said. "But it won't make much difference if the Editor has regained control." "Well then, we'll just have to fend that creep off as long as we can!" Twilight then stood poised atop the plane's fuselage, charging the magic within her horn. "Careful, Twily!" shouted Shining. As the little plane meandered through the hale of fire, Twilight cast a ward spell, disintegrating each nearby meteor with a large magical shield. She continued defending the aircraft just enough to clear a safe flight path. But up ahead, more peril was to come. A swarming flock of giant condors charged towards the plane, cawing angrily and ready to rip flesh from bone. As they met its path, the buzzards tore with their talons at the plane's fragile hide, trying to eviscerate the four wings. Shining Armor hunkered down and carried out tricky maneuvers to avoid both the killer condors and the great balls of fire. Hoo man! It feels good to be back! "I can't keep this up much longer!" called Twilight as she began zapping the monstrous birds with her magic. "How can this get any worse?" I'm glad you asked, oblivious older brother! Just then, a ball of slithering reptiles slimed out from beneath his seat. "SNAAAAAKES!" he screamed, abandoning the controls and all sense of manliness while flailing about cowardly. Twilight felt the biplane lurch under her. "Shining, what are you doing?!" "I hate snakes, Twilight!" he bellowed. "I hate 'em!" "Come on!" jeered Twilight. "Show a little backbone, will ya?!" "Get outta here, ya legless freaks!" rasped Crag as he crawled over and began throwing out the endless gaggle of serpents. "Get 'em off me! Get 'em off me!" Shining continued to whine. "I am so sick of these motherlovin' snakes on this motherlovin' plane!" barked Crag. "We're all doomed aren't we?" Twilight grimaced as her magic began to fade. And just when things seemed like they couldn't get any worse, in came a giant flying radioactive...hey wait...shouldn't I be seeing this by now?...Oh no. Oh no no no no no no! Not again! C'mon, I was just getting back in the swing! "Princess Luna!" beamed Twilight. From below, the dark blue alicorn sailed towards the biplane. Her horn unleashed a humongous white aura that passed over the flight space like a ripple of light. In mere seconds, the meteors crumbled away in the atmosphere, along with the condors. And even my poor snakes?! Man I loved those little guys! NYAAAAAARGH! Why does everypony keep trying to ruin my fun?! Shining Armor pulled back on the flight stick, still shivering from fright. "Everything's cool! Situation normal! Got it all under control!" he said, regaining what little dignity he had left. Princess Luna came alongside the biplane and spoke to Twilight. "I have been long awaiting your arrival, Princess Sparkle!" she grinned. "You remember me! The real me!" said Twilight, elated. "Of course I do," replied Luna. "This plane of turmoil is but a sham of the real Equestria. But fret not! We shall soon restore the balance and return ourselves to our rightful existence!" "So what's the plan, Your Majesty?" asked Shining Armor. "Is there a kind of spell that can undo it all?" "Nay, not a spell, but an artifact!" she answered. "A cosmically powerful trinket once lost in the mists of time, and that shall right every wrong caused by 'the Unbalance'!" *dramatic sting* "So what is this crazy little artifact anyway?" asked Crag. "It is called...the Fate Coin!" *dramatic sting* Sunlight poured down from far above the inky blackness, along with falling streams of sand. The only sounds worth hearing were those of a hundred ponies stirring awake and murmuring in exhaustion, later gasping in surprise at the size of the fall and at the miracle that they all survived it. The crowd found themselves within a hollow cavern surrounded by sandstone walls that echoed every sound they made. No bright enough light source could illuminate any details of where exactly they had ended up, apart from the twisted husk of metal that was once a train, now lying around them like a fossilized leviathan. Suddenly, the pall of silence and muffled voices was broken. "WOOOOOOO!" came Pinkie Pie. "They should make that into an amusement park ride!" "Pinkie, will you please?!" shrilled Rarity. "This will certainly be the most lingering migraine of my life!" "I don't like this darkness." Fluttershy quivered. "What if we don't get out?! I only gave my pet sitter a week!" "We should all be dead after that!" gawked Rainbow. "It's almost as if there was some kind of divine intervention that saved us!" ...What are you looking at me for? "Hey fellas! We're gonna be alright!" called Applejack, who was digging around in a wrecked train carriage. "Look what I found in the kitchen car! Celery! We're saved!" "Oh give it a rest, will you?!" bellowed Rainbow. "Hey Discord," said Spike, looking especially steamed. "At what point were you actually going to consider saving our butts? Was falling into a massive sinkhole in the sand with a burning train not enough?" "Simmer down, young Spike," Discord waved him away. "I had the whole situation under control. I saved you from that marauding fake Twilight didn't I? And besides, I knew that this cavern was right underneath us." "Bull...crap!" spat Rainbow. "I'm starting to think that there really is no Fate Coin, and that you're just leading us all into more and more brushes with certain death!" "I am astounded, Rainbow Dash!" glared Discord. "After all these years, you still don't trust me? Well if you all still have your doubts, then don't even bother looking at what's next to the train engine!" "Good! I won't!" huffed Rainbow, turning back and crossing her hooves. Um, guys, maybe you should. Everypony turned to look in the direction of the derelict locomotive. Beside the crushed smokestack was an alcove in the rock, in which stood what appeared to be a small pedestal, shrouded in more darkness. Spike puffed a ball of fire onto a stick to create a torch and walked into the alcove, illuminating the area. The moment he did so, a wave of gasps sounded in the cavern. "Is that what I think it is?" asked Fluttershy. "What else could it be?" replied Rarity. "Sweet mother of folksy expressions!" came Applejack, munching on a stalk of celery. "We found it. We actually found it." Rainbow gasped. "It's incredible." Spike said, inspecting it. "I just...didn't expect it to be a standard gold bit. I mean, it's way out of date and no use as currency, but still, I was expecting something more...I don't know...elaborate?" "Okay fine, so it was a rushed job." Discord scoffed. "Why create a new magic object when you can just enchant any random thing? I was just being straightforward. You're welcome, by the way." "So...do we flip it?" asked Fluttershy. "Heads or tails to see who flips it?" asked Rainbow before receiving a smack from Applejack. "Do we have much of a choice?" asked Rarity. "I mean, we'll all be sent into the Editor's evil world, but at least Narrator will be reunited with Twilight." "At least somepony will be." Spike sighed. It's up to you guys anyway. All I can do is wait and observe. "Ah let's just get on with it." Applejack said. "For Twilight, and for ol' Narry!" Very well then. Fluttershy, you tell Spike to flip it. Seems only right to me. "Of course, Narrator." Fluttershy turned to Spike. "Spike, it's your call." Slowly and apprehensively, the little dragon reached for the simple coin, holding it in his palm in reverence. After a moment of anxious contemplation, looking around at his friends who had yet to fail him on their journeys so far, Spike took a deep breath and tossed the Fate Coin in the air. The glimmering gold artifact flipped several times during its ascent and descent, before finally landing back on its pedestal. To add to the anticipation, the coin spun on the flat surface and everypony looked watched it at extreme closeness, waiting to see it fall on either side. At last, gravity took control and the coin stopped its suspenseful motion, standing perfectly still on its edge. Oh you've gotta be f***ing kiddi-............