Have you ever heard strange voices in your head? Have you ever felt like your life is being observed or controlled by some omnipotent being? Twilight Sparkle has, and it's driving her up a wall; the FOURTH wall! Watch the hilarity ensue as Twilight hears the soothingly manly voice of yours truly!
That was interesting and funny. Great job. Good luck with future stories.
Je te aime, monsieur! ...Une café, s'il vous plait!
Ahem, French aside, this is actually a good story. That first statement was true. Platonically, of course.
6005038 Je t'aime also, Monsieur! (And who says it has to be platonic?
)
Anyway, thanks for favoriting the story!
Here's you coffee! (Extra sweet!
)
In other words, stranger than FIMfiction.
I fully approve. Wouldn't mind a sequel either. Hint hint.
words can not disc ribe the awsom
it makes me feel
I love this concept, and I love where you went with it. Great job!
Well done my good sir! My compliments to the narrator.
First off, it's not a bad thing to hear voices in your head(I think), and second, wound it be cool if the only narrator voice in the entire world was Morgan Freeman?
My response to hearing a narrator's voice like that would be to say, "Greetings, please raise me up a level. Stories are well and good, but I'd rather see the higher reality."
6006281
firstly, would not wound
secondly, are you sure that's a smart idea?, one of the sexiest voices ever to narrate every action we make and you don't see that going wrong at any point?
6006206 Yes, just yes. These were my thoughts exactly.
Pure brilliance.
6006314 would lol
This was actually quite the lovely read.
Thanks for that, haha.
Awesome story!
I think your missing a "t" there.
"I read this with the Stanley parable's narrator voice, you didn't? anyway, this story is great! it's funny and the ending was really good!" Reader wrote while adjusting his sitting position on the chair, searched for a new story and took a sip of coffee from his mug.
Hehe. That was pretty good. Had me chuckling throughout. For some reason I had flashbacks to that old Winnie the Pooh episode where Tigger had the run-in with the Narrator. (couldnt find the video, but IMDB quote is here : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0072410/quotes?item=qt0202312)
6006685 I actually remembered that as I began writing this!
6006544 Muah ha ha ha ha ha! It's spreading!
6005937 Hey now, you should know the risks before putting ideas in my head!
6006195 Oh stahp it!
i would have turned her into a stallion at one point
6006206 Well that would certainly be better than my Gilbert Godfried idea!
Dang, I really hate being that guy. Sorry. Okay, here goes:
YOU SEE THAT HY– Ahem. Excuse me. Stupid caps lock. You see that hyphen there? When you cut somebody off while talking, you use an "em dash" (–), not a hyphen.(-) Hyphens are for hyphenating words.
'She' shouldn't be capitalized.
Change the period to a comma.
This was sweet.
Fun li'l read. Reminds me of another, where Maud fell in love with her narrator. Anyway, this made me laugh, so it's all good.
Vile means despicably bad. A vial is a small container for holding liquids.
I actually really like the idea of a non-Pinkie character hearing the narrator.
*at
Wow, that was fun! I really like this story. Would you mind terribly if I gave it a dramatic reading?
6007334 Me 2! :D
6006905 What do you mean by "em dash"? If you're going to be that guy, actually use it.
That was surprisingly funny.
6006911
Thanks for the link! Hillarious!
6007461
Oh I did. With the Caps Lock incident. Sorry, I should clarify that.
6007461
mesummer.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/dashes.jpg
6007530 Yes, I know what it is. Thank you. I was merely pointing out that usually clarification is needed when editing someone's mistakes, as it's likely that the error was made out of ignorance of the rule involved; in this case, the difference between em dashes and hyphens.
Personally, I always hated how similar the three are, but the English language has far more confounding issues than that.
Of course, typos, misspellings, or misplaced words are a different matter than specific grammatical rules.
6007566 And in most programs nowadays, they are all three the same durn thing, differentiated only by the presence or absence of spaces on either side of the dash mark.
6007334 Why sure!
Also, what do you mean by dramatic reading?
6007721
Nominally, reading the story in a dramatic tone, affecting voices for the different characters, and posting it to YouTube (with links back to the original author and story). In my case, though, I like to go a step farther and act out the stories with my stuffed ponies.
6007756 Ooh! In that case, hell yes!
6007432 Go right ahead!
1. Comma between new and authentic. You'll note that I did not suggest a comma in the previous sentence, between ordinary and sunny, because "sunny" and "day" are seen so often together that they can be interpreted as a compound noun, instead of a noun with an adjective.
2. You used a hyphen instead of a dash. Yes, there is a difference. You can use an endash (–) or an emdash (—), but I would suggest using a space as well if you go with the endash.
If you don't capitalize "she," it means that "stopped" is the method by which she vocalized "Hello." She can say hello, she can shout hello, yell it, scream it, but she can't stop it. Capital S.
1. no comma after Celestia.
2. dash.
Same problem as before. Capitalize she. I would also suggest putting the stopping and looking BEFORE the line she said, but if you insist on her saying it first and then stopping, so be it.
Same issue. Capitalize she.
dash, not hyphen.
I don't think there's a documented right way to do this, but I would suggest a space after the "..."
decapitalize she
1. urged Twilight, queried Rainbow, replied Twilight. You're getting really repetitive with this, and using different vocabulary doesn't fix that. Omit one or even two of those – it's perfectly fine to leave the lines of dialogue by themselves.
2. "Queried?" Really? Strikes me as incredibly tacky. Definitely one of the ones I'd omit.
"Look, Twilight," Rainbow backed up, a bit unnerved.
Period after Twilight, not comma. If you have a comma, that means Rainbow backed the sentence. I have to admit, though, that using a period somewhat disconnects it from the following line, "I think you've just been reading those spells too much." If you want to maintain the comma and the connection, then add she says. Thus: "Look, Twilight," Rainbow said (nervously) as she backed up (nervously), "I think you've. . ."
Also, note that I used a comma just before "I think." If you change this to "Look, Twilight." with a period, then maintain the period before "I think." Either both periods, or both commas.
dash. I also suggest a space after ... but again, I don't think there's an official way to do it.
at the sky.
Are you British? If you're British, this is fine. If not, this is TOTALLY UNACCEPTABLE!
Heh, jk. It's a list of actions that Twilight took. In American English, you use a comma before the "and." In British English, you can omit it. It's called the "oxford comma." As an American, the omission of the comma by another American drives me into a BLIND, UNCONTROLLABLE RAGERRGWHG$#!1.
1. dash.
2. You use "with" twice. Not a damning sin, but you could just as easily omit it. I think the sentence would flow better without that first "with." "She had been busy filling it. . ." Up to you, though.
If you use "just earlier," best to use past tense, not past perfect. Thus, I started. Not I've started.
"There! Right now!" she pointed. "He just said 'he asked' right after you spoke."
What exactly is she pointing at? Not a big deal, and it can't be called a mistake, but I think it would be pretty funny to draw more attention to this and say "she pointed at nothing in particular." xD
comma after girls, not period, since "scoffed" is a way of speaking.
comma after on, not period. Same issue as before.
Replied Twilight, Spike scoffed, Twilight said, and now bugged Spike. Too many, too many. Omit "bugged Spike."
Discerned? Really? It's almost as tacky as queried to me.
comma after insisted, unless she both insisted and trotted that spoken line.
* * *, and make it centered too.
Gonna stop there for now. Always cool to see another author take a crack at this premise, and though it's nothing I haven't seen before so far, it's not bad by any means. I only went through 1/4 of the story, and the same couple problems kept popping up over and over and over... I think you can see the pattern, and can fix the rest yourself. Gotta go to work now. Thanks for a fun diversion. Ta!
This was surprisingly well done and funny at the same time. I would like to see more of this. How about "The Adventures of Twilight and the Guy Who Narrates Everything Twilight Does"?
Don't worry man, I share the same problem with Deadpool.
Well, that was awesome.
6007713 Now that? That's hilarious. Hilarious and sad all at once.
6008133
Yes, I can see it now! I need a professional for this! Where's Ron Howard?! *picks up phone* Ronny! I got a new idea for ya! ......Hmm, maybe I should get his number first.
Sweet mother of Celestia!
I never actually suspected this story to catch heat so quickly! In fact, it's the shortest one I've ever written, and yet it beat all my other stories!
I guess it just goes to show how awesome the brony community is! (Perhaps I should continue this little idea.)
Thank you all for your views and your lovely feedback!
This is what I live for when writing these things. *puts fake tears in eyes* I just love you all so much! You're too kind!
(Can I have my Pulitzer Prize now?)