Memo to the trade exchange vendors
Hello and welcome, trader, to the wonderful town of Rainbow falls! We are delighted to receive your RSVP and your spot in the annual trade exchange this spring has been confirmed. Attached to this letter, you will find a map of the expected trade exchange bazaar as well as which stall you will be running.
While the trade exchange is going on, there are a few extra rules beyond the normal ones that the town operates on. For starters, modern currency of any kind is not allowed to be used for trades. Antique coins are allowed. Any trade must be agreed upon as fair by both parties, and disputes are to be handled by the attending princess.
Most importantly, though, if you plan to wear a lab coat for any reason to the event, (with one exception. You know who you are, Arca) you must apply at town hall for a ‘Not Arca’ tag so that there is no confusion. See the photo of the stallion attached? That is Arcane Catalyst, a resident of Rainbow Falls never seen without his lab coat. As he has accidentally circumvented rules in the past, anypony assumed to be Mr. Catalyst may be asked to prove they are not in disguise to prevent any shenanigans.
Arca, I've attached the extra rules. Please read them, and also put in an order for 50 healing potions for city hall. Bill the town, not me this time! -Silver
-Arca may not trade or receive any of the following objects. Doing so results in the trade being automatically null and void and a fine put on Arca's running tab. Arca may not trade:
Unmarked potions, mismarked potions, anything relating to the Power Ponies franchise, potatoes, potahtoes, tomatoes, tomahtoes, I.O.U.s, U.O.Me.s, favors, low-velocity explosives high-velocity explosives ANY explosives, any alcohol, juniper berries, the pony known as Juniper Berry, any of Juniper's trading supplies, rainbow fluid, Rainbow Falls (how did he even manage that?), anything that Arca cannot identify, The Duck, mystery boxes, the sofa couch cushions fort, live animals, dead animals, UNdead animals, any animal in a quantum state of alive and dead (again, HOW), and the acting princess's ceremonial throne, regardless of how funny Celestia thought it was to have to do the exchange on an old barstool. Also, barstools.
-Fake mustaches are NOT disguises, especially if they still have the tag hanging off of them. Then it's just insulting to the guards.
-Arca may not partake in any carnival games involving darts any sharp object.
-"A foal double dog dared me to” is not a valid excuse for pouring twenty gallons of liquid sugar into a cotton candy machine. The park is still sticky in some spots.
-It is also not a valid excuse to do any morally questionable activity.
-Or any activity.
-Putting a whoopee cushion on Mayor Silver's chair at the banquet was funny exactly once, please do not try again.
-Not allowed to put anything on Mayor Silver's chair at the banquet ever
-No playing with the ‘test your magic power’ game. Not even if the stuffed animal prizes ‘call to you’.
-No playing the ‘test your might’ game without at least 5 magic suppressing rings active.
-Offering ‘your strongest potion’ to any adventurers heading into battle requires a permit for causing natural disasters. (Why Arca has one, I'll never know)
-Do not try to pluck the feathers off the princess tourists birds at the exchange anything for potion ingredients any reason.-Even if I ask nicely?
-No, and Arca may not edit THIS list, either.
-Not allowed to dare any performer to ‘amp up their act’ and then suggest a more dangerous variation. Especially if Arca can't do it himself.
-The following are not considered projectile or melee weapons against thieves during the exchange, or ever:
Paper airplanes, trade merchandise, potions, explosives, the entire couch cushion fort, a llama, two llamas, ANY amount of llamas other than zero, food, bits (that just encourages them), anything from any carnival game involving sharp objects, Mayor Silver, sticks, stones, mean words written on a crumpled up piece of paper, the cheese, Arcane Catalyst, town hall, Arca’s homemade pizza (we don't want to torture anypony, for Celestia's sake), the severed leg of that giant spider, Juniper Berry ANY berry, especially the pony, the physical manifestation of Arca's dignity (as it doesn't exist, it wouldn't do anything anyway), lasers, lazers, MOAR LAZORS, sick dance moves, frozen peas, anything preceded by “I've got an idea!” or any variant of said phrase, stress balls, Arca's ADHD medicine (yes, it is heavy enough, but he needs that, even if he claims otherwise), the princess any royal STOP THROWING PONIES, ARCA!
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Ah, there's the obligatory "potion seller" reference.
9370168
Honestly? I never even saw that clip until it was brought to my attention here, so I shoehorned it in.
I had a good chuckle.
Also, just a heads up:
I suspect it should be
9370212
Fixed.
Please excuse me while I go glare at my editor.
Oh wait I floofed up the strikethroughs, not my editor. Uh... please excuse me while I glare at myself in the mirror.
Sounds like Arca's getting the dr bright treatment.
9370250
I have to admit it's the inspiration for this bit, but unlike dr. Bright, Arca cares about the town and its residents.
He just doesn't know when to show it correctly, or when to hold his power back (remember that spider?), so he depends on others to give him guidelines to keep him from destroying his town.
Plus it's hilarious to imagine what led to these rules being put in place.
9370267
Additional note: Arca is not allowed anywhere near the dimensional anomaly by the name 'Dr. Bright's
Last time those two were in the same room together, they traumatized Cthulu.
Mayor Silver: WHAT? Who is responsible for that? Well, I shall go to Arca and inform him that his being on the committee is rescinded, and there will be a vote at the next town council meeting to remove him from there as well.
If this story follows or is in the same universe as Prank war, think you can do a crossover chapter that has Arca and Nick for a Prank?
9370330
Maybe Arca getting off the committee would work, but Arca's been on the city council for years. That vote would never pass and Silver knows it.
9370178
Personally I think the faces make it more memorable than the voices.
Colour me intrigued.
9370429
Please refer to the previous set of rules regarding The Duck.
Also nopony knows how Arca actually managed to AQUIRE The Duck that one time, and are even less sure why he decided to throw it.
9370231
At first I thought i was floofed, but then I laughed.
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I never quite took arca to be an ass just found it funny that it was most likely a list that will constantly grow much like brights.
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I SOWWY
Wonderful. It reminds me of Schadenfreude's list.
Arca has AD/HD
That explains....
A lot actually.
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A joke I often say is "Look, I've got a lot of things wrong in my head. ADD, ADHD, OCD, ABCDEFG..."
Everyone thinks the princess is the strongest there is.
But no one has survived "Arca's shop is gone and there's no spare one ready yet" Arca.
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"No problem, I'll just make a potion to help the builders work faster! Juniper, meet me in the... lab.
Oh.
HEY MAYOR SILVER, CAN I BORROW YOUR KITCHEN FOR LIKE A WEEK?"
9370429
I wonder if The Duck is actually the Demon Duck from 'El Goonish Shive'.
This only reinforces my beleif that Arca is actually a ponified version of DR. BRIGHT
9371244
No, I came up with an in-universe, completely origional, 100% Arca totally would do that because of course he would, backstory for The Duck.
Technically he's not allowed to talk about it, maybe if somepony he trusted completely and utterly asked about it, though...
Honestly these rules are basically MY rules for school xD
9370896
Heh.
I kind of want to see Arca and Juniper meeting any of the Main 6, or maybe Luna.
9371933
Well, do recall that a princess must be in attendance for the trade exchange...
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Uh oh.
If it's Twilight, she's gonna go even more crazy.
Well... this is one of the odder fics I've read.
9373292
As it should be! We aim for short, comedic sketches here. Mainly because I lose focus before I can type a long chapter- oooh, look! A pony!
Please say we get a entire chapter on the trade exchange? I sooo want to read about that
I get it, I get it
may be you shoud include turtles on that list
Randomreader: you mean for tank
... Yeaaaaah tank; don't want to make the little engine on that propeller of his to explode or anything
It does also remind me of the Things X-COM Operatives are not allowed to do list, if you enjoy this kind of thing.
This reminds me of the list of things dr. Bright not allowed to do in the scp wiki
sounds like a challenge
Something tells me he’d be able to throw completely empty air at a thief, have it hit like something was actually there, and everyone sees that empty air was llama shaped.
.......all these lists have me worried about what would happen if Arca somehow got involved with Xcom and their crazy antics...
These chapters are just fantastic. I've never enjoyed just a chapter of lists before so much.. probably because it's a dozen mini incidents in one, especially the strikeouts
Throwing the princesses
which one was it I need to know?
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It had to be celestia, as Luna has yet to least the exchange and Cadance was too young
There are no words to properly describe how I feel after reading this list o.o;
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I scrolled through the comments just to see if anyone else got the reference. Nice!
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I to, have never found myself imagining a story from just merely a list. Excellent work.
How do you throw yourself unless arca figured out Starlight's flight spell
I could imagine if Princess Celestia was thrown by Arca, she'd be less mad about it than repositioning herself for optimal theif tackling velocity:
THEIF: Pffh, I don't what everypony at the guild was afraid of. That orange, 70's disco freak couldn't match my cunning even if I went easy on hi-...what in Tartar-
Celestia: CHOO CHOO, MOTHERFLOOF-
*From a distance, you could see the dust cloud from the impact reaching 100 feet over the buildings before dying down*
I'm coming into this story late, but Arca reminds me of Dr. Bright. Especially with chapters like these. I haven't read the XCOM ones, but this almost sounds like it's straight from "Things Dr. Bright is NOT allowed to do at the SCP Foundation"
The Things Dr Bright is not allowed to do
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That is what these lists are based on, yes.
I feel like arca is the mlp equivalent of Dr. Bright from scp
Edit: Made this comment before reading the others and it turns out someone else already said this
11294488
Hey, no worries! Bravo for connecting the dots, there. Amd I hope you're enjoying the story thus far!