Arcane Cata...pult?
Razzle Dazzle, or if she was feeling nostalgic, Jezebel, was a fairly late sleeper. A life of fashion and high society to try and win over the love of her life (whom she only recently learned was the result of a love curse, but she still loved him after the curse was removed) meant getting up later to go to nighttime gatherings. So, when she woke up at nine in the morning because of a massive, aggravating rumbling outside, she was not too happy. Knowing the town didn't seem to care about her succupony heritage, she didn't bother doing her hair up to hide her horns or cast an illusion to hide her batlike wings, choosing instead to angrily stick her head out the window. “Hey! Do you have any idea what time it is?! I'm trying to get my beauty sleep for my shoot next week, and… uh, hi Arcie-warkie! How are you this morning, love?”
Arcane mentally rolled his eyes. Three hundred and a half years of her refusing to get mad at him was predictable, regardless of his action. At least she was free of the curse and of her own mind now. Maybe one day he'd at least humor her, but for now… “Hi, Razzle! My morning is going great! My horoscope said ‘Victory is only a stone's throw away!’ “ he turned and continued pushing the object that was causing all the ruckus. “So I decided to take this catapult and use it to launch stones at The Duck! Do you wanna help? It'll be just like old times!”
Razzle seemed to think for a moment, holding a hoof to her chin. “Hmmm… don't you have an apprentice right now, Boss?”
“Juniper's out of town.. come on, you were my first apprentice, Razzle! And when we finally get that bird, we can go out for victory ice cream!”
“So we won't be going for Ice cream, then, given your track record with that bird.”
“Nonsense! My horoscope is never wrong, and as the saying goes, ‘you can only beat the averages so long before they beat you!’”
“I wouldn't call you average, but… sure, just let me get dressed.”
“Quack.”
“There it is! Be quiet so it doesn't see us!”
Razzle rolled her eyes as Arca dove into the bushes along the roadside outside of town and popped his head out. He was geared up to the extreme: combat paint on his face, a camo lab coat, the best binoculars money could buy… oh, and he was also wearing a giant duck head he had special ordered from a mascot company. His face poked out below the bill, making for an effective tactical visor.
Razzle, on the other hoof, had elected to wear her old demonic bodysuit given its numerous enchantments against harm. Form fitting, too, perfect for catching the eye of everypony BUT the one she wanted to notice. Still, it was better than any normal armor, and given the day's activity she might need it. Up the road, The Duck was idly pecking at a pile of birdseed. Razzle knew that it was dumber than a bag of rocks, so hiding was pointless.
“So what's the plan, Arcie?”
“That, my dear Razzle, is simple! We aim…” Arca lit his horn, turning the catapult to point at his nemesis. “Then we load…” a huge boulder was lifted out of the woods and placed in the bucket of the catapult. Then he leaped out from the bushes, landed behind the contraption, and grabbed hold of the rope he needed to pull to launch the rock. “And then, we LAUNCH!”
Ftoing!
The catapult sprung to life, attempting to launch its payload at the desired target. Unfortunately, the boulder wasn't the correct size for the catapult, so instead it got flipped five feet up by the force and three feet backwards… landing right on Arca with a loud THUD. “And then…” his voice weakly cried from under the rock. “We reset and try again…”
“So what's the plan this time?”
“I warped over to the hardware store and got a longer rope! Now I won't have a rock dropped on me!”
“And how, exactly, do you plan to do that?” Razzle shot her (hopefully) future coltfriend a questioning look.
“Easy. I pull from the side, and catapults can't launch sideways! Easy! Now, Jezebel, observe!” Taking aim at his eternal rival once more, Arca pulled on the rope with all his might…
...and the catapult tipped over, crushing Arca.
“I'm okay! Just a minor setback. Let me just…” A quick reset and The Duck was still idly pecking at the birdseed, in Arca's sights once more. This time he stood far behind the catapult, though. “Blastoff! No wait, let me-”
Arca yanked on the rope again but realized his aim was slightly off, so he grabbed the boulder in his magic to hold it in place and abort the launch. Energy has to go somewhere, however, and the catapult flipped over the boulder using it as a pivot and landed on Arca again.
“...adjust...the...trajectory…”
Razzle rolled her eyes as she trotted over. “You know, I'm beginning to think this isn't the best idea for your health.”
“Neither are you, miss ulcer-inducer.”
“Touché.”
A little ways further down the road and The Duck was once again distracted. Having given up on subtlety, Arca had ditched his disguises and put his special armor lab coat on, made of the same metal the royal guards use. Not as efficient, but still a lab coat. He had also acquired a tactical combat helmet along the way, somehow.
Razzle laid down to look at her crush as he dug a pit for himself under the catapult. “So, explain why you're doing this? I doubt the world needs you digging a second entrance to Tartarus.”
“Hey, I got that dog to guard it! And you know I only did that to rescue you.”
“And I love you for it.” Razzle leaned in to kiss Arcane, but the stallion failed to notice and spun back around, digging more and unknowingly flinging dirt into Razzle's face.
“Sure you do. Now, this plan. See, if I hide UNDER the catapult, there's no way I can get hit! Now, I can finally take down The Duck! Watch and learn, my former apprentice!”
Ftoing! The rock shot straight up as Arca pulled the rope. And then the catapult collapsed on top of him. He emerged from the rubble with a few splinters. “Ugh… stupid second hoof catapults… did I get him? I think-”
Arca was cut off as the boulder landed on him again.
“I can practically taste the ice cream already, Arcie. Maybe we can get some even though this isn't going to work. It usually goes right to my plot, but that will give you more to stare at~” She winked at him and only got a dejected sigh in response.
“Alright, fine…”
A quick trip later and the pair was happily eating to-go ice cream in front of the ruined catapult. “I gotta admit, Jez, you had a good idea getting this ice cream anyway.”
“Does that earn me a kiss, sweetie?”
“Quack.”
“WE MEET AGAIN, THE DUCK! NOW YOU DiE!” Ignoring Razzle completely, Arca used his spoon like a catapult to launch a glob of ice cream at the bird. “Let's see this catapult fail!” As soon as he said that, the boulder teetered, rolled off the pile, and…
“Too slow!” Arca managed to teleport away, reappearing next to the boulder. “Not this time, you stupid-”
And the boulder rolled over one more time, burying Arca under it. “OH COME ON!”
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Why didn't you just throw the rock yourself, Mr. unicorn?
A classic gag sequence, nothing beats coyote/roadrunner shenanigans.
It took me this chapter and having it flung at my face to realize Arca was never insulting her, but only calling her original name
His problem was that a catapult is used to "toss" rocks. To "throw" the rocks he should have used a trebuche
*coyote holds up sigh*
“I know how you feel bruh.”
So wait....Why did his horoscope proclaim victory if nothing got done and he failed MISERABLY?!
Bloody Roadrunners.....
9516106
"Turns out I was reading yestedday's paper. Oops!"
9516116
Meep meepQuack. Quack.9516124
“That floofing
roadrunnerDuck!!!!”At least he's hanging out with her.
So he buys stuff from Willy E. Coyote. That explains a lot.
Of course the catapult didn't work. It's the inferior siege weapon. Trebuchet for Life!
The only thing this chapter was missing was the catapult getting stuck and Arca jumping on it,only to get flung off a cliff.
This was great.
9516122
Nah he was a stones toss away , he drank a bottle of rock throwers potion
*Looney tunes theme plays*
Ah, references..
Form fitting, too, prefect for [ perfect]
“And how, exactly, do you plat to do that [ plan ]
Wrong words courtesy of Spell Check a wholly owned subsidiary of Acme
!"
I thought this whole scenario sounded familiar, priceless mate, just priceless.
9516217
Trebuchet? Man, if we're scaling up the firepower, we should go ALL the way...
lh3.googleusercontent.com/-SQMewy49xiY/WAC0yvaNmKI/AAAAAAABQNg/qpufrYx7OCs/tsar-cannon-46.jpg?imgmax=1600
I’m more surprised he admitted he was willing to date Razzle.
Dear Wild Genius: We have heard you have been selling used A.C.M.E. products to Arcane Catalyst. Please stop.
Law Offices of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe
In the Author’s Note, you mistyped and as ‘amd’
Funny chapter.
Has Arca ever considered asking someone to just walk up to the Duck and put it into a sack?
9516768
It's not so much 'The Duck can't be captured'. You could very easily walk over, give it some bread, and take it home as an immortal pet (just don't tell Arca, or he'll probably wreck your house trying to kill it). But as soon as you go from 'I am holding The Duck' to 'I am holding the duck with intent to harm it', fate will bend in such a way that The Duck will escape unharmed. We see Celestia cstch it in Prank war, but the instant she mentions sending it to Arca it just... vanishes when noone is looking.
9516785
I know want the Duck to become the pet of Chrysalis. Particularly if she has no more drones and is living in the foothills nearby. Arca can drive her mad and try to get body parts from her to experiment with!
Alchemists Creating Machines and Explosives
ACME
This keeps getting better and better with each chapter
9516853
Warning: Our products are not to be used against avians until an investigative team can figure out if it's just those two nimrods skewing the failiure rate.
9516068
Heh, I knew a few of you were around, so that's why I stopped beating around the bush about it. You'll notice Arca NEVER calls her by her true name unless he is sure they are alone, because knowing a demon's name gives you some level of power over them.
She was his first apprentice hundreds of years ago, and he created her fake name to protect her from other demons and demon hunters. It's one of the reasons she loves him so much, even after her love curse was removed: Arca knew her demonic origins and nature, and still protected her. How could she not develop a crush?
9516785 Alondro develops plans for The Duck.
He has many enemies who aren't fond of waterfowl.
Road Runner + DUCK + Wille E Coyote + Arcane Catalyst = DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
Quack.
I'm dieing!
What's next? Something from phineas and ferb?
Every chapter is gold, no matter how short it is.
Also a succupony in form fitting attire, thank you for the vision you have gifted to us.
9517775
Image? OH YEAH I FORGOT! I used the pony maker again to remake Razzle As Jezebel. But I'm away from my computer so I can't right now. It was just a basic red bodysuit with black leggings, nothing special. I'll put up a link tomorrow when I can, but it wasn't anythong special.
"Well that's because my Arcie-warkie prefers function over form. I tried wooing him with noce clothes once, he didn't even notice!"
9516488
It's not about firepower, his horoscope said a stones throw away. Cannons shoot projectiles, catapults toss them, but the trebuche follows through and throws them at a target. He was just using the wrong battlements
I dunno how you want your philosopher's stones to work, but they could probably get the duck to donate some 'extra life' juice, if they asked.
9518573
Name: Arcane Catalyst
Primary Ojective: Sell potions
Secondary objective: retrieve the philosopher's stone from The Duck before
Demon Lord IX(defeated)Lord Tirek(Imprisoned)Jezebel(No longer a threat) Some other malicious entity gets their hooves on itThird objective: Eat Waffles
9518615
Prince Blueblood?
9518851
"But he hunts Meep Meeps!"
9518912
jest don't ok. it's for you're own health as well as others.
...
That... would explain a lot.
Arcane reads the newspaper to find his horoscope:
9516305
I blame only me for missing those...
Was that a reference at the end or a potential for another comedy story set?
All the other obvious solutions aside, Arca, please tell me, this bird over there has the exact same properties as you do, right? And the rock hit you multiple times with basically no effect, right? So what did you exactly expect it to do the the bird anyway?
Arca. Just walk over to the duck and pick it up. Real hard.