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Have you ever felt like you didn't really belong? Like no matter how hard you tried you'd never be able to fit in anywhere? After I lost the Memory Stone, Sunset and her friends told me I could finally have people around that cared, but I should have known better. Nothing was ever really going to change. I was always going to be cursed to a lifetime of being ignored and forgotten...
I was never going to be anyone but the odd one out.
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An excellent start. I'm surprised that Scampy didn't write this, though. Even the formatting of the intrusive thoughts is spot-on.
Whenever you get around to more, I'll be glad to read them. It's good to see you posting more stuff.
Adding to my RIL.
I'm loving the use of formatting here - the content's great but the presentation of it all really steps up the impact.
And poor Wally.
I like the chapters and the way we get into Wallflower's thoughts. But the formatting of the internal struggles? That's... A little too much. I think you're trying too hard to make it interesting. The words of the story are already interesting. Don't ruin it by painting words everywhere. Maybe an italicization here and there, but the coloring and alignment is overkill. After awhile I started skipping over that.
I can really feel the immersion with this one, and looking forward to seeing how your note at the end of chapter two plays out.
I've seen some warn against using the multi-colored/sized text in written works like this, but I've always been on the side of 'When used well, it can really add a lot.' I feel like this is certainly one of those cases.
Edit: Just noticed the comment right before mine after posting this. To each their own, for sure. From my point of view, it's a risk that paid off well.
I hope so, man. I’m glad to hear you’re writing again.
The prose and the way the thoughts are displayed with the blacks and greys is eerie and helps to capture the way that the intrusive and self-destructive lies can worm in. Having been there and been fortunate enough to work through it, I know both how accurate the portrayal is and how important it is to speak truth to those lying voices until they lose their power.
To anyone reading this who may be struggling with thoughts of suicide, please know that you can be helped. Your life matters, and the world will be emptier and darker if you are gone. Even if by some twist of fate no one noticed (and it's almost certain someone would know and care), there would still be a phantom pain - an absence that no one would know the source of, but would be felt all the same. We would be diminished by the loss of you. If that wasn't true, then why is it that people willingly choose to spend their days professionally helping complete strangers to realize their own self worth? You matter. Please talk to someone who can remind you of that.
Suicide Hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
List of International Suicide Hotlines: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
10028221
Its not trying to hard... its what really happens.
10028630
Not really, just write it. Too much formatting makes it really annoying. Simple is better. Remember, this is a story. And putting words in different alignments and sizes is very frustrating. At one point I couldn't read the story, and not because I didn't want to. But because you put the text in dark colors, made them too small at one point, and I ended up scrolling down to paragraphs with different text sizes a lot more than reading the actual story. I read at night and that text was hard to make out.
Just remember that your readers are the ones who are important. It may look good to you, but in the writing world that's looked down upon. If you do it repeatedly. It's cool if you can make it out, but it's not worth it if your readers can't. That's how you lose readers.
10028679
If it bothers you just move on to something else. I'm not changing it.
10028679
what im seeing is that your talking about what you specificly didnt like, and trying to portray it as everyone disliking it.
I actually liked the formatting. It was an artistic touch that went well with this. It was almost like a painting with words.
This is really good.
Using the opacity tool will allow the text to retain its "faded" nature when on any background--light, dark or otherwise. As a bonus, it also retains the faded opacity even when highlighted.
With spaces removed and XX subbed for a value between 0 and 1.
It lets you make some really cool effects.
Man this is...painful.
I know what it is like for people to drop you and talk to someone else.
I just hope someone notices Wallflower before it's too late.
The tragedy is Wallflower wouldn't be alone if she could just muster the courage to tell the Mane 7 that she feels she hasn't been included.
10029211
Thanks for the tip. Might come in handy later.
Compelled to keep reading - afraid to hope for a happy end – remembers Scampy’s Time We Have Left doesn’t - but not continuing to read would be making Wallflower’s suffering even more isolated and prove the voice in her heard even more right so whatever ending it has can't be given weight in finishing or not
Oh how I wish Wallflower got/would get more than just background appearances even though she was shown talking with others...
Hi Holy
My Username is @13ShadesofSunset & I Love your stories
I’m glad to see u post chapters again(been reading before I made this account) & I just want u to know that I’m sorry for the struggles you’ve been going through & that you’ll always have my undying love & support
Hope your life turns out better over time
♥️
10030575
I hope so too. Thank you for the support.
derpicdn.net/img/2018/11/12/1880329/large.png
I feel like it's bad how much I see myself in Wallflower.
I'm gonna tell you something- those whispers? THAT'S EXACTLY HOW IT FEELS. THAT IS THE EXACT FEELING YOU GET!
10028690
I immediately gained respect for you at that one statement. I, for one, (possibly many,) LOVED THIS. I want to see how it ends. Because the voices- the sizing, the different colours, it worked well! It nearly perfectly portrayed those little thoughts that burrow into your skull.
And 10028221 , If you can't respect a story enough to take the time to read ALL of it, you just shouldn't comment at all.
I finished reading the chapter, and... why does Wallflower seem so familiar... right, because I used to have thoughts like that. And to think that it's been only nine months since I got over it... It feels like it was an eternity ago.
Anyway, I loved the way you used different fonts and text sizes for Wallflower's thoughts. Usually, thoughts are italicized in other texts. I think, however, that this was a creative yet effective way of showing what she's going through. Keep up the good work! I'll give this a tracking, a fav, and a thumbs-up.
P.S. When is the next chapter coming out...?
I’d like to see the end of this.
🙏 moar Wally pls 🙏
(oh and Sunset too, I guess)
Wow! I can picture someone who hates Sunset seeing her as someone putting on an act .
Painfully believable how it starts with hope but Wallflower can but push Sunset away. And unless Sunset has that geode with her, how could she really be sure that Wallflower doesn't want to be alone? It would be easy, if Sunset insisted on staying, to just turn it around into accusing Sunset of being obsessive and not respecting boundaries. And it sucks that genuine attempts to help and make a connexion (like Sunset's drawing) can always just be reconfigured into reinforcing feeling like a waste and emotional blackhole to others since they can't fix you and it's supposed to not be their responsibility because even if they're great friends they're not psychologists or therapists and the only thing they can really do is get you to go to another stranger that maybe does know how to even start helping you help yourself; and how can you go trust another stranger in a profession you keep hearing is just full of people who went into the field trying to fix themselves but couldn't so they instead have to believe they can help people and that's just the ones who have genuine wishes to do good for others?
The proverb says that hope is the first step to disappointment, but I can't help but put my value on avoiding disappointment below letting this have meaning.
Oh god. Where do I even begin?
This is like the ideal Sunset/Wallflower dynamic for me. Everything about this chapter is so perfect that it's hard to believe it exists. Let's take it from the top:
Wallflower waking up on the bathroom floor, the pain of her self-inflicted wounds being what ultimately pushes away sleep amnesia, the endless spiraling storm of thoughts that just go on and on and on, only interrupted by an outside force... For anyone who's never known what the deepest throes of depression feel like, they feel like that.
Poor Sunset, she really does just want to help, but with self-harm it's never that easy. As someone who's lived both hers and Wallflower's side of this conversation before, the harsh truth is that there really is no "right thing" to say or do sometimes. Sunset wants to help, but Wallflower doesn't want help--deep down, she wants to hate herself, and she's just as determined to do so as Sunset is determined to help her.
The way Wally reacted is... Painfully familiar. She was so certain she knew who Sunset was, what Sunset wanted with her, but it was only after pushing her away for good that she's hit with the horrid realization that everything she was so certain of was wrong. Not because anyone tricked her or forced that mindset on her, but because she was so intent on wanting to believe Sunset was a bad friend that her head twisted reality to fit that belief. That moment in the dark, staring at the letter, the final proof that she just threw away her best friend for the sake of her own stupidity... Well, that's also painfully familiar.
I don't even know what I can say about the moment-to-moment prose beyond that it's perfect. The dialogue is heart-wrenching and oh-so-real. All too often, stories about self-harm read like a stiff, static script. It's hard to pinpoint exactly what it is, but it all just feels... off, I guess? Like the dialogue can be fine but none of it sounds human. It's like the story is leading the characters, rather than the characters leading the story. This chapter is the exact opposite. There are no long-winded diatribes about loving/hating yourself, no generic, useless advice, no overblown melodramatic reactions. It's just bleak, brutal realism the whole way through.
The ending of this... Well, let's just say that the first thing I did was check to be sure the story still had an 'incomplete' tag. I'm no stranger to stories where the dark thoughts ultimately win out--in fact, I prefer such an ending if it fits the story--but this has so much more to offer, and I'm glad to see I'll get to read it.
One last thing. Wally's thoughts, right there at the end, have this slight shift. As soon as she accepts it--as soon as she finally embraces that this is it, she's going to die, and she's okay with that--the internal thoughts are no longer directed at her ("you"), but are coming from her ("me"). It's not shoved in our face, but it's easily the most heart-breaking part of the chapter for me, and a really creative way to use the format and "inner voice" sections of this story to the fullest.
Please more. Please more soon. This is easily the best Wally story I'm tracking.
Love the writing.
Love the characterization.
However, the plot feels like it’s trapped in a circle. You know the one; character is sad, hope appears, hope spot is snatched away or ignored, character gets sadder, etc.
It’s classic pity porn, not a bad thing, but it needs to go somewhere.
i don't want things to get better
😨 Oh my........
Man, that was intense.
I wonder what Friendship Lesson can help with suicide.
Well... fuck! I hope she manages to make it to the hospital in time.
Part of me did not expect her to actually jump. Curious to find out what actually happened towards the end.
Well, sorry to say, but she seems to have done it right, as far as i can tell she's collapsed her larynx, at least, partially seeing as how she couldn't breathe very well, if at all. Roughly six minutes till brain death begins so make sure you don't have any regrets Sunny Side Up.
10281621
I figured that was caused by, y'know, the still-constricted noose around her neck.
I had to read it through again before commenting. Ohhh gosh, I'm feeling some things.
This chapter has a really unique, uncomfortable thing going on that I can't quite think of another example of. The tone of the prose, Wally's thoughts, everything that's going on... It's honestly kinda positive, calming, nostalgic but not in a bitter way. To her, this is a good thing. She's finally going to get this one thing right, and maybe make up for the trouble she's caused. The chapter moves with this slow, dreary but satisfied sense of doing the right thing.
But of course that's not the whole story. The context of this chapter creates this menacing undercurrent of dread that flies in the face of everything on the page. It's incredible to read honestly--like you've written one story that has two entirely unique tones existing in concert. The whole time I was reading this, I had that inevitable voice in the back of my head reminding me that this is fiction, Sunset's the perfect friend, it'll be okay, she'll show up in time to stop Wally before she falls, it'll all work out it's going to work out it has to work out--
And then she falls anyway.
In that moment, just after she takes her last step and the only words on the page are faded and sparse, I honest to god thought she was dead. You squeezed every bit of hope you could out of me that you could and waited until the most impactful possible second to set it ablaze and create this amazing meta-narrative experience of what Wallflower is feeling. I gave up on her, just like she gave up on herself, so when she gets jerked back to consciousness, what should have been relief was just pure anxious terror. The pacing and formatting of this chapter achieve something you just can't get in a regular story--a real, tangible connection with the character. The fact that it's Wallflower of all people just proves that this story is basically tailor-made for my interests, and goddamn it is everything I hoped it'd be and more.
All of this isn't even touching on the end. It's... haunting, honestly. I can't think of another word for it. Sunset cradling her, screaming desperately for help that may not be enough, the world shriveling away in Wally's periphery, and the last thing she sees is a little spark of something that may not be enough for her anymore. There's a very real chance that Wallflower is going to pass away from her injuries, and the scariest part is that despite everything... That's probably still the outcome she's hoping for. Even with that symbol of life and light being the last thing she sees, Wallflower just lays her head back in Sunset's hand and falls asleep, just like she always wanted...
Fuck.
I could flounder around with trying to describe my feelings on the last couple paragraphs all day, but some things are just beyond words. It's perfect. There's more to this story (thank fuck), and I actually can't wait to read it. You'd better hurry the frick up or I swear to god I'm gonna drive down there and force-feed you soy paste as punishment.
She's not alone. I've tried to kill myself a few times. Recently I tried to kill myself but I couldn't
As someone who has been and felt alone A LOT before, damn this is spot on
Here’s hoping this story isn’t dead, and neither is wallflower
10030642
just wondering if you are working on this story
10669001
I have a portion of the next chapter done, but I can't tell you when it'll be out. I don't plan on abandoning the story, but my original reasons for writing it have been soured somewhat so I can't promise this will be a high priority.
10669171
np just was wondering
Is she going to be okay? Like dam this chapter hits so heard. I must know what happens next.
I read all of this in a couple of hours, I simply couldn’t put it down… a beautiful, relatable and well written story. I know it’s been a year or so but I hope to see more some day.