The Potion Shop

by Ashfur

Memo to the Founder

Juniper and Arca sat at the train station of Rainbow Falls rather patiently as they awaited the next passenger train to Manehattan, where the alchemy guild was located. Arca was occupying himself by gnawing on one of his mixing rods like a dog, while Juniper was watching ponies move to and fro with various tools and supplies.

“So Boss, why are we dropping everything and rushing to the guild as fast as we can? You're staying surprisingly tight-lipped about it.”

Arca paused his idle chewing on the wooden utensil and shrugged. “I personally couldn’t say, Juniper. But when the guild calls an emergency meeting of the board of directors, it usually means it's something stressful. And when it's something stressful…”

Something clicked in her head, and Juniper finished the thought. “I have to be the therapy pony. I wondered where my service animal vest went. You must have packed it.”

“Yup. It looks like the train won't be here for a while, want something to read?” He hoofed over a scroll marked ‘important, read asap’ dated a few months ago. It was still sealed. “I couldn't find ‘asap’ in the library, so I'll have to ask when we get there, but maybe you can read that.”

Juniper quickly tore open the scroll. “Boss, this isn't just any letter, this is…”

The list of things Arca shouldn't do at the guild

-Unfortunately, as Arcane outranks the board as the founder, he can edit this list at any time. Celestia help us all.
-Finally! Do you know how many lists I can't edit?
-Many, we are sure. But please view this as a list of guidelines, we don't want the staff complaining again.
-At least we can cross him out.
-Any mixing vats are not considered bongos when flipped upside down.
-There are no games of Marenopoly allowed on campus, not after the ‘Free parking’ incident.
-Arca is not allowed to use a yo-yo indoors, or within 50 feet of other ponies while on campus.
-Modern colloquialisms are advised against after Arca literally tried to make money grow on trees.
-I got it to work, though!
-The bit tree is considered property of the crown and may be harvested only with two or more currently active guards present.
-Or Celestia herself.
-Not allowed to drink sand viper venom in public. Yes we know Arca likes it, but it scares ponies.
-There is no annual Alchemy Guild musical.
-Or ‘Alchemy: The Musical’, despite Arca's claims.
-Will you guys even look at the script? Please?
-Any sightings of The Duck are to be kept secret, and Arca is to be moved far away from the main building immediately.
-Mage Meadowbrook may be an honorary member of the board of directors, but she does not outrank Arca.
-Nor is the board obligated to call her ‘Boss’ or ‘Mom’.
-Arca is not allowed in the archives without supervision by at least one scribe. He does not understand that first editions are to be handled with more care than copies, except for Mage Meadowbrook's works, which he can be left alone with.
-Yes, Celestia donates to the research fund every year. No, Arca may not funnel all of it into any of the following: The Duck research, More s'plodey explosives, ‘spy gadgets’, attempts to make the largest bowl of cereal break ANY record, Celestia's birthday present, movie night, and finding a way to contact Dr. [data redacted] at the [data redacted] foundation again. Once was enough.
-Arca is not allowed to ‘have the intern handle it’.
-Mareiachi is not appropriate mood music for big presentations.
-Any presentations made by Arca that are done in macaroni art, crayon, or newspaper collages are to be redone for half credit.
-Do you really grade them? Where's my report card?
-No, we don't actually grade them.
-"Tossing random shit in a vat and hoping it does something 101” is not, will not be, and has never been a course we offer.
-And even if we did, Arca couldn't be trusted to teach it.
-No galloping in the halls!
-Especially if Mr. Knickaid is present, he will lecture anypony about that.
-Lab coats are required attire in certain areas of the guild hall.
-And you're telling the immortal who is never seen without a lab coat this rule… why?
-Fair point, Guild Master Arca.
-No challenging any of the guild apprentices to make a working philosopher's stone. Celestia made future attempts illegal after The Duck, two stones is enough.
-'Performing a target clear' is not the correct way to remove any obstacle in the building. Mainly because a 'target clear' is just a body slam.
-You gotta shout it! "TARGET... CLEAR!"
-Guild apprentices may be challenged to ‘unlabeled potion roulette’ only if they sign a liability waiver, and only if none of the potions are truly harmful.
-Arca is not allowed to have a staring contest with his statue celebrating his founding of the guild. Or any statue.
-I swear they move slightly!
-Arca's wild stories are not to be taken with a grain of salt, as they often hold some truth behind them. We recommend at least a tablespoon of salt instead, possibly a quarter cup.
-No, seriously, get plastered before listening to Arca's stranger stories, it's the only way they make sense.
-It's not my fault you guys don't have the experience I do!
-Arca may not brag about his age, as he is legally 30 forever. So technically we have more experience, on paper at least.

Author's Note:

Can any of you spot the very subtle references to Pokemon Ranger: Shadows of Almia I put in? There are 2, because I loved that game.

Comments

[Emtu]

Aw man, I want to take "Tossing random shit in a vat and hoping it does something 101".

[The Faceless Maker]

So Arcane Catalyst and Dr. Light HAVE met at some point in the past, then...
memegenerator.net/img/instances/47993653/intriguing.jpg

[blastdragon]

Found 1 of the references, Mr. Knickaid is Kincaid. The other I can't find but it is a while ago that I played the game.

[Da Fennec]

Indeed Tossing Random Shit in a Vat does sound interesting... 30 forever interesting

[TheDriderPony]

Someone pointed out Kincaid already, but I think "Target Clear" is the other Pokemon Ranger reference.

Edit: Oh, And Dr. Jack Bright of the SCP Foundation, of course

[Ashfur]

9452589

9452565
Bravo!

[MyWorld93]

9452566
Nobody, but me will get this, but if he had been 39 it would be a reference.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Benny

[theoldhunter]

*meanwhile in location [redacted] member [redacted] of o5 command adds another point to a vary long list of shit Dr light is not allowed to do withing the scp foundations*

[reader238]

9452552
Of course why else would the List Of Things Dr. Bright Is Not Allowed To Do casually mention that Dr. Bright is a brony

[Dashie04]

9452551
Me too...

[ShieledGale]

You added Murphy's Target Clear from the Pokemon Ranger series!? If so that's amazing

[Shardstar3]

Oh fuck
Dr bright and Arca have met
OH FUCK

That would be an event for the ages as both of them would likely realize that doing things in the other reality makes rules not apply to them
At least until a rule list is made

[Ashfur]

9452949
It was Barlow's move tho...

[Fireeaters]

and finding a way to contact Dr. [data redacted] at the [data redacted] foundation again.

Do you mean the doctor who always gets apple seeds from experiments?

[FTKnight]

Given arca's centries of experence, could the reason he keeps messing up the hair potion be because it was the last potion his mom taught him before the whole pony of shadows incident

[Kornwallis]

9453047

If you mean Dr. Bright of the SCP Foundation then yes. Or at least I think that’s the reference.

[DragonMaster]

Barlow’s target clear and Mr. Kincaid. Interesting but solid references.

[Caffeinated Pinkie]

-No challenging any of the guild apprentices to make a working philosopher's stone. Celestia made future attempts illegal after The Duck, two stones is enough.

So... I guess Juniper was just told two philosopher stones were created, and that the Duck is one of them? Also, that Arca is immortal?

Although, if any pony were to know these things, it'd be Juniper. I imagine Arca would have told her.

[DragonMaster]

Also forgot to ask. What would Arca’s partner pokemon be?

[Ashfur]

9453275
Tangrowth. It had to get its vine hair somehow.
That or The Duck...lett
Personally I always mained pachirisu until I got sheildon.

[Tenebre]

9453155
Dr King is the one that gets Apple seeds. Dr Bright is the one that is immortal with a 300 plus What Dr Bright may not do at the Foundation (http://www.scp-wiki.net/the-things-dr-bright-is-not-allowed-to-do-at-the-foundation)

[Steakthedog]

9452955
They only do it when it directly told to do it.

[Copper Quarry]

I'm only half way through, but I just had a thought! Fluffle Puff is a result of one of Arca's fur growth potions! Would explain the instant growth, the furs special properties, and other side affects! Now how to make it contagious like the first one we saw...

[Steakthedog]

9452552
you mean Dr. Bright?

[The Faceless Maker]

9453829

Of course I mix those two up...

[Steakthedog]

9453833
eh we all make mistakes

[MLPMekarm]

(reads memo & calmly walks away) arca is probly gonna figger pinkey out. calling it now.

[Silver Starlight]

9453047
No, the apple seed guy was Dr. King. They're apparently talking about Dr. Bright, the immortal guy.

[Mossy Pages]

9454613
OH, I know what will happen...
And I will revel in it's results...

[Prince Jules Moonshade]

Love this story for its shits an giggles read of “this shit happen so have it and be happy” it’s a very well made story and I haven’t read a good comedy story in awhile. Hope to see more of this story very soon!

[Lexiebommel10]

Thats the darkri one right it was pretty awesome but my fav poke spinoff will alwase be mysterydungeon time and space i did time it had such a dramatic story
Target clear what was the othet one

[Lexiebommel10]

Also still wana do potion roulette like anytime anywhere

[reader238]

I just had a scary thought, an EQG version of Arca who is the AP chemistry teacher at canterlot high, who the parents remember being taught under when they were in school, and he still looks the same as he did back then. When asked he replies "oh you must be thinking of my father bless his soul"

[8bitmadness]

9456426
And every year at least one student nitrates the unknown, only to learn that the unknown is glycerin. Arca will inevitably do the same, but only because of being absent minded, not due to ignorance.

[Raccoon Writer]

No, seriously, get plastered before listening to Arca's stranger stories, it's the only way they make sense

Really? Give me a moment to check that theory with a bottle of whiskey.

[Greatazuredragon]

“Yup. It looks like the train won't be here for a while, want something to read?” He hoofed over a scroll marked ‘important, read asap’ dated a few months ago. It was still sealed. “I couldn't find ‘asap’ in the library, so I'll have to ask when we get there, but maybe you can read that.”

[TheBrony]

Did you make a reference to the SCP Foundation? Because that was awesome!

[Kornwallis]

9466962
He did and I’m surprised that the universe didn’t collapse when Arca and Dr. Bright met each other.

[Void_Walker81]

I spotted the SCP foundation reference

[Whiskey Tango Foxtrot]

Celestia's birthday present, movie night, and finding a way to contact Dr. [data redacted] at the [data redacted] foundation again. Once was

Is Arcane Dr. Bright?? That would be funny.

[Ashfur]

10106434
My headcanon is that Arca is not Dr. Bright, but has worked with him via interdimensional portals a few times. Which as far as I'm concerned is why Dr. Bright likes MLP.

[Nightmare_Me]

Arca knows Doctor Bright?!?

[technofan]

Yes, Celestia donates to the research fund every year. No, Arca may not funnel all of it into any of the following: The Duck research, More s'plodey explosives, ‘spy gadgets’, attempts to make the largest bowl of cereal break ANY record, Celestia's birthday present, movie night, and finding a way to contact Dr. [data redacted] at the [data redacted] foundation again. Once was

Wait why isnt he allowed to do that? Im sure Dr. Bright and Arca would get along very well!

[Asolem2]

-Unfortunately, as Arcane outranks the board as the founder, he can edit this list at any time. Celestia help us all.

Oh yeah, that's fun