• Member Since 26th Jun, 2018
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Lets Do This

We're going to build an exact copy of Ponyville... right over there! We've got less than a minute!


The Crusaders are asking The Question... and they keep getting the same annoying answer. So in desperation, they go to the expert on the subject... Twilight Sparkle!

A legitimately E-rated story about the birds and the bees... because for ponies, there's nothing to be embarrassed about really. Well... almost nothing...

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 46 )

heh, well that's interestingly silly. Good worldbuilding working from a kid show premise.

And yes, I imagine that would make quite the IMPRESSION on a young Twilight. It explains so much really.

No wonder Bookhorse books so much...

(Also, I personally use the fact that humans are born abnormally early in our gestation to waive the two-month increase for horses, but the reasons for that don't apply without the normal reproductive processes. I also point out that the candy-cane-based estimates of pony height combined with typical equine proportions end up with them noticeably, ahem, larger, but not enough so to make the act impossible)

"I don't know all the specifics," Rarity allowed. "But no one does, really. It just works, and you get a little bundle of joy out of it -- sometimes more than one, like with the Cakes -- so what's to worry?"

"Your Ponymon had an egg! We don't know how it got there, but they had it."

Fascinating concept for pony reproduction, and a hilarious bit of Twilight backstory. Thank you for it.

That explains so much about Twilight. An interesting read.

Pretty fun read.

Of course, it directly contradicts what Lauren Faust said about how ponies actually reproduce, but I guess it’s more interesting (and more fun) this way. :twilightsheepish:

9751634 Hey, eggs are legit methods of alicorn reproduction.

"Hey Twilight! Why did you lock yourself in the bathroom again?"

"Go away, Spike!"

"And where's that big pile of books that was on your desk?"

"Go away, Spike! Shoo!!"

Because I can't help but be that guy... :twilightsheepish:

Ad Facere Equuleum

In concordia, in caritate,
In domu parata,
Erit equuleus inter nos (although I would also accept Sit equuleus inter nos)

Pro Voluptatem Legentium

(And translations for the curious)

To Make a Foal:

In harmony, in affection,
In the house prepared,
There will be a foal among us (or with the other version, Let there be a foal among us)

For the Pleasure of Readers

One theory why Twi loves books I suppose.

Thanks -- my Old Ponish is a little rusty. I've tweaked the spell text as you suggest.

"Pro Voluptatem Legentes" was actually meant to be "For Pleasure of Reading", but I think I'll go with your revision using "readers" instead... the gerund "lectio" didn't sound right when I was coming up with this, since it suggests "lecture" rather than "reading". (One of the goals here was spell text that sounds good to Anglo-Saxon ears, and latinate roots and endings don't always cooperate!)

Really amusing take at the old question of, 'where do little magical ponies come from?' :yay:
Great work. :pinkiehappy:

So Twilight accidentally gave herself her fetish? Sounds legit.

Also means that in a sense, she's a shameless exhibitionist. How lewd.

And here I always thought they just appeared when a human drew and animated them. Heh. Should have figured it was actually magic all along.

Well, what if the meta-effect of Ad Facere Equuleum is to cause the animators to begin drawing and naming a new pony? (Like what happened with Derpy, or Time Turner?) Who exactly is manipulating whom here?

Amusing. But I found it rather sad. Sex is something sacred. A version of humanity without sex just feels wrong.

Perhaps this mans that while ponies do have sex, it isn’t part of reproduction? That eliminates the “unwanted foal” problem and makes it an experience purely of sharing, vulnerability, and intimacy.

And one still powerful enough that it starts rumors around the schoolyard...

I would hope so. But it's still sad. Without the link to having kids: Sex becomes less romantic. There's something really beautiful about the link between sex, love, and family.

I swear, my mind puts the cover art of your stories together with your handle as a caption and turns out something very dirty more than half the time.

"Let's do this!"

This and this are two of the biggest ones.

Not at all what I was expecting.

But the logic works surprisingly well.

The question is, does it work with 2 males or 2 females? Or does it have to be a male/female couple?

Well, Twilight only referred to a couple... so... that would imply any couple, wouldn’t it?

Yes, I was intentionally ambiguous on that point, just to be open-minded and leave the possibility open. Though in a story this short I couldn't take it much further than that.

... which was in response to someone asking whether ponies reproduce by budding, so I wouldn't feel strongly obliged to count that as show canon.

I don't even know if I'm real or not! Mind = Blown

This works surprisingly well in explaining some things about Twilight. :rainbowlaugh:

A fun little story and take on the kids' show setting and the old "where do babies come from" chestnut. :twilightsmile:

Thanks much, S-C -- that was kind of my goal in writing this: basically flipping the usual trope of "omigosh the Talk, we're so embarrassed!" on its head, and turning it into an E-rated, tongue-in-cheek short. With Twilight and the CMCs, both of which are fun to write for.


But...they aren't human in the first place.


But...they aren't human in the first place.

Sure they are. The Ponies are living beings, and they are not plants or animals. They're men.

If having two legs, two arms, etc., is what makes us human: Gorillas and lemurs would be human. But gorillas aren't human, they're animals. So that's not what makes us human. What makes us human is our minds, our ability to use language, etc. The Ponies possess that too. Therefore: Ponies are people, not animals.

In short: Ponies are not animals, any more then we are. Yes, they're technically horses. But we're technically apes.


Being a person isn't the same as being human, though.


My question is where did the reproduction spell originally come from, if they're a purely magical species? Or is it something they just 'knew?'

Well, that depends on context. If by "human": You mean "member of the species Homo sapiens", then the Ponies don't qualify.

But I don't fully qualify either! I'm probably a small part Homo neanderthalensis (i.e. Neanderthal). The Neanderthals did interbred with the ancestors of modern Europeans. Europeans (and Americans) today have a small amount of Neanderthal blood.

If by human, you means "humans vs animals": I think it's pretty clear that the Ponies fall into the category of "human", not "animal". In that context, the terms "person" and "human" mean the same thing.


I was referring to species, yes. We're apes, they're horsies. I don't think person and human mean the same thing. By that logic, every sentient lifeform is human. Which is very anthrocentric, because THEY certainly don't call themselves that.

Impeccable grammar. Nice! :pinkiehappy:

"Well, it's kind of a selection filter. It makes sure that parents only have a foal if they really, really want one, and intend to take good care of it."

Hmm. I see what you did there. Wish the intention to love and care for one's offspring came to every parent who had them, as it would certainly be a kinder world that way. :fluttershysad:


By that logic, every sentient lifeform is human. Which is very anthrocentric, because THEY certainly don't call themselves that.

“Human” is an English-language term. Only people who speak English (or some related language, with the same word) call themselves “human”.

Honestly: I think you've been influenced by Star Trek, and it's idea of what the terms “human” and "species" means. I could go on a rant, about how Star Trek gets those terms wrong. But that wouldn't be very relevant to this fanfiction. So if we're going to continue this conversation, we should probably continue it in PM.


“Wish the intention to love and care for one's offspring came to every parent who had them, as it would certainly be a kinder world that way.”

It kind of does. People instinctively care for their kids. Problem is: Some people are selfish, and want to hurt others. And that can overpower the instinct to care for one's kids.

It is true that the instinct to care for one's young is a natural thing, of this I am quite aware. I said 'intention' as opposed to 'instinct'. :applejackunsure:

In the beginning, there was the Word... or perhaps we fall back on the old-time religion standby of the Uncaused Cause (e.g. the Uninvoked Spell?) Which came first, the pony or the spell? How many Twilights can dance on the point of an animator's pen? It's ponies all the way down...

Had enough? There's lots more where that came from...


Impeccable grammar. Nice! :pinkiehappy:

I had a truly remarkable grammatical blunder to commit here.
Unfortunately, this story was too short to contain it...

Probably leans into "word of god" territory a little, but certainly can't be claimed as canon. The most the show's ever given us is that pony babies exist, and they're fed from bottles like humans.

I don't mind accepting it though. Both because it makes sense, given that they're based on mammals, and because it makes things easier for parts of my own headcanon.

9754001 9756773
“Canon” is basically a guide for the writers. It means “Mr. Writer. Here's the established lore we're giving you. Try to go along with it, and not contradict it”.

So is it canon? Short answer: If the writer's accept Faust's statement, as part of the lore that they're going to go along with, then it's canon. If they don't, then it's not.

Well, this is a first for me.

Ponies don't engage in ahem coitus because they're made of magic.

I do wonder how a creature made of magic can be so physical, though. Also, what exactly happens when the spell is completed is interesting.

Twilight nodded. "It would, if it wasn't for this other spell." Unlocking a cupboard behind the desk, she brought out another book, and flipping it open, she showed them the page -- with her forehoof positioned to hide the text of the spell itself. "Pro Voluptatem Legentium. It makes reading spells -- or indeed any specific book or text -- intensely pleasurable."

Ah, there it is!

Twilight glanced around herself, at the rooms and rooms in her Library, chock-full of bookshelves.

And grinned sheepishly.

"I might have overdone it, just a little bit..."

Wait, so Twilight's love of books comes from the fact that, as a filly in her formative years, she managed to spell herself to gain intense pleasure while reading books, and that left a lasting effect on her psyche? :rainbowhuh:

Just found another headcanon to keep. :rainbowlaugh:

Nice semi origin story for Twis reading obsession. Least That’s what I took from it.

I am getting a slight celestAI vibe here

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