He's a Vampire

by Gormless Wheaton

Katskills

---

CATICAN CITY

TEN YEARS AGO

---

"Now, while the Lykan is slain by common silver and the Sphynx has her compulsion to word games, the Nosferatu is a far trickier opponent," Karl van Katskills hastily drew up an illustration of an Abyssinian with prominent fangs on the board, erasing the lykan and sphynx with his sleeve. He wrote 'vampire' beneath it and then drew a line from its arm. "Its natural power is his strength, which is equal to ten of his former kind and only increases with age. And as he never dies unless killed, his strength will grow as time goes on." He wrote 'Strength with Age' at the end of the line. He drew another from its head.

"Much like the Lykan, the vampire retains his cunning but is not hindered by the fullness of the moon. Unless starved for years, the vampire will always have cognition of his actions and can therefore scheme," he wrote 'Cunning Unhindered.' He looked over his shoulder at the room of squires, all of whom were eagerly transcribing his words, except for Cutty, his personal student, who was studying the illustrations with a furrowed brow. Karl returned his attention to the board.

"Next, we must remember that the vampire is a dead being cleansed of his goodness," he drew a line from the chest in which he drew a heart. "All that made the creature who he was in life is worked for an evil purpose, fueled by hunger and emboldened by what we have just discussed, his strength and his uninhibited mind." His ear twitched and he pointed back without turning.

"Cutty?" He called to his squire who had raised a paw. Cutty blinked and lowered his paw with a nod.

"Sir Karl, what if a nosferatu retained his goodness?" The rest of the class murmured and a few chortled. Karl scoffed and shook his head before turning.

"No such thing is possible by the nature of the ritual that creates them. You're thinking of vampire spawn, but we're discussing Nosferatu, the genuine article."

"Right, but supposing the ritual was skewed or botched, what effect might that have?" Cutty replied bringing his paw to his chin. "Would that make them less dangerous to a hunter? And if so, would it be worthwhile to look into, maybe, altering the ritual after the fact?" Karl considered the question for a moment with his paws folded behind his back. He rocked on his heels and hummed.

"Humoring the idea, I suppose a vampire who retained his heart would still be the same creature he was in life," he rubbed his chin, seemingly unaware of the chalk on his paw. "So, I suppose if the fellow was of a kinder heart in life, he might be more reluctant to kill initially." He hummed again and pursed his lips before looking at Cutty with a nod.

"But no, that would make him more dangerous."

"How so?" Another student asked. Karl pointed at him and then drew his claw back to the illustration.

"A vampire is motivated by ego and hunger, pride and fear because, in the end, this is all that he has left," he raised his extended claw and tilted his head back. "But one who still has his old values is less predictable." He opened his paw and turned back to the board.

"Say we have a vampire who we must destroy. So, we find his hiding place and bring our tools against him," he began drawing a small scene of several stick figures chasing one with fangs. "Not wishing to be destroyed, he will forsake all things to avoid us unless a greater fear is pressed against him. In this way, we can surround and trap him." He grumbled for a moment before shrugging and drawing an angry shark by the vampire figure, earning a laugh from the class.

"On the other paw," he began a new scene. "This hypothetical fellow has all the power we know a vampire has, but also has something he cares for." The new stick figure had a shiny ring at his feet.

"If that something is threatened, even if it risks his life, we cannot guarantee he will run from us," he began scrawling several broken stick figures all around the new vampire. "And much like charging headlong into a wall, our steadfast pursuit could be turned against us." He took a step back from his art and hummed as he turned on his heel.

"Am I making any sense here?" The class murmured and noted down his words, but Cutty again raised a paw. Karl nodded at him.

"It sounds an awful lot like how any ordinary tom cat would behave when something he loves is threatened." Karl nodded profusely with a wide-eyed expression at his student.

"Precisely, only with supernatural strength and, if we're very unlucky in this hypothetical, sorcery," he rolled his head for a moment. "For a creature capable of love can work terrible wonders for the sake of that love." He clapped his hands.

"But enough theory, back to practicality!"

---

"For the last time, we should make for Woollachia at once!" Blueblood cried from the deck of the ship. "The Master is in distress!" Twilight winced and looked back at him.

"Woollachia is days away, but Adam is right here," she frowned and looked at the cave beyond the fire that had led them here. "Allegedly anyway. We'll look real quick, and if he's not here we can chase after Peter." She looked back at Calaeno and the rest still aboard the ship.

"And if he is?" The entire team jumped and turned their attention to the cave. There, leaning on the wall with a sullen, empty expression, was Adam. Calaeno and her crew shuddered at his sudden appearance.

"You," Blueblood hissed and jabbed a hoof at him. Twilight and her friends quickly leaped into formation and glared at the vampire. He met their gaze and slowly stepped out into the moonlight before sitting on the ground.

"Go on," he urged with a wave of his hand. The Element-bearers hesitated and shared a look as Twilight scowled.

"What's your deal?" She demanded.

"My 'deal?'" Adam scoffed with a raised eyebrow. "I surrendered, that's all. Finish me off." Rainbow snarled and stamped her hoof.

"After everything you pulled at Canterlot, that crud you did to Pinkie, kidnapping Skystar, you're just giving up?" She growled.

"Yes. I can't win, so why bother?" He frowned, grabbed a handful of dirt, and let it slip through his fingers. "At least this way, I don't have to worry about him being the one to kill me. You're here, and you have your Elements. So that's that." Rainbow snorted and looked at Twilight, who studied the vampire with a frown.

"Do you mean Peter?" Fluttershy squeaked. Adam nodded without looking up.

"The heck's yer problem with him?" Applejack pried. "'Sides the fact he's been doin' yer buddies in." Adam narrowed his eyes and hummed before looking up at the night sky.

"I used to think I knew what would happen when I died. Now, I'm not so sure," he brought his knees to his chest and locked his arms around them. "And that is terrifying to me. So terrifying I went against what my heart told me was right and tried to make this work." The wind picked up then and was the only sound on the plateau for a few moments.

"What did your heart tell you was right? Did it have something to do with all that religious stuff you wrote down?" Twilight asked, causing Adam to look her in the eyes.

"Yes." Twilight frowned and nodded.

"And what did it say was right?" He huddled up and stared at the ground.

"That I should die before letting him take my vampiric power. But in my fear and pride, I thought I could simply destroy him and live," he scowled and sighed.

"Why does it matter if Peter absorbs your dark magic?" Rarity pressed, wilting slightly when Adam focused on her with his still-sour expression.

"Because I know what happens after that, and I want no part in bringing about the darker dawn I was told of," he rose to his feet with a growl.

"Darker dawn?" Twilight repeated. Just then, the harsh cries of a crow split the air, drawing everyone's attention to a boulder on the edge of the plateau where the crow was sitting and watching. Twilight returned her focus to Adam. "What darker dawn are you talking about? What will happen if Peter takes your dark magic?" She winced when he suddenly drew the studded belt she'd seen him beat himself with.

"I don't fully understand it myself, but the ram who awoke me was certain it would be the end of this world. Only after I pressed him for information," he snarled and bared his teeth. "He was reluctant and guarded, but I could tell he was hiding things from me and wore him down." He slowly raised his belt in the air and cracked it with such force it left a gash in the rock. The sharp noise made everyone jump, and the Element bearers jumped back into formation.

"But I've thought on all this enough. I've committed crimes against you, your home, and the men I called brother," he brought one foot forward and raised his belt behind him. "So kill me, or I will kill you."

---

Starlight and a blue unicorn mare were in Twilight's castle having dinner The blue mare screamed her lungs out and ducked behind Starlight when I suddenly appeared. Starlight herself jumped to her hooves and lit her horn until she realized it was me.

"Oh! Jeez! Some warning woulda been nice, Mr. Harlow," Starlight griped but wilted when I reached and picked her up to eye level by the scruff of her neck. Her friend whimpered at me and cautiously held a knife up in her magic.

"Where does Twilight keep the potions she got from Shang-hay." Starlight stared wide-eyed at me before looking to her left.

"In her lab? I can show you if you put me down," she said quietly. I gently returned her to the ground and gestured with a hand. She and her friend shared a look before she frowned at me. "Did something happen?" She flinched when I gestured again, more forcefully.

"There was an attack in Woollachia, and I need the healing potions."

"Wh-"

"Now." They both wilted and slowly led me out of the room through the castle to Twilight's lab. I shuddered as we stepped inside and nodded. "Thank you." Before either could reply, I rushed to the familiar crate we'd taken from Shang-hay which rested on a table along with what seemed to be potions Twilight had made using Candy's notes. Luckily, they were labeled, so finding the medicinal ones was easy, along with-

I considered the vial in my hands for only a moment before pocketing it along with the healing elixirs. I turned to Starlight and her friend, who looked at me with concerned annoyance and fear, respectively. I sent out my Evil Eye for my next target.

"Sorry, but it's an emergency," and then I was gone. A moment's blindness and I found myself standing in the town hall of Ruffleton, to the audible shock of Shawl and a few other sheep. Including Quilt.

"Pete-" I swept her into a tight hug. She hesitated for a moment, before sniffling and wrapping her forelegs around my neck and heaving a few shuddering breaths. "I'm so sorry." I held her and ignored the cries of the rest of the sheep. After a hard minute, I set her down and fixed her bow.

"Not as sorry as they're going to be," I flicked my wrist and dragged Shawl to my side. He looked up at me with an expression I hadn't seen since first awakening. I pulled the vials from my coat and set them at his hooves. He furrowed his brow at the sight, despite his reluctance to take his eyes off me. "Magic healing stuff. For the injured." He blinked and looked down at the potions.

And by the time he looked back at me, I was gone to my next target.

---

"Catrina please!" Panthera begged as he sulked in his seat in his private chamber. The orange female Abyssinian in the red dress with the long fur boa who had her arms wrapped around him from behind only whined and purred as she nuzzled his cheek. "This is entirely unbecoming!"

"Oh, what's unbecoming is a poor innocent duchess, who was forced into an awful pact with a devil during her country's brutal occupation, should have her name dragged through the mud by her beloved king!" Catrina purred. Panthera folded his arms and winced and shuddered. "Isn't there any way we could just forget all this nasty business?" Panthera whined and huffed before casting a fearful look at the door.

"Catrina, my wife is-"

"Going to be so disappointed to find out what we got up to," Catrina said with a humming chuckle. Panthera shuddered and stammered as she dragged a single claw up his cheek. "Unless, of course, you vouch for me that I did nothing wrong." Panthera whipped around to look at her.

"But your estate-" She groaned and slinked back from him.

"Yes, yes, your guards who came to bring me in found maps matching the one Adam was using in my home. So what?" She swept to his front and leaned on his knees with a leering grin. "What's a little treason between friends? Unless we can't keep each other's secrets." She raised an eyebrow but maintained her grin.

"You- I-" There was a flash, and they both jumped. Panthera whipped around to see Peter Harlow standing tall behind him. "Pete-"

"Oh my!" He shuddered and turned to see Catrina sauntering up to the vampire. "And who is this~?" She hummed and traced a claw up his chest.

"Could you be the Peter Harlow of Woollachia I've heard so much about?"

"Who are you?" Peter asked with a strange tone. Panthera furrowed his brow and felt a chill.

"Why, I am the Duchess Catrina of Abyssinia!" Catrina declared with a sweep of her arms, before draping them on Peter's shoulders. He remained unmoving. "And-"

"Oh, Katskills mentioned you. You're a spy for Adam, right?" Her eyes widened, and she scanned the air. After a moment, she regained her composure and smiled.

"Yeah.. But I promise big boy," she cupped his chin with one paw and pursed her lips at him. "There's plenty of room in my heart for-"

THWA-CRACK

Panthera shrieked and fell from his chair. He looked up to see Peter standing as still as before, only with his left arm stretched out to his side and no sign of Catrina.

Shlump.

Panthera shuddered and slowly looked to his right, and saw a wet, red splotch on his freshly cracked wall. Panthera let out a hollow cry as he saw the unmoving form of what was a Duchess of Abyssinia slumped on the floor just below the splotch.

"Peter-" He turned and wilted when he saw the vampire looming immediately over him with the same, even distant look in his eye.

"I need information on the Catican."

---

My Evil Eye was turning up nothing again. No matter how often I tried, I couldn't see Frill. If they had only attacked this morning, there wasn't any way they could have made it back to the Katskills by now, so unless they were using an airship, they shouldn't be able to keep her in a salt circle.

That, of course, raised a new concern: they weren't bringing her back to the Catican, they were holing up somewhere else. And that new concern only made me angrier. I ground my teeth and growled, which did nothing to ease Panthera's nerves as he returned to his study with the book he promised.

"Here, ah, is everything on the Catican," he said with a desperately chipper tone. I yanked the hefty tome from his paws with my magic, drawing a squeak from him. He nervously tapped his claws and cleared his throat. "So, I uh, don't suppose you'd be willing to help me, er, deal with the body?" I looked back at the corpse still lying on the ground and nodded.

"I'm taking it with me," I opened the book, paying no mind to his nervous laugh. I grinned maliciously at the first page, which was an album of the sixty-six paladins of the Catican and their leader, as recent as seven years ago. Complete with a big photo of the whole lot.

Of course, Karl was there, as well as 'Lord Bubsy,' both looking especially pleased with themselves. So, they were the first I decided to spy upon. My Evil Eye revealed a dim room lit by a fireplace with a cushy red rug from corner to corner. Behind a fancy-looking desk sat Bubsy, reclining away from Karl who was leaning on the desk with an absolutely furious glare leveled at Bubsy.

"This is no better than what that bastard vampire was pulling with the princess, you penny-pinching yellow bastard!" Karl roared. Bubsy slammed his paws on the desk.

"Of course it is! We have a mission to achieve, Karl!" He rose from his seat and jabbed a claw in Karl's face. "The path I choose for us to pursue it is my prerogative. You just need to worry about following it!" He choked when Karl grabbed him by the shirt collar and pressed their noses together with a fiery snarl.

"Kidnapping girls is too far, you dumb whore-son," he hissed. He heaved a few breaths out with a growl. "What would your father think?" Bubsy slapped his paw away.

"My father is dead, Karl. And he left behind an organization on the verge of bankruptcy, with supplies dwindling and morale completely dried up," Bubsy waved his paw. "He would never have lobbied with the Abyssinian nobility as I did!"

"Because we're not politicians! We're hunters! Monster Slayers!" Karl ranted and paced away from the desk. "And now, thanks to you, catnappers!" Bubsy stormed up to Karl and grabbed his shoulders, whirling him around to face him.

"You're a hunter, Karl. So you hunt," he tapped him on the chest with a claw, before doing so to himself. "I fight with words. So let me be the voice of the Catican, while you be its arms. Its sword and its trump card." They glared into each other's eyes for a hard minute before Bubsy spoke again.

"Besides, you're assuming I was the only one on board with the idea," he declared with a sneer. "Gilbert, for instance, came up with a plan for them to keep her out of the vampire's Evil Eye." I bared and clenched my teeth, drawing an audible gulp from Panthera.

"And what plan is that?" Karl demanded with an exasperated huff. Bubsy held his palms out.

"They stowed her in a sack of salt and are hauling her back in that mechanical wagon we imported from the United Cities, with a ring of salt around its floor," he explained, earning a vacant glare from Karl. "They should be back by eight tomorrow morning."

A sack of salt.

They were hauling my girl like that, huh? Like a pile of meat? Fair enough. I was game. Glad we all understood each other. I can be pretty clever, too. Humans are pretty clever. We invented Dracula without having the excuse of magic like you fucks.

That gave me an idea. We could swap vampire lore. It'd be fun. A one-man siege of your city might not work, but who said I needed to be open? Ya'll have to sleep sometime.

"A duel," Karl growled, causing Bubsy to turn his head with a confused leer.

"What?"

"I want a duel with him," Karl hissed. He jabbed Bubsy with a claw. "Me and him, nocatty else. Then we can regain some of our honor." Bubsy raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

"Fine, fine," he waved his paw. "Not sure why it matters. He's just another demon, Karl."

"He doesn't. The girl and the Catican, however, do," Karl replied as he turned and stormed out of the room. I narrowed my eyes and cracked my neck before rising from my seat.

"Panthera," I said and stepped passed him to Catrina's body. "You have an armory here, right?" I picked up the body and tilted the head back. Panthera audibly gurgled and moaned.

"Y-yes, we do.. Why?"

"Need a few things," I replied, then sank my teeth into her neck.

---

Panthera's book was very helpful.

The Catican originated as a lone monastery beyond the Katskills mountains, where occult and dark magical lore was accumulated and studied for defensive purposes. As the years passed, the wooden house grew and was reinforced with stone until it now sat as the gigantic fortress Panthera's book referred to as the Hisstine Chapel. If I wasn't so abjectly enraged I might've found that funny.

As the Catican grew, sixty-six of its most athletically capable monks formed a brotherhood of knights who started actively putting their knowledge to use in hunting monsters. They even discovered the alchemical formula for 'faerie-iron,' which was raw magic captured in hot metal, and started making weapons from it. These warrior monks were the first Paladins.

As their successes mounted Abyssinians started sending their kids to the Catican for training from the Paladins, to eventually join their ranks. While there are only ever sixty-six Paladins, a veritable army of squires lives and trains in the Catican. The whole city could support a population of five hundred at its height.

The Paladins all lived in individual three-story barracks which surrounded the chapel in six rings, and outside the last ring was the valley of the Katskills. The valley stretched out in all directions but met a forest just south of the city which rested before the mountains themselves. All traffic into and out of the valley had to pass through that forest, so that formed something of a plan in my mind.

Paladin Horace of the Fifteenth House was sound asleep in his bed. It was a nice room, with a queen-sized bed, an unlit fireplace, and a private desk right up against the tall window through which the moonlight streamed, lighting up the bed Horace was on. Like all the Paladins, his room was on the top floor, along with the study hall. The squires all slept on the ground floor, and the house's equipment was on the middle floor.

At this time, the study hall was vacant as the squires were either asleep or heading to the chapel, which held the city's food supplies. So, with some finesse, it was easy to teleport Catrina and me in and quickly leap upon Horace and knife him in the heart before he could fully awaken. Rolling off him, I pulled out the ghoul potion I swiped from Twilight's, and just like with Catrina, I sank my teeth into his neck to drain his blood before dripping the potion into his mouth. His corpse shuddered for a moment before shooting to its feet.

"Tight. Wait here," I warped back to Panthera, who was sitting on a bench his his castle armory with his head in his paws. On the table next to him sat a pile of spears. Sixty-six of them. I scooped them up in my arm, then warped back to my ghouls, and handed the set to Catrina. I pointed at Horace. "You carry her to the south valley. Avoid being seen, and start sticking these in the ground in a row." He wordlessly and mindlessly scooped Catrina up and followed me to the window, which I threw open and flowed out as mist.

When I reformed, I sat on the roof of the building and watched as Horace hauled Catrina up next to me before taking off south on the rooftops. As they rushed away, I scanned the city around me. All the roofs had identical clay tiling, tall brick smokestacks, and dark thick-paned windows. The gigantic chapel loomed high over all of them, with a titanic pair of towers on its south-facing corners which ended in two lofty spires. The chapel windows were dimly glowing, an obvious sign of the night-time activities inside.

I scoffed and turned my attention back to my scheme. Sending out my Evil Eye, I looked for the other Paladins named in the book. The first I spied was Karl himself, but he was still awake and currently in a discussion with one of his squires. The second I targeted, however, was not so lucky.

---

One by one, the Paladins of the Catican died in their sleep or after a brief, fruitless struggle and were turned to ghouls and sent to the edge of the city. There, they fixed themselves upon the spears I had Horace and Catrina plant in the ground, Vlad Dracula style. The scheme was simple: When morning came, they'd be spotted, and an alarm would be raised. A couple of things would happen as a result. First, if they weren't here already, a messenger would be sent to the team that abducted Frill and I'd follow them. If they were here, I could swoop down and kill them before rescuing her.

The second thing that would happen is I sic my ghouls on Karl. He and six other Paladins were currently still alive, either due to not being able to see them with my Eye, or, in Karl's case, due to a chance never arising for me to kill him in his sleep. So when he and the others inevitably investigated the scene, they'd be ambushed and hopefully killed.

The last thing that would happen is whoever's still alive gets the message to mind their own fucking business. For that reason, I left Bubsy alive, intending to flash back to him and really press the point to him later.

The sun was beginning to rise, but no one would notice since I conjured some storm clouds over the city. I lay on a paladin's roof with one arm draped over my eyes, drawing some grim delight from the sounds of panic through the roof as squires were discovering the empty beds, and in some cases spatters of blood.

I was fighting the daytime weariness now, and raw anger was barely enough to keep me awake. Fortunately, every time I scanned for Frill or the other six paladins who must've been escorting her, my anger was reinvigorated. Just as I prepared to do so again, a shrill whine pierced the air. Looking up, I saw a bright white flare peeling into the sky from where my ghouls were.

I sent my Eye out with a scowl and found the six remaining paladins beside my ghouls, in varying states of dismay, distress, and overall horror at the display. One of them had his paws on his knees as he puked, while another had his paw on the former's back. The mechanical carriage, which was a box wagon with a visible engine gently bouncing in its back, sat abandoned a few feet away. In the seat on the front, next to the wheel, there was a large tied sack, wriggling and writhing.

My attention fell on one of the paladins with brown fur and a spot over his left eye. James, I think, was the one who lit the flare that shot into the sky. Regardless, I appeared behind James and clapped my hands on either side of his head, pulping his skull instantly. As his body slumped free from my grip, I slowly turned to his fellows, all of whom stood stock-still.

"Harlow-" Was all the yellow one could get out before his fur caught fire. The grey one drew an axe and the spotted one drew a crossbow. The latter was struck by lightning from my outstretched hand, and the former was caught and flung to the side by magic. My Evil Eye warned me as the paladin I recognized as Gilbert shot at me with a blowgun. I turned to mist but discovered too late that the dart must've had a faerie-iron tip.

As I reformed I tried to huck a ball of fire at him, but the spell sputtered. The dart must've been more of that anti-magic shit Karl had used. He and his remaining comrades formed up, drew warding totems of different shapes, and moved to lunge for me. I thrust a hand out at them.

"ATTACK!" I roared, and my ghouls rattled to life. They stopped short and looked up in shock as their dead comrades began to tear themselves down before flopping onto the ground. Whatever happened next I couldn't care less. Ignoring them, I turned and rushed for the wagon and ripped open the sack. As a cloud of salt burst into the air, I was met with a series of desperate coughs and then a pair of flailing hooves.

"Leave- AHK- Leave me alone! PLEASE!" Frill squealed with her eyes clenched shut as she threw her hooves at my hands. Her wool and skin were all crusted with salt. "Peter!" I slipped my hands onto her shoulders and pulled her free from the sack, drawing more cries from her.

"Frill, it's me! It's Peter!" She froze and tensed up, before murmuring and trying to look at me, but as she tried to open her eyes she winced and whined.

"P-peter?" She tried to pull one of her legs free to rub her eyes. She shuddered and gave a throaty cry. "I-I can't." I clenched my jaw and heaved a breath before pulling her into my chest.

"Just hold on," I said, and she sobbed and curled up in my grip. I looked over my shoulder to see Gilbert and his companion struggling against the horde of ghouls. The third paladin was on the ground getting mauled to death, and further away-

Him.

Karl van Katskills and a host of squires, all with weapons drawn were bounding toward us from the city. Even though my eyes were sharper, I could swear we locked gazes for a moment. Long enough for my Evil Eye to act up at any rate.

I scowled and flew towards the forest.

---

Karl thrust his knife into the heart of the fallen ghoul, drawing a hissing squeal from it as it shivered and then crumbled to dust.

"Rest easy, Horace," he whispered before swiping his knife through the air and turning to inspect the rest of the situation. Sixty ghouls incapacitated or destroyed. Fifteen squires injured. Twice as many dead. And sixty-three Catican Paladins put to rest.

The field outside of the southern end of the city was littered with ash and death, the road and grass were stained with blood, and despite their best efforts to finish things quickly, a crowd had begun to gather, full of murmuring and mournful cries as many bore witness to the undead state their warriors, teachers, and friends had been reduced to.

As the squires hauled their fellows off the road and away from the undead ash piles, he spied Gilbert vanishing into the woodlands the vampire had fled into. His whiskers twitched as he heard Bubsy step next to him.

"You, Gilbert, and Albert unless I'm mistaken," Bubsy huffed as they stared out at the woods, and Albert who ran after Gilbert. "He's ruined us."

"We still have the squires, we can-"

"The Paladins are our pride, Karl," Bubsy growled and drew his paw over his face. "And that demon killed them for that little harlot of his."

"You were the one who brought her here." They shared a glare.

"If he's still in there, bring his head back," he jabbed Karl in the chest with a claw. "You're now our most senior Paladin, after all. And hey! You can have that duel." He firmly patted Karl's back with a smile. Karl heaved a sigh and slumped his shoulders as he scanned the woods. He hesitated and leered at Bubsy, but then he drew his knives and hurtled towards the forest. For a minute after he left, Bubsy stood with his arms folded.

He looked back and saw the crowd had split apart, and some were now looming over what remained of the ashes, while others were helping the haul the wounded back to town. Even from this distance, the air of fear and uncertainty was palpable.

He reached into his coat drew his matchlock pistol, and ensured it was loaded. He took a breath and waved over one of the squires, placing his paw on the cat's shoulder when he arrived.

"Get this all cleaned up and secure the city. The Paladins and I are going to destroy the vampire, by any means necessary," he nodded at the carnage around them. He gave the squire a severe look. "And send a letter to Celestia about all this." The younger cat gave a salute and hurried off to convey his orders. Bubsy sighed and turned to the forest.

"Sorry, Karl. Can't risk losing you, too," he held his pistol up and strode alone into the woods.

---

I looked at the broken projectile in my fingers with utter annoyance. When I tried to pull out the dart Gilbert shot me with, the very end of it snapped off and remained in my shoulder. Enough of it to kill my magic. I tossed the dart into the water and returned my attention to Frill, who could now see enough to wash herself without falling into the shallow river.

Of course, of the two of us, I was more at risk of such a thing, but that was neither here nor there. Frill took a breath, plunged her whole snout into the water, and blew out through her nose before pulling back with a series of coughs.

"Mercy," she huffed and puffed and wiped her nose with her hoof, blinking water from her eyes. All of her wool was wet and sagged off her now, so I was wringing patches of it out while she recovered. She shook her head, causing her long unbraided mass of wool to flop around. "A bag of salt! Honestly." She scoffed and then looked back at me with a tired smile. I smiled back and we reached out to hug each other.

"Ah-hah! Found you!" Or, an absolutely spot-on Gilbert Gottfried-sounding motherfucker could pop up. I whipped around and rose only to recoil as I was greeted by a mangy orange cat in a wrinkled vest and bow tie thrusting a metal eight-point star in my face. I cried out and struggled to maintain my balance to avoid falling into the river. "That's right demon! I, Gilbert of the Catican, shall end your reign of terror by thrusting you back into the waters!" He took a step closer and pointed at me with narrow eyes.

"You believed you could sneak into our holy city and harass our innocent kindred, but you thought wrong!" Another step closer. I felt the waters lapping against my heels and was bending backward at the hips, waving my arms to steady myself. "With this star of chaos, treated in a random number of oils of types chosen by lottery, I shall-"

WHU-CRACK

"oo"

I blinked as he lowered the star of chaos, and saw Frill standing with her back to him, glaring up at him. Then she reared forward again and bucked him in the groin.

WHU-CRACK

He wheezed and fell to the ground.

"Thug," Frill spat. She looked up at me with concern. "Are you okay, Peter?"

"God, I love you," I replied. She blushed and smiled before a shout broke the air.

"Nosferatu!" I rolled my eyes and heaved up Gilbert, before hucking him with all my might at the grey-furred axe-wielding Paladin from before, who squawked as they collided. I swept Frill up and then took to the air.

"Need to find a way around the river," I said observing the flowing water as we flew. "After that, we're home free." Frill cuddled into me.

"Peter, I can't.. You," I shushed her and kissed her cheek. She scrunched her snout and nuzzled me. We flew in silence for a minute, before she quietly spoke again. "Thank you." Then my Evil Eye twitched and a familiar knife shot into the tree just ahead of us, causing Frill to squeal. I turned in the air and glared down at Karl, who looked up at us with his paws on his hips.

"Fuck off."

"I didn't have to miss," he replied. He snapped his arm out and three more knives appeared between his claws. "And I'm certain I could shear your throat open without harming the lady." Frill whimpered and clutched me tight. Karl pointed his knives at me.

"So, just set her down, and let's settle this. Without risking her getting hurt," he folded his arms and leveled a glare my way, which I mirrored. Frill pulled at my collar with her teeth.

"Peter, please." I scanned the forest floor around Karl for a minute before replying. There were lots of trees, standing or otherwise, obviously, but also lots of heavy-looking boulders all around him.

"He's not lying Frill. He can hit me even if I'm flying," I looked at her sadly. "At least, if I'm carrying you." She blanched, and her ears shot back. I squeezed her gently, and she wrapped her hooves around my neck to return the gesture.

I drifted to the ground and set her down, before standing to my full height. I gave her a sad smile, which she matched with a fearful stare, and then I gave Karl my full attention. He raised an eyebrow and gestured to Frill before waving me to the side. I nodded and then took off at full speed towards a tree which I slammed with both fists towards Karl. With an echoing crack, it snapped and fell straight at him.

While he easily jumped out of the way, I grabbed it before it hit the ground and swept it toward him, crashing through a few thinner trees in the act. He tumbled backward to the ground under it, and when he rose my Evil Eye gave me enough warning to use the tree as a shield against the knives he threw underhand as he rose to his feet.

With a heave, I hurled the tree towards him and shot backward. He ducked the tree, sprang forward, and hucked another knife at me. I turned to mist, but rather than let the knife touch me, I tried to form a hole to let it slip by, which worked perfectly. I reformed in a spinning fashion and ripped a boulder out of the ground in the same motion, before hurling it at him.

I heard his blunderbuss go off, but avoiding the flying rock must've spoiled his aim as the blast of shrapnel was nowhere near me. Still, he spun on his heels and threw himself towards me again with an angry scowl. His frustration only grew when I quickly heaved up a second boulder.

---

Just like he feared, Bubsy watched as even with the vampire's magic restrained Karl was having trouble overcoming him. The report Karl had initially turned in suggested that Harlow was stronger than the average elder vampire, possibly twice as strong. It was obvious now that his strength was even greater than that. Entire trees and large chunks of earth were being hurled like pillows, all from a safe distance and denying Karl a chance to retaliate.

All the while, that sheep watched on in tense anticipation from an equally safe distance, doubtlessly praying for the safety of her demon. Bubsy drew his pistol and primed the hammer. If Karl wasn't wise enough to use the vampire's obvious weakness, then it was up to the Catican's Administrator to pick up the slack.

"A moment's distraction is all he needs," Bubsy thought. As Karl narrowly cleaved a thrown boulder apart, he crept up to the sheep and in pistol range. He firmly stepped and-

crack

"Scratch," he hissed as the twig he stepped on drew the sheep's attention straight to him. He leveled his pistol at her, and she screamed. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the vampire scrambling towards him with a desperate scream, but he wouldn't make it.

Bubsy pulled the trigger, and the hammer slammed down, dragging its lit wick into the flash pan.

clack

The vampire fell to the ground on all fours with a heavy gasp. The sheep collapsed onto her side in shock. Bubsy released the breath he didn't know he was holding.

And it came out in a scream as he clutched his gun arm, just below where Karl's knife had landed after it cut clean through the lit wick of his pistol.

"KARL!" Bubsy wailed as he dropped his pistol and squeezed his bleeding wound. He fell to one knee and looked up in horror at the paladin, who returned a stare of exhausted disdain. "KARL!"

"No." Bubsy's cries hitched and he watched Harlow rise to his feet with a wide, haunted look in his eyes. "No, no no." The vampire held his hands out and shambled forward with a quick, uneven gait.

"Karl.. Karl!" Bubsy wailed and threw himself back as the vampire ran forward.

And then collapsed onto the ewe and curled his arms around her.

"No,nononono," the monster wailed.

"Peter, I'm okay!" The sheep squeaked through tears of her own as the vampire soaked her wool red. "I'm- oh, goodness." She coiled her forelegs around his neck and hiccupped. Bubsy heaved a sigh and slumped on his back.

Karl, meanwhile, watched the pair hold each other with a furrowed brow. He tilted his head to and fro as the monster sobbed.

"KARL!" Then his attention shifted to Bubsy, who was sitting up and holding his arm. "Finish him now!" Karl gazed at Bubsy in abject bewilderment. He gestured to the dropped pistol.

"Is that what we're reduced to?"

"What are you talking about?! Kill the monster!" Silence gripped the forest. The Abyssinian's attention fell upon the vampire as he slowly propped himself up on all fours and then turned his head at Bubsy. His cheeks were stained red and his jaw hung open, but only for a moment.

For in an instant, his teeth clenched and he snapped to his feet and stalked towards Bubsy.

"Karl.." Bubsy squawked and shook his head, holding up his good arm against the vampire. "Karl." The vampire stood over him and pulled him up by the collar.

"KARL!" The vampire seized Bubsy's throat and then with a deep, baleful roar, squeezed until his head rolled off. He then hurled his headless body into a nearby tree with unholy might, spattering it across the forest floor.

---

"Gilbert was a crack shot and no mistake," Karl muttered as he finally got ahold of the dart tip in my shoulder. "Almost to the bone, but!" I groaned and felt the anti-magic shrapnel slip from my body on the tiny hook he was using.

"There we go!" Karl appraised with a smile as he held up the tiny needle-like dart head. Frill reared up and clutched my injured arm with a whimper, so I reached over cupped the back of her head, and kissed her forehead. Then Karl clapped me on the back of the head. "Save it, lover boy. Get lost." Frill and I both scowled at him and he raised an eyebrow at us.

"You're not forgiven for the murder of my brethren, Harlow. You're just excused for today because our administrator decided to behave like a colossal twat," he stood up with a groan and slipped his coat back on. "Next time we meet, I intend to put you in the dirt where you belong. My way. No abducted lady's involved." He wagged a claw at Frill, who snapped a hoof out at it.

"Why can't you all just leave him alone?!" She shrieked and held me tighter.

"Call it foresight, or call it bigotry," Karl shrugged with a tired smile. "I just call it my sworn duty." He cackled, though with significantly less gusto than he did at the castle, and turned to leave.

"Katskills," I huffed. He stopped and leered back at me. I wrapped my arm around Frill and nodded. "Thanks."

And before he could respond, we were gone.

---

"The Elements com. Plete. Ly dissolved him. You're sure?" The crow cawed its affirmation and Briefs sucked air through his teeth and threw his head back in dismay. "Scruffing, son of a.. Gods and Devils be damned." His tone shifted from his usual chipper inflection to a deep guttural snarl, and his ordinary flat sheep teeth briefly grew to bloody fangs and he lashed his head about in a struggle to regain his senses. With a shuddering breath, he blinked a few times and nodded. Looking around the ruins of New Ramstead, including the mostly rotten corpse he and his familiar had just dug into, he shook his head.

"Such a waste. All this, for something so," he rolled a hoof. "Infantile." He stamped his hoof and took a breath through a forced smile.

"But! Not for me to decide, is it?" He leered down at his companion, who tilted his head. "That's right, I have a plan b. Have from the beginning." He winked and rose to his hooves. Stretching and shaking the dust from his wool, he nodded again.

"Let's find Quilt."

---

Comments

[616e6f6e]

I thought about Vlad the moment mc mentioned sticking spears into the ground in a row, did not expect him to pull it off.
What will be Celestia's response to this?

[Mr Aquila]

Getting big Anderson vibes off our boi Karl. Love it

[Shadow-Dancer]

11829314

Yea Karl is the Anderson to Perter's Alucard