On a good day, Alchemiracles remained standing. On a bad day, something happened that ensured the local salt bar had plenty of patrons. Today was a bad day. In fact, nopony could even see the shop without getting close, as Arca had cast a powerful illusion out to the Arca limit to make the shop disappear. Inside his shop though, he had just finished barricading the windows and doors. Twice.
Unfortunately, that did not seem to deter a certain mare, as a series of knocks rang out from the front door.
“Arcie-poo, come out and say hello to your marefriend~”
Razzle Dazzle stood on the front porch, her tail wagging excitedly. “I know you're in there, my love.”
“Sorry, we're closed today! Nopony is home! Uh… this is an automated message!”
Razzle pouted. “But I needed a potion from my Arcie-Warkie!”
An annoyed sigh came from the other side of the door. A light clip-clop of hooves could be heard trotting into the back of the shop, promptly returning amidst a grumble or two. With no warning, a saw poked through the wall, and began sawing out a small circle at face height. With a decent amount of force, an orange furred foreleg punched the circle out of the wall, and slapped a sticky note above the new hole that read ‘Fly-through window’ in hastily scribbled letters. Arca glared at Razzle through the hole in the wall.
“Ugh… Welcome to Alchemiracles, your one stop shop for potions, lotions, tinctures, and any other medicine you can think to drink. How can I help you?” Even the usual greeting Arca did seemed forced, as though he was trying to say ‘floof off and don't come back.’
“Oh, Arcie, it's TERRIBLE! I've fallen madly in love with a stallion and he won't return my affections!” Razzle held a hoof to her forehead in mock despair. “Please, don't you have potion to help me? Or maybe a kiss~” she puckered her lips and closed her eyes, leaning forward for a passionate lip-lock…
Only for Aca to shove a potion into her mouth. Except he put it in the wrong way, leaving her lips suctioned onto the rounded bottom of the bottle, and the top poking out towards the shop.
“There. One anti-love curse potion. Now go away.”
Razzle blinked once, twice, then spit the bottle out of her mouth. It clattered to the ground as she began whining. “But Arcie, it's not a curse!”
Arca glared at her through the hole. “That depends on who you ask.”
“What do you mean, my love?” Razzle pouted, giving her best ‘sad puppy dog’ eyes.
“Well, you pestering me sure seems like a curse to me! And I curse at you from time to time! Oh, and one other thing…” He motioned for Razzle to move closer. She gasped happily, closed her eyes, and leaned in for a kiss…
“I'M NOT YOUR COLTFRIEND!!”
Razzle was knocked backwards as Arca shouted at her through a megaphone behind the wall. Even her mane whipped about from the magical wind used to amplify his voice. This, naturally, led her to panic slightly. “Oh no, my mane! Arcie, quick, is it still okay? This is an emergency!” She ran her hooves around her mane in a rush as she looked left and right to see if anypony else was around.
Behind the wall, Arca sighed. “Ugh. Don't worry Jezebel, I still can't see them unless I focus really hard. If you keep moving your mane around, though, they might end up visible.”
Razzle breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness. And my name is Razzle Dazzle now, Arcie. I'm a supermodel now~” She tried to strike a sexy pose to impress her crush, but was promptly clonked in the head with… “Arca, why did you just throw garlic at me?”
“Why didn't that work? Ugh, GO AWAY!!”
“That only works on vamponies, my silly future husband. You can't run me off with-” another small object bounced off her muzzle, causing her to scrunch her muzzle a bit. “...a condom? That won't work either, unless... are you finally propositioning me, love?”
“Go away, you floofing succupony! I didn't want anything 350 years ago, and I don't want anything now!” Arca pulled a lever on the inside of the shop labelled ‘no solicitors’, and the entire front porch sprung up at an angle and launched Razzle several feet away. Razzle quickly managed to get to her hooves. Arca took notice and lamented the situation aloud. “Aw, buck me, are you still there?”
Razzle's eyes shone like the sun itself, a smile of pure joy spreading across her face. “You really mean it? You want me to-”
“Not what I meant, Jezebel! Go tempt somepony else or something! This is what, your twenty-fifth different pony disguise? Surely you have somepony else to go have fun with!”
She steeled herself and shook a hoof at Alchemiracles. “Just you wait, Arcane Catalyst! You're the only stallion for me! I'll be back, you WILL marry me, and we WILL live happily ever after, forever and ever!” As she turned and walked away with an air of dignity and her head held high at having the last word, she added one last thing under her breath, that even somepony with an ear to her lips would struggle to hear.
“Because even though it used to be different, I really do love you… I have ever since you saved my life. And one of these days, I'll be yours and you'll be mine!”
She seems to be just as crazy...so maybe?
9430435
If only she was the sort of crazy he could tolerate!
This has been recommended to me for three straight months now. Should I be concerned?
And we have another immortal on our hands. As if the Duck wasn't bad enough...
9430443
NO?
9430443
Yes. This story does not deserve to reccomended.
Also this story is not three months old. How has it been reccomended for so long?
I love the idea of trying to ward off succubus with condoms
So, she a Changeling Queen or something? I suspected she was a Changeling when she didn't like others touching her, but do they count as immortals?
9426990
uh no.
What is this, an immortality bargain sale?
9430463
no shes a succubus I think they are immortal.
9430479
Nah, Arca and
RazzleJez are the only ones you'll be seeing that aren't canon. Besides, the only kind of thing that could bother Arca is something he can't wait out. Emerald, for instance, is mortal so eventually she won't be an issue.Arca hates getting involved in the hidden world of immortals, small as it is. He has a shop to run, damnit!
...is it a problem I made three immortalsin one story?
9430499
I couldn’t help but notice that you didn’t add The Duck in that list of non canon immortals...
9430515
Whoops.
That or it's become so powerful it put itself in mlp csnon
9430499
Only if you don't show us her backstory. That last bit in the chapter made surprising strides into making her a multidimensional character.
9430527
Have I disappointed in that regard yet? Be patient, and I'll talk... eventually. Enjoy her shenanigans for now.
9430452
It has probably something to do with Arca, The Duck, and an rediculous amount, even by Arca's standards, of cool whip.
9430485
Hm. I figured the succupony part was an insult on Arca's part, but if she's an actual one... interesting.
9430565
they are powerful.
I have a strange feeling that either he's right in saying she's a succubus, or somehow that mad lad made another philosopher's stone, and she got it.
9430521
The way Jezebel behaves seems to be a mix of Xian Pu and Lum Invader.
Jezebel? That's not an auspicious name...
9430756
THE DUCK, RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
9430499
I like stories where the main characters are, or become immortal, so it's fine.
9430962
Me too! I have a crippling fear of death! Hahaha!
9431036
Lol
9430756
Take a like, I did NOT expect that!
Chowder reference?
9430802 After she got thrown out a window, run over by a chariot, and eaten by a pack of dogs such that only her skull and the palms of her hands and feet remained.... she ended up in Equestria.
...
Well, admittedly it's NOT the weirdest HiE origin story I've read.
9431394
That's. . . completely true. I have seen stranger origins for a visitor. Huh.
9431384
Yes!
9431398 Yeah. There was this one guy who ended up in Equestria after jumping off a bridge because his crack-addict girlfriend dumped him for Ryan Reynolds.
https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/600294/a-displeased-minific-d
9431432
That was, surprisingly amusing. Though I wonder if there's ever been such a story that you did like? The exception that proves the rule, as it were? How about This? It manages to avoid or subvert nearly every trope of the genre.
so he got an probable imortal possible sucubus after him?
Only Arca...
9432061
I like how its only been 30k words and already everyone loves the cast and also has the same 'just another day' attitude towards Arca's shenanigans.
9431499 I'll check it out. I've never seen that story before. None of the ones that ever made it to the feature box long enough for me to notice them were even passable.
You are a beautiful person for writing this, I hope you know that.
9432064
Arca is a surprisingly endearing OC that's very easy to like.
You did good work there.
(comes back with a very large bucket of popcorn) this will end up being very entertaining.
9430452
That's why I'm concerned.
She needs to see Cadance.
9432064
That just shows how good you are at creating stories with good characters and plot.
Definitely getting those Chowder vibes.
9434590
Vibes are correct
I'm getting a changeling type feel here.
But srsly that line after the garlic:
DYING ANGRY HORSE NOISES.
These undying ponies are a dime a dozen these days. And a duck.
Jezebel obviously doesn't know him enough. The way to his heart is through the duck, silly pony.
I ship it. I ship it HARD.
Though how is she able to live so long?! O.O
9455108
Lots more people are shipping it than expected. But who's to say it was her that was after Arca all those years ago? It might be somepony else.
Well technically it's my say, but I'm still working on it.