Juniper sat in her room at the guild reading the latest issue of Cosmarepolitan. It was a quiet evening, without much activity, when she was brought from her daydreams of superstardom by a knock at the door. She got up to answer it.
“B-boss?! What happened?”
Arcane Catalyst stood in the doorway, his lab coat slightly ripped, sap oozing from his mane, a huge wad of chewing gum stuck to his back left hoof, and wearing giant novelty sunglasses missing a lens. “The good news is I found out why Razzle was all crazy and finally stopped it. Turns out she took the brunt of a curse when I helped her escape Tartarus during the great demon civil war. It's a long story, but she's the last living succupony. The bad news is that now she likes me for fixing that curse, but she promised not to be as… obsessive as she's been. Also, I managed to get myself banned from every restaurant in the changeling kingdom and a few parts of the kingdom itself, so there's that.”
“Are you gonna elaborate, or…?”
“Nope! It'd take too long to explain. It could honestly be one of those short stories you like reading. So enough about Razzle for now, it's time to get back to work! And you can start by changing into this.” Arca tossed a pile of fabric at Juniper, which she dutifully caught and inspected.
“Uh, boss, this is a Nightmare Night ninja costume.”
“Yeah, I lost my library card so we're gonna sneak into the archives for an advanced alchemy textbook I think you could use.”
Juniper sighed, relenting. It seemed the usual routine was back and here to stay. “Of course we are.”
A chill wind blew across the roof of the guild as Juniper trotted across it to the predetermined meeting point. Standing shrouded in the shadows was that master of stealth, the untraceable wizard of whodunnit, the shadow thief incarnate …
Arca in a black lab coat.
“Really, boss? You had me put on this ridiculous getup, complete with weaponry, and you just change coats?”
“What? They expect an orange unicorn in a white lab coat. Besides, this was just my disguise to get up here undetected. If I'm gonna bypass security, I'll need something they'll never see coming. I'll need…” He gripped his lab coat with a hoof, flinging it off dramatically into the darkness.
“...a RAINBOW TIE-DYE LABCOAT!”
“Remind me why I work for you again?”
“No idea, Juniper. Now stand back, I'm going to use a laser to carefully cut through the roof, as stealthily as equinely possible. Super mini stealth laser of secrecy… fire!”
Below, several apprentices of the guild evacuated the main reading room, just in time for a ten-foot diameter beam of cyan light to reduce the ceiling to rubble and leave a decent crater in the floor. Arcane dropped down, face planting into floor with a painful THUD. Five seconds after he hit, a parachute popped out of his back pocket. Juniper glided gently down on her wings.
“Real subtle Boss, I bet they don't even know we're here.”
“Ow. I think I broke my butt.”
“Quit whining, Boss. You've taken worse hits and walked away. Now let's go… ‘steal’ the catalog so we can find this book.” Juniper trotted over to the library reception, only to stopped by a magical aura.
“Waiiiit! Never touch the catalog drawer after hours. It might still have the explosive rune I inscribed on it as a security system two hundred years ago!”
“Boss, they've changed the cabinet since then. Did you hide any other runes in this place, though?”
“Three…”
Juniper grabbed the catalog and opened it up, looking through it. “So you know where they all are, right?”
“...hundred.”
“Really, Boss?!”
“Is it better if half of them are guarding my old stamp collection? Eh, whatever. Gimmie that catalog. Let's see… ah, here we go. Section seven. We landed next to section four, so we need to go that way! Better use a potion to make sure the area's clear.” Reaching into his lab coat, he pulled out a few vials. The first was empty, and he drank from it.
“Invisible potion. Not what I wanted.” The second vial was filled with a clear liquid. “Ah, fresh water. Tasty. Now, the invisibility potion!” Downing he third potion, he quickly vanished from sight… aside from his lab coat. “Perfect! Now I can sneak ahead and OOF!” The floating lab coat fell down, having tripped over its own hooves. “Note to self: being invisible makes it hard to see where you're going. Not my best move.”
“This is ridiculous. You said it was the Tome of Rare and Exotic Tinctures, right? I'll go get it myself.” She trotted around the crater and Arca, heading into section seven. She quickly discarded her outfit, happy that Arca was preoccupied with his invisibility at the moment for all of three seconds until her mentor dropped down from the ceiling on a bungee cord.
“Hi Juniper! I don't know why spies just use these, it beats a rope by a mile!” The cord then snapped, whipping Arcane with a massive elastic force and knocking a few dozen books off the shelves. “OW! MY SPLEEN!”
Juniper sighed and picked up the tome from the floor, passing it to her mentor as he stood up. “Here, boss. I found it.”
“Great work! And we snuck in without anypony noticing, AND we didn't find any of my old explosive runes! I wonder where I hid them all. Oh well, let's see if this old thing is the same as I remember-”
As he opened it, a hidden rune on the inside cover detonated, sending Arca flying backwards and wedging him in the overdue book return.
“Boss, are you alright?! That looked pretty bad!” Juniper galloped over to the back half of her mentor, still sticking out of the book slot.
“Juniper! Get me out of here! But… do it in a few minutes, there's a Detective Surehoof comic in here I haven't read in a while.” The sound of pages turning came from within the book return, then a loud BOOM. Smoke leaked out of the slot Arca was sticking out of. “Hey Juniper, I think I found another rune! And new rule for the list on why I can't be in the library alone.”
“Gee, ya think so? I'm going back to my room, boss.”
“Okay, goodnight Juniper!” Arca's back hoof waved goodbye to her. “Oh hey, I found a stale cookie in here!”
BOOM!
why is there so many explosions in the library???
9480481
300 explosive runes set by Arca. He forgot where he put them.
9480488
wow................... jest wow...............................
She was hilarious, but at least now Arca won't have a true reason to deny her advances. Foals when Arca, foals when?!?
Your mama wants to know
Truly any mage's favorite thing, a piece of paper with the words,
"I prepared explosive runes this morning"
I may be the only one, but I kinda enjoyed Razzle's shenanigans. Oh well, can't win em all, and this is still one of my favorite stories
9480488
And they only go off after the Library is closed, right?
Also for what possible reason could he have had to place an explosive rune on a COOKIE, of all things, and then place said cookie in the book return box?
9480562
I mean, she still madly desires him. She will still try the occasional scheme to date him. But at the same time, she's not bounded by the curse anymore. She now realizes that 'No' doesn't mean 'Later'.
Although, I ship it. Odds are they'll end up together eventually. Unless the readers DEMAND otherwise.
By Celestia this story is one of the best. Love the quick updates especially
9480604
Fair enough. And to be fair, I'm pretty sure all of us ship it too. I know I do!
You know i just had a thought (can't remember if you have already covered it.)
Is Arca a true immortal or just extremely long lived and hard to kill?
Because if your p-stone is like the ones in FMA, it is a fact that a stone has a finite charge.
Unless of course Arca has found a way to recharge his stone in some way over the years.
But I liked crazy Razzle! I was hoping she would get Rarity to make her Arca-attracting lingerie!
Lel
Please
Hope he can find and undo most of them.
Succu-pony? That's adorable!
They really are a match for one another!
Her shenanigans were a match for Arca's, that's for sure!
And now... to Emerald trying to screw over Arca!
9481029
So that I have a sequel/prequel/sidestory
Oh, thank Celestia. One-sided romance gags can be funny, but they're best in small doses.
9480604
With the amount of work we’ve seen her going through in order to get her stallion. And the amount of fresh hilarious hell Arca goes through with her, I think an overwhelming majority would hiss at you if you tried to set him up with anyone else...
...well... maybe Juniper would get a pass, but...
A Noodle Incident opening to wrap up a problem quickly? Nice call. Thanks man.
i prepared explosive runes today
*sighs*
I'll be sad to see that Element of Anarchy go.
Farewell Obsessed Jez.
You will be missed.
Just not by Arca.
9482226
She's still around! Just less stalker-ey. Her antics will contine.
Who, in the nine hells, was stupid enough to teach Arca how make concealed explosives?! He's already dangerous enough with obvious ones!
.... On the other hand, it begs the question: Did he every try to put one on duck food? The duck would never see it comming.
9482288
The Duck is just as resilient as he is, it wouldn't even scratch the thing.
Such a cop-out...
Aww, i'm gonna miss her lovestruck-ness. At least she's healthy and will still be around, yeah?
9482226 Element of Lust, Element of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder... there are plenty of options.
Thankfully, I got tired of seeing Razzle being insane or at all really
Seems strange to put defensive runes inside a book. Even if you check it out, you'll still get on the receiving end of them -- sounds like an Arca plan.
Rather sad we didn't get more info on all that stuff with Razzle, considering how insane you made it sound. I mean really now...ALL the changeling restaurants AND some in the Pony Kingdom Proper?
Still, it'll be fun to see more chapters!
Note to self, never go where "He" has been left alone for extended periods of time.
9482288
Fire-Quacker.
That first paragraph leans on the fourth wall.so hard it required structural reinforcement. This is NOT a complaint!
I actually had an invisible potion in one of the PbP D&D games I ran. If your poured it on a fire, it would let it burn without producing smoke, and if you drank it would keep your breath from making fog in cold areas (useful for hiding behind things).