When Wallflower Blush tries to take her own life, Sunset does the only thing she can think of to save her. By witnessing the entirety of Wallflower’s memories all at once, she hopes that part of her friend may live on within herself.
However, possessing the memories of two lives leaves Sunset doubting her own identity. Now that she's inherited all the same memories and traumas that led to Wallflower's suicide, is she even the same person anymore?
Drawing used in cover is by avirextin.
Chapters (1)
I love the concept and I especially love the execution. And being able to convey so much emotion and context through exclusively dialogue is just aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Really heckin' impressive. Trackin' the heck outta this.
Sheee-yit. Good start.
Ah.
You've done it.
Oof. That whole memory sequence was brutal.
Everything about this is so fucked up
Can I have more
Scampy, your Wallflower stuff is pure art.
Five words.
Holy shit this is good.
What was said idea?
Wow-za! What a ride. You've done it again, Scampy.
Love your incarnation of Wallflower Blush, and looking to seeing more (in a way? kinda? channeled through Sunset?) of her in the next chapters. Sign me up for everything about this.
(Is that phoenix Philomena? Did Sunset take care of Philomena like Twilight did Spike... but leave Philomena behind when she fled to the human world...?)
Not bad for a start. Hopefully not just a one-shot.
I think you really could break this up into multiple chapters; you've already got it broken up into chunks. On another note, just my two cents, that whole block of one dialogue statement per line without much names or context really isn't the greatest story presentation. I get that stitching a conversation together with scenery can get dull, but it leaves out a lot of context.
Here's hoping this goes a bit further than Sunset + Wallflower's memories, because that would make the story only really about Sunset. And also, magic.
Ow god that is a question to ask
Gotta say. You are talented at this,
But I am starting to get bit worried with ammount of incomplete stories. It is nowhere near compared to some authors I have read from who have good ideas that they never finish. It is painfull to have your curiosity caugh by something that you wait for next few years with no continuation, so I am really hoping you wont end up like that.
But on less depressing matters... At this point I consider you most talented writer when it comes to describing mind that I have encountered so far.
God almighty, that dialogue-only section's stellar, and skilfully done. Powerful and hard-hitting stuff. Bonny start.
I have come to this story after a week onlyreading self harm/suicide stories and when I started I was expecting nothing because of how repetitive those become but this one was so well written and it stuck out as one of the best story I have read in more than 4 years.
That cliffhanger is exceptional and left my mind in turmoil.
Thank you! You just gave me something to agonize for the next few days and I love it.
9959791
I agree with you, the amount of incomplete/dead stories in this site is crazy but this on could stay as a one shot and I would be more than happy with it.
Don't takr me wrong, I still want a continuation, bit read this again thinking it is a one shot and tell me how it changed the experience for you.
9941367
Wasn't tht the point though? For it to be confusing and require the reader to actually think about what they are reading?
It is also a good way to give the reader an insight on ho woul be to have all the memories of another person inserted on your brain in a second/few seconds. Like watching the bee movie but everytime they say "bee" it grts faster. It takes 5 minutes, it is confusing as hell if you don't know the movie but it leaves a superficial understanding of what happens in it.
So I try to avoid stories that aren’t marked complete for fear they never will be. But even incomplete, this was well worth the read and an interesting take on your classic “tragedy befalls <x> and <y> has to live with the consequences”.
That… that hurts.
The dialogue-only section is what sets this one apart from your other works, and your execution of the idea is brilliant. Initial confusion as to who’s speaking, leading into a gradual, gradual understanding of Wallflower’s situation and what led her to that ledge. Sunset’s inclusion is ripe for provoking some powerful self-loathing, the scenes at the store show that Wallflower can be both resourceful and more than a little crafty, and you do a worryingly good job of making the father seem utterly reprehensible in just a few short lines of dialogue.
Well that’s not foreboding at all.
I think I mentioned this on a different story, but the fact that you don’t often use repetition makes it hit so much harder when you do use it, as in Wallflower calling the hotline. What should be a sign of hope turns into despair just by repeating a sentence four times.
Personally, I’m not sure what going through all of Sunset’s speech adds (I might’ve finished the flashback on “It’s like three in the morning…”), but the fact that I’m having to nitpick to that degree just shows how well the flashback as a whole works.
And the ending is almost as tragic as the fall itself. It’s so calm as to be unsettling, almost dissociative. A brief flash of confusion before she just kind of… shuts down.
Why couldn't I go through with taking my life like Wallflower did? I remember the last time I actually tried to kill myself. I was standing in the middle of the road about to jump off a bridge over troubled waters and I wanted to jump but I couldn't go through with it
camo.fimfiction.net/I0NbNo1qCZuBJ2717WJEIcO3HbGomK6-W3yN1dGxRp8?url=https%3A%2F%2Fencrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com%2Fimages%3Fq%3Dtbn%253AANd9GcSsR7y-JYiqN_Q402b-qG9jiesMKUF45xqfLfeC9Dq8z9NzaWNL
Wow.
Alright, so. Let's start with the opening.
I think this is actually the first time I've seen you write Sunset as a pony. The repeated bits about Sunset feeling talked down to by noble ponies makes sense in the absence of clear canon; something had to put the chip on Sunset's shoulder, and constantly being condescended to and thought of as lesser provides a good reason for it. (Plus, she doesn't seem to have any family in Equestria, or, at least, any family she thought twice about leaving behind.) Also, I can't help but feel that the use of a phoenix egg, rather than a dragon one, was a deliberate choice. Rising from the ashes, and all that.
Then, the scenes with Wallflower. This is where the use of en media res is so good, particularly in your stories. We don't need to be shown or told the whole post-Forgotten Friendship backstory to understand the larger context behind that phone conversation. The urgency and despair both arrived and departed as soon as they came—and the story doesn't suffer one bit for it. This is one of the things I like about your stories, and your writing style in general; you don't need to use a lot of words to pack a punch.
Speaking of...
The dialogue.
Wow. Just wow.
The story you told there... I hope you're proud of it. Dialogue-only is really difficult to pull off. I've only tried it a couple times in the past. Without a doubt, I didn't do it as well as you did here. Talk about immersive emotion. So many of these lines... hurt. The "connecting to a counselor" lines were particularly hard to read, as were the ones about Wallflower's father. I don't even know what the man looks like and I want to rearrange his face.
Normally, with dialogue, there's this whitespace between what is said and how the character(s) reacts to it. I'm a big fan of body language, reflective narrative, and stuff like that to fill the gap. But this?
No, you didn't need any of that in here. You're above that. You told us the whole damn story in no uncertain terms, to the point that when it comes full circle, you understand. It breaks your heart even further, but, dammit, do you understand.
Now to read Hollow and see where this fits.
Jojolion be like...