He's a Vampire

by Gormless Wheaton

Impact

---

"Wha-You-I-" Lace squeaked at the sight of the eclipse. Chrysalis whimpered and slowly looked at Grogar.

"Yup, ain't it grand?" Grogar replied with his eyes closed. He hummed in delight, rocking his head to and fro. "Delicious. Now!" He stomped his hoof and whirled around.

"On to the next step!" Lace and Chrysalis flinched and shared a look before huddling away from him.

"What-" Lace cleared her throat. "What step is-" She screamed as Grogar blasted the ground with a beam of bright crimson energy. The low drone of the beam quickly shifted to a wailing moan as the ground cracked under it. When he cut the beam, there was a pool of bubbling crimson ooze left behind in a wide shallow pit.

"Check this out," Grogar chortled. The pool hissed and began to evaporate. The pair blinked and shuddered as the ooze shrank away before settling around a pair of bodies that it clang to like a wrap. Then, the bodies began to writhe. "Rise and shine boys. We got work to do."

One of the bodies, the smaller of the two, pushed up and the skin of ooze peeled off, revealing a ram who tumbled to his hooves with a groan. Lace gasped and brought a hoof to her mouth.

"Briefs?!" The ram moaned and cracked his neck.

"Finally," he groused before blinking and looking up at Grogar. "Hello, again." Grogar smiled and nodded before glancing at the other body.

"You're way younger, so you've got no excuse for not being up yet. Let's go!" The body cried out and sat up, ripping the ooze in the process, and then flew to its feet.

He inspected himself before smirking. "Fuck yeah. Alive again!" Mad Dog chortled.

"That's the spirit!" Grogar cheered.

"Incredible," Chrysalis huffed taking a few steps forward and looking the revived vampire up and down. "You can create vampires this easily?"

"Shouldn't be too surprising, especially since this kid was already turned before he died the second time," Grogar replied and leered at the vampire. "Y'know, of the three, I always liked you best. Just a creature of pain and misery."

Mad Dog smiled. "Yeah, sounds like me. On the topic though, why you sound so familiar?"

Grogar smiled back. His horns glowed briefly, and the vampire's eyes lit up just as briefly, though he didn't seem to notice. "Doesn't matter, Tyler. Got a job for you. You'll love this."

---

"That is the situation. We will be leaving very soon," Celestia finished with a sigh. Quilt and Frill clung to my sides, the latter with her face buried in my shirt and the other staring off with an angry scowl.

"How the heck do you know this isn't going to hurt Peter?" Quilt demanded. Celestia hummed, but I spoke up first.

"I'm not saying the First is trustworthy, but it sure seems like it's not on Grogar's side," both sheep looked up at me. "And I'm willing to give it a shot if there's even a chance it'll help us put that bastard in the dirt."

Frill whined and sat up. "But Peter-"

"And let's be fair. Karl's just as bad for my health as the First might be, but we're still working with him for the time being." She recoiled and shared a look with Quilt before they both sighed. I hugged them both. "Celestia and Luna will both be there, so even if this is a trick, they can keep it from messing me up too bad." I smiled and glanced at Celestia. She averted her eyes.

"I guess that's true," Quilt murmured.

"How long will you be gone?" Frill asked looking between me and Celestia.

"We cannot be certain, but I can't imagine it taking more than a day if even that," Celestia replied, still looking off to the side. "Peter's ability to absorb dark magic has worked quickly so far, but this may be a more complicated affair. Regardless, we will be leaving in one hour." Frill's ears shot back, and she hugged my side tight. Quilt, meanwhile, just stared at the floor with her head resting on my lap.

---

TARTARUS

---

"Damn, not as bad as I expected," I hummed, scanning the cavernous expanse all around me after stepping through Luna's portal. The whole place was a mess of stone paths, cliffs, and plateaus with an eerie green light bubbling up from far below. On the plateaus sat countless cages in which all kinds of monsters and chimeras were kept. Most of them recoiled at the sight of us, but a few leveled hateful scowls our way.

Celestia came up beside me with a raised eyebrow. "And what exactly were you expecting?"

"I dunno. Fire, brimstone, wailing spirits tearing through the air. Stuff like that."

"Ah, then worry not!" Luna added as she shut the portal. "The lower levels may match your expectations." She and Celestia took the lead and we began to make our way deeper.

I frowned and peered over the edge of the path we took. I saw nothing beyond the green foggy light. "Lower levels?"

"The top region we find ourselves in is where the most harmless evils are kept," Celestia explained. "Beings who we can be reasonably certain are unable to pose a threat so long as they remain imprisoned. Thus, no further measures need be taken beyond sealing them in these cages." I looked up and glanced at all the monsters kept here.

We came to a narrow slope that twisted downward, hugging the side of the path we were on. Luna nodded at it. "Below, however, are creatures that such mundane trappings cannot contain. Spirits, ghouls, the odd especially talented unicorn, alicorns like Cousin Opaline, a few interdimensional criminals made from non-euclidean material, things like that."

I flinched and frowned. "Cousin who?"

"Nopony," Celestia replied with a scoff. "Regardless, all the cells and cages below this point are specially prepared on a case-by-case basis, including that which the First is trapped in."

"It is also guarded by horrors Grogar spawned, which our father managed to subdue," Luna added with a smile. "Including the Gorgon, who is charged with keeping watch over the First Nosferatu." I hummed and nodded as they began the descent. I scanned the foggy green haze for a moment before following along.

---

It wasn't long before I understood exactly what Luna meant. The fog separating this layer of Tartarus from the upper one wasn't naturally green or glowing. Instead, there was a vast swarm of hissing and chattering... things clawing at it. They were in all shapes and sizes matching living things like ponies, or griffons, or even minotaurs, but they were all slightly see-through and provided the eerie light to the fog as they rushed back and forth looking for an escape.

Occasionally, some would turn and chatter at us, but seemingly Luna and Celestia's presence warded them off and they returned to digging at the fog.

"NAG!" I jumped and whirled around to see a pair of glowing pale blue eyes glaring at us through the bars of a dark cage sitting on a wide sheet of ice and riddled with crackling runes.

The eyes met mine, but I was dragged forward by magic. "Ignore her," Celestia said as she pulled me to her side and turned me forward. Just ahead, there was a huge black rock dome with a metal door on the side. As we approached, I heard a hissing followed by a humming laugh come up behind us.

"Well, hello you two. And who is this?" A female voice spoke. I turned in tandem with the sisters and saw a huge snake with four clawed arms and a nest of smaller snakes with jeweled eyes for hair slithering around us. The nest of snakes completely obscured her eyes, but her fanged muzzle poked right through, with which she was smirking at me.

"Ah, there you are," Luna replied. "This is Peter Harlow, a friend of ours."

Celestia nodded and turned to me. "Peter, this is the Gorgon." I looked up at her as she tilted her head and snapped her tongue at me.

"No body heat?" She purred. "Oh-hoh! He's undead?"

"Correct," Luna replied. The Gorgon slithered closer, causing me to recoil. The sisters giggled at the sight.

"Fascinating~. You said he's your friend?" She began circling me. "Why ever did you bring him down here, then?"

"Uh-" She suddenly lurched and her coils snapped shut around me. "Hrk!" She rested one of her lower elbows on my head as she continued to speak with the sisters.

"He has an appointment with the First," Celestia replied, drawing a hum from the Gorgon. "We believe he may be able to destroy it once and for all."

"I see," she hummed. "That would explain why he's been so quiet the past few days." I croaked as I attempted to break free of her grip to no avail.

"We cannot be certain if it will work, but circumstances have arisen which unfortunately necessitate the attempt," Luna added. "So, if you would please release him, we can put our theory to the test." The Gorgon nodded and uncoiled, causing me to stumble with a gasp.

"Well, good luck ladies! And you too, Mr. Harlow," she propped me up before slithering away with a laugh. I caught my breath and glared at her as she vanished into the haze.

"Peter," Celestia called, drawing my attention forward. The sisters stood on either side of the door. "Let us proceed."

"Right," I huffed as I approached.

Celestia studied me before looking away. "You've done us a terrible disservice, Peter. If something happens we cannot avert, Frill will be furious with us."

I shrugged and wrapped an arm around her neck. "Sorry about that, but she never would've let us go otherwise," she hummed and returned my hug with a wing. "Besides, we should try to be positive." After a moment, she sighed and nodded before we parted. Sharing a look with Luna, they worked their magic and pulled the door open.

"Be safe, friend," Celestia murmured as I stepped inside. The door was sealed behind me.

The interior was bare stone, and if I wasn't able to see in the dark I'd be completely blind. Instead, I could see the First standing in the center of the chamber, leering at me. Wordlessly, it raised one claw and clenched its talons. I furrowed my brow before I heard a squelch and saw black ooze rupture from where its wrist would be.

It held the bleeding claw out to me and spoke with my voice. "Drink."

I flinched and looked it up and down before approaching. "Is that how this works?"

"Yes."

I hummed and nodded. "Well, if it's that easy, you mind clearing some things up for me?" It stared at me before growling and letting its arm sag.

"Go on."

I took a breath. "For starters, what'll happen to me when I use your power?"

"Your body shall become as water. Shapeless and fluid, but capable of becoming solid as water turns to ice. In this way, you may adopt any form or any partial form you have seen," It held up a claw and I watched the bony white appendage turn black before shifting to a long sword-like shape. "This you are already familiar with, for you can turn to mist or take the shape of small beasts. You will find that you may turn the matter of your body to blades or spears at need. All of this shall be magic in nature, and so-"

I hummed and nodded before meeting its eyes again. "That's all well and good, but I was asking more what'll happen when I absorb magic." It recoiled and gurgled. "Every time I've heard you or anyone else mention how your power works, it always seems like you're actually making what you absorb part of you, right?"

It didn't respond for a moment. "Correct."

I huffed and frowned. "So if that's true, won't that mean something similar for me?"

"You already have a physical state, unlike me. Anything you take will not-"

"What about my soul?" It went silent and I stepped closer. "If I go absorbing a mess of dark magic, like Grogar's, what'll happen to my soul?" The First locked eyes with me for a minute before letting out a low hissing sigh.

---

In the castle gardens, Hasty looked at the eclipse mournfully. "D'ja hear what Princess Twilight said?" He blinked and turned to his fellow guard, who was wearing a nervous smile. "She's figured out which direction Grogar's lurking in. So, we oughta be able to send all those monster hunters and the Elements after him soon."

"Yeah," Hasty replied with a sigh. "I hope they get him before he does anything else awful."

He looked up at the eclipse again. "Though, I can't imagine much worse than leaving the world like this." There was a shuddering drone in the air that caused the pair to shiver. A thin line of yellow magic cut into the air.

Hasty recoiled as his partner smacked him in the shoulder. "Just had to say something." The line peeled apart, revealing a hovering pool of darkness, out of which dropped-

"Oh buck," Hasty choked.

"Guess who's back?! Mad Dog's back!" Mad Dog the vampire howled as he came flying out before exploding into a swarm of bats and hurdling towards the castle proper.

---

"You ten! East wing! Go!" Karl spat as he and his squires, along with teams of minotaurs and guard ponies rushed through the castle corridors. He whirled around and jabbed his knife at the group he'd just ordered. "And don't forget to keep your damned warding totems out!" He whipped back forward and continued barrelling on.

"Where the heck is he?!" Hasty groused as he scanned the hall.

"No telling!" Karl chortled. "That's what makes it a hunt."

---

Quilt came galloping through the door with a set of potions hanging from strings she held in her teeth. As she entered, Cozy slammed the door behind her and scattered garlic at the door frame before turning to Quilt. "Didja get 'em?"

Quilt dropped the bottle and panted. "Yep. Everywooly take one." Sunbeam, Frill, and Cozy each snatched a bottle.

"So this is what you two were working on?" Sunbeam asked, inspecting the potion. "You sure it'll work?"

Quilt shared a look with Frill before shaking her head. "No, but-" Then a knock came at the door.

"Hey! It's Ember. You all okay?" The four jumped and shared a look before Cozy trotted to the door.

"Yeah, we're fine," she pulled it open and looked up before wilting.

"Hey, gang!" Mad Dog chirped as he tilted his head with his arm wrapped around Ember. He leered at Sunbeam who shivered in response. "Nice to see you again." Before Cozy could respond, Ember took a breath and belched a gout of fire onto the floor. Cozy leaped back with a squeal as the garlic turned to ash. Mad Dog chortled and dove into the room. He brought his foot up and slammed it down at Cozy who just barely managed to roll away.

"Ember! What the heck are you doing?!" Sunbeam screamed as the four backed away. Ember stepped into the room with a bewildered look.

"Whatcha mean? Just helping the boss, is all." The four recoiled and looked up at the vampire who smirked and wagged his eyebrows.

"The boss. Ain't that something?" He hummed a laugh as he stalked closer. "Had my doubts when Adam brought it up and still wasn't sure when that old goat kicked it my way, but guess the poor lizards really are helpless to hypnosis, huh?" Cozy gasped before scowling and drawing her cutie-fix. Mad Dog grimaced and jumped back. He stared her down before smirking.

"Ember. Fry this bitch." Cozy shivered as the dragon nodded and took a breath. Then Frill leaped forward and hurled her potion at the vampire. The bottle shattered on him and he shrieked before stumbling back.

"AH! NO! EEK!" He cried.

Ember choked and gasped. "You okay?!"

He fell back and draped a hand over his eyes. "Oooh~, they got me! They got me!" Then he snorted and cackled. His cackling slowly faded and turned to genuine grunts of pain as the fluid began to sizzle.

"Fuck.. Fuck FUCK FUCK! AHH! AHHHH!" He fell onto his back shrieking at the top of his lungs. Ember shuddered at the sight of his bare chest bubbling and smoking. The girls recoiled at the sight before overcoming the shock and galloping past the dazed dragon lord. Mad Dog rolled and reached out to them. "NO! WAIT! GET IT OFF!"

---

Grogar's jaw dropped as he watched his revived vampire slowly and painfully dissolve into a puddle of sludge through his Evil Eye. "How in the world did they.."

"Something wrong?" He frowned and turned to Briefs who stood at the mouth of the cave.

"They've got a potion that just destroyed my vampire in one go," he replied.

Briefs blinked and tilted his head. "Catican work?"

Grogar smacked himself in the head. "Ah! Right, completely forgot about them," He sighed and walked towards the cave exit. "Well! Looks like we won't have the dragons under our sway."

Briefs turned to follow him out. "You could just revive the vampire and have him try again."

"Maybe. But what are we really losing?" Grogar turned to smirk at Briefs. "Those dopey Southerners and their airships? Pfft." Briefs hummed and nodded as they emerged from the cave.

Grogar turned and swept a hoof at the horde of monsters he'd spent the last few hours conjuring which filled both the clearing outside the cave and the woods just beyond. Dozens of chimeras and cockatrices, countless boar-like Trogs, tens of wendigo, a few arimaspi, a baker's dozen of trolls, as well as a recently mutated ewe who was waiting for him at the cave mouth with the former Changeling Queen. "Besides, I've got plenty of other horrors to work with."

"Very true," Briefs appraised.

---

Comments

[Monk With No Name]

”Below, however, are creatures that such mundane trappings cannot contain. Spirits, ghouls, the odd especially talented unicorn, alicorns like Cousin Opaline, a few interdimensional criminals made from non-euclidean material, things like that."

I flinched and frowned. "Cousin who?"

"Nopony," Celestia replied with a scoff.

Ha!