• Member Since 30th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Mar 7th, 2014


Im Batman...err...Mare-do-well!


Nightmare Moon always had a backup plan if she ever were defeated; she would slowly regenerate herself and regain her power. The problem is she never expected to come back as a defenseless filly, or to return directly in front of the princesses. As punishment for her past crimes, Luna has given her a sentence far worse than being sent to the moon again. Nightmare Moon must move in with Twilight and report to Luna on the magic of friendship. She's not very happy about it.

By the way I am not trying to rip off Past Sins in any way. Nyx is NOT in this story, this will go in a completely different direction.

Chapters (4)
Comments ( 489 )

Interesting concept with plenty of potential for silliness. You have my attention :pinkiesmile:

Hope this gets in featured. Epic prologue. :coolphoto::ajsmug:

its featured your wish came true

Interesting story

"We doth most enjoy thine visits Twilight Sparkle!" This should actually be "do," not "doth"

"What shalt we do with her? Banish the criminal back to the moon?" This should be "shall," not "shalt"

In general the plural of early modern English verbs are identical to modern English, it's just the second person and third person singular that are different. Second person singular is generally -st, while third person singular is generally -th. "To be," "to have," and "to shall" (?) are, naturally, irregular:

I do, I shall, I have, I am
Thou dost, thou shalt, thou hast, thou art
He/she/it doth, he shall, he hath, he is
We do, we shall, we have, we are
Ye do, ye shall, ye have, ye are
They do, they shall, they have, they are

("Ye" can be replaced by "you." In early modern English, "ye/you" is plural, "thou" is singular).

I'm pretty sure you used "thine" correctly, though, which is more than can be said for my first bumbling attempts at early modern English,

Now, that's not fair for twilight.:fluttercry: what did she do?

Interesting, I shall watch intensly :twilightsmile:


Huh, featured at 260 views, 30 likes, and 7 comments. It wasn't even the bottom featured story.

Impressive. A little timing in your favor but to get so much in 3 hours is quite impressive.

I shall read this later.

>Filly Nightmare Moon living with Twilight
Deja vu...

>Pen Brush
>Pen Stroke

Just pointing out the parallels. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt, though.

EDIT: Didn't read the rest of the description, sorry. It's still a little uncanny, though.


For who? Twilight or the one who moves in? :rainbowlaugh:

1348197 The one who moves in, no way would I want to live with her, but for some reason, it doesn't sound so bad. Atleast she's nice... mostly.

This seems to be extremely common place of whenever Nightmare is turned into a filly. Some crazy pony is wanting eternal night without actually thinking through the consequences of it happening. I don't know about others, but freezing/starving to death is not the way I want to go.

I like it, keep going ^^
And truth to be told, i don't see to many parallels towards Past Sins so far.

> Nightmare Woon

Nope. I'll judge this book by its cover. Favourited SO HARD! I'll read it later.

I love the Past Sins reference... well the reference to the author writing it.

A good start, indeed. I especially loved this part in the first chapter.

:trollestia: Hey, Twilight let's go perform experiments on a child.

:twilightsheepish: YAY!

...at least that's what I imagined it was like when I read it.

This sounds SO MUCH like Past Sins

1347941 Oh, fancy seeing you here.:pinkiehappy:


That's a good question. Why not Fluttershy or Applejack?

Honestly up until the point you mentioned Past Sins the similarity didn't occur to me. I was reminded more of dark woona from moonstuck.:pinkiehappy:

all the references to Past Sins... I, for one, like this story better.

beavers named Chuck? moon pies? Twist getting hit in the face? this story has everything! including... a surprisingly dark and foreboding ending to this chapter. you have my approval.

Ref to Past Sins?
But this one is hilarious and interesting!
GJ sir!
Fav and love!

In response to his
intrusion the cake expanded, grew
tentacles, produced three eyes of
caramel, and wrapped it's dripping
buttery tendrils around his throat.

I've seen enough hentai...

Oh dear, incoming adorablness! Set phasers to aww!

cause twilight knows dem ponies (and shes secretly very lonely inside, spike is just not enough anymore) static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowkiss.png

A few typos and awkward phrasing at points.

Very amusing though.

Nice story!
If Cake Is a Lie can hurt Celestia, MoonPie Is a Lie can also hurt Luna and Nightmare Woon..

Nice concept! GJ!

Pinkie Pie, Mortal Combat:pinkiehappy:

Penstroke's got nothing on this. :pinkiehappy:


Honestly I think his story is better. Ol' Penny be a faaaaaaar better writer than me.
I just liked the concept and put my own spin on it. And of course had to include an eldritch abomination. Nothing is complete without an eldritch abomination.

Oh yeah, I definitely want more of this.

Please keep writing, I'll keep reading!

1348611 So i see. But Nyx i have mixed opinions in character development. Humor mixes well in your fic though something i look forward to. :rainbowlaugh:

Done reading, that was quite the laugh.:rainbowlaugh:
While there are some similarities it's definitely not Past Sins.:pinkiehappy:

Anyway my only nitpick is that at certain points in the story things happen too quickly. It just felt like the story had holes.

Anyway other than that it was a good story and I happily await the next chapter.:twilightsmile:

Chaotic, messy, and jumps from point to point.

Sleepy, so I write poorly.


Agreed, I do think that things could be passed slower though it feels like its going way too fast. That was part of what made Past Sins wonderful, it had good passing if you'll pardon the comparison, this would be wonderful if it went just a little slower.


I like how you address the issue head on about similar sounding stories. I highly enjoyed Past Sins and can't wait to see where this goes. I laughed at the Pen Stroke cameos.

This is gonna to be so adoribly cute and funny I going die from it...isnt it? :pinkiesad2: it cant be helped i guess :pinkiesmile:

"Ah have to brush mah teeth twice a day or th' tooth fairy will come an' beat me." Applebloom replied.

Soooo many mental images, all of them hilarious. :applecry::rainbowlaugh:


profile.ak.fbcdn.net/hprofile-ak-ash4/276912_479541542065504_2105559558_q.jpg What fun is there in making sense.

Sorry, had to it. But in seriousness. Yes the story does have these problems, I'm going to try to make the next chapter less chaotic and flow better. I'll come back and fix the first chapter some other day.

Depends. Do you find rude, somewhat snarky fillies who would gladly bring about the end of the world at the drop of a hat cute?


1349000 Arnt all kids like that? :applejackunsure: anyway :twilightsmile: yes...yes I do :twilightsmile:


Because Twilight is pony Jesus

"Cutie mark crusaders beaver tossers! Yay!"
I have GOT to stop reading in class...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh man this is AWESOME! I can't wait to see more, Favorited in a heartbeat, and upvoted too. that picture you used for cover art is the epitome of D'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW:scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel::scootangel:


Login or register to comment