Arca gets on a train and nothing interesting happens, I swear
Today was a good day for Princess Luna, or as she was currently going by, Star Chaser. It was nice to get away from the duties of the crown, and much like her sister, taking up part-time work at Alchemiracles was an idea she greatly enjoyed. Couple that with the fact that it was a beautiful day, and she couldn't have been in a better mood. The sun was shining, a few birds were singing, Arca's shop was on fire…
...wait, what?
"Good morning, Moon-Princ— er, I mean Star Chaser!" Arca trotted up to the disguised princess with a wide grin, towing a suitcase behind him. "I wish I could stay and chat, but I have a train to catch. Gonna go hunt me some potion ingredients."
"Er… Arcane? The shop is on fire."
"I know, I know! I'll deal with it when I get back. See you in a few days!" And with that, Equestria's most eccentric stallion trotted off, waving a hello to a facehoofing Juniper.
Luna sighed. "Thou art as destructive as always, old friend…"
The train jostled to and fro as it rattled down the tracks. For most ponies, this was no issue. But when you are trying to take notes with a quill amidst the winding curves of the railway cutting through the Rainbow Mountain range dividing Equestria from the Crystal Empire, it can be rather difficult.
"So we've worked out this part, I think, but I'm still not sure what this part means." Sunburst gestured at a few of the unknown symbols on the paper between himself and Starlight Glimmer while stroking his beard. "Thankfully, I was allowed to copy the glyphs on the tablet, but they don't match any known language. It took me days, as the tablet was very clearly damaged from a heavy impact. And it had some centuries-old traces of blood on it."
Starlight frowned, scanning over her copy of the paper. Whatever this writing was, it wasn't Equestrian, that was for sure. She had a few ideas on where to start, though. She levitated it back over towards Sunburst. "I think I found where a sentence stops, at least. Here, take this and—"
"AH, thank you! I needed a napkin." Before Starlight could finish her sentence, the orange hoof of Arca swiped the paper from her magic and used it to wipe the ketchup off his chin. He happily crumpled it up and put it in a now-empty container of Prench fries, before sitting down between the two mages. "Lovely day, isn't it?" He turned and looked at Sunburst. "Oh, hi Sunburst! How is Princess K. Dense doing? Did you ever find out what the K is for?"
Sunburst merely clenched his eyes closed, placing a hoof to his forehead to stave off a headache. Starlight, meanwhile, was looking like she was debating whether to lose her shit or ask what the buck was going on. Thankfully, Sunburst spoke first. "...Mr. Catalyst, if you would please stop sitting on the script I'm trying to decipher, that would be fantastic…"
"Oh! Okay. Want some help?"
Arca stood up and hopped to the floor, the impact sending his lab coat into a gentle rustle. He proceeded to pick up an empty inkwell and mix some leftover condiment packets into it, stirring with the bendy straw he pulled out of his drink. Starlight, meanwhile, had had enough of this. "Excuse you! Who even ARE you? And what gives you the right to barge in on our conversation like that?"
Arcane shrugged. "I'm Arca. And I'm Arca."
Starlight started to grind her teeth together.
"Sorry, I didn't realize you two were talking, there was an empty seat between you two. Well, aside from that paper." Starlight was about to issue another retort when Arca continued. "Who left this here, anyway? I only know like… four ponies who can read Infernal."
That line brought both Starlight and Sunburst to a screeching halt, mentally. "Wait, you can read this?!" They both exclaimed together.
"...yeah? Last I checked, though, all the demon ponies are long dead with one exception, and the only other ponies who even know Infernal are Princess-Boss and Moon-Princess-Boss. Er, Celestia and Luna." Finishing that statement as though it was as common knowledge as the color of the sky, the alchemist added a dollop of mustard on top of his miniature mix and continued to stir. Somehow, the goop started to change color and consistency from brown slop to a teal liquid, but nopony noticed aside from Arca.
Sunburst glanced at Starlight, then back at Arca, and at Starlight again before looking back at the ever-eccentric stallion who occasionally showed up in the crystal palace for ingredients. Why the guards just accepted Arca's presence, he had no idea, and he was a little worried to find out. "Can… can you translate it?"
"Sure!" Arca picked up the paper and looked it over, before turning it 180 degrees so he could properly read it. "Ahem… Dear Mr. Evil Buttface Demon Lord Ix. You appear to be the father of my good friend and new apprentice, who has decided to abandon her duties as a succupony to pursue alchemy under my tutelage until, in her own words, 'Realize I've sworn my existence to the wonderful stallion who showed me the power of friendship, so we can be together forever and I can show him how good I can make him feel in the bedroom as his wife.' As an aside, it sounds like whoever that stallion is is a lucky colt. Not sure what a bedroom has to do with anything, though. But I digress. Please stop sending assassins to kill me and/or abduct her, as I have already acquired enough demon horn shavings after Celestia took them aside and talked to them, and I would hate to waste good ingredients. I hope they are enjoying the vacations Celestia sent them on. Who knew that the farm pets run away to when they get too old needed volunteers? I'd send them postcards if I knew the address.
Anyway, if you continue to annoy me, and more importantly, threaten my apprentice who wants you out of her life, I may be forced to come harvest your ingredients.
You do have rare ingredients, right? It's hard to grow Tartarian plants in my garden.
☆Have a splendiferous day!☆
-Arcane Catalyst."
Both ponies sat in stunned silence. Both couldn't believe what they'd heard. The condiment-filled inkwell erupted in a plume of teal smoke, causing them to cough for a few seconds.
"...That or this is a grocery list, but I'm a tad rusty on my dead languages. Maybe ask Celestia to look into it? Or Luna?"
Bing-bong
"Attention, fillies and gentlecolts, this is the conductor speaking. We're arriving at our next stop shortly, so prepare to disembark."
Bing-bong
"OH HEY, THIS IS MY STOP!" Arca quickly grabbed his suitcase and cantered towards one of the train cars that would be letting passengers off. "You two lovebirds enjoy your date!"
Again, Starlight and Sunburst both looked at Arca, stunned. "We aren't dating!" They both shouted.
"Oh. Do you want to, though?" Arca raised an eyebrow.
"YES!" They both yelled back. Then they turned to each other. "Wait, WHAT?"
Arca slipped out of the train car while they had their little revelation.
"Mission accomplished, thanks to my Answer-Arca's-Questions-Truthfully smoke bomb potion. A bit hastily made, but eh, it'll wear off in an hour anyway," he muttered to himself, pulling out a parchment. "...and I thought I wrote that warning letter to Ix on a stone tablet and flung it at his castle at mach 4. Ah well, maybe I'm misremembering." He began writing as the train approached the station.
"Dear Princess... Me Armor Condenser… mission accomplished. Send candy as payment."
Meanwhile, in an undisclosed location that totally wasn't the kitchen of a bakery…
Twitchy ear. Tingly hooves. Sore spot on the left flank. The signs were all there, and there was no denying it if you only knew how to look for them.
Pinkie smiled an impossibly wide grin. Somepony new was visiting Ponyville on the next train, and somepinkie was going to give them a great big welcome.
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LIES!
Edit: Also, i expect the shop will in fact still be on fire when he gets back.
Cheese Sandwich: I feel like I've been issued a challenge.
Godsdammit, I was joking. (This is all nestled in the timeskip between the last two episodes of the show, so there's a good chance he's around)
"You've seen how destructive he is to everything around him? Now imagine what would happen to anycreature who so openly wanted him dead that even he wasn't oblivious enough to miss it."
*shudder* "Yes, I suppose that would do it."
Well, Sunburst and GlimGlam got their dose of Arca.
Makes sense. What's the bet there is some old document in the Canterlot archives Arca forced Celestia to write, officially granting him the right to barge in on conversations?
Oh.
Oh no.
P-ponyville...oh..oh no
YOU DON'T MIX A CHAOTIC TOWN WITH MORE CHAOS NUUUUU
edit: thia is gonna be fun
Okay, the somepinkie part just killed me. This is going to be hilarious
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"Of course it will be! I'm growing magma blooms in my garden and they need high heat!"
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To be fair, Arca still managed to kill Ix by accident. The stone tablet Sunburst found? Arce chiseled it some 600ish years ago, enchanted it to be nigh-indestructible, and yeeted it into tartatus at high speed, aiming for Ix's castle. The fact that it hit Ix square in the face at railgun speeds was a delightful accident that made all demon ponies (with one exception) fear him.
Death by supersonic frisbee. Only Arca, am I right?
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Buckle up.
Oh no
And Luna should have realized that by all rights Arca should be killing more people by accident than he actually does. Someone he had every reason to kill dying by his hooves alone shouldn't have surprised her.
10925215
I may change this in the future, but I think Ix is the only sentient being Arca's ever actually KILLED. Yes, Arca's hurt others in fights, and honestly he could take any being besides Celestia, Luna, Twilight or Discord in a fight, but it just doesn't fit Arca's character to be needlessly violent. It just feels wrong.
Oh, dear.
Just keep Arca away from the non-dairy coffee creamer.
Are we all just going to ignore Arca mispronouncing Cadence's name? I worked hard on that gag, damnit.
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I was just picturing Arca sending K Dense the potion she requested... although why she wanted her husband to be compressed without changing his mass, he'll never understand.
10925195
I've been buckled in for the long haul for a while.
10925246
you already hammer home that Arca has a horrible memory for non-customers and/or Non-friends, so him trying to remember Cadence's name but failing is completely in character, you did far to well in dealing with the corrupt/evil store owner... who's name escapes me...
HA! My suggestion was picked and it was hysterical!!! XD
Why do I get the feeling Discord has bought tickets and cannot wait to see the chaos this unfolds. :)
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Well, I wanted to pick one of the suggestions! (Honestly I was hoping someone would say Daring Do, but don't tell anypony that.)
But, I read somewhere that Luster Dawn in the series finale is Starlight and Sunburst's kid, but I was sure they'd be too awkward to confess to each other... so I decided to go with my usual headcanon strategy of throw Arca at the problem and let it solve itself.
My editor wanted Pinkie to be on the train, but since the next couple chapters are gonna be in ponyville, you can see why I soundly rejected that request.
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OH YEAH!
Seriously though, is the Ponyville Bomb Shelter still in good shape?
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that seems like something arca would do
Juniper (berries): Helps aim, boosts health recovery, lessens stamina recovery, makes weak to fire.
(Skyrim alchemy)
I have feeling that Muffins is related to Arca. Not directly mind you. If I recall correctly, Arca did mention having a sister once.
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I recall no such thing, but I will be willing to go double-check.
I'm really hoping it was extream mail delivery, hopefully during an evil monologue
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According to collected reports and witness testimonies from a single wolf who totally saw everything, Arca engraved the message on the circular stone marker Sunburst was trying to translate, and threw it into Tartarus and into Ix's castle at speeds only a certain rainbow pegasus can match.
It hit the poor, unsuspecting demon lord right between the eyes at roughly 2,500 miles per hour. (Thus the visible damage and traces of blood Sunburst mentioned.)
So technically, it was actually extreme mail delivery AND full-contact frisbee.
THE END IS NEAR, THE END IS NEAR. THE APOCALYPSE IS COMING
Arca's Always Respond with Clear Answers (or ARCA for marketing purposes) bomb
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Worth mentioning that Ashfur's response to you was only connecting the dots he'd laid out across the actual chapter.
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Still worth elaborating, if only because I thought it sounded cool in my head.
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Twilight funds, inspects, and maintains it personally.
She doesn’t trust Pinkie pie to maintain that shelter.
Throw a “we’re going to survive Armageddon” party? Absolutely.
Maintain its safety certification for protecting ponies from somepinkies non-party related destructive shenanigans? Oh heck no.
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DANGIT, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT
I could have made an 'Arca arced an ARCA across the ark" pun!
My editor would hate me.
Pinkie and Arca meeting...
Add one Discord for total obliteration of the universe.
Awww
Great
Well played Cadance, well played
...dear gods