//------------------------------// // Creature of the Castle // Story: He's a Vampire // by Gormless Wheaton //------------------------------// I sat upon my recently delivered throne, peering out into the countryside with my Evil Eye. Two days had passed since I saw Blueblood flee into Canterlot, and two days since he burst into that sitting room, an act that caused my Evil Eye to go blind until sundown. Whoever was in that room, intentionally or not, didn't feel like having a vampire spy on them. I didn't need it spelled out to guess who that was either. Before my Evil Eye was healed I had already set the country to high alert. We'd emptied the armory to get every last dog in the region armed and gave the armor to the local smiths for reforging into something our dogs could wear. After summoning the Mayors and their aids to the castle, we'd discussed defense plans for a potential invasion. Our mutual assumption was if Celestia struck, her focus would be on me and Ramstead, but on the off chance she was feeling spiteful, I approved a plan by Graggle to dig out escape tunnels and shelters in every town. Working with the Mayors, this project was completed in a day. Quilt and I had redoubled our efforts to get me up to snuff on vampire power and came upon an interesting set of discoveries. First, if I used my Evil Eye as a ghost, I could also speak directly with whoever I was spying on. This allowed better communication between every limb of the Woollachian government than Briefs believed was possible in most of the developed world. I'd gotten so much use out of it the past week, that I now got little tingles of warning even when I wasn't using it. They were always about Cozy, but still. Second, I only needed four hours of ghost time before my body was rested, and any further ghost time was optional. That freed me up for more day-time activities and training but also necessitated we keep the thick curtains over every window and glass balcony door shut for most of the day. The exception to this was private rooms, something Cozy threw a fit to have allowed. Third, the captured guards we still kept in our vault were willing to spill their knowledge of Equestrian terms and military tactics, with some prodding from Hasty, whom I'd declared an honorary member of the castle staff, and my Minister of Equestrian Affairs. Equestrian military tactics weren't anything special, at least according to my inner armchair general and historian, but when I learned the names and natures of the nine individuals who actually handled the threats to the country, it made a bit more sense. Why develop a sturdy military culture when, for a thousand years at least, your nation had been defended by the literal powers of love and friendship wielded by either the four magical alicorn princesses or just one magical alicorn princess and her chosen one friends? As with every other ludicrous fact I had thrown in my face, I took this at face value, laughing with mirth only for a minute before laughing in despair, accepting how dire the truth was. They could literally show up and kill me with the power of how good friends they are. My one hope was that I might've been able to strike a chord with Princess Luna, who moved the moon and had an appreciation for the dark and gloomy. It wasn't much, but when it came to the super-powered pony party, I took what little I could grasp. Watching as Maw and his squad arrived in Patches as part of the country-wide patrol all the soldiers were set to, I withdrew my Evil Eye and rose to attend my meeting with Quilt. "Prince Peter! The pancakes are ready!" Or Frill could pop up right on time. "Wonderful, Frill! Help me deliver them to our guests." I pulled the door to the vault open and popped my head in. "Knock knock! Room service!" I said with a smile. I was met with screams. "Hey, Peter," Hasty greeted, looking up from his book. He beamed as we carted in the prisoners' food. "Aw sweet!" While the rest of the prisoners clamored into their individual little rooms we'd dug out for them to avoid my attention, Hasty helped Frill and I lay out the table we'd given them. Despite their display of fear, they seemed to have made themselves right at home with the extra space and amenities we'd dug out and added for them. Thinking I wasn't paying attention, Sunbeam, the beige pegasus lieutenant with the lovely burnt-orange mane hiding under the table, attempted to rush out the door which sat slightly ajar. I yanked it shut with a wave of my hand. Rather than crash into it, she screeched to a halt in mid-air and galloped up before beating on it with her hooves. "No! No! He's feeding us pancakes again! EVIL pancakes! HELP!" She cried. "I sure am! And this syrup?" I said, presenting the maple syrup jar as she looked back at me in horror. "Evil syrup." Her screaming redoubled, and she shrunk away in terror. We finished arranging the table, having made sure not to give them any knives for their own safety, and made for the door. As Sunbeam scrambled away like a frightened cat, I collected the clipboard and list Hasty'd been keeping for me from its place on the table next to the door. "Let's see.. Holder needs a new toothbrush, Skip needs the next volume of his Daring Do from the library, and Sunbeam wants to be let free," I drummed the table while pondering all of this against our budget. From her place under the table, Sunbeam looked out at me in hope. "Two outta three ain't bad." I removed the most recent sheet and replaced it with a blank one, and we made our exit ignoring Sunbeam's defeated whimper. "Your magic is getting much better, Peter! Don't let her tell you otherwise!" Frill said sternly before heading to her other duties. "Thank you, Frill," I called her way before resuming my trip to Quilt. As Quilt assumed, I had some nominal ability to use magic due to my supernatural nature. Once we'd scoured the library, we found a few tomes on magic that Quilt could dumb down for me, her words exactly. It wasn't much, but I now had basic telekinesis, though the level at which I could apply it was much higher than what the book claimed was expected of a novice. We chalked that up to my vampire body. My other abilities were also shaping up nicely. Full-on flight was still tricky as I couldn't visualize the concept of applying leverage against nothing, but I could drift around and even walk along the walls. Quilt had even let a compliment slip by when I showed her. She immediately swept this aside by pointing out I didn't even know how to shapeshift yet and laughed at me. Today's meeting was going to be on that very topic. "Quilt, you decent?" I called, knocking on her door.. knocking on my door. "One sec~!" She called back in a sing-song way. "That was a joke. You're always naked," I pointed out, leaning against the side wall. "Scruff yourself~!" She retorted in the same way. Shortly after that, the door was thrown open. "Okie dokie! Had to fix the curtains to keep from killing you. Cozy was just here." "Yikes! I gotcha," I peeked in, making certain the room was dark and free of traps, before stepping inside. Regardless of it being mine, Quilt had done a lot with the place. The bedspread had been swapped to something red, more to her liking, she had a private table, seats, and a sofa with her prized possession: a nice little set of pillows embroidered with images of herself and Cozy. The table was cluttered with dishes Frill had refused to take, telling Quilt to clean them herself. That was probably the first time I'd heard Frill get angry, and by 'I heard,' I mean the whole castle heard her scream it. Briefs even brought it up when we'd had our meeting. "Keep it quiet for now, I think Cozy's still up the hall," Quilt whispered as she shut the door behind me. "What does she think happens during our training sessions, anyhow?" I asked, taking a seat across from the sofa I'd been forbidden from touching. "She thinks you're holding me down, nuzzling my wool against my will, and then drinking my blood," Quilt said matter-of-factly, retrieving an old cookie from one of the plates. "Ah, so also a different type of predation now, got it," I groaned as Quilt snacked. "She also thinks the dishes are from depression because of what you do to me." "When are you gonna tell her the truth?" Quilt choked at my question. She stared down at her hooves. "What'll she think of me then? I didn't just summon the monster she thought killed me, but I'm willingly helping it get stronger?" She lay on the floor with a quiet hum. "It used to be so easy to keep things hidden, y'know? It was all mostly theory, or books and notes." She sat in quiet, with her hooves over her snout. "Well.. Let's be fair, we don't know if you summoned me yet or not," I said, earning a meager shrug. "Speaking of, do you have the list of reagents you need to confirm anything yet?" That brought her out of her funk "Oh yeah!" She walked over to her mattress and slipped out a sheet of paper from under it, bringing it to me. "The stuff marked in red might still be hard to find, but it'll also help us in your spell training." "Fantastic, 'cause that's been keeping me up at night." "You mean up at day?" She quipped. "Hoh-hoh-hoh!" I said, sarcastically bouncing my head side to side, before looking back at the list. "I need to fast-track this shit. It just feels like times against me here." "It goes against every principle I have with you to say, but you've made pretty good progress already," she said, sitting on the sofa. "Telekinesis isn't exactly anything to sneeze at." "You think I can stop Celestia dead in her tracks with it?" Quilt flinched, but said nothing. Silence fell over the room. "I need to spend more time on magic outside these sessions," I sighed. "Well, I set out some books at that table you use in the library. You should be able to figure those out without my help." "Hope so," I drew my hand over my head. "You all keep piling your faith onto me just cause I trashed some local bandit. I'd hate to let you all down or have someone get hurt cause of it." "Pfft, do I look worried?" Quilt shook her head and smiled. "It'll be fine, Peter." "You have that much faith in me?" Her smile turned smug. "Uh, no. I just know if the princess captures you, I can just tell her you held me hostage for all this time. I'm just a cute little sheep, and you're a horrible vampire after all," she winked, sticking her tongue at me. "Love you too, buddy," I said with a smile. "Gross," she replied before laughing. We sat quietly, just enjoying our company, something we hadn't done since we'd met. But all good things must come to an end, as my Evil Eye tingled. Focusing on the source, I groaned. "Gotta be fucking kidding.." Quilt was about to ask when a deafening explosion rocked the room as a cannonball tore through the door, into my chest, and sent me crashing into the mattress, which barely survived the ordeal. Quilt screamed in response, diving away for cover, peeking back out when she heard coughing from the destroyed door. "Did I get him?" Cozy said between coughs, waving the smoke away. "I had it aimed where you said he sits!" "Cozy! What the scruff did you do?!" Quilt shrieked. "You said you had a meeting with him, so I waited and rolled this cannon in!" She responded, gesturing to the large siege weapon behind her. "Where did you even find a cannon?!" "Oh! So funny story; You remember last time he abducted you to the library, and I tried to stab him with a holy knife and it didn't work cause I misheard holy for holey? Well! When I was picking up the pieces-" Before she could continue, I dropped the ten-pound iron ball with a picture of the sun crudely painted on it next to her, causing her to jump. We had a momentary stare-off before she tried to run, but I was too quick, hefting her up by the scruff of her neck. She glared defiantly at me. "So! You finally caught me, huh?" She brilliantly assessed. "Yep." "Well, do your worst monster! I'm not afraid! But I couldn't live with myself if I let you abuse my friend unabated!" She declared heroically, mildly offsetting how cute she looked hanging in the air with her legs tucked against her body. I looked at the destroyed door, then to Quilt who had her face in her hooves, before poking Cozy on the snout. "Quilt, I'll be back. You," I began, pointing the same finger to the door. "Are explaining that to Graggle." Her heroism faded immediately. "Wha-! No! Wait! I'm sorry! Quilt! HELP!" She pleaded as I wrenched her squirming form under my arm and walked out. "Prince Peter? May I come in?" Frill called from the library door "Sure thing, Frill," I called, closing my book to give her my full attention. Frill came trotting in gently, balancing a covered dish on her back. "What's up?" "Oh, it's just, well.." She scrunched her snout and looked up at me. "I know what Mayor Briefs told us about your blood diet, and he said you don't need proper food but.." Looking away for a moment, she slid the dish onto the table and smiled sadly at me. "I just can't believe that a proper meal would hurt, is all," she explained. I smiled back. "You're a delight, y'know that?" It was true I didn't need food, but I could probably stomach a little of whatever she'd made. "Thank you, Peter. I even made your favorite from the first night we met!" "First night we-" OH NO. She slipped the dish off. "Please don't," I screamed inside. Revealing a plate of cooked pasta. "Please don't?" I screamed inside, again. Diced garden tomatoes. "Pleeeease don't?" I screamed inside, yet again. "Will you shut up?" Quilt called out psychically. And three, fat slices of fresh garlic bread resting atop it all, poisoning the whole dish. "I hope you- Peter!" She gasped, quickly pulling a cloth from her pocket and laying it on my hand. "There's no need to cry!" I swept up the cloth and wiped my eyes. "Thank you, Frill," I croaked. "I'll have it later, alright?" "Oh, please, at least have some now? For my sake? You've been so busy lately, I'd worry you put it off for work!" Why. "Frill, I can't eat this, I'm-" "But you must!" She stepped up on my leg. "No, I really can't-" "You must! Please?" She looked deep into my eyes. "Just mesmerize her, then send it up to me. She can clear these dishes while she's at it!" Quilt pitched. "She'll remember it all after, though," I replied. "Enjoy the indigestion, wuss." Smiling at Frill, I gently picked up a slice of bread.. To my undying gratitude, Frill was pleased just to see me take and swallow a single bite of her food, so she left with a smile shortly after, giving me time to try and force myself to vomit. It didn't help. I dragged myself down the hall, leaning on the wall for support. My Evil Eye was on high alert to make certain Frill didn't see me like this. My knees were weak, my breath short, and my stomach was full of fiery coals rolling around inside. I had discreetly swiped a bottle of blood from the kitchen, hoping to offset the pain, and took gentle sips from it as I lurched away down the hall, discovering it had the intended effect. Then one of the curtains jostled, and someone fell in front of me through the window. "Master! I've returned!" "Oh, hey, Blueblood," I said, taking another swig. Choking, I gawped down at him. "WHAT." "Master! I've returned!" He repeated. "I CAN SEE THAT," I said through a clenched smile. His smile was genuine. "So, what did you need me to ignore?" "Excuse me?" "Oh, of course!" He stood to the side, patiently waiting. "You-" "Yeah, I saw him climb inside!" Someone yelled outside. Gently nudging the curtain aside, I discovered it was still light out. "Blueblood, who's out there?" I demanded, nursing my lightly burnt finger. He slipped his head under the curtain before looking up at me. "Twilight and her friends, Master." I squealed in pain and fear. "Fucking god.. Even if I wanted to, I can't deal with them like this!" I slide down the wall in despair. "Is there any way I can help, Master?" I glared in response to his big dumb smile. "You're the one who brought them here, how 'bout you-" Wait. They were here looking for him, weren't they? He must've come back here alone and they followed him. I could make this work. Either way, I had a plan I felt could handle this comfortably while my stomach calmed down. "Listen to me carefully." Twilight had read about the Woollachian castle and the Longhorns a few times, so actually seeing the country and castle in real life was amazing. It was just a shame whoever lived there now had Blueblood under a spell. "Ooooh! This place is spooky!" Pinkie declared, prancing around her friends as they looked upon the castle from the gate. "Uhm.. Are you sure Blueblood went inside?" Fluttershy whispered from behind Applejack. "Yeah, but I don't get why he climbed the wall like that. The gate's wide open!" Rainbow declared, hovering high up, keeping an eye out for traps or guards. "But are you certain it was him? Maybe we should ask around those quaint little villages down in the valley first," Rarity suggested. "C'mon Rares, we can't just play dumb, even if he is about as nice as a horse-shoe in yer oatmeal," Applejack said, being the second after Dash to pass the gate threshold. "OOH like a toy from a cereal box?" Pinkie squealed, prancing backward until she was next to Applejack. "If the toy was also a choking hazard," Rarity declared flatly, following the others. Fluttershy said nothing but scrambled to stay close to her friends. The group walked up to the front door but stopped when they realized they were short one member. "Twi? You alright, sugar cube?" Applejack called back to Twilight, who stood studying the castle from the gate. Twilight looked up and down the keep and at the path from the gate to the door. Something about the place gave her chills. Something inside was aware of them. She'd felt something similar before when she and Spike had stumbled upon King Sombra's traps in the Crystal Empire. A feeling Nayzsche had described in his silly philosophy books, but which felt very apt now: Stare into the dark, and the dark stares back into you. She furrowed her brow and steeled herself. What had Blueblood gotten himself into? "Hello?" Came a sweet voice from the door which snapped Twilight out of her stupor. Looking up, she saw a tired-looking Sheep at the door. "Hi! My name's Pinkie Pie! What's your name? We're here to rescue Prince Blueblood! Have you seen him? That's a pretty necklace!" Pinkie verbally battered the ewe as Twilight came trotting up. "Prince Blueblood? Oh! Yes, right this way! Please hurry!" The ewe said with urgency, her woolen braids whipping through the air after her as she galloped inside. Lacking any other leads, the girls followed after her. The ewe led them through the halls, stopping at certain intersections to carefully spy around the corners before rushing on. She barely spoke, only to hastily and quietly urge them on faster. With no words, she told them everything they needed to know: this place was dangerous, and they had to hurry. "Here! Here!" They suddenly charged into a wide, open chamber, with a throne at the far end on a low dias. "We are in luck! He is not here now." "Hey! That hallway right there leads right to the entrance!" Dash cried. "Why'd you lead us all around the place?" The ewe wilted, and looked around in fear at her raised voice, before breathing a sigh of relief. "Keep your voice down! If we came straight on, we would have run into him for sure!" "Run into who?" Applejack asked. The sheep shook her head. "There is no time! Here!" She ran up to the wall at the side of the throne and pressed into it with all her might. Applejack and Rainbow rushed to her aid, and a secret door slid open. "He's back! Everypony, get behind me!" The voice of Blueblood rang out from inside. "Blueblood!" The girls called all at once before rushing inside the secret room. They were greeted by the sight of Blueblood and a dozen other ponies, lounging patiently around a table, in a low but otherwise decently furnished chamber. "Hello, princess! Sorry.." One of the other ponies, whom Twilight recognized as a guard, said with a sad smile. "Wh-" Before Twilight or any of the others could say a word, they heard the door behind them slam shut. I leaned against the stone door after pulling it closed and sighed, hiding my continued pain behind only partially faux relief. "Thank god for you, Frill," I said, patting her on the head gently as she curtsied. "You can go back to sleep now. Sorry." "No problem at all, Peter!" "The door won't budge!" Dash declared as she and Applejack continued to try and push their way out. "It opens in," Sunbeam said sadly. "We've been trying that for days." Twilight and her friends shared a look of shock. "They've kept you here for days?" Rarity cried. Hasty rolled his eyes. "It's not like they've been torturing us or anything," he said. Sunbeam shot up into Twilight's face. "Don't listen to him! He's a traitor!" She screamed. "He's in league with the vampire!" The girls flinched at her sudden proximity. "Vampire.. ?" Twilight muttered. Line Holder stood up now. "Yes! I didn't believe it either, but he killed Blueblood!" He cried. "Blueblood's right there?" Twilight pointed out. Holder flicked his ear and looked at the patiently smiling Blueblood. "Huh. You know, he's been so quiet, I kinda didn't parse he was here," Holder blinked. "He also hasn't insulted anypony this whole time, so I kinda didn't recognize him." "Thank goodness it's not just me!" Rarity said with a delicate laugh. "But that pancakes! The evil pancakes!" Sunbeam screeched. "Pancakes can't be evil!" Pinkie angrily screeched right back, causing Sunbeam to wilt before steeling herself. "But he said they were!" She asserted. "He was joking 'cause you said it first," Hasty said with an eye roll. "Look, Peter's a vampire, sure, but he's not that bad!" Twilight and her friends shared a look. "Why's he keeping us prisoner then, huh?" Sunbeam demanded. "To keep a bad situation from getting even worse, at least initially," an ethereal voice rang out from the center of the room. Twilight's coat bristled and her ears snapped to attention. So much made sense now. "And like I promised, you'll be free to go in exchange for keeping quiet till I got them inside." "You're actually keeping your promise? Yay~! Open the door." Sunbeam said with a tone that flowed from bubbly to cold as ice. "Not yet!" the voice said. "But you SAAAAAID," Sunbeam wailed, desperately prancing in place. "I said I want to keep a bad situation from getting any worse, and once I'm certain it won't, I'll let you go," the voice declared. Sunbeam squealed angrily before sulking and crawling under the table. "Now, Twilight Sparkle and Company?" It called again, and the girls formed up together. "My name is Peter Harlow. Welcome to my castle. Sorry about locking you up like this." "Aw, that's alright! We've been locked in dungeons way less comfy than this!" Pinkie beamed to the annoyance of her friends. "Are you the guy who abducted Blueblood or whatever?" Dash demanded. "I didn't abduct him. He forced his way in with his guards, threatened me, and insulted my staff. Ask them yourselves if you don't-" "We believe you," Rarity chimed. "Wh-" "What I want to know is why you sent him back to Canterlot and then had him come back here. What are you after?" Twilight asked, studying the air the voice seemed to emanate from. "I didn't have him come back. He just did. Still not sure why, honestly.." "Oh! You asked me to come back to ignore something!" Blueblood explained. "No I.. Damn it, Quilt," Peter grumbled. "What?" Twilight said, flinching from his language. "Nothing. I get it now, though. There was a misunderstanding in the command I gave him, that's all," Peter explained with a ghostly groan. The girls looked at each other before Twilight spoke again. "Well, if that's true, release him from your spell!" "I don't know how," Peter moaned. "I'm still new to all this vampire business." Twilight narrowed her eyes. "You're.. you're really a v-vampire?" Fluttershy squeaked from under the table with Sunbeam. "Ain't no such thing 'sides them that ruin good apples," Applejack declared with a huff. "Not necessarily," Twilight rebutted. "And another thing, Mr. Harlow?" "Yes?" There was a flash as Twilight teleported the entire group out to the throne room, where the creature himself sat on his throne. "You should invest in magic restraints if you're going to arrest an alicorn," she declared with a smug grin at the creature. After a moment, his eyes blinked, and he sat up. "Oh." Against the desperate pleas of Sunbeam, Twilight and her friends remained in the castle, forcing them all into joining me in the dining room to further hear my story over some of Frill's cheesy potatoes and tea, prepared by Knit, as Frill had long since passed out in her room. "Since then, I've had the whole country on high alert. I was expecting Princess Celestia to declare war, you see." "Well! I suppose that's just like him, isn't it? Nearly starting a war just because he felt like being a bully!" Rarity declared before taking a delicate bite from her plate, glaring at the dumbly smiling Blueblood in his corner. "Still, we can't just leave him mesmerized, Peter. I'm willing to vouch for you with the princess that you meant no harm, but you need to release him first," Twilight explained. I grimaced, but she continued. "I know you're still figuring it all out, but it's not that hard. Just look him in the eyes and say 'I release you from my spell!' Just like that." She pulled off a very convincing Lugosi, which I elected not to question, like how I didn't question how she knew so much about vampires. I instead decided to give Quilt an earful later, if that was really all there was to it. "Alright. Blueblood!" I called to him and he came galloping up. "Oh yes, Master! What is it? Command me! USE me!" He shrieked and threw himself at my feet, again. The girls shared a stunned grimace. "Must we turn him back?" Rarity asked before being shushed by Twilight. "Look into my eyes!" I ordered, and of course, he obeyed. "I release you from my spell!" He tilted his head. "Why?" Silence laid its claim upon the room. I looked at Twilight who was busy trying to reclaim her jaw from the floor. "That doesn't make any sense! Neonatal Nosferatu shouldn't be able to lay a charm that potent!" She cast a critical glare my way. "Maybe Blueblood just likes being mesmerized?" Fluttershy offered. "Or he's that empty-headed." Rarity quietly put forth, sipping from her tea. Twilight nodded, weighing both possibilities as she studied me carefully. "Mmm.. You're definitely not doing it on purpose.." She said before groaning. "Princess Celestia might know what to do." I blanched. "Is that really-" "Yes. She was probably going to come see you anyway, Peter," she explained before giving me a reassuring smile. "Don't worry, even if you're a spooky vampire and all that, I don't think she'll hurt you." I grimaced and shuddered. "And besides! I wouldn't let her vaporize anypony, or anypire, who has food this good!" Pinkie chirped, having licked her plate clean. She shot up on the table with a look of determination. "Plus! I need you on call for a consultation for Nightmare Night party authenticity! This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, Peter!" Somehow, all that nonsense put me more at ease, and I laughed. "Alrighty. I guess call her, or write or whatever," I stretched. "How long do you think it'll take her to get here?" Before Twilight could speak, Blueblood jumped. "Master! You're a vampire?" Silence again reared her head. I slowly sucked air through my teeth and licked my fangs. "Yep! You figured it out! Good job, buddy." Rarity snickered while Twilight shook her head. "Amazing!" He considered Twilight and her friends. "Wait a minute.. MASTER! They're on to you!" "No shit?" "Yes!" He whipped his head around, before spying the curtains. "Ah hah!" He galloped up and latched on with his teeth. "Quickly, Master! This way, out the window!" He ripped the entire thing down, letting the mid-day sun pour in and wash all over me. A lot of screaming followed, some mine, some from Twilight and her friends, and a little from Blueblood. It all kind of got mixed in my head, cause I was on fire and sprinting for what I vaguely saw was a door. I was suddenly cast into darkness and thrown to the ground. I felt something pounding me from all sides, stomping out the flames. The dim light of the hall suddenly hit me, as what must have been the curtain was ripped from me by Blueblood. I could see my charred black and red body smoking as I lay on the floor out of the sunlight, and looked up with an extra crispy crinkle to see Blueblood's smiling face. Twilight and her friends flinched at my sudden movement. "Oh, sweet merciful heavens! He's still alive like that!" Rarity tearfully squealed over her hoof. Pinkie's hair looked like it'd deflated, Fluttershy had fainted, Rainbow and Applejack stood wide-eyed, and Twilight sat with her jaw and wings hanging. "Master? Are you okay?" Blueblood asked with a fearful smile. "Blueblood, you asshole," I said in a wheezing voice. He wilted slightly. "How did you enunciate that without lips.." Twilight gawped. THWACK "Ow! What?!" She cried at Applejack.