He's a Vampire

by Gormless Wheaton

Court of the Demon

---

The throne room was dominated by a tense silence as I paced the wall. I was too bewildered by everything that had happened to notice when I left the floor, so I just rolled with it while Graggle, Quilt, Frill, Cozy, and all three Equestrians digested everything I'd told them.

"So he just admitted to all this?" Graggle huffed.

"Yep. He's sitting in the vault right now while we wait for the other Mayors to show up," I replied as I stepped onto the ceiling. "I think we have to have a trial, I guess."

"Why? He admitted it, so let's just kill him," Quilt groused from where she sat curled up on my throne. Cozy and Sunbeam, sitting beside her, flinched at her tone.

"Quilt!" Frill cried.

"What? He made Grandpa do all that bad stuff," she shrugged, staring straight ahead. "Scruff him." I sighed and drifted down to the throne, picking her up and sitting with her in my lap.

"I want a full picture of everything, Quilt," I said as she tensed and curled up. "For all we know, if he's not just lying, there could be a lot more to the story."

"You saying Grandpa might've done all that willingly?" She asked with a dark and dangerous inflection. I gently pet her back.

"I'm saying the why and how needs to come out," I offered. "That's why I want to hear from the others. Hell, there's even a chance he's the guy Celestia's been looking for all these years."

"Why would he admit to that then?" Hasty asked. I sighed heavily.

"Good question in general," I muttered. I'd been asking myself that question for the past three hours, ever since Briefs had willingly just walked to Ramstead alongside my mist form. I felt more off balance than when Mad Dog was hurling me through the air.

Was this all just a prank? Was it all legit? Was he trying to distract me from something? I dragged my free hand down my face and continued to pet Quilt, partially to comfort her and partly to comfort myself.

"Master, sheep is here," Latch called from the door.

---

Before leaving, as she was feeling overwhelmed, Frill had fetched Graggle some writing tools to keep a record of everything, while Hasty and Twitch led the few castle guards in to keep everything civil. As a result, the air the Mayors entered was tense and somber, and they knew immediately something about this meeting was very different.

From where the Mayors of Woollachia stood, they saw a room of armed dogs and me, lounging on my throne, with Quilt in my lap and two vampire killers at my sides. And we all had our eyes focused on the three of them as they entered.

"Thank you all for coming," I said, sweeping my hand to the three of them. They shared a look before stepping further inside.

"Does this have anything to do with Princess Celestia's coalition proposal?" Lace asked, looking over the whole room. I felt Quilt growl quietly.

"No, this is," I hummed and rubbed my eyes. "This is the proceedings to a criminal trial." The three of them flinched.

"Criminal?" Doily repeated and looked at her peers. "Nowooly told me about any crime. Things have been very good recently!"

"I agree. Did something happen here at the castle?" Cap asked. Quilt sat up and looked at the vault door.

"Oh, something's gonna happen alright," she hissed. I firmly gripped her and leaned in.

"Quilt, please," I pleaded. She angrily met my eyes and relented after a moment. She hopped down next to Cozy, who moved to comfort her along with Sunbeam. I sighed and looked back at the mayors. "It's about Briefs." The shocked looks they gave in response were very telling. Oh boy.

"What- ah, what do you mean, Prince Peter?" Lace asked while the other two stared wide-eyed at me. I nodded and folded my legs over.

"It's a bit complicated, so bear with me," I began, tenting my fingers as I looked at the ceiling. "Celestia wrote and told me that the three enemy vampires were in the company of a ram named Gruff. Now, not only does Quilt's grandpa share a name with this ram, but the timelines match up for the possibility he faked his death and ran off with those three." Quilt buried her head in Cozy's side.

"Well, that's-" I held up a hand, cutting off Doily.

"I inspected Gruff's grave and found it was empty," I continued, still looking at the ceiling. "When I went to ask Briefs about it, he admitted practically unprompted that he helped Gruff fake his death and forced him to summon the other three." My eyes fell on them finally.

"Then he said you three were witnesses," I finished, looking over their shocked reactions. I held a hand out to them. "So you can imagine, we're all a little perplexed, here."

"Everything that transpires here will be transcribed, starting from the moment you entered the room," Graggle declared, still writing. "Apologies for not making you aware sooner. The role of a courtroom stenographer is new to me."

"Hold on here!" Cap cried, galloping closer to the throne, either unaware or ignorant of the guards being held back only by a gesture from Hasty. "We haven't done anything wrong! Why are we on trial?!"

"Cap's right! It was all Briefs' idea!" Doily added, practically in tears. Lace collapsed onto her haunches, staring at the floor with her mouth open.

"You three aren't on trial, Briefs is," I declared. The three of them blinked and gave me their attention as I leaned forward. "You're just here to tell us what you know. Which I think it's fair to say is quite a bit." They shared a look and hung their heads as they shuffled back together. Standing side by side in the center of the room, they held a silent debate about who should begin or even what to say.

"Let's start simple," I offered, relaxing back in my seat. "How are you three involved?" They looked at each other, and Lace nodded.

"Briefs helped us get into office. You already know only candidates presented by the Mayor can be selected," she shuffled her hooves as she spoke. "We weren't in the best positions to ever get the chance. He changed that." Doily took a breath, emboldened by her peer's testimony.

"Mayors don't have to retire, so once we were in, that was that," she explained. That was something I had wondered about but never asked. "In exchange for his help, he just wanted our support for some plan he had." I hummed and tapped my cheek.

"Hold up, when we met, you made it sound like you hadn't unified Woollachia because you didn't want him in charge," I leaned forward again with a furrowed brow. They wilted at my gaze.

"That, well, was what he told us to say," Cap muttered. I gawped at that revelation. "We knew he had a hold over everything already, so what did it matter if some monster he controlled was on the throne or not?" I huffed in astonishment and looked over the rest of the room. Graggle was taken aback too, but still dutifully wrote on. The Equestrians and dogs largely didn't seem to care or understand what Cap's words meant, but Cozy and Quilt shared a look of concern. I shook my head and chose to press on.

"How much of this plan were you aware of?"

"We knew Gruff wasn't dead," Lace began. Cozy yelped as Quilt shoved her aside and stood in front of my throne, heaving and hissing to the terror of the mayors. I gently reached forward and stroked her back, which relaxed her a little. I gestured for Lace to continue. "We, uh, knew he was sending Gruff away as part of-" she hummed and averted her eyes.

"Out with it," I demanded with a hand still on Quilt. They all winced and Doily clenched her eyes shut.

"It was something to do with the Longhorns' Master, and what they tried to do fifty years ago," Lace finally huffed, shaking her head. "Some resurrection ritual or something. Briefs always spoke of his Master like he was dead, so.."

"And you went along with it anyway?" The three wilted at my question.

"He said we'd get to keep our offices if we did what he said," Doily replied sadly. "He said his Master would reward us when he took control." I growled in my throat.

"Did any of you even know what the Longhorns were planning?" My jaw dropped when they nodded shamefully before I clenched my teeth. "So tell me then, cause I guess I forgot." They shared a look before Cap hummed and nodded.

"They were going to," he hissed and winced. "Hurt a lot of sheep to-"

"Kill," I growled. "They were going to kill a lot of sheep, Cap." He shuddered, and Doily sniffled. I pulled my hand from Quilt when I felt her wince and realized I was squeezing her.

"Yes, kill a lot of sheep for the ritual Briefs was talking about," he finally said. The other two nodded. I heaved a breath and leaned back in my seat.

"And you. Went. Along with it," I said evenly. Quilt quietly shuffled back to Cozy and Sunbeam, watching me all the while.

"We thought his new plan wouldn't hurt anywooly!" Doily cried, now weeping. "We thought-" I was in Doily's face in an instant, one finger an inch away from her snout. The three of them collapsed under my gaze.

"Common sense," I said evenly. I slowly settled onto the floor, finger still pointed. "Would have told you otherwise. But go ahead. What did he say that made you so sure?" Doily's unblinking, teary eyes stayed locked with mine. We stayed like that for a minute before I sighed and returned to my seat. Once there, I gestured for her to continue.

"He said the new plan wouldn't hurt anywooly in Woollachia," she whimpered. "Just.. outside." I fought the urge to jump forward again.

"So what? The Equestrians?" I asked, hoping I misunderstood. Then they nodded. "And that was fine with you?"

"Well, the way he put it," Cap replied slowly, still avoiding my eyes. "Celestia involved them first." The room jumped when a splintering crack rang out. All eyes snapped to me, watching in dread as I twirled the arm of my chair in the two fingers that had ripped it free.

"Well, we all make mistakes," I sighed as I hurled the broken piece across the room. I dragged my hand down my face. "For instance, I never imagined sheep could be so.. well. I guess the Longhorns make a bit more sense now." I hummed and looked over the three of them.

"So, I have to wonder," I began, regarding and rubbing my fingers together. "If you know how bad things could've gotten, are you also part of why most sheep don't?"

"A lot of what happened in the mountains wasn't known to the public," Lace replied, being the first to look up at me. "Even our predecessors weren't fully aware. Briefs explained it to us so we'd have context for why things went wrong the first time and why this time would be different."

"Then you nearly started a war and all that with Celestia," Doily whimpered, shuffling her hooves. "We pulled Briefs into a meeting or two since we were worried what happened all those years ago was about to happen to us. But it was too late either way. The Woollachians followed you, which I think was what Briefs really wanted."

"He also said if Celestia came down on us, all the blame would fall on you," Cap added before shuddering when my eyes fell on him. I growled and took a breath.

"So, let's recap for those keeping score," I hissed and cracked my back. "You knew the Longhorns were out for blood, you knew Briefs was in on their schemes, you helped keep the worst of their crimes and goals hidden for all this time, and you did all this to keep your shitty little civil authority roles. Do I have all that right?" They wilted and nodded with their eyes cast down. I grumbled and swept my hand out.

"You three are going to tell the Woollachian public everything you've been keeping from them," they gasped and moved to protest before I stood up, and they shrunk under my gaze. "And we're taking steps to keep this from happening again." They shared a look as I paced in front of my seat.

"No more of this 'people in power chosen by those already in power' bullshit," I began. "Starting this year, every three years let's say, the villagers will vote on who they want to be Mayor. Anyone can apply and whoever gets the most votes is the new Mayor for three years. We'll iron out the details this week."

"B-but!" Doily stood and tried to speak.

"No," I growled, so she hit the ground and covered her eyes. "Additionally, I'm only on this throne because of you and Briefs' scheme. So, if the sheep want me gone, away I'll go." Graggle and the dogs gasped and moved to argue before I waved a hand.

"No dice. During the election this year, they can make it known. If that's how it's going to roll, Graggle, you and I can work with whoever the new mayors are and set you up as, I dunno, military administrator for the country. However it'll work, I want Woollachia to have its guards with or without me."

I'd made it back to my throne by the time I finished speaking and slumped into it, staring at the ceiling. Silence gripped the room as my decree hit home for everyone. I leaned forward, drawing all eyes back to me.

"That all said, let's hear what Briefs has to say for himself."

---

Briefs stood alone in the center of the room, under the gaze of everyone else present. But my eyes alone were the ones he met.

"So, your peers have given quite the tale," I began. He nodded.

"I told you it would be best to gather them," he laughed, causing my eye to twitch.

"Added to your earlier admission, I think I can make a judgment call," I rose from my seat and swept a hand out at him. "But so we're all on the same page, Briefs, you are accused of, let's see, conspiracy, planning a mass murder, coercion." I counted off on my fingers and hummed, trying to put what I believed he'd done to words.

"Guilty on all counts," he declared, causing me to clench my fists and smile angrily.

"Great, that makes things easy," I leered down at him. "But only makes me curious. Why are you-"

"Giving it up so quickly?" He laughed darkly. "I told you, you knowing won't change or stop anything." I sighed as I stared at him, and sat back down.

"If that's true, then why don't you give us a more detailed account?"

"Certainly! Where shall I begin?" He chirped, causing me to crack my knuckles together.

"Your peers mentioned this was all part of a ritual for your Master," I offered. He nodded in response.

"The Master died quite a long time ago, but his spirit still lingers and can speak to those who can listen." Briefs explained, still meeting my eyes. "I am one such individual, and with his guidance, pushed the Longhorns to prominence. They existed solely to one day achieve his goal of restoring his body, and the mistake that brought you and the other three into being was an attempt to hasten their duty to him." I shook my head incredulously.

"What, he too good to be a regular vampire?"

"He requires a proper resurrection into a body that could support the full weight of his dark power," he explained. "A mere vampire isn't enough. Lord Grogar requires his body restored." The name was met with audible shock from everyone present, especially Doily and the other two. Even Quilt shuddered at the revelation. I was the only one not quite in the loop.

"Grogar.." Cap whispered in shock. "We were-" I snapped my fingers and pointed at him.

"Time's long passed for you three to realize you fucked up, so shut it," I ordered and returned my attention to Briefs. "Okay, you're trying to rez Grogar the Comically Evil or whatever. If you can really talk to him, tell him I said 'Go fuck yourself.'" I spat, causing Briefs to flinch and glare at me. Smiling, I continued.

"Celestia said mass death could do shit like that, so that tracks," I hummed and scratched my chin. "Where does Adam, his boys, myself, and Quilt's grandpa come in?" Briefs was still mulling over my message for his pal but eventually snorted.

"Well, it became apparent that the Longhorns were likely going to spoil his schemes with their haste and lack of foresight," he stared at the floor as he spoke. "But their mistake gave the Master a delightful idea. If the Longhorns were destroyed, why not use their mismade monsters to complete the resurrection? Surely if they were set to the purpose, they could produce a sufficent amount of deathborne magic?" He looked up at me with a grim smile.

"So, you four were modified and set aside to be enriched and unleashed. To consume life and destroy the living, and with each life claimed, bring his revival ever closer," he chuckled as he explained the plan, but then his expression fell. "Gruff was always a fool. He had the talent but refused to rule. His reluctance was to our benefit, however. Celestia never discovered him, leaving us with a sorcerer to fulfill our plan." I saw in the corner of my eye that Quilt was sitting up again, and had her eyes firmly locked on Briefs as he spoke.

"But then Gruff defied us. He tampered with you. Spoiled you," I raised my eyebrows, as this was the angriest I'd ever heard Briefs. "He twisted your composition so that should you destroy another nosferatu, the dark magic they've accrued will be siphoned away and neutralized." He hissed the words out and cracked his neck.

"Then he actually tried to tamper with your awakening, so you'd come out, well," he looked me up and down. "About the same as you came out anyhow. He was punished, and from then on was much more cooperative. Though nothing could undo the damage he dealt to you." Cozy pulled Quilt back, who was heaving from how heavy her breathing was. I rubbed the bridge of my nose.

"And so you had him wake those three and sent them to the Storm King?"

"Yes, after faking his death of course," he nodded. "His request. He knew his time was drawing to a close, and he would probably meet his end far from home. He wanted to offer his granddaughter closure, even if it was fake." I heard Quilt choke back a yell and looked to see her curling up in on herself, with Cozy and Sunbeam huddling close to her. The latter of the two was staring death Briefs' way. I leaned in, and put a hand on her shoulder.

"If this is too much-" Quilt cut me off with a shake of her head and glared at Briefs. I hummed and looked back at the ram. "Why the Storm King exactly?"

"Oh, very simple. He was the only modern warlord stupid enough to not think twice about a set of undead offering their power," Briefs explained, shaking his head with a laugh. "My allies abroad told me he already had a substantial industry base, which I can't imagine those boys didn't make use of. That's sure to help their efforts!" I snarled and cracked my wrists.

"Makes sense," I muttered, rolling my head back and forth. "So, why help me out? I mean, you set me up as a prince, you backed up my plans, and hell you even sent Quilt with me against those three. Why?"

"Well, letting you think you were in charge was, in fact, the best way to control you, prince," he snorted with a raised eyebrow "A gentle nudge here or there was all it would take to get you to behave how I needed." He giggled.

"When I realized you were awake, I knew I just needed to keep you still long enough for the other three to come knocking, and Gruff's little ploy would be finished," he howled with laughter. "But flying headlong into a fight with all three of them, you were ready to do on your own." His expression fell and he stared ahead at nothing.

"Wasn't counting on them fighting you one at a time, however."

"Aw shucks! Make a guy feel all guilty, why don't ya?" I whined and shook my head. "You still haven't explained why you sent Quilt with me. She says you knew she had magic and all that." He smiled darkly and looked right at her.

"Well," he began in a tone that made me regret asking. "As I said, Gruff had to be punished for his rebellion. The Master very wisely pointed out that while his son was precious to him, the ram had a daughter who could also be used as leverage." I looked down at Quilt and saw she went stiff.

"So we orphaned her," I held up a hand holding back the guards as Quilt charged the older ram with a feral roar to the shock of everyone in the room. I rose from my throne and slowly, deliberately stepped towards where she was beating him into the stone floor, each step punctuated by a thud or crack as she rained her hooves upon him. By the time I slipped my hand under her and pulled her off him, he was writhing on the floor, covered in blackish-blue hoofprints. Quilt thrashed in my grip for a minute before curling up and sobbing quietly into my shirt.

"Not very-" Briefs groaned and wheezed. "Not very professional of a judge holding a criminal trial." I hummed as I returned to my seat.

"Never said I was a judge. Graggle?"

"Yes, O' Dark One?" He replied, unperturbed. I hummed again.

"Yeah, dunno. 'Dark One' sounds pretty unprofessional to me," I sat down and crossed one leg over the other, allowing Cozy to lean on my armrest to console Quilt. "You chose to cross the court held by a demon? Sounds like your problem to me." I smiled as he rose to his feet.

"Maybe carry on without drawing joy from my friend's pain, you tiny idiot." He huffed and chuckled.

"Very wise, I admit," he shifted and winced. "Shall I continue?" I waved a hand at him.

"Right, well, as he had only his granddaughter left, Gruff knew our threats were not idle," he said slowly, between breaths. "Which of course made him cooperative, and I think was the motivator for teaching her magic. To either defend herself or convince us she was useful alive." He shrugged but winced as soon as he did.

"As to why I convinced her to go with you," he cracked his neck and let out a long breath. "Call it postmortem punishment. His spoiled vampire is destroyed, and his beloved progeny is erased with it. But again, I hadn't predicted they'd fight you one at a time."

"Yeah, real shame that," I said, gently petting Quilt who had stopped crying, and now stared hatefully out at Briefs. "Anyone present have any objections to my passing judgment?"

"Nay," Graggle replied, catching up with his writing.

"No," the Equestrians replied.

"Awful," Doily whimpered.

"None," Lace and Cap replied.

"Nuh-uh," Cozy declared.

"Kill him," Quilt desperately whispered. Looking at the dogs present, they shook their heads, and so my eyes fell back to Briefs.

"Briefs, I find you guilty of heinous crimes against Woollachia, this court, and I feel confident when I say life in general. Fuck anyone who argues otherwise," I declared. He raised an eyebrow but said nothing. "As to what's going to happen to you, well.." I felt Quilt tense up and saw him straighten up slightly.

"I think you and Celestia need to have a chat." His jaw dropped and he gasped.

"Wha-"

"Lock him back up in the vault and send for someone to treat his injuries. For the time being, I sentence you to life in prison here at Ramstead. Might change it to death later, after Celestia meets you because fuck you, I'm a demon," I rose from my throne as the guards moved on the flabbergasted Briefs. I pointed at the three Mayors.

"Court is adjourned. Get out of my house." I dragged Cozy in my magic and carried Quilt out of the room.

The three of us walked in silence that was occasionally broken by Quilt's sobbing. We quickly made it to her room, and I threw the doors open with my magic before releasing Cozy, who galloped to the bed and fluffed it up for Quilt.

"I need to write Celestia about all this," I said before I leaned over to gently lay her on her bed. "So I'll be back." When I moved to withdraw, I realized she had my shirt in her teeth and had my arm firmly held by her forelegs. She didn't speak or even look at me, but the message was clear.

"On second thought, it can wait."

---

Alone in the vault of Ramstead and in spite of his bruises, Briefs slowly paced the floor before sitting. Glancing around and humming to himself, he smiled and sighed deeply.

"Thank goodness."

---

Ponyville General Hospital

3:45 am

---

"Has the princess written back yet?" Mr. Cake begged. Twilight shook her head, peeking through the door at where Pinkie lay and where her doctor was hastily finishing a blood infusion.

"Do you remember anything at all?" She asked, never taking her eyes off her friend's pale body. Mr. Cake paced the floor, biting his lip.

"We were just closing up for the night, and had just put the foals to bed," he tiled his head and muttered. "Something was wrong with one of the ovens, I think?"

"The ovens?" Twilight repeated, stepping to his side. He nodded and rubbed his chin.

"There was smoke in the room, and then.." he stared straight ahead, blinking. "We woke up and found Pinkie.." Twilight grumbled at the news.

"The air seemed clean in Sugar Cube Corner.." She said, racking her brain. "We'll have to-"

"The poison has long since departed their store," Luna declared, suddenly stepping into the hall with them. "And I am loathe to admit the damage has already been done to our friend." Mr. Cake gasped and bowed at her sudden arrival, while Twilight whipped around.

"Damage? Poison?" She whimpered. Luna nodded sadly and looked in at Pinkie.

"Before coming here, I inspected the store and found faint signs that a dark magic ritual took place," she explained with a grim look in her eyes. "When coupled with her exsanguination and the two missing nosferatu, I am left with an unhappy conclusion." Twilight gasped and followed Luna as she stepped into the room. The doctor stepped back and bowed as the princesses approached.

"How could the vampires have even gotten inside? Don't they need permission? What did they want with her? What-" Luna held up a wing, and lit her horn. Waving it over Pinkie's sleeping form, she hissed and averted her eyes. Twilight held a hoof over her mouth.

"What is it?" She whispered. Luna hummed angrily and took a breath.

"One of them has forced a blood bond upon her."

---

END OF ACT 3

---

Comments

[Lunar Strike]

Oh shit, things are heating up again.

[Destiny Chaser]

Well...blast.

[Fireeaters]

"Thank goodness."

Maybe the cult needs Peter to have a conscience for some reason