Arca and the Stain
Arcane Catalyst, master alchemist extraordinaire, yawned and stretched his limbs as he rolled about in bed. Today was going to be a fantastic day! He had all the potions he needed brewed and ready to go, his monthly research stipend from Celestia had come in along with a few suggestions on what to look into, and most importantly, it was free cookie day at Hayburger!
So, he left his plush beaker behind and hopped out of his bed to take a shower. Being clean was always important in the lab, after all! He reached out into the kitchen of his little home above his shop and retrieved a pair of frozen blueberry waffles from the icebox with his magic, instantly cooking them to his preferred temperature and texture. A few dozen years of preparing the exact same breakfast the exact same way certainly helps one know exactly how much heat to apply.
Having quickly finished his shower, cleaning up, and eating his morning waffles all at once, Arca strode downstairs. He was smiling, he was happy, nothing could kill his good mood!
And then he saw it.
On the floor of the shop, a stain in the wood. Right in front of the counter, so he'd have to look at it all day.
This would not do.
“Well, I don't need to worry! I'll just do the exact same thing I do when my lab coats get stained!” He sauntered off, proud with himself for remembering that option. With a grin on his face, he returned with his answer. “Tadaaaa! Bleach! And I know not to mix it with ammonia after last time. And, this oughta do it!” Grinning, he unscrewed the cap and poured the entire gallon bottle onto the floor, stood back, and waited.
“Alright! That ought to fix the problem!” He cheered. This was without a doubt one of his best ideas ever. He used his magic to sweep the bleach up in a whirlwind, shooting it out the back window to who knows where, and admired his handiwork. “Wait…”
Much to his surprise, bleach leaves a big stain on finished floors! Now the stain was even larger. This would not do. Arca knew he needed to think of something, and fast! His first new idea was to summon an area rug from upstairs. But that didn't cover the stain completely! The customers would be arriving soon, and he couldn't open up with the floor looking like this!
“Oh mane, what do I do! It's not just like the answer is right out the window, and…” Arca glanced out the window, seeing the paint store on market street. Above its entrance was a giant novelty paint roller. Arca's eyes lit up. “Jackpot.” Lighting his horn, a ear-splitting crack echoed through the town as the roller was torn off the building and teleported into the shop, knocking over several shelves of potions.
“Aw, phooey. I don't have any paint! Welp, guess I'll just bleach the whole floor, then.” He hovered out ten more gallons of bleach and soaked the roller in it, then proceeded to steamroll all the remaining shelves as he ruined the entire floor of the establishment. Clearly, he thought, this was his best idea to make the shop presentable, and-
“WAIT, MY SHELVES!” Arca panicked as he noticed all the spilled potions. There was only one thing to do in a situation like this, and he prided himself as it being his best idea of the day so far! Gathering a huge amount of excess mana, he opened a portal at the bottom of crater lake not too far from town and made the other end open right in the middle of his shop.
This resulted in a tidal wave of freshwater obliterating all in its path, gushing out of every window on the first floor of the building. Within moments the portal had closed, but the damage had already been done, and dozens of fish were flopping about on the floor of the shop, desperate for water so they could breathe.
“Oh, no! Don't worry fishies, I'll save you with the bestest best idea I've had in years! BEHOLD!”
Arca unceremoniously ripped the entire building off its foundation aside from the spot he was sitting on, and hurled the entire building half a mile through the air so it crashed into crater lake. Arca was left sitting on the single soggy, stained plank that started this whole ordeal, a single potion, and his ‘come in we're open’ sign. Realizing he had an opportunity, he flipped the board over so the stain was no longer visible, placed the potion next to him on the board, planted the sign in the ground, and smiled.
“Perfect! Open for business! I am so smart.”
“Boss?”
“Oh hey Juniper! You're late today! Not that I mind, but you missed the greatest series of brilliant ideas I've had, ever! I wish you had been there to see it. Man the counter while I brew up some replacement potions in… the… lab. Oh.” He glanced behind him, realizing he had just thrown all his lab equipment into the lake. “Well, we still have one potion to sell, so we're still open! Take that, world! Nothing can keep this shop closed!”
“Boss, it's a national holiday.”
“Oh. Uh…” Arcane instinctively looked to where the wall calendar would be the shop was still standing. He sighed, and picked up the bottle next to him, holding it out his apprentice. “Hey Juniper, want a free potion?”
"What kind of potion is it, Boss?"
"Stain remover."
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Should have expected the punchline.
Oh.
I see.
... find below an official notication of shame.
Mayor Silver: Arca, we've talked about this. No throwing your home in the lake. According to town records, you have thrown your home into the lake so many times, it's amazing there still is a lake and not a pile of pieces of your homes.
Well of course he couldn't use that potion, it's product. Anyone who's ever worked retail knows that you don't take product off the shelves if you can wait half an hour for facilities not to do anything.
Go ahead, ask me how I liked my four years at Wal-Mart. . .
9491758
how was your four years at Walmart?
9491853
It taught me to never trust small children, that middle-management ruins people's short term memory, and that people will steal anything.
9491855 NYAH HA HA HA!! I shave stolen all the raw sewage from Philadelphia!
NOTHING CAN STOP ME NOW!!
(Steals ANYTHING!!)
Arca sleeps with a plush beaker, because of course.
9491855
As someone who is still employed at Wally world, I can confirm that this is true. Also, I would like to add that people are idiots, especially when it comes to cars.
I laughed. I really did. That was terrible and I laughed.
9491757
Five bucks says that if someone went diving into that lake, they would find a village worth of houses down there.
i.gifer.com/GN9Y.gif
Minor typo at the end, mister writer.
As for the chapter... it was a hare-brained chain of disaster brought up by the overenthusiastic zeal of a keet pony.
I was laughing out at the escalation along with his enthusiasm while at it.
Or as the honorable Pointy Haired Boss would point out: It's key learning.
9491890
in witch ways (my dad gets angry at drivers all the time)
9492170
Friend, I have had grown men tell me they don't know how to put air in a tire, there exist people who dont know what the odometer is, unable to follow basic instructions, that sort of thing.
9492179
okay thats bad
I can very easily see arca sleeping with a beaker plush
9491890
My mom retired from Wally world a couple years ago, after working there 15 years, 10 months, and 2 days. The date she retired would have been her father's 110th bday.
9492179
9492230
I have encountered someone who didn't know that they had to check the oil level (let alone change it occasionally). The car had been a high school graduation gift. Brand new. Five years prior. I'm still amazed that it hadn't seized at that point. Told them to get it down to a shop now, tell them it had never had an oil change and pay close attention to everything they are told by the mechanics.
Seriously. Tens of thousands of dollars worth of equipment and people can't be bothered with understanding that basic preventative maintenance even exists.
On that note, I need to hurry up and replace the transmission fluid and filter in my van. It's almost 6000 miles overdue.
9492367
Arca wants to know if he can test to see if 5-year-old motor oil has any alchemical properties.
"If it can last that long, it's GOTTA be magic!"
A... day? In the life of Arca
9492267
Or perhaps a Juniper plush.
Arca, what did you do...?
9492367
Agreed. Though I will throw them this one bone. If you have a newer car, it is made so that you have to take it to a mechanic for some of your basic maintenance. A good example is my Focus. I spent am hour trying to find the dipstick for the transmission fluid only to read the manual and find that there's no way for me to check it myself.
9492803
hideing important things is stupid.
9492897
It's not hidden, they purposely made it without one.
9492914
thats even more stupid
*sad trombone plays*
Poor Arca.
We will laugh at his sorrows...
*Eyes unfocus*
And give coffee to him and Pinkie...
damn the best Chapter yet, Im glad to see the kina thoughts he has that leads to is Destructive episodes
To*
Do you have proofreader?
9496928
I have two.
I am going to go glare at them now.
9496928
Actually, the proper way to fix this is "His first new idea was "TK: summon an area rug from upstairs.""
It is a very specific telekinetic power. Didn't see much use in Mother 3.
Why did the bleach stain the floor?
Because the stain isn't a stain. The stain is the real wall covered by paint.
How ironic
D'aaaawwwww.
9492510
I will tolerate this concept, but ONLY in the sense that she is sometimes his service animal.