I write dumb stories about dumb horses.
After awakening from eons of stone imprisonment, you must journey south to the Badlands and discover the truth behind the demise of your own people. Equipped with only amnesia, a peculiar stone, and a magically charged Princess of the Sun, you will face many dangers upon your journey into the past.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Good premise and description . Only a bit annoyed by the "anon" thing.
It fits for him to have the name Anon in this story. He knows absolutely nothing about himself. More so then other stories that have the same name.
I really want to like this story, but I can't. I think the biggest issue I have with it is the pacing. Everything is just happening so fast. I would've maybe liked a few chapters of him recovering in Canterlot, maybe even some slice of life social stuff. Yet, that didn't happen. He just suddenly does this, suddenly does that and even suddenly gets contacted by some super villain with a plot revolving around him. This isn't something that should happen in the first chapter of a story.
The second person perspective is a hit and miss with me. I won't really say that it's a problem, but I think it's one of the hardest things to pull off correctly. Exchange did it relatively well, but even then I still think it could've done better in any other perspective. The last thing I didn't like is how the story is formatted. I write in a style that people seem to respond too well. In fact it's a rather common style for fanfics. So, consider breaking up each character that's speaking into separate lines. It helps keep things clean and in perspective.
Just an example:
"They are the Angels... I know them, and they are the Angels!"
You're suddenly overcome with an immeasurable amount of fear. Though you were well protected, you wanted to run and hide away. Away from their snarling fangs and away from their soul piercing gazes.
"Angels?" Celestia repeats to herself. Trying to think. Where had she heard that name before.
But her concentration elsewhere lowers her guard. Beneath you, a pool of shadow emerges around you. An Angel leaping out and grabbing you in it's mouth and stampeding away. That fear is replaced with desperation and you hit the beast on it's shadowy hide. The Angel carries you through the battle, streaks of sunlight whistling by you in an attempt to rescue you. But all seems to be lost as you disappear behind the foliage.
but, yeah. That pacing thing is killing it for me. I won't downvote, but I don't think I'll follow this story either.
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The whole Anon thing is because this was originally posted on /mlp/ in the greentext format. I thought about giving him a name once I converted to prose. But ultimately decided to leave it as Anon. But who knows, once he remembers his name I may make it known to the reader.
5931446 I agree with you, it's just to fast. He goes from waking up, to going to find out who he is in one and a bit chapters. I mean, he just woke up to find he's the last human or he knew before. Even if he did or didn't know, wouldn't he be in some sort of depression or something. Then he meets or is dragged and treated awfully by creatures he believes to be simply animals (I.E) the earth ponies). Finds out magic exists and the princess is the sun goddess. Meets a dragon, and other mythical creates such as Pegasus and unicorns. Is re-united with probably the killer race of the human race. And so much more, its just too fast.
I recommended starting over and pacing it out better. But if / until that happens I can't read anymore, sorry. But I wish you luck with the story and others, and have a nice day :)
I cannot place what made me tab back to my 'read later' list to see if anything updated to read instead of this. I like the idea of the story, but something is just not clicking with me. It might be the pacing like 5939213 and 5931446 mentioned. It feels rather rushed.
Here is how I see the story so far. Hey, look at me. I have been revived from stone after untold number of years, I don't remember a damned thing and I am kinda weak... screw it... let me take off on an adventure the next morning to what the residence of this land are saying is one of the most inhospitable and dangerous places they know of.
Also, like Sarcastic Brony mentioned... new speaker, new line. Even if it was just a thought type used for one of the speakers. Makes it much easier to read.
As for the rest, I really don't know. second person perspective has never been a favorite of mine, but not a deal breaker to me. Using Anonymous (Anon) to me is lazy. If the author is too lazy to give his character a name, even a temporary one, why should the readers care about the character? I understand he lost his memory, but normal people (I would include ponies in this world) would give an actual name, even if temporary. Celestia definitely would not suggest Anonymous as a name. But again that is not a deal breaker for me, just a personal annoyance.
Overall I will probably give it a chapter, maybe two before I make a choice on whether to like it, or leave it with neither selected and remove from my list.
I've considered reworking the first two chapters or so. Maybe I'll get around to it once I catch up to the actually greentext version.
What about Tirek he's a centaur how could Celestia have not met him.
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That's something I overlooked actually. Though Tirek was a crazy red magical centaur, so I guess you could look at him as a species that share similar traits as centaurs. Regardless, it's a plot hole I wish I accounted for.
5952819 Fair enough.
DUN DUN DUUUUNNN
Shit is about to get real
5952819 Just change it and say that she's only ever met two, and one of them was a corrupt evil or something
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Maybe I can do that.
5963149 Yeah probably the best course of action
Looks okay. I like that you used music from Myst, a game which I had a bitch of a time struggling to solve puzzles.
I have to agree with Sarcastic Brony, this story has absurd pacing. Please fix this up, leave off on the updates until you have done so, and then inform us.
Brutal.
Some grammar and spelling mistakes, but generally decent. You have an editor? Or even pre-reading will be good for fixing most of the errors.
Howl dies... It must happen in a brutal way.
Tell Celestia what happened first
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As of right now I don't have a proof reader and I'm too busy to actually sit down and go through all of it. I try to correct as many mistakes as I can while posting though.
6015561 Yeah that's how I used to write.
It can be effective, but not always
You better kill Howl off in a lovely way you hear me.
The poor, poor captain... Oh, wait.
Does anyone else see how this is a bad idea?
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Yup. The fire will eat all the oxygen and they will suffocate. Well that's how it SHOULD work :/
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I thought about this problem and found it hard to work around it. Ultimately I just said "Fuck it, I'm not a scientist"
6070817 What you can do is have one of the ponies a scientist, and have him split the Carbon and Oxygen atoms from CO2, as to provide more oxygen in the room.
Or you can blow a hole in the roof which can also give more oxygen to the room. I like my first idea better
And just like that, he alienated all of them. Howl will want to kill him and Celestia and Spike won't be able to look at him
Heh. I think I'm gonna like the tone of this.
Honestly, I think this is a bit of a weird one. The introduction was a bit hard to get through - the format of it is just kind of strange, it's all a little bit too stylized for my taste. Still, I'm a bit surprised it has gotten so little attention, given the length it already has. Maybe I'll change my mind later, but so far, I find it enjoyable enough to be willing to go along with it and see where it takes me.
Nice chapter!
I'm interested to know what will happen between Anon and Howl. 
I got all teary eyed when I watched the last unicorn. And this story reminds me so much of it.
It feel weird when a human amazed by the technologies of ponies when such technologies were imitation of the human tech
6016718 To be honest...what Howl did might not be the most moral of choice but it is a choice of a true soldier.
You don't have time to decide what is right and what is wrong on the battlefield...You choose to do what must be done to minimize the lost of your men and maximize the lost of your enemy and achieve the goal set out by the higher up.
Anon failed to understand this. Yes, it might be wrong but you sometimes don't get to do the RIGHT thing on the field.
And saving everyone? That is the thinking of white knight and I hate them a lot. Because of that thinking that many that could have been saved were lost.
self fullfill prophecy and is a bitch.
Anon has just proven himself being no better than howl....he claim to be high and mighty hero while he himself is terrible.
Well, not my type.
I will continue to muddle through this, but I too have to point out like the others, that the pacing needs some serious re-working to be more readable for others.
While Howl may have made a correct choice, his actions to attain those results, were not. The Princess will be most displeased.
It appears to only be pure luck that their little mind-controlled spat didn't incur further injuries/casualties.
Idiot, he should've thrown it at a wall or the like, no one would've died then.
You only fulfill such a prophecy by BELIEVING in it.
Alright, I have made it this far, but it needs a fair bit of work still, hopefully future chapters will show that
:3
I call Spike being alive and I'm happy that Howl is dead
I agree, I hope that they find out that spike could swim in the lava/magma.
And that he's alive
I'm also happy that Howl is dead. I feel that he deserved it after all he's done
The story intensify's ...
FIRST! Also, f**k you Anon.
Ehem... Headshaawwt
Any idea when you can update it again?
7746026 When my motivation isn't in the la brea tar pits.
If he had no memories, how did he remember what an elevator, or an escalator, or even a hologram are ?
HER FACE WAS WRITHED WITH ANTICIPATION ???????
THIS IS GOING TO BE AN ADVENTURE OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS !!!!!!!! Please update soon !!!
Shouldn't you wait until the previous story is finished be for working on this one?