• Member Since 8th Mar, 2014
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Bender Alpha

"I love deadlines! I like the whooshing noise they make as they fly by." -Douglas Adams



The Multiverse. An immense and diverse place, home to countless Planes of existence, each a universe all their own. One organization tries its hardest to keep these Planes in line, and govern the nigh infinite souls that occupy them. But even with a galaxy's worth of agents and the power of the Prime Material Plane at their disposal, something occasionally slips their radar.

Sam is one of those things. An unassuming, twenty-something who one day finds himself stranded in another world. Luckily for him, the inhabitants of Equestria take friendship very seriously. The Elements of Harmony take it upon themselves to befriend and welcome him to Equestria. It certainly doesn't hurt that he's the first and only human ever seen on their planet.

However, all good things must come to an end. Equestria finds itself under attack, both by unknown creatures and beings similar to the country's newest inhabitant. Sam and the Elements must find a way to beat them back, but first they need to figure out who in the Nine Hells this new enemy is.

So begins my first HiE, let alone my first story to be published here. I hope it will be my longest piece to date (even if I never submitted most of my others). I have a long way to go before I can be a professional writer, but that's what this is all about, isn't it? Exercising our writing muscles in a place where some may find enjoyment in our attempts to improve ourselves. So please, lay into me. Tell me what I'm doing wrong, I implore you. It is the only way I will grow as a writer. And, if I can set aside my stubborn pride long enough to learn something, perhaps I will do just that.

Early chapters proofread by the wonderful McStuffins.

Chapters (14)
Comments ( 160 )

How much of that movie universe is going to play a part in this, because that is honestly a big turn off for me?

6024905 It'll be a plot point, but it will, by no means, become the main focus.

I really love this story. I have no idea if this is based off of something, but I'm enjoying this a lot.

6046674 I'm glad you like it. It contains elements from a story I want to publish someday, so I suppose it could technically be considered a crossover. Then again, I need to actually finish the story if I ever want it published... So, yeah...

Ok, kind of getting tired of the whole animal thing. Are the ponies really that dense, or is he intentionally putting on this act?

Neither, is my guess; it was pretty clear from earlier that the poison joke fruit made him turn stupid. He probably is low-sentient right now. Of course once Discord finds him and figures out that there's no way whatsoever that he could have gotten from Earth on his own power, he'll be able to tell the ponies that this guy should be sapient, and then maybe they can try to treat him (it was chaos magic, so Discord possibly could, but I know better than to think Discord's going to be all that helpful, given how annoyed he is right now. Either that, or he will snap him back to sapience just so he can interrogate him about how he got here.)

Interesting premise for a story, it's a little different than the start of your average HiE. Keep it up, I'm looking forward to where this story is going.


6063271 Apologies, he is a caveman. Sort of. For now. I would not make him permanently stupid. That would be boring.

I like your story but I FUCKING HATE THAT HE WONT TALK, it's kinda annoying

So the poison joke fruit turned him animalistic, rather than changing his physical form. Fair enough, still, I don't get why every one is complaining about a human forced to animal levels of intelligence not talking. Do you expect a chimpanzee to sit down and discuss philosophy fluently with a priest, a rabbi, and a monk when it has never shown signs of intelligence?

No, I suppose the chimp would be entirely at liberty to keep his beliefs to himself in such a situation.

Oh, it was Poison Joke... can't believe I didn't make that connection. Was sat here just thinking 'Why don't you just write something, that shows sapience.' Well now that I know that I'm a lot more satisfied, haha. I was still really enjoying it anyway though, look forward to future chapters.

6064602 I don't know what you have planned but could you at least make him intelligent again soon?

Very interesting so far. :rainbowdetermined2:

Let's see what future chapters will hold. yes?:trollestia:

Well, it's not the common author who's willing to turn their self-insert retarded, so props for the originality.

Otherwise, this is a pretty boring, cookie-cutter fic. There's potential, but as it is...
(Okay, I feel I have to go a little more in-depth, because there were some parts I really did approve of, and that I've said so far isn't much of a critique.)
While this isn't all that original, one of the things I really did like about it was Discord. You really did write him well, and in a way that most authors screw up. The whole scene of him looking down at the planet was awesomely done, and really captured the feel of what a fascinating character he is. It also did do quite a bit to subtly build the background universe, by revealing little tidbits that still manage to keep the reader guessing. That is how you do exposition, people!

Honestly, it's pretty formulaic for a HiE, but the parts that are generic are done competently, and the original content is very good. I'm really more impressed than my initial comment let on, so I apologize for sounding negative. This really is a fic that has potential, if it can get past its rather dead-horse-pattern trappings. I will continue to watch this, because you really can set up a cool subuniverse without giving too much away, which is a talent that's rarer than French steak around here. Please continue onward.

I ordered a french steak once, but all it did was blow cigarette smoke in my face and curse.

Not sure if the meat was properly ground either, must've used a Verdun model grinder.

Why is everyone saying "Zero-Intelligence" thing is "soo ooriginal"? It was already seen on many HiE fic (sometimes it's explained by "he's acting, guys!", sometimes it's not explained whatsoever ("Why she can't talk? Uh, er, it's language barrier! Yup, hehe. Why she can't do pictures or gestures? Or stay upright? Er, stress! Yep, that's it."), sometimes it's explained by "summon magics microwaved their brains and made them obedient", and sometimes it's explained by "Evil manipulative pony provoked him to act so".).

This chapter was pretty good, I don't have anything negative to say. This is probably why I'm not a story critic though... Anyway, keep up the good work.

Good story so far, and I can't wait to read more of it.

This song came to mined wile reading this

Well, Biggs has a storied history as a name, alongside his counterpart Wedge. However, I doubt the ponies have realized they have given him big shoes to fill. Also, I just imagined a certain Powerpuff Girl suggesting a certain name for Biggs.

This story really reminds me of Your Human and You. Anyway this is getting interesting now, I do hope he regains his faculties soon though, I personally find that lack of intelligence soon wears thin, I really want normal interaction. Well, normal for the situation he's found himself in. Anyway I look forward to the next chapter.

I don't think anyone has said that so far.

Like, literally no one has said that so far.

6216414 I can promise that he he be back to intelligence by Chapter 8, maybe even 7. Probably 7.

There's only so much you can do with a Neanderthal.

This is a well written story well done:pinkiehappy:

Well, this explains things and actually makes a degree of sense considering. Also, partial symbiosis with Sam makes a bit of sense for the poison joke. Though, Bob seems rather limited in intelligence, considering the existence of the zombie ant fungus. It infects one, then makes it go up high to die and burst into spores which fall down and infect more ants, and repeat. Of course, this is more of a general poison using magic.

“It’s ok. It’s ok.” She repeated the phrase, to help him become more accustomed to her voice. Gently, she placed her hoof on his shoulder, and began to pet him. With each stroke, his taut muscles loosened up until he was like putty in her hooves, leaning into her touch and humming happily. He pawed pitifully at her arm when she stopped, and she couldn’t help but giggle at the disappointed look on his face.

(not sure if this is the chapter, I accidentally read it all before commenting)
...Petting indeed feels awesome...

This is really interesting.

6619859 Not sure it was massage or petting.

At long last, it's finally out. Can't tell you how much of a relief it is to finally be done with this chapter. Now I can move on to the next one, and the Scarecrow will finally get a brain.

Thank You! Now we can see something happen. dis gonna be good.
6617800 I see.

6559247 Thanks, I'm glad you like it.

6617800 If you're talking about Bob's reaction to the magical "rat-trap", I suppose I can see where you're coming from. If it had been the magical poison equivalent of Cordyceps, used as a biological weapon against a dense population, you bet your buttons he'd be exponentially more furious. However, this is localized, and seemingly meant as a "defense." While still unethical, it's less of a "genocidal war" crime and more of a "intent to mass-murder" sort of crime, so... comparatively less abhorrent, I guess?

6619859 Honestly, who doesn't enjoy a good massage? :raritywink: And petting isn't that far removed.

6620177 Yeah, this time, no letting months pass without an update. I'm still pretty frustrated with myself about that.

Not bad, but why "Sex" and "Romance" tag in here?

Meet Sam: a 23-year-old pizza delivery boy / struggling college student, living in his parent's basement

Meanwhile, the voice in his head – Bob, as he calls himself

Any true nerd's fantasy. It couldn't hurt to stick around, maybe learn a few basic tricks, could it?


6840964 O ye of little faith. Fear not. I never intended for this to be one of those "oh! I'm suddenly a xenophile" fics. I have plans.

Although, I must admit, I'm curious to know what you mean by "again." Is it because Sam's a nerd? I mean, come on, who wouldn't want to learn how to do magic?

Or is it the "voice in his head" bit? I'll admit, it's not the most original of ideas, but like I said... plans.

Really interesting story so far. No spelling or grammar issues that I could see. Keep up the great work! :twilightsmile: I look forward to seeing more of this story, as long as Sam stays human, Equestria Girls doesn't play a large part, and it doesn't become a "herp-derp hoomanns are t3h evolsist" garbage. Otherwise, I'm out.

6841087 Why him? Why pizza boy? What is so special about him?

Meet Sam: a 23-year-old pizza delivery boy

And this, I see that lots! (About 35%) Do I look I care about that stupid age!!? but that fine for me.
Also he need to be FREAK OUT! Why? Human fear unknow.
Unless he already know Multiverse.
P.S. You story is good but... For some reason… That character bothers me…

6841821 Well, I suppose I can understand your frustration. There is a line between trying to make a character too relatable and trying to make a character too special, and I guess I'm straying pretty close to "bland" in that regard. Having that particular line in the description really does me no favors. At least in regard to promoting the character.

Sam's entire point as an "average Joe" is that he has space to make a name for himself. He's not some super special "Chosen One" with a great destiny, he's just a guy that happened to be in the right place at the wrong time (or maybe vice versa). If he wants to be recognized as anything other than just another oddity in their world of magic, he has to work for it.

If I say any more, I'll be getting too close to spoiler territory. I guess I need to revise my description again if I want anyone to read past it, but I hope you can forgive the blunder. I know the concept has been done to death, I just hoped my story might be able to stand by its own merit. I'd like to think that I have a decent enough premise for a plot – as slow as it is to get rolling – to allow for a few cliches here and there.

tl;dr - I hope you can stay with me long enough that I am able to prove I'm not just grasping at straws. :applejackunsure:

Also, I thought I made it fairly obvious that he was freaking out. However, I didn't really give him enough time in this chapter to process the revelation that he's in a different world. That freak out is yet to come.

I like the way this is going. Keep at it.

Isn't Discord being a major hypocrite in this story as he once conquered the land and turned it into a nightmarish upside town world? From what we saw in the show he's done way more damage than any of the other villains and yet he feels one human is worse than him? I have to call bull on this reasons, plus the fact that if he did lay those flowers down with the purpose of killing humans and what he did pretty much broke his promise to Celestia, that would guarantee him being put back into stone.

6868258 Of course he is. But to him, his misanthropy is totally justified. Dunno if you picked up on my subtle(?) hints, but Discord is kinda, sorta supposed to be Q from Next Generation, (or at least a splinter Q, haven't quite decided yet). As such, he knows all about the history of humanity and their failings.


As always, please note that the opinions the characters may not necessarily reflect the opinions of the author. Q, as a character in Star Trek, was always outwardly misanthropic. But after interacting with the crew of the Enterpride, he began to hold out hope that humanity could be guided into being something greater. He had an extremely manipulative and capricious method of testing humanity, but he wanted them to pass, or at least certain individuals. It took a stout heart and a strong mind to impress Q, and not all of humanity held these traits.

So, I imagine that this Q!Discord came from a Universe where humanity had failed his tests completely. Perhaps, for some reason, Picard, Riker, and the bunch never came together on the Enterprise, and as such never became a model for Q to try to shape into a representation of the positive traits of humanity. That's not really what the story is about, sure, but maybe I'll expound upon that thread at a later time.

So, is Discord being hypocritical? Absolutely. Q was convinced of the Q's superiority to mortalkind. His rule was likely an attempt to enact brute-force change on a race that was essentially stagnating morally (who knows what values they held back then), and it may or may not have backfired on him. Plus that event happened at least a thousand years in the past. A lot can change in a millennium. I speculate that in those thousand years, change did indeed occur. I don't doubt he still had the ability to observe the changes from inside his stone prison and I believe he liked what he saw. Discord almost never does anything without reason, even if it's difficult to discern what that reason might be. Now, he's taken ponykind into his protective custody, because of their potential, and he will fiercely guard anything that he holds dear, even if it means breaking a few promises for what he believes to be the greater good. He will not tolerate outside interference, least of all from the humans that failed him so completely.

6858605 Thank you, I fully intend to. :pinkiesmile:
6841313 I believe I can meet those requirements. :twilightsmile:
6841130 I made a New Year's resolution to post new chapters at least once a month. Of course, this is a New Year's resolution we're talking about, but I will be trying my hardest to fulfill it.
6841004 Thank you muchly. :derpytongue2:

6868395 Wait that doesn't make any sense is this was who you said it is, there is no way he could be turned into stone as that character is much more powerful than the Elements. There is also the fact that character moved around so much because he got bored easily there is no way he would have stayed on this world for so long. Again you could make this an alternate version again...but I think it would just make more sense if you came up with a different reason behind it. Hell if he was that character why would he fear a simple reaper? He wouldn't as killing one of those kind is nearly impossible.

You could keep the whole from another realm thing where humans were different but not have that link to that other show. Actually how about something a bit more personal, we never see any of his kind, what if the reason Discord is the why he is because he learned/earned chaos magic? What if he was once a mortal being and his kind were on earth and wiped out (think human dragon slayers and such) and when he got his powers he left never to return. It would make more sense that way wouldn't it? You know if he was personally suffered under a more savage time for humans and so his outlook would be different. I'm just throwing out an idea here to help explain a few things and also make it much more personal for the character for your story.

6868513 Admittedly, most of my reasoning comes from reading some of alarajrogers' stories where Discord is Q. She does such a good job of writing a believable Discord and giving reasons why he would choose to come to Equestria, that it sort of ended up my headcanon for this story, albeit with a few tweaks.

Sorry, alara. Hope you don't mind me mooching off of your brilliance. :twilightsheepish: You know what they say: imitation is the highest form of flattery.

i like where this is going keep up the good work!

Yes... This pleases me... *Evil smile*

6963618 Thankee koindly.
6963847 I live to serve.

6964387 A long time. There's a lot. Like... A whole lot.

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