He's a Vampire

by Gormless Wheaton

87(Not Canon)

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"Those flames are a part of her? Very impressive," Grogar stood and paced in place as the fiery cage began to close in. "Think, think, think. Oh ho ho, this is a good one!" He watched the fire pick up speed, like a giant claw rapidly clenching a clawful of dirt. He stopped pacing and slowly raised an eyebrow, rolling his eyes to look at her.

"Maybe." He quickly worked a few spells, first setting one on the space next to him with a time delay. Then, putting up his dark shields. The fire came crashing in on all sides, consuming his entire being. The fiery net tightened and dragged itself into the air before shrinking to the sun, leaving behind a many-mile-wide, hundred-foot-deep, smoking pit, partially glazed with stripes of shimmering glass.

A pop of magic shined at its center, and Celestia appeared huffing and puffing as she worked her magic to return the sun to its resting place. As the flaming giant lumbered to the horizon, she scanned the hazy crater for any sign of Grogar, grimacing when she found him.

His magic had held up long enough that, rather than be completely incinerated, he was reduced to a spasming, charred skeletal thing, missing an entire horn, half of the other, and gasping. She studied the injured villain for a moment, waiting for some spell or counterattack. When nothing happened, she breathed a sigh and relaxed. She heard a pop next to her, but before she could react, Grogar's ruined form jumped up and bit her leg.

"Ouch!" She kicked him off, causing him to slump to the ground. She scowled down at him before a gasp drew her attention to where she'd previously heard a pop. She looked in wonder at the unshaven human in a blue shirt, staring between her and Grogar with eyes wide and jaw agape. Slowly, he looked up to meet Celestia's eyes before jumping.

"Was that the Bite of '87?!" He cried and leaned forward onto his knees.

"What?" Celestia murmured. Then she blinked and saw the telltale signs of fear being magically put to work. The human recoiled and leaned away as Grogar rapidly regenerated. What's worse, as he rose to his hooves with a satisfied groan, she could tell his magical reserves had been completely restored.

"Ahh, good meme," Grogar purred.

"Debatable," Celestia rolled her eyes with a huff, spread her wings, and pulled on the sun again.

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Author's Note:

Grogar was canonically at his strongest when instead of monsters he made indie horror games that youtubers played.

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