Baby, you're a firework
Arcane Catalyst was having a bit of a busy day. Razzle was back in town, and while he still didn't understand why saving her life multiple times made her interested in him, she was still a good friend when she wasn't trying anything crazy.
That was his job, after all.
But, but! He'd misplaced the letter she'd sent with a note on which train she'd be arriving on. So naturally the only solution was to sit at the train station. All day. And wait.
"...and then we get rid of her for good with this."
Arca's ears perked up. Someone was talking under the train platform! Finally, something interesting.
"Are you sure we can kill her with this much? We don't know how strong demon ponies are."
"It'll be enough, trust me. This much will send that whorse back to tartarus. Now help me move this crate. Razzle Dazzle won't live to see the- urk-"
Arca narrowed his eyes, having heard more than enough to cast a spell to freeze both ponies in place, along with a third who hadn't spoken yet. He warped in under the floorboards, glaring at the three ponies with an intensity most would never see from the usually whimsical, aloof potion maker. "For the record, even if you did 'kill' her, she'd just end up back in Tartarus and find her way out. Secondly…" His horn lit, warping the ponies to the Canterlot dungeons along with a note to Celestia explaining the situation. "...no hurting my friends."
Arca let out a sigh. Why would anypony be so mean? He hoped Celestia might understand, as he just couldn't think of a reason why anypony would want to harm Razzle. What would be next, ponies thinking timberwolves were dangerous? He turned around and came face to face with a large wooden crate. "Now, what have we here…" the alchemist squinted to read the writing on the crate in the darkness under the platform. "...high velocity explosives? So these things go really fast, then explode?"
"AWESOME! Celestia never lets me play with fireworks! I should go set these up!"
On a normal day, the Rainbow Falls Luxury Spa was somewhat quiet. Yes, they had treatments nowhere else had thanks to the rainbow liquid the town was famous for, but as a fairly out-of-the-way town, most clients were locals seeking relief from the tediums of day to day life, relaxation from sore muscles, or a long soak in the hot tub to forget whatever nonsense a certain resident caused on a near-weekly basis. Today, however, was not a normal day. Today, instead, the spa was booked solid and news reporters were swarming outside. After all, one of the world's most famous supermodels, the Razzle Dazzle, was having a spa day there today.
For the few not in the know, Razzle was, and still is, on the cover of several fashion magazines a month. A supermodel among supermodels, her light blue, almost white coat fell perfectly in line with her purple-and-orange mane and tail. But for the last few months, her popularity had soared: after a few loose-lipped aides (who were promptly fired, mind you) had blabbed, the whole world knew that her beauty was a bit more supernatural than many once thought. While the princesses had smoothed over the worst of it with some well-timed statements, Razzle Dazzle, or as she was once called, Jezebel, was the last known succupony, a race of love demons from the depths of Tartarus who were the ancestors to the changelings. In truth, the news made her even more desirable, and she was swatting down proposals and fans who had read one too many wish-fulfillment love stories left, right, and center.
After all, she had already given her heart and soul to another, and that was the only stallion for her. Razzle closed her eyes as she sunk deeper into the hot tub full of rainbow liquid, wondering what that undeniably wonderful, attractive, one-of-a-kind dreamboat of hers was doing right now…
On a hill outside of town, Arca had quietly set up the crate full of fireworks he'd found. This was going to be amazing! He loved fireworks, and so rarely got to see them. That being said, he was surprised he'd managed to get this crate all the way out of town without a guard at least lecturing him about safety. They must have been busy with whatever was going on at the spa right now. Still, a few minutes to launch these fireworks, and then Arca could get back to waiting for Razzle to show up! Lighting the fuse, he could only think about how much fun this was going to be, and how smart he was.
And the fuse kept burning, into the crate, and nothing happened.
"Wait, what? Nonono, there's no way it's a dud!" Arca galloped over and pried the lid off the crate, looking at the smoke from the fuse burning somewhere deep inside the pile of fireworks. He still didn't understand why they didn't look like fireworks, maybe it was a new model?
"Come on! Launch! There's supposed to be a big kaboom, and then a colorful explosion! WHERE IS MY BIG KA-"
Boom
Razzle Dazzle shot up in the rainbow hot tub, suddenly alert. What was that noise? It sounded like a distant explosion.
"Miss Dazzle! Miss Dazzle! I'm Front Page, a reporter for Vague magazine. We've heard rumors you took a part-time job at a potion shop here in Rainbow Falls. Care to tell us why? Is the celebrity life getting too hard for you?"
Razzle turned and glared at the reporter pony with all the anger she could muster. Not only was that a ridiculously insulting question, but she had specifically requested her bodyguards to ensure she was not disturbed! "Listen up, you. I don't know how you got in here, but you'd better get out of here before I get mad."
"But the public wants to know!"
Razzle growled at the stallion, her fangs visible for a half second. "I. Am. Trying. To. Relax. Now get out before I force you out myself."
"You wouldn't dare!"
Razzle's ears perked up. There was another sound, and it was getting louder. It almost sounded like-
Ah.
"...You are right, Mr. Front Page. I wouldn't dare. But you may want to back up a few steps regardless."
"...why?"
"Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
CRASH
Outside, it suddenly became very easy to tell who was from out of town. Not a single resident of Rainbow Falls so much as flinched when a pony-sized fireball was launched from across town and crashed through the roof of the spa, yelling as though it was enjoying itself. Every out-of-towner ran in terror.
Inside, Razzle lowered the pre-emptive shield spell she had cast to avoid debris. Stepping over a few ruined boards, she approached where Arca had landed with a rather sickening thud moments before. Picking the soot-covered, semi-dazed pony up, she gave him a big hug for helping her escape that nosy reporter. "My hero."
"Ah'm a pretty pretty firewerk…" Arca stammered out, still dizzy from the impact.
"My pretty pretty firework." And she kissed him on the lips, gently but with an obvious passion.
That snapped Arca back to reality. "OH SWEET CELESTIA, YOU GAVE ME THE COOTIES!"
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One day he'll grow up and find out that mares make him feel weird but in a good way
But that day is not today!!
10909390
Referencing an earlier list, Razzle tried, and Arca proceeded oto summon a massive swarm of bees and a flock of birds to help her explain.
It didn't end well.
*angry martion noises*
10909400
Clearly more literal measures are called for.
10909400
I do believe that might tie in with that betting pool Celestia mentioned last chapter, actually. Wouldn't surprise me.
Gotta get the typos mentioned.
Perhaps replace the colon with a period.
You make a lot of typos (no offense).
Just how many things is Arca not allowed to use, and how many of those things has he used anyways?
(a diamond dog is in town hall trying to buy the property in front of the local alcamy shop that was onced owend by a 'emerald essence' to open up a donut shop)
Hurt his friends with upmost caution.
They got lucky for if they went through when the plan, he'll show why he appears in other's nightmares.
Say will a version of Potion Nova ever show up?
This chapter encapsulated the silliness that once upon a time was frequently seen in Looney Tunes shows.
It was quite funny for me to see the whole chain of events going off into the sky ... .
10909403
Marvin the Martian would be proud of Arca when dealing with the 'fireworks'. *Sheds a single tear*
Arca, no.
10909501
ARCA YES
10909463
It's a bit of a sacrifice. I type all my chapters via phone on google docs, so I make goofs, but if I turn on autocorrect, I have to fight the system to get words like everypony and Alchemiracles to not correct themselves to actual words over and over.
I need editors again, it seems...
10909522
10909501
ARCA ABSOLUTELY YES
10909494
...I'm gonna sound dumb, but... who?
Why do anthology fanfiction writers never seem to want to end their stories? I'm not saying they're bad per say, but it's just something I can't help but notice.
10909566
In my case, I don't wanna have it be closed, then have another great idea.
A Pony Life character who's almost what you'd expect from the name. While Pony Life is even worse about remembering who's supposed to have wings and/or horns or why that matters than the main show, people are pretty sure she's an alicorn.
10909577
...I'm gonna sound dumber
...but what's pony life
I'm just going to link the Wikipedia page and maybe be a bit condescending by pointing out that it took me about two seconds to find.
10909586
Ooooohhhhh right
That spinoff show.
I suppose I could look into it.
Lmao.
Hey welcome back Ash I've missed you and your awesome stories!!!!
I didn't need to read any further than here to know that the Equestrian government will never financially recover from this.
I am legally required to post this. You are legally required to watch and enjoy.
OH NOO!!! COOTIES not cool
Impressive record!!!!!
Lol
Tilts head to the side*
You know... I wonder if Cooties were an actual thing in this story before one alchemist or another created a potion to get rid of them.
Also, how did his Boss avoid the cooties if Razzle has them?
Edit: wait, just read the part again. Meadowbrook probably has them, she just never gave them to Arca.
Made me chuckle, nice.
It's so good to see this again. Never fails to get a good laugh out of me.
10909730
This is why we need to stay 6 hooves apart and wear a mask. Lest you too get....
THE COOTIES!!
Arca, you're an immortal alicorn. You'll just shrug off cooties. Ask Celestia.
10910053
Don't worry, Arca stocks the Cooties-19 vaccine.
10923459
"Mine even covers the Omicron Variant!"
"Boss, there isn't an omicron variant..."
"Not yet."
10923511
God damnit, past me. Stop predicting shit.