There's Only One Chapter Because That's All Rainbow Needs To Get Sh*t Done
It was a dark and stormy night, but mostly because Rainbow Dash had made it so.
Not that those dumb ponyvillians would get it anyway. Noooo, we want a nice Seeking Night, they said. Noooo, storm clouds are scary, they said.
Well, DUH! That was the entire frickin’ point of Seeking Night! It was a scary event! Some messed up spirit locked three ponies away FOREVER! It’s not supposed to be a cute kiddie hide-and-seek event. It’s supposed to teach foals lessons of life like ‘Don’t go pissing off angry chaos spirits’ and ‘don’t be enough of a dweeb to get locked in a library for literally ever’.
Real-life stuff, y’know?
Standing under the pouring rain, Rainbow grumpily surveyed the mostly deserted town, save for a few ponies here and there who weren’t cowards. She shook her head, frustrated. One day, she’d move out of this lame town and go somewhere cool like… well, she didn’t know of any place cool enough for her at the moment, but the point was there had to be one, and that’s where she’d go.
“Aw, man, Rainbow Dash,” a disappointed voice said. “This isn’t cool…”
Rainbow spun around to face her little minions—namely, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo, the two taking shelter from the rain underneath Carousel Boutique’s door overhang.
“What’d ya’ mean ‘this isn’t cool’?!” Rainbow asked Scootaloo. She stomped a puddle, ignoring Sweetie’s yelp at being splashed, and then gestured to the great wet outdoors. “Rain is awesome!”
Sweetie harrumphed. “But we can’t go out in the rain! If we do, Rarity will kill us!” To emphasize this, she pointed towards a nearby window from which Rarity was peering out, her narrowed eyes focused on the fillies.
“Rarity, stop being a buzzkill!” Rainbow called out, rolling her eyes when Rarity disappeared with a muffled exclamation of bringing mud into her house over her dead body.
“Our plan is ruined,” Scootaloo added, the two fillies slumping against each other.
“Oh, come on! Seeking Night sucks, anyway,” Rainbow protested, trying to ignore the guilt sweeping over her. “Literally last year, you both told me you thought it was lame!”
“We weren’t gonna do Seeking Night!” Sweetie exclaimed.
Scootaloo nodded. “Yeah! We were going to find Princess Booky in the Everfree Forest, and get our cutie marks in princess finding!”
Rainbow Dash blinked. “Wait, what?”
Scootaloo got up excitedly. “Yeah, yeah! It makes sense! The Everfree Forest is, like, dangerous and stuff because it’s trying to keep Princess Booky’s library hidden! And we don’t have a library so, like, her library must have been ours.”
Rainbow’s eyes widened. Shocked. To her core. “Holy crap.”
“We told Rarity yesterday,” Sweetie added, still sullen and glum. “But she didn’t believe us.”
That drew out another loud snort from Rainbow Dash. “Well, duh, of course she wouldn’t believe that. She’s like Queen Lame. All she does is make clothes and read, like, romance books and stuff.”
Rainbow Dash couldn’t even imagine Rarity being a cool adventurer. Even if Rarity believed fairytales were real, she wouldn’t go near the forest because it has bugs, mud, and other similar things. Either that, or she would go and help but be a super loser about it. Yeeesh.
But Rainbow Dash wasn’t Rarity.
Rainbow Dash believed in fairytales.
“We thought we could sneak off while Rarity was busy with Seeking Night,” Scootaloo continued, now falling to the floor and resuming her dejected slumping. She gestured to the rain. “But then that happened.”
Rainbow Dash furrowed her brow. If… If Princess Booky really was in the forest, then… Rainbow could find her and become, literally, the coolest pony in the history of Equestria. People would celebrate her everywhere. She’d be a hero.
“I’ll go, then,” she blurted out.
The two fillies gawked at her. “You will?”
“Yeah, yeah!” Rainbow exclaimed, flying up into the air. “I can do it! I can look through the forest super fast! I’ll find her in no time!”
By this point, the fillies were jumping up and down, sharing in the excitement.
“Ohmigosh! And you’ll take us to her when you find her?!” Sweetie asked.
Rainbow made a show out of crossing her forelegs and frowning. “Mmmm, I dunno. Could be dangerous.”
“Pleeeeease!” they begged.
Rainbow’s eyes flitted towards Rarity “Lame Queen”’s house, and she decided she would not be like Rarity.
“Okay, fine,” she relented, unable to help a smile at the fillies’ cheers. That said, she flew up higher into the air. “‘Kay! I’m gonna go find her. I’ll be back soon!”
The fillies waved her off. “Good luck!”
Rainbow soared up high over Ponyville until she had a clear sight of the entire Everfree Forest. Her eyes narrowed. The Everfree Forest was huge and had over a dozen trees, and…and there was a massive oak tree, larger than the rest, poking out right in the middle, so that’s probably where the princess was. Sweet.
She flew straight for the large oak tree and ‘whooped victoriously at seeing an oval window near the top of the trunk.
Man, she thought, kicking the window open and crawling in, I’m so good at this.
She squeezed through the tunnel all the way down until she found herself inside a dark tunnel. After a quick game of eeny-meenie-miny-moe, she decided to head left, walking for about five minutes before finally exiting the tunnel and finding herself inside a large, dark library.
“Oh my Gosh,” she said, awed. She’d found it. She’d actually found it, and in less than, like, what? Ten minutes? An incredible thought occurred to her. Life-changing, like this very moment. “I’m better at this than Daring Do! Heck yeah!”
She walked further in, looking around for any kind of light source or something to illuminate the place.
“Princess! Where are you?” She grabbed a book from a table, squinted at it, and flipped through the pages. “How do you even read like this?! I can’t see squat!” She gasped. “Do you have, like, night vision or somethin’?!”
“Night vision?”
Rainbow Dash yelped at the voice behind her, immediately followed by her turning around and flinging the large book through Princess Booky.
“Hey!” exclaimed Princess Booky, irate. Her horn crackled with raspberry magic, and a chandelier lit itself, filling the room with light. Next, she quickly levitated her book back to its place on the table. “Don’t treat my books like that!”
“Holy CRAP!” Rainbow gasped, taking in the sight of the pale, translucent mulberry alicorn. “You’re Princess Booky!”
The Princess frowned. Heavily. “Princess what?”
Rainbow ignored her, instead trotting up to examine her like a trophy. “Oh man, I’m going to be SO famous. Are you, like, dead and stuff?”
Princess Booky followed Rainbow with her eyes, indignant. “No, I’m disp—Hey!” She jumped away, horrified by Rainbow sticking her hoof through her body. “What is wrong with you?!”
“Huh,” said Rainbow, again ignoring the Princess in favor of examining her hoof. “No slime.”
“Slime?!”
“So,” Rainbow asked, “why are you still here? Can’t you just leave?”
The Princess frowned again. “...No? I was trapped here.”
Rainbow looked at her.
The Princess looked back.
Rainbow gestured to the very visible, clear, tunnel exit.
The Princess groaned, rolling her eyes. “Are you deaf? I said I was trapped here.” She marched straight up to the tunnel entrance, and upon reaching out towards it, a magical raspberry barrier appeared and deflected her. She turned back to Rainbow. “See?”
“Wait.” Rainbow trotted towards her. “Do that again!”
Irritated, but intrigued, the Princess reached her hoof out again, activating the barrier. Which she did again at Rainbow’s second request.
“Coooooool!” Rainbow exclaimed, momentarily fascinated by the fading barrier before turning to Princess Booky. “So, why’d you trap yourself here?”
The Princess’ wings flared. “What?! I didn’t trap myself! It was the Spirit!”
Rainbow’s eyebrow arched. “Uhhhh, no? It was you. The barrier-thingy is the same color as your magic.”
“What? No, it isn’t. Wait. No.” The Princess activated the barrier, and how shocked she looked at the realization that the barrier was, in fact, being powered by her magic. “What the f—” She stepped back, tripping over her swear words. “What? What? But—What?”
Rainbow snorted. “Man, I thought you were supposed to be the nerd princess! Can’t believe you didn’t even notice that!”
Even more proof that Rainbow Dash was the best at rescuing princesses, instead of just reading about it like Rarity did. Eat your heart out, Rares.
“Come on!” She nodded towards the exit. “Let’s go! I need to take you to Princess Denza so she can give me a ton of reward money!”
The Princess was flabbergasted. “But—I— I can’t just leave!”
Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Sure, you can. You just gotta, y’know, do it.” Once more, she gestured to the tunnel. “Come on! Just do it!”
“But—! But what about—!”
Rainbow stomped her hoof on the floor. “No buts! Just do’s! This is why eggheads never get anything done!” She gestured to the exit for the third and final time and raised her voice. “DO IT!”
Startled, the Princess rushed forward and, lo and behold, she crossed through the barrier, turned into a real non-dead pony, tumbling onto the ground. Rainbow trotted out after her, stoked.
“See! Easy peasy!”
“What?” the Princess gasped, mind-boggled. She stood up, observing her physical form. “What?! But this doesn’t make sense! It can’t have been that easy! Something must be wro—”
Rainbow had placed her hoof on Booky’s mouth. “Shhhh,” she said, coolly. “The word you’re looking for is, ‘Thank you, Rainbow Dash’.”
The Princess frowned. “That not a word. That’s multiple words.”
“You’re welcome, Princess!” Rainbow exclaimed, patting the alicorn on the shoulder. “And, boy, you sure must be glad it was me that came to find you, and not somepony like Rarity. I bet it would have taken her, like, ten years, and she still wouldn’t be finished! And she’d want romance and lame stuff like that!”
The princess blinked. “Rarity? Rarity who? Who even is that?”
“Exactly, Princess. Exactly.”
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Rarity huffed and walked out, cocking up her snout. At least she will always have more views.
Saving princess booky any% new WR
And THAT'S how you save a princess everypony! Let's hear it for Rainbow Dash! Hip Hip, HOORAY!
I hope you'll forgive me for reading all this in Rainbow Dash Presents RD's voice.
No. Way.
Gimmegimmegimmegimme!
I read the description browsing the New Stories and was like "oh I recognize this cover art, oh this looks cute", then I saw the author's name.
oh oh my celestia that was the most awesome thing I've ever read within this universe xD in regards to sheer efficiency
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if you do not talk with CMC, then you can save 100+ words more, the main thing is to reduce intelligence while maximizing wisdom and speed
I was going to read the original at some time in the future, but, to rephrase a certain slogan "You've read the best. Why read the rest?"
Monochromatic going with the self deprecating meta I see. This was actually faster than the "Pony games done quick" spinoff. Achievement unlocked!
Damn it, Rainbow Dash.
Well that was a delightful little parody of your own story. Almost makes me wonder how Applejack or Fluttershy or Pinkie would handle things, but I'm sure that'll remain a mystery.
This would have been a good April 1st story.
It went by so fast, we didn't even get to know princess booky's real name.
Leave it to Rainbow to finish quickly and leaving everypony confused.
Rainbow dash just speed ran the entire story.
Local Filly Defeats Chaos God with Facts and Logic
How many chapters does it take to overcome Twilight's issues? One, at sufficient velocity. Thank you for a lovely little "What if?"
Rarity Rainbow Dash can't hear you over the sound of how awesome she is.
We all have our roles in life. Rarity lives hers to the fullest.
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It was
Rainbow just summed up a 40+ chaptered story to just one chapter.
There's the big difference between Rarity and Rainbow.
Rainbow just wants to get the business done.
Rare's on the other hoof, prefers some drama along the way.
Angst and therapy-dodging speedrun, let's fucking goooooooo!
XD
Rainbow took "I can do it in 10 seconds flat" to a whole new level
Passing thought, this feels like it should be E-rated
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what they don't want to know is that booky *is* her real name
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Pinkie Pie Ultra-Speed Run
"Oh! I should totally show you Sugarcube Corner!"
"What's Sugarcube Corner?"
"This is Sugarcube Corner!"
"Wh- WHAT?! WHERE ARE WE?! HOW DID WE GET HERE?!"
"Oh hey! You're outside the library now! Neat-o! Does that mean the curse is broken?"
"...bwuh?"
Applejack No-nonsense Speed Run
*walks up to tree*
*applebucks tree*
*Twilight drops out of tree like a very confused apple*
"...bwuh?"
Radical!
Mono, you're a national treasure.
As someone who got in on the whole 'Enchanted Library' series when the Kingdom was well over halfway done, this made me laugh so goddamn hard. Well done, Mono, you... strange, magnificent little dweeb, you.
BASED RAINBOWDASH #SIGMAMARE
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trust me, I am haunted by the fact that TEC isn't finished yet.
(in my defense to me, I've been taking a lot of commissions and focusing on patreon stuff bc this is my livelihood now BUT STILL,,,,)
Free the princess any % speedrun record
*Dream Speedrun Music Plays*
*Rainbowdash b-hops into the library*
“Alright guys” Rainbowdash says. “Now for this section we use the books as a ramp for a rain boom assisted jump into Bookie, thus spooking her into falling out of the library via nocliping, thus bypassing the drama and about 60 hours of gameplay putting us at a new record for the princess freeing portion of the game-“
11555357 "Stop kicking my tree! You're knocking all the books off the shelves!"
"What tree would this be, then?"
"This one right here! The one that Discord trapped me in!"
"Um, 'scuse me, but if you're out here talkin' to me, how can you be trapped in there?"
"What? Of course I'm trapped in there! I've been trying to get out for..."
"Sure looks like you're out to me."
"But... but that's... but..."
"Now lemme know when ya get done babblin'. Mah sister's in here somewhere lookin' for you, and I want you to help find her afore she gets into trouble."
On one hoof, Twilight is glad to be free. But on the other hoof, she's feeling really silly at the moment, since she could have left at any time if she thought about it
.
But having never read TEC, what changed between these two? Besides the obvious?
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.
"No offense Princess, but if it was me I would simply not be trapped," Rainbow Dash said, "I'm too awesome for that."
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ostensibly twilight needed convincing and a reason to leave having been fooled by discord into thinking leaving would absolutely kill her, but her love for rarity overpowered that fear.
In this rainbow dash just shouts at her till it works.
Mono... honey, I know I did MLD2: Dash Harder there wouldn't be another fic that could top a popular story sequel...
But you just HAD to go and do this, didn't you?
PS: Love the cover art, I hope you used MSPaint.
Mono, you are a madwoman. That was great.
Thats how its done
FINALYL ITS 20 PEECWNT COOLER
Now go save Luna
Reading this at work was a mistake because I need to keep myself from laughing hysterically. What a wonderful treat.
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Ch2 saves cadence, ch 3 luna, ch4 celestia , ch5, apologize to discord ch6 party.
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No, no, no. Ch. 6 is Twilight and Rainbow becoming a couple. Ch. 7 is the party
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RD will do romance storyline in Ch 2. I mean, Princess of Love herself is right there, and being rescued. Why not seize the opportunity?
That was hilarious! Could the four 'thumbs down' tell me what I missed, or are they just protest votes?