• Member Since 13th Nov, 2023
  • offline last seen 12 minutes ago

Gormless Wheaton

Full of Regret and Thinly Veiled Contempt


'Eternity is wasted on hatred, Mr. Harlow. For try as we might, immortality slips away, and we're left with only our shame.'

Peter Harlow is many things. Prepared for becoming a Dracula knock off on a planet full of talking fairy tale animals is not one of them.

He is however stubborn and determined to make it work. If he can succeed is yet to be seen, but one thing is certain

He's a Vampire.

Not a Displaced fic.

Coverart by the delightful rikithemonk

Inspired by
Skeletor, Master of the Empire by Hotel_Chicken
How I started a war in a children cartoon by Netap

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 48 )

Ok I’m down, let’s see where this goes.

Interesting start, I'll follow for a bit.

"Knowledge is power and power corrupts, so study hard and be evil." - Reykan

Redid long and short description to clarify that this is not a Displaced story.

I am honestly quite enjoying this and loving the way your going for the OG type of vampire.

Glad you're enjoying it so far.

Old school vampires are a hell of a lot of fun to write around. As a baseline, Peter can reasonably beat the life out of anyone in a straight fight, but for roughly twelve hours out of the day, he's gimped. The full scope of what he can do and what will knock him off the census being unknown to him is also fun to work with.

I do hope you also start introducing the vampire strengths and the like, not just the weaknesses.

The cheese that the pic and the description gives this story is detrimental. Edit :Fixed.

This is well written. This is the type of classic story I would expect from one of the top writers of this site.

I advise every single reader to pass this on with your highest recommendations. This needs more eyes to read this. It is literally that well done.

This is not schlock and deserves to be read. (as of this chapter)

(As of this chapter) (To the Author don't do the = thing. Those of us on the site who are blind really don't like to listen to our computer repeat the word equals, 75 times for 13 minutes straight. Just use a horizontal rule. )

Check your PM

“There are many ways to create a monster, and the one the girl knows best is rather basic: you tell someone they're a monster over and over again, then wait to see how long it takes before they agree with you.” -Estee

I just caught up and I have to say that I stand by my original opinion. This is not only written by an adult, this is very well done. The characters are well thought out. The dialog is well written and realistic. I have to say that this doesn't feel like a first time writer. I believe that Gormless Wheaton will be a welcome addition to our Author base.

"Anon had never known a bat pony to shy away from carnage. They were cuter than kittens, and much more bloodthirsty." -HeideKnight

Damn, make a guy feel all warm and fuzzy why don't you.

Thanks a million for the kind words.

Apologies for the line breaks, I didn't put that much thought in to them since I didn't think this would be seen by too many people. I'll patch those up, and splice in some dialogue from a later scene to thin the cheese.

It's coming very soon, but Peter being Peter means the focus had to be on the negatives, the things that could kill him. So a natural way to introduce more strengths hadn't presented itself yet.

But for clarity's sake and for anyone interested in keeping score.

What Peter knows for certain

  1. He is stronger than any mortal
  2. He cannot be harmed by mundane tools
  3. He can heal from injury at the cost of blood
  4. He can see and hear better than most mortals, especially at night
  5. He becomes a ghost when he sleeps
  6. Daylight hours compel him to sleep
  7. He must be invited before entering a residence
  8. He can't stand garlic
  9. Sunlight burns him
  10. Ashwood can harm him

Everything else is guess work on his part.

As an addition to this, maybe author could check out movie 'Renfield' or at least plot summary if they aren't fond of movies overly filled with gore and swearing. Along with Nicolas Cages quirky touch, the movie did a good job introducing a belalagosi style Dracula to modern audiences while showing just how scary the classic abilities and skills are with modern effects. Not to mention interesting twist on Renfield familiar powers and relationship. BTW, is Gaggle's introduction a sort of segway into a pun with Renfield? Maybe Rin tin tinfield:trollestia:?

...or maybe that's just making me look like an aging nerd:twilightblush:.

Rin tin tinfield is nuts man, god damn.

I've seen that film though, and while it has some inspiration for things later on, no Graggle's the Gnarl to Peter's Overlord.

The Renfield comes later.

Ok, ok I'm liking this, and can he use magic? He is a vampire after all, go all Castlevania Dracula on their plots

Yeah he needs to learn how to fight urgently

She's going to fucking murder me.

Gain magic get strong, murder her first.

Why is he not obsessing over magic anyway, makes no sense.

"What do you mean 'what'?" I stood up. "You're acting like this is just some cost of doing business! I'm a vampire, damn it! I burn in the sun, I drink blood, I'm a night-lurking monster who eats people!"

No idea why he's overreacting really

If he doesn't die I call it bullshit

Oho? This looks neato.

"NO, I DON'T!" I screamed, looking ahead to see a pair of Diamond Dogs sprinting towards me. In the moonlight beyond, I saw a third struggling on the ground with the ghoulified Boss.

Didn't see that coming.

“On her doorstep was Twilight Sparkle. While Derpy deeply respected the mare, like most in Ponyville, they wished she'd either switch to decaf, or start hitting the harder stuff.” -Dan_s Comments

Principle, mostly.

A lion getting told he ain't shit by a crowd of field mice would probably have a similar reaction.

I am quite enjoying this now and honestly, I like the comedic parts in the story as well. He also reminds me of Drac from Hotel Transylvania in terms of personality a lil bit.


Damn, Mr. White. But I just made garlic bread!

Could you live as a vampire if you knew you could no longer have garlic bread/Texas toast?
I think that might just break me.

"9 P.M. Groaning, I pushed myself from my chair, grabbing my magic staff- in case there would be some vengeful midgets- I walked to the front of the door," -SoothingCoffee

Glad you're still having fun.

Peter being a dork is one of the only reasons this story happened. The original Peter when I first envisioned the story was a power hungry bastard, and the story had a war as its focus. I quickly learned that I didn't enjoy writing him however, so I redid the whole thing with him being more sincere, to his detriment.

Those original personality traits have been relocated to another part of the story where I can get more use out of them, but current Peter absolutely is at risk of doing one of these

It's called the curse of vampirism for a reason.

I'm going to miss the blank stare.


(seriously there was something about that blank stare .....)

"Yes, I will eat the Fear Turkey." -Illua Taken from us far too soon. Rest in peace you fantastic Author

For bringing attention to it, I'm breaking out the bad one.


For bringing attention to it, I'm breaking out the bad one

Partner said the wizards better. I rather like the idea of the blank stare.

What was your opinion of "Memento Mori?" Scribbler and her crew out did herself on that one. Its less than 20 minutes. You have 20 minutes don't you for what should be an MLP classic horror.

I would quite like your opinion of the moral dilemma the story posts. As a private IM of course.

“If you can't awe them with knowledge, baffle 'em with bullshit.” -Guardsman_Sparky

I think you've learned your lesson, so back to the wizard.

Thanks for reminding me. Lengthy thoughts are in your messages.

Yes, but what kind is he?

The cool Masquerade kind, or the twink obsessive Meyers kind?

Or for the terminology challenged...

A real f$$$@ing vampire

Well happy day, because White Wolfs (now Paradox's) bouncing pile of sticky lore has 13 different flavors of vampires!

From the snaggle toothed Nosferatu to the flesh crafter Tzimische, you have no shortage of denizen of the night to mold into your favored brand of night dweller!

Ah classic Celestia.

There’s a problem, throw Twilight at it.

Not everyone cares for magic. We as humans live just fine without it, this character spent most of his life being one. Some are interested obviously (Like you, it seems) but in the end, humans don't need to have magic to live. Because of this, it's a want, not a need. In this story the main character appears to be dependant on it, but we are imagining that he lived without it for most of his life, so he doesn't know that yet, at least not fully.

Seems like he pretty much needs magic to live you know, because of the fucking sun alicorn that can destroy him if he is slightly threatening.

And there it is, I'd say you paid off the mystery of how Peter came to be quite well.


F'in Hilarious,

goddamn do I love the People's Elbow

'Eternity is wasted on hatred, Mr. Harlow. For try as we might, immortality slips away, and we're left with only our shame.'

This is a quote from the story, right?

A stake to the heart kills the vampire. An elbow to the ribs kills the soul.

Thank you, genuinely.

I was worried it was too much all at once, not nearly enough, or was too stark a contrast for what I'd already done, but no takesies-backsies means I could stop worrying and move on to what comes next.

"A fitting punishment for a loathsome pair like you two!" He said with a wicked grin. "Don't you realize? Your efforts are useless! USELESS USELESS USEL-"

Well Blueblood is an aristocrat turned into a vampire…..s familiar.

Something something JOJO REFERENCE.

Man you spoiled the hell outta me with that triple chapter stunt you pulled. I love it:ajsmug:

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