• Member Since 24th Aug, 2012
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Stratocaster


Hello! My name is Stratocaster, pegasus, musician, and author extraordinaire! Feel free to browse my work, leave plenty of feedback, and chat with me at any time! :D I hope you enjoy! *waves*

Sequels1



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Have you ever heard strange voices in your head? Have you ever felt like your life is being observed or controlled by some omnipotent being? Twilight Sparkle has, and it's driving her up a wall; the FOURTH wall! Watch the hilarity ensue as Twilight hears the soothingly manly voice of yours truly!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 275 )

That was interesting and funny. Great job. Good luck with future stories.

Je te aime, monsieur! ...Une café, s'il vous plait!

Ahem, French aside, this is actually a good story. That first statement was true. Platonically, of course.

6005038 Je t'aime also, Monsieur! (And who says it has to be platonic? :duck:)

Anyway, thanks for favoriting the story! :yay: Here's you coffee! (Extra sweet! :duck:)

In other words, stranger than FIMfiction.

I fully approve. Wouldn't mind a sequel either. Hint hint.:twilightsmile:

:twilightsmile: A fun little story. Happy and heartwarming.

words can not disc ribe the awsom
it makes me feel

I love this concept, and I love where you went with it. Great job!

And then they all died, because they weren't being read anymore. :pinkiecrazy:

Well done my good sir! My compliments to the narrator.

First off, it's not a bad thing to hear voices in your head(I think), and second, wound it be cool if the only narrator voice in the entire world was Morgan Freeman?

My response to hearing a narrator's voice like that would be to say, "Greetings, please raise me up a level. Stories are well and good, but I'd rather see the higher reality."

6006281

wound it be cool if the only narrator voice in the entire world was Morgan Freeman?

firstly, would not wound

secondly, are you sure that's a smart idea?, one of the sexiest voices ever to narrate every action we make and you don't see that going wrong at any point?

"... the end..." DrWhoFan611 read, finishing the story. He looked up with a shocked look. Yep, that's right, boy. So, wanna review?

"Well... I do have in on my read-later... maybe later?" the Doctor asked.

"Just 'Whofan' or 'Who Fan' or whatever is fine. I'm a 'fan' of the Doctor, not the Doctor himself."

'Whofan' corrected. Sure... sure... whatever... alright, so you'll do another one of these, but extended?

"Eeyup" He Big Mac'ed.

"'Big Mac'd', really?" Whofan questioned.

Sure, why not?

He rolled his eyes, then pulled up the next FIMfiction...

6006206 Yes, just yes. These were my thoughts exactly.
Pure brilliance.

This was actually quite the lovely read. :twilightsmile: Thanks for that, haha.
Awesome story!

If you understand me and my life, maybe I can get o know you and your life.

I think your missing a "t" there.

"I read this with the Stanley parable's narrator voice, you didn't? anyway, this story is great! it's funny and the ending was really good!" Reader wrote while adjusting his sitting position on the chair, searched for a new story and took a sip of coffee from his mug.

Hehe. That was pretty good. Had me chuckling throughout. For some reason I had flashbacks to that old Winnie the Pooh episode where Tigger had the run-in with the Narrator. (couldnt find the video, but IMDB quote is here : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072410/quotes?item=qt0202312)

6006685 I actually remembered that as I began writing this!

6006544 Muah ha ha ha ha ha! It's spreading! :pinkiecrazy:

6005937 Hey now, you should know the risks before putting ideas in my head! :pinkiecrazy:

i would have turned her into a stallion at one point

6006206 Well that would certainly be better than my Gilbert Godfried idea!

Dang, I really hate being that guy. Sorry. Okay, here goes:

and-

YOU SEE THAT HY– Ahem. Excuse me. Stupid caps lock. You see that hyphen there? When you cut somebody off while talking, you use an "em dash" (–), not a hyphen.(-) Hyphens are for hyphenating words.

"The narrator? He keeps commentating everything you do, and says things after you're done speaking, like 'She said'?"She said.

'She' shouldn't be capitalized.

Well yes, but you could be worse." Spike replied.

Change the period to a comma.

Fun li'l read. Reminds me of another, where Maud fell in love with her narrator. Anyway, this made me laugh, so it's all good.

It can make this Narrator's soul become visible by placing him in this vile."

Vile means despicably bad. A vial is a small container for holding liquids.

I actually really like the idea of a non-Pinkie character hearing the narrator.

Twilight looked back up and the sky with a glare.

*at

Wow, that was fun! I really like this story. Would you mind terribly if I gave it a dramatic reading?

6006905 What do you mean by "em dash"? If you're going to be that guy, actually use it.

That was surprisingly funny.

6006911

Thanks for the link! Hillarious!

6007461

Oh I did. With the Caps Lock incident. Sorry, I should clarify that.

6007530 Yes, I know what it is. Thank you. I was merely pointing out that usually clarification is needed when editing someone's mistakes, as it's likely that the error was made out of ignorance of the rule involved; in this case, the difference between em dashes and hyphens.
Personally, I always hated how similar the three are, but the English language has far more confounding issues than that.

Of course, typos, misspellings, or misplaced words are a different matter than specific grammatical rules.

6007566 And in most programs nowadays, they are all three the same durn thing, differentiated only by the presence or absence of spaces on either side of the dash mark.

6007334 Why sure! :pinkiehappy: Also, what do you mean by dramatic reading?

6007721
Nominally, reading the story in a dramatic tone, affecting voices for the different characters, and posting it to YouTube (with links back to the original author and story). In my case, though, I like to go a step farther and act out the stories with my stuffed ponies.

6007756 Ooh! In that case, hell yes! :yay:

She had just received a new authentic book on conjuration spells and-

1. Comma between new and authentic. You'll note that I did not suggest a comma in the previous sentence, between ordinary and sunny, because "sunny" and "day" are seen so often together that they can be interpreted as a compound noun, instead of a noun with an adjective.
2. You used a hyphen instead of a dash. Yes, there is a difference. You can use an endash (–) or an emdash (—), but I would suggest using a space as well if you go with the endash.

"Hello?" she suddenly stopped and peered upward.

If you don't capitalize "she," it means that "stopped" is the method by which she vocalized "Hello." She can say hello, she can shout hello, yell it, scream it, but she can't stop it. Capital S.

A few days ago, Twilight had received a task charged by Princess Celestia, to uncover the spells used by the many wizards and alchemists of the medieval era. She was rather excited to get to work on-

1. no comma after Celestia.
2. dash.

"Are you a ghost?" she stopped in her tracks again and looked up.

Same problem as before. Capitalize she. I would also suggest putting the stopping and looking BEFORE the line she said, but if you insist on her saying it first and then stopping, so be it.

"What story?!" she grew impatient.

Same issue. Capitalize she.

"...Is this some kind of practical joke?" Twilight darted around, aggravated. "Is Rainbow up to this? If she's hiding in a cloud somewhere, I swear I will-"

dash, not hyphen.

Look, there's no prank going on! Ugh, I don't know how you can hear me all of a sudden, but just...just try to ignore me, got it?

I don't think there's a documented right way to do this, but I would suggest a space after the "..."

"The narrator? He keeps commentating everything you do, and says things after you're done speaking, like 'She said'?" She said.

decapitalize she

"Oh come on, Rainbow!" urged Twilight. "If I can clearly hear him, than you must too!"
"Are you feeling alright, Twi?" queried Rainbow. "You're talking pretty crazy."
"I'm not crazy!" replied Twilight. "He's there! I'm telling you!"

1. urged Twilight, queried Rainbow, replied Twilight. You're getting really repetitive with this, and using different vocabulary doesn't fix that. Omit one or even two of those – it's perfectly fine to leave the lines of dialogue by themselves.
2. "Queried?" Really? Strikes me as incredibly tacky. Definitely one of the ones I'd omit.

"Look, Twilight," Rainbow backed up, a bit unnerved.
Period after Twilight, not comma. If you have a comma, that means Rainbow backed the sentence. I have to admit, though, that using a period somewhat disconnects it from the following line, "I think you've just been reading those spells too much." If you want to maintain the comma and the connection, then add she says. Thus: "Look, Twilight," Rainbow said (nervously) as she backed up (nervously), "I think you've. . ."
Also, note that I used a comma just before "I think." If you change this to "Look, Twilight." with a period, then maintain the period before "I think." Either both periods, or both commas.

"But...but-"

dash. I also suggest a space after ... but again, I don't think there's an official way to do it.

Twilight looked back up and the sky with a glare.

at the sky.

She entered the newly furbished living room, dropped her bag and plopped onto the couch,

Are you British? If you're British, this is fine. If not, this is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE! :twilightangry2:
Heh, jk. It's a list of actions that Twilight took. In American English, you use a comma before the "and." In British English, you can omit it. It's called the "oxford comma." As an American, the omission of the comma by another American drives me into a BLIND, UNCONTROLLABLE RAGERRGWHG$#!1.

She had been busy with filling it with a large collection of books and-

1. dash.
2. You use "with" twice. Not a damning sin, but you could just as easily omit it. I think the sentence would flow better without that first "with." "She had been busy filling it. . ." Up to you, though.

"Just earlier I've started to hear this annoying voice,

If you use "just earlier," best to use past tense, not past perfect. Thus, I started. Not I've started.

"There! Right now!" she pointed. "He just said 'he asked' right after you spoke."
What exactly is she pointing at? Not a big deal, and it can't be called a mistake, but I think it would be pretty funny to draw more attention to this and say "she pointed at nothing in particular." xD

"Twi, I've seen some pretty crazy stuff with you and the girls." Spike scoffed. "Not much surprises me anymore."

comma after girls, not period, since "scoffed" is a way of speaking.

"Well, I think I might have an idea of what's going on." Twilight said.

comma after on, not period. Same issue as before.

"Uh, curse?" bugged Spike.

Replied Twilight, Spike scoffed, Twilight said, and now bugged Spike. Too many, too many. Omit "bugged Spike."

"Spike, I'm pretty sure you've dealt with ghosts at least twice before." Twilight discerned.

Discerned? Really? It's almost as tacky as queried to me.

"I don't know what that means, but I don't care." Twilight insisted and trotted off.

comma after insisted, unless she both insisted and trotted that spoken line.

...

* * *, and make it centered too.

Gonna stop there for now. Always cool to see another author take a crack at this premise, and though it's nothing I haven't seen before so far, it's not bad by any means. I only went through 1/4 of the story, and the same couple problems kept popping up over and over and over... I think you can see the pattern, and can fix the rest yourself. Gotta go to work now. Thanks for a fun diversion. Ta!

This was surprisingly well done and funny at the same time. I would like to see more of this. How about "The Adventures of Twilight and the Guy Who Narrates Everything Twilight Does"?

Don't worry man, I share the same problem with Deadpool.

Well, that was awesome.

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