Hi my name is Sparknanator, I went on a writing break for what I think was a few good years at this point but now I am back and ready to write!
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After the Smarty Pants incident, Big Mac ran off with Twilight's Smarty Pants doll, much to his little sisters' amusement. When he refused to return it, an anger fueled spell from Twilight resulted in a BIG problem for Big Mac, with Smarty Pants at the 'heart' of it
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Insta fave.
That is all.
keeping an eye on this...it has Potential ill give you that.
This seems promising, first story that I think of this way, you have my curiosity
I could see great things about this story until then have a Fluttershy
This is such a cute idea. I really love, love, love the concept.
But the text of the story could use some hefty editing.
For instance, look at this passage. Read it out loud, if you want.
That bolded part is in serious need of punctuation.
I know you may be writing this for fun, but it would be nice if the story had better grammar.
You know, clauses, commas, sentences... Variations of descriptive nouns....
Like, seriously, Smarty Pants coming to life is adorable. Stinking Adorable. The concept deserves care.
2414110 who do you think said daddy?
This is cute.
I like cute things.
I like this cute story.
Why does it feel I've read a similar story before? Oh wait, in that one, Big Mac wondered why there was a mare in his bed.Lol
I'm gonna un fav then fav again so I can mark email update it would be easier if I had a goddamn computer!
Ah fuck it.
and she find out the plan back fire so mech that twi will never give it back to her and big mac love his new duhter
I'm having flashbacks to Child's Play.
But I like it.
Now that's a face that screams: "OHHHHH FUCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!!!" If I've ever seen one.
This looks hilarious to read, proceed good sir!
I have the feeling this will go the way I don't want it to go
which is good for young readers hahahaha
watching VERY intently i will be, quite an interesting concept, im more or less expecting Smartypants to think of Twilight as her mother
Awesome as always.
This is going to be good.
Keep the awesome work coming, and always remember that your awesome!
nice story here is another good one to read this one:
it's called slave to awesomeness.
it by : TheXboxBrony.
if you get tired of waiting then wast more time on reading this and others to :)
Nice full name for Spike^^
And now, I have a very Cute Picture in my head. Like the Cover from your Story... And I love it
I Shall Keep An Eye On This.
Seems Promising.
'Till Next Chapter
-Thewatcher509
Calvin and Hobbes anyone?^^
Oh thank Heavenly God Christ somebody finally wrote this!
Well....this can only end with sunshine and rainbows.
I was writing something like this and forgot about it, I don't think I can work on it... I am happy someone is writing it though so I can see it coming to a reality
Interesting...the cover art is what got me, but the story seems to be of good quality. *Opens can of Pepsi* Do continue.
I want more...
I would love this story so much more if there weren't so many grammatical errors.
Get a proof reader to point them out to you.
2416058 I have an editor and a proof reader so I doubt there are any grammar errors
2416064 Really? You should fire them then. Let me point out a few:
Twilight had cast her ‘Want it, Need it’ - needs a space after the comma
“Mac! Just give her tha’ doll back!
“It was hers ta bagin with! And
back! So stop buggin’
“Mac ya know I love ya, right?”
“Uhh... Twilight you're going to -OR- “Uhh, Twilight you're going to
Twilight sighed, “I need
He was halfway through the library’s bookshelves, “Twilight?”
Twilight sighed again, “Big Mac won’t
Twilight giggled a little, “Don’t worry
“Let me see,” Twilight said
it might work.” She closed
Now, don't get me wrong, I also make mistakes. A lot, as a matter of fact, but it's always nice to be told when I do so I can avoid making them in the future.
Okay fine. It's cute. I'll be interested to see if the doll is actually alive now or Twilight has just made Big Mac perceive it to be alive.
Oh HELL Big Mac, ya dun goofed~!
Take my Upthumb, Fave, Track. Hell, take it all.
Spike Nathaniel Sparkle?
So Spike is Twilight's son in this one too?
This is SO going to backfire on Twilight. Either the doll goes crazy, or Big Mac comes to enjoy the idea of being a "father".
Though it is nice to see a fresh look on the "Big mac and Smartypants" concept.
2415610
I would give this so much yes, but there is no childplay in this so far. And Big Mac isn't a child either.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that Smarty's gonna call Twilight "Mom".
God dang man! This whole thing is one HUGE sentence without any punctuation!
Other than a few more grammatical hiccups, you have my tracking radars on full alert.
2416272 If the author is really clever and apt we won't be able to tell which is which until the very end.
What a great concept, I will admit that. And certainly original. I'd love to read this. However, I feel that there are a lot of grammar issues that will turn people away, such as me. Look at this one paragraph:
That whole first sentence hurt to read. Here, along with many other places, were run-on sentences.
All over the story contained numerous fragments, punctuation errors, and even some capitalization errors. As much as I love how the idea sounds, the execution, in terms of mechanics, is too poor for me to want any more. I'm sure your editing is doing whatever they can--editing is hard; I should know--but it's not really enough. Two editors can certainly never hurt.
EDIT: I apologize for basically replying what several people have said. I normally don't read other people's comments. Anyways, I saw that this is now "edited." It... doesn't look edited to me. I'm sorry, but I still notice things that are out of place. Though the above paragraph is fixed, not everything is, and as a grammar nerd, I just want to ask something.
Please, I mean no disrespect to your editor. However, I am asking if you would like me to help, as well. I'd like to help edit this story, as well, because like I said, I like where this to go. It just needs a little more help. I am so annoyingly carping on grammar, this would be perfect for a nerd like me!
I'm not complaining for myself because I didn't even notice, and don't exactly care about it... but you probably should get a second proofreader or have your current one look over it multiple times. Good story line though. I'm looking forward to the next chapters.
What a story Spark... nanator. Anyways, Big Mac, how is your sex life?
Hmm, nice and original concept to the story. Whenever Smartypants is involved in stories, it is usually used as a plot device of sorts, for romance or focus on something similar that involves with Twilight. It's refreshing to see stubbornness side of Big Mac that is directed to the Mane6, as he is acting too possessive for the doll, for it gives us a different angle on Mac as he is aimed to be a quiet and/or humble for a character.
Initially, you had me given me the impression that it's going to be a romance story between Big Mac and the doll that is miraculously brought to life by Twilight. Seeing that the doll has called her daddy, I imagine the romance is going to focus on Big Mac's lovelife on someone else, and that the doll may or may not intervene to complicate things.
This begs the question what is the extent of the spell that Twilight casted that is intended to cause trouble to Big Mac in the long run of things, for she is known to either got the wrong spell or maybe even overpowered the spell. Will it work against her as Mac gets connected to the doll like a loving parent and will their be side-effects where everyone who see's the doll will find it animated as well? Or better yet, how heartbroken will Big Mac be when the doll, once animated to act like his daughter, is turned back to normal in his eyes? Surely the time spent would had formed some sort of emotional connection between the two characters.
Who knows, but the story idea sounds pretty cute, so you got my interest. I can't wait to see what happens in the next chapter. Keep up the good work man.
2416064
Wow mate, this certainly got popular.
It appears your editors... aren't the best.
A lot of people are turning your story down due to this, and I'd be glad to help if you needed one.
I'm an editor for some other stories out there as well.
So, send me a PM if you are interested in having me as an editor.
-Twilight
*Sees the word Daddy*
OH FUCK! YOU GOOFED SON!
"Daddy wake up!"
... Well....fuck
You have peeked my curiosity with this. The idea is very original and it has good pacing. Big Mac keeping Smarty Pants even when Twilight asks makes me laugh. So this is on my to read list and I will see if it stays as good.
2414145 Could you point me to that story?
2422625
Please?
Me too,
2422625 Sorry, but I can't remember the title right now, if I find it, I'll let you know. It also might have been canceled or deleted since I last red it (last year),but, who knows.
you have my interests in this story