The mane list
The back door of Sugarcube corner swung open weakly, before falling off its hinges with a sad thud. Trotting down the back steps was Arca, being walked out politely by Pinkie.
"That," Arca grinned at his companion, "was some of the most fun I've had in years. You really know how to cut loose and take chances when it comes to recipes!"
Pinkie giggled, pulling her new friend close into a hug. "Aw, that's what I'm best at! Making ponies happy. Like, I can tell you must have used a flight potion to get around, because I can feel wings under your lab coat!"
"...r-right. Flying potion." Arca looked away slightly. He was used to having his wings, but he still disliked them, seeing them more like a deformity than a blessing due to the initial reaction hundreds of years ago. To be fair, after Celestia claimed he had simply made a temporary wing potion, he had quickly invented one to make the story seem real.
Pinkie, meanwhile, felt her new friend's immediate change in attitude, and quickly realized she'd accidentally stepped on an old wound. She hugged him a little closer. "Hey, hey. Wait a second. No, that was definitely not wings. You must just have some books under that coat."
Arca and Pinkie locked eyes for a second. He knew she was lying. And the look on her face told him she knew he knew she was lying. But the fact that Pinkie was willing to accept his lie and not press further made him relax instantly. Maybe Celestia was right, he thought. Ponies are more accepting now, after so long.
"Soooooo," Pinkie booped her snout against Arca's. "What were those potions we added to the cupcakes, anyway?"
"Oh, right! I almost forgot!" The stallion reached into his bag and pulled out a very old-looking journal and began writing in it while speaking. "We mixed in a mane growth potion, an enlarging potion, and a potion of instant cupcake. That's why our manes grew into a two-story tall cupcake shape, which then produced an actual cupcake! Thank you for reminding me. I almost forgot to write it down on my list."
"Your list?"
"Yeah, this book here has all of my 4,576 failed attempts at a working mane growth potion written down. Most are just 'too much' or something similar, but I've had quite a few interesting ones."
"Can you read me some?" Pinkie asked while scooching up next to Arca again. She was overjoyed to see his mood back to normal. "I love stories! But I only have so much free time, so skip to the good ones!"
"Sure!"
-Date unknown. It's been a week since Princess-Boss and Moon-Princess-Boss found the elements of harmony and put the world back to normal. Things are starting to recover. And I finally got my lab unlocked! Who knew those new cannons were so effective at opening doors? Anyway, I've decided to use this to write down any and all failures of Mane Growth potions, so that one day when I do get it right, I can look back and laugh. -Arcane Catalyst, Royal Alchemist.
-Attempt 1: Nothing happened. Whatever this fancy white flower is didn't do anything.
-Attempt 4: Accidentally made my chest fluff grow instead, larger than my own body.
-Attempt 15: Made a single strand of hair on my mane grow as intended. Upping dosage by 60,000 impossible, deemed failure.
-Attempt 16: Made all hairs on my mane grow 1/60,000 of intended length. Deemed failure, see previous reason.
-Attempt 27: Unintentional side effect, gave Celestia, Luna, and myself multicolored, wavy manes and tails. Effect appears permanent for the princesses, likely due to excess magic. Thankfully I'm just a unicorn. (Addendum: Past Me, if only you knew.)
-Attempt 33: Princess-Boss's assistant was not happy when his mustache moved to his neck. His wife, the local clothes maker, made cloth replicas and called them bow ties so he wouldn't stand out.
-Attempt 40: Tripped while out for a walk, spilled potion into a patch of blue flowers in the everfree. Effect unknown, presumed failure.
-Attempt 055: Hair of test subject detached, before transmuting into a… uh… something. A something that wasn't round. But I can't remember anything else. (Addendum: later given to a funny-looking biped named Bright for safekeeping, biped disappeared through a portal. He seemed trustworthy because he was wearing a lab coat.)
-Attempt 69: Effect was, according to the test subject, nice, but not intended effect.
-Attempt 72: Experiment interrupted due to forced evacuation of the castle. Something about eternal night.
-Attempt 73: Mixed juice in a bucket to feel better about myself after losing my lab in the damage. Surprisingly, mixed juice caused my hair to turn into feathers for a few hours. If I call it a mane growth potion, does it automatically fail?
-Attempt 106: Turned hair into flowers, thought I got swamp fever again, required therapy.
-Attempt 125: Celebrated making a philosopher's stone by adding a piece of it (my blood) to the mix. Resulting smoke cloud made all nearby ponies' tails turn into butt afros.
-Attempt 148: Grew hair! On my wings wings of the test subject.
-Attempt 192: No.
-Attempt 193: No but worse.
-Attempt 238: All ponies who drank the sample had their manes detach like wigs. I have a small wig collection now.
-Attempt 253: Mane grew mouths and sang opera badly. Returned to normal after finishing the entirety of La Trotviata.
-Attempt 299: Test subject's mane sprang to life before potion was drunk, grabbed potion, flung it away. Unsure of results.
-Attempt 365: Test subject had hairs in their mane grow, but grow wider. Results similar to dreadlocks.
-Attempt 404:
-Attempt 420: Mare… what if, what if I'm always making the right mane growth potion, but I'm never giving it to the right pony? Making food because I'm oddly hungry.
-Attempt 523: Strands of test subject's mane absorb water like a sponge and grow. Result: clogged every pipe in the castle.
-Attempt 600: Tested on self again, mane turned into a crocheted copy of myself, who I fought for dominance in an epic game of Go Fish. I won.
-Attempt 666: Attempted recipe with new apprentice Razzle, accidentally made her mane a copy of mine instead of her old black-and-red mane. Only notable difference is that hers cannot photosynthesize like I can. (Addendum: she seems ecstatic over it, so… potion successful? It seems permanent too. At least she can style it differently.)
-Attempt 700: Mixed in magic rainbow fluid from recently-founded Rainbow falls. Zebras apparently got offended when turned into rainbow zebras.
-Attempt 777: Mane proceeded to produce coins, firing them at high enough speed to shatter glass. All coins found to be decently-convincing counterfeits.
-Attempt 816: Mixed in some metal just to see what would happen. Accidentally created concept for steel wool.
-Attempt 911: Drank the wrong way, choked, went to Rainbow Falls hospital. Doctor said the xray of my lungs was 'fuzzy'. (Addendum: problem resolved itself when potion wore off. Had hairballs for a few hours though.)
-Attempt 999: Begged to the gods to grant me one right formula. Result: potion worked perfectly on the right side of head, left side unaffected.
-Attempt 3,999: Test subject's mane grew limbs and gave me a sympathy hug.
-Attempt 4,013: Accidentally inspired popular Power Ponies character, Mane-iac
-Attempt 4,577: Mixed with potion of instant cupcake and enlarging potion using the Meringue method, manes produced a giant, delicious cupcake.
Pinkie got up from her position lounging in the grass. "You missed a few thousand. You holding out on me? Or did you run out of funny ideas?"
"No," Arca replied, "...well, yes, I suppose, but that way I can read you more next time. Plus, I've got places to be. I heard there's a really good seamstress in this town, and I wanted to get something special for a few of my friends."
"Aw, that's so sweet! Of course I know where it is. Go look for the building with a carousel design, can't miss it! But now I gotta get back to baking and cleaning up debris. Bye, friend! Stop by anytime you want a snack!"
"Oh, no wonder I couldn't find the ticket booth for that ride! Thanks Pinkie, and see you around!"
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Oh my gosh. He made so much by accident it's nuts. Love the references.
Forgot the strikethrough code here.
For the record, you can just buy labcoats.
wow. ...... jest ......... wow. how many times did it happen in a very strange way???
10929894
All of them.
"WANNA TRY ONE?!"
ARCA NO
But can either man or beast withstand the strength of the potions from this potion seller?
Please get twilight involved
So Arca is responsible for Poison Joke. I'd be surprised, but this is Arcane Catalyst we're talking about, it tracks.
You have my like for reference to some foundation that secured this item.
Reminder that Dr. Bright is not allowed to secure scp objects from alternate realities.
Butt afros
Attempt 404: Attempt not found
That makes WAY too much sense
10929920
Overruled. Given his security clearance, he needs to be able to read anything Alexylva University mails us. -O5-██
Item #: SCP-6232 - The Alchemist
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Dr.Bright is never to be allowed within 50 Meters of the Interdimensional Portal without supervision. All Attempts to use the Portal to contact SCP-6232 are to be stopped and reprimanded. Due to SCP-6232 being in another dimension, no more containment procedures are necessary.
Description: SCP-6232 is a bright orange unicorn stallion with a purple and yellow mane, he is described as "eccentric", and is known to act in crazy and insane ways. SCP-6232 is practically immortal, and unable to be killed, because of this he seems to have no sense of danger or self preservation. SCP-6232 apparently is also very childish, know to act on spontaneous wants, and to be extremely lacking on common knowledge about social cues and biological functions, despite his also extremely old age.
10929970
10929919
I love that Iv'e had Arca do enough crazy stuff that at this point, I can say "oh yeah he also did [insert official mlp canon item]" and you all go "oh, ok."
10930006
Dibs on SCP-6232, since it's my actual first name on a phone dialpad, but reversed.
Kind of surprised attempt number 42 didn't show up.
In attempt 816, was the test subject a sheep?
If Rarity tries to take his lab coat there will be problems
10930024
At this point, Arca's responsible for anything
10929895
i dought it would work on us diamond dogs anyway.
Nice.
10930058
Yeah, Arca is super responsible. When something goes wrong, he's usually responsible.
Dear Razzle Dazzle,
You want Arca to realize you want to be his special somepony? Firstly, you need to get him to actually realize what that is. He might be over a millennium old, but he has less understanding of romance than a colt. I suggest getting him to read book on the topic. If that fails, go ask his mother how to get through his thick skull.
10930189
Is everyone shipping them?
I'll be honest. I ship them. But I'm not sure if bringing them together would be good.
Maybe as a finale, then open a book 2?
Who knows, I got time. And plenty of ideas.
10930171
"Princess Celestia, Sombra is back and is using the [insert magical artifact] to take over Equestria!"
"Oh, really? Arcane made that artifact. I'mm go ask him what the counterspell is."
Must have been before the Foundation added that rule to Dr Brights list of things he's not allowed to do. Guessing it's because of what he brought back XD
The Foundation would consider Equestria 'Contained' but they might look at the place as a disposal site for some of the more dangerous SCP's.
10930311
Someone tell Arca that SCP-682 is not to be used as an 'infinite ingredients machine'.
Wait, what?
10930582
I swear I've brought this up a few times...
Arca, if you recall, was adopted by Mage Meadowbrook after contracting swamp fever. However, his case was so serious that even once cured, some chlorophyl remained in his system from his time truning into a plant. This is reflected in his green eyes, which were once brown. As a result, Arca has minor photosynthetic abilities. Not anywhere near enough to live off of, but he could easily skip lunch if he spent the day in direct sunlight. Plus, it helps keep his energy topped off.
10930386
I think that goes on the "Things Dr. Bright is not allowed to do" list.
10930751
To quote directly from the list of things dr. Bright is not allowed to do:
-SCP-682 is not an 'infinite hamburgers machine'.
10930638
I know he has had swamp fever, I guess I just forgot about its after-effects.
10930761
what about SCP-261? the crazy cool vending machine?
10931672
Ooo, that's one of my personal favorite scps!
10931756
same here.
hey guys quick question.
should we introduce Arca to SCP-294 so that he can make the right mane growth potion??
10932089
I mean, Arca and Bright met each other and both our universe didn’t explode. Soooo, I guess it would be alright? The SCP foundation might be the biggest roadblock though, they have their hands full with one Bright. The O5 council might actually cry if we told them they were getting a second one.
Arca and Rarity?!?!? Oh no! What will happen to her fabulous mane?
10933065
"You look for gems, huh? And your tail looks like a drill. ...hey, I got an idea!"
10933085
may celestia and luna have merci on rarity's tail.
10932835
10 >1 says they jest might jump off a cliff face.
Attempt #193: Alondro.
Attempt 42: see attached picture (AKA my pfp)