Technical Writer from the U.S.A.'s Deep South. Writes horsewords and reviews. New reviews posted every other Thursday! Writing Motto: "Go Big or Go Home!"
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An anonymous letter has been sent to Princess Twilight Sparkle with grim news: one of the benches in the local park has been booby trapped! Said trap will trigger whenever the next pony to sit on it stands up.
Not a problem. No need to panic! All she has to do is get to the bench before anypony... sits... on it.
Oh, bother.
Just a silly idea that popped into my head. Written purely as a distraction from my usual projects, with no mind paid to whether it's, yknow, good.
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Lyra Heartstrings?
More like Lyra Heartsits, I'm right?
Twilight would definitely be the sort to fuzz out over a prank. Not a very tasteful one mind, but did the letter even specify which bench? Maybe they should have gone all around Ponyville and tested/confiscated every single one just to be extra extra extra safe.
The only villain in the entire g4 who might plausibly leave an anonymous threatening note like that would be Cozy Glow (possibly just to screw with the neurotic princess). Most of the other big bads wouldn't have been shy about bragging about it or saying "If you don't do X, we'll do something nasty".
👍
I half expected for Trixie to waltz by, see poor Lyra, ask her what was going on, and, after getting caught up on the situation, says:
"Oh, crap. That note was from me. I stashed some of my fireworks under that bench and left the note for Starlight to find so that nopony would accidentally set them off.
"Trixie supposes she shouldn't have worded it the way she did...
"But! Now that that's cleared up, and now that Trixie's back in town, if you happen to be wandering the back allies at night, she'll hook you up!"
Much like the bench.
Holy moly I love this stupid little way to distinguish spells.
Wait, this is Starlight talking? Sounds like you were going for AJ.
...Hope it's not bad form to point out a couple typos while I'm here? Is that poor form? I never know with these things. I know this wasn't meant to be a super polished piece in the first place, so.....
Really only need the 'your' or the 'some'
Effect is kinda lost if the repetition isn't exact, maybe add back the missing 'thing' in the first instance.
'Lazing' is the present tense form of the verb 'to laze'. As in, to laze around. Don't think that's what her horn is doing :P
Delete extra comma.
I don't often come across Lyra fic that actively acknowledges that. At least, not ones that don't center entirely around Twilight's whole original friend group. Delighted to see it.
...Is it pedantic to be miffed that this is the first time in the story Bonnie's name has been capitalized in that way?
It's to it!
Flank
Seems like you were feeling very alliterative while writing this. Please take this alliteration aficionado's approval and amusement.
...Considers deleting entire comment
Nah, but this was great! It's not nearly as stupid as I was expecting, and comes along with a delightful dosage of character analysis, relationships, dissection of magical rules etc. peppered among the comedy. Writing a comedy that's still effectively grounded in the rules of the show is a rare feat. I adore the way you pull it off.
I also adore the way you write LyraBon. Would love to see you write them more. At least, not in a horror story that I doubt I'll ever read, regrettably.
See ya next week.
This story was a hoot all the way through!
I was wondering for most of it whether you'd written it to be a criticism of Pascal's Wager or Pascal's Mugging. It doesn't look quite like one by the time the ending rolled around, but it kept lurking at the back of my mind.
What even is this countryism?
11644646
Presumably it did, since Starlight was able to pinpoint it as the definitive article.
Exactly who left the letter didn't seem important, but I did eventually conclude that it was some previously unknown figure testing the waters like Lyra suggested and seeing what they could get away with.
11644732
Heh, that would have been a twist. One of my only regrets is that I never got to elaborate on whatever it was Starlight was granting Trixie her permission to do.
11645010
Turns out I lied; I'm too obsessed with 'proper writing' not to care, as I promptly went through and made corrections based on your commentary.
I am a liar.
Appreciated the suggestions nonetheless! This was definitely a rush job, so I'm not surprised you spotted so much.
11645069
While I didn't know they were called Pascal's Mugging or Pascal's Wager, the concept behind Pascal's Mugging was a big part of the idea at the start. In fact, now that I think on it I recall it was that topic specifically that made me decide to give this a go. I didn't want to take the story seriously though, so I didn't focus on it exclusively. Most of this was just me writing whatever came to mind as it happened (hence the Rainbow Dash scene and the 'emergency' going on when Starlight showed up).
Confession time! I totally stole that countryism from another, very old source (IYKYK). It was so ridiculous that any time I think of countryisms it's the very first thing that pops in my head. It's the quintessential "I have no idea what that means" statement.
It's obvious who sent that letter.
images5.fanpop.com/image/photos/26300000/Trolololo-princess-trollestia-26369320-516-360.jpg
Cause who else would do something like this.
11645157 No, probably not.
Twilight had spent several hours in deep study over the small piece of paper, and now she had turned to look out the window of the crystal castle instead. To Starlight, that was one of her 'tells' that indicated the youngest-minus-one alicorn had solved a problem and now was facing a different dilemma. Much as if she were approaching a fizzing science experiment, Starlight moved up next to her mentor and quietly asked, "Solved it yet?"
Twilight did not answer for a time, then asked a question of her own. "Bon Bon's degree from the Baltimore Bakers Business School doesn't show it, but did you know she almost completed a minor in Theatre Arts?"
"No," said Starlight. Then after a moment to think she added, "No! You don't think--"
"She had been encouraging Lyra to spend more time helping around the shop," said Twilight absently out loud much as if her mind did not realize it was running her mouth, "and less time lounging on the park bench. Plus, I compared the note to her Hearth's Warming Card from last year."
It did not take much talking to think of the obvious, but Starlight continued drawing little mental lines between dots until she could not help but say, "You know, Spike spends a lot of time loafing out on the balcony reading comics instead of doing his chores. I wonder if--"
"No," said Twilight quite firmly, although she could not help but look at the lines in the dust across the table, then down at the dirty floor, and give one glance through the open door that showed a stack of dishes still in the kitchen sink. "Maybe," she qualified.
11645218
This left me grinning.
... wait a minute, Lyra's a unicorn. Why isn't she trying to grab the candy with her horn?
11645307
*drops a bench on your head*
Nothing to see here, folks!
11645307 Obvious answer is obvious. Because she had a bench dropped on it, and she'd like to keep what little brains she still has inside her head instead of facing the consequences of using a damaged horn to cast a spell. Boom-splat.
11645308 11645333
ooooh wha happa... feels like a bench fell on my head....
Oh, hey, Paul's got a new story!
... wait a minute, Lyra's a unicorn. Why isn't she trying to grab the candy with her horn?
11645218
Yeah, I truly believe she did, because this is literally something Celestia would do, and it wouldn't be the first time she did something similar to this.
She basically did the exact same thing to Fluttershy.
Celestia at any time could have told Fluttershy that Philomena was a Phoenix at the start but didn't.
Princess Celestia: And I do appreciate that your heart was in the right place, child. But all you had to do was ask me and I could have told you Philomena was a phoenix and saved you all this trouble.
Fluttershy basically did, and I still find it suspicious how the guard chosen that specific moment to talk to Celestia and how she just left Philomena there with no guard to watch her. She didn't ask anyone to look after her for her. So, this could have been Celestia playing a prank on Fluttershy.
So, Philomena was also playing a joke on Fluttershy, but Celestia still could have done the same, without revealing that she was.
static.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/3/35/Guards_ask_Twilight_S1E22.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/1000?cb=20140217230051
Don't you think it's kinda weird that the guards came all the way to Fluttershy’s house first to look for Philomena.
derpicdn.net/img/2014/1/13/523007/medium.png
Funny how the guards came in with Philomena’s bird cage at the end, like that when the cage was last seen
AT FLUTTERSHY’S HOUSE!
static.wikia.nocookie.net/mlp/images/c/ca/Twilight_2nd_devilish_look_S1E22.png/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/1000?cb=20130112053308
And what help this prank work more was that Celestia clearly never told Twilight about Philomena being a phoenix, thus she now has two ponies fooled and seeing how Twilight reacts to the whole situation and even saying all that stuff about how Celestia will punish Fluttershy. Something Twilight has NEVER seen Celestia do. Is pretty similar to how both she and Starlight been reacting to the letter and bench.
Celestia has pulled stunts like this multiple times throughout the series, it's what literally earned her the title, Trollestia.
What makes this kind of trolling works so well is because she knows how her victims think. She knows Twilight all too well. That her overreacting to a crisis that had no real context or ground to stand on, in a town that always seems to go through so many problems weekly. Is exactly what Celestia expected.
And as for Fluttershy. Celestia learned about her through Twilight's letters and came up with the perfect prank to play on her.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2018/4/5/1700053.png
Normally Celestia wouldn't reveal that she's playing a prank. This way ponies wouldn't suspect her in the future. But since Lyra did get hurt because of it. She would have to come clean on this one. Because like Discord, she doesn't like to physically harm others with her jokes. Only emotionally.
11645338
Come to think of it, I've got an even better one for you: why are the CMC still looking for cutie marks after Starlight is Twilight's friendship student? Chronologically speaking, they should already have their cutie marks by this point.
11646307
I was dead sure it was going to be a whoopy cushion spell or something
I thought Bonbon was just going to deck Starlight and knock her unconscious so Lyra could leave.
To be honest. I don't understand why Bon bon is so upset at Lyra. Like she said, none of this was her fault.
I get Bion Bon was upset that Lyra didn't listen to her from the start and just got off the bench right then and there, when no one was there to stop her, but Lyra did come to her senses eventually and chose to leave, but Starlight kept her hostage all night.
Lyra did try to get Starlight to see reason like she did, but Starlight refused.
The way I see it. Bon bon may be upset at Lyra, but she is no doubt furious at the Mane 6 and Starlight. Mad at Twilight for believing in such an obvious prank and downplaying her own magical abilities, mad at Starlight for basically the same thing but also for keeping Lyra held hostage all night, and mad at the mane 5 for not seeing the obvious stupidity of it all.
And the fact that Bon bon was able to come up with the most simplest solution to the problem. While Twilight and Starlight just wasted hours researching only adds more fuel to the fire.
But the thing that made Bon bon the angriest is Lyra getting hurt. There's no way she's going leave that lying down. Accident or not. No matter what excuse Twilight comes up with. Lyra was hospitalized because of her own stupidity in believing in something that literally had no context on if the bench was really booby trap or not and the fact that the problem could have been resolved so easily from the start only made things worse.
Like I said, Bon bon isn't going to let this go. Somepony going to pay for what happened to Lyra. She would head straight to the friendship castle and have Twilight and Starlight find out who wrote that letter and bring them to her and if they fail to do so. Then it will be them who will pay for their mistake and that's not a threat, it's a promise. Because,
NOPONY HURTS HER LYRA AND GETS AWAY WITH IT.
derpicdn.net/img/2018/7/10/1777885/medium.png