Memo to the Jury
If there's one thing Mayor Silver didn't like, it was court. Not day court like Princess Celestia and Luna held, but court. Arrests, crimes, and lawsuits were very uncommon in Rainbow Falls, but things happened. And while anypony pulling the stunts Arca usually pulled would often land a pony with at least community service, Arca was one of the town's original founders, capable of cleaning up his own messes and paying for damages, and supported by the crown. In fact, any court case involving Arca was usually presided over by Celestia herself, not that many knew that.
But today was just a few cases of petty shoplifting, probably a fine at best and maybe a few weeks probation at the worst. The town jail hadn't seen use in months, usually reserved for the trade exchange. So it was probably going to be a slow day. He hears a few cases as judge, the jury gives a verdict, and everything goes well. Maybe some ponies will just plead guilty and speed things up!
As soon as he walked into the courtroom, though, he felt an air of unease. The defense attorney was speaking directly with the prosecutor, and they seemed to be in agreement. “Ah, Your Honor!” the gray pegasus called over, her brown mane well kept and tied up professionally. “We request a delay on the trial, in order to select a new jury. This one is unacceptable.”
Silver looked at the mare cautiously. “Prosecutor Stoneheart. Not to sound rude, but this is the first time in the thirty years I've known you to request such a thing. You are often so… direct, methodical… what is wrong with today's jury?”
“See for yourself, your honor. Both the defense and I refuse to hold court in these conditions.”
Silver looked over at the twelve jurors. Eleven of them were well respected member of the community called in for jury duty, each well-dressed and ready for the day, reluctant as they were. And one was absent.
“A juror is missing? I hardly see how that is an issue, we can substitute somepony in.”
“Have you seen the jury list, your honor?”
“No, why-”
There was a mighty flash of light, and when sight returned Silver saw the problem. The rest of the jury immediately schooched their chairs away from the newcomer, unease on their faces. Arca didn't notice, instead taking a noisy bite of his morning blueberry waffles.
“SORRY I'M LATE!”
“Motion carries, court is cancelled for the day.”
“But Your Honor Judge Mayor Silver, I just got here!”
“Arca...”
“I left Juniper in charge for this! And I don't trust her to cause a ruckus today, even though it's been over a week since the nacho incident!”
“Arca.”
“Is it because my tie is halfway burned away? It got caught in the toaster!”
“ARCA!”
“Yes?”
“Go home.”
“Okay!” Arca teleported out, leaving waffle crumbs on the floor.
Silver took a deep breath and sighed. “Okay, new plan. Court is delayed, instead we will have a brainstorming session in case Arca ever gets accidentally called for jury duty again. Today we will create a draft of…”
THINGS ARCA IS NOT ALLOWED TO DO AT JURY DUTY
-For starters, Arca is not allowed to edit this list, unless the current mayor of Rainbow Falls is present.
-Arca is not allowed to shout “OOOH HE TOTALLY GOT YOU” when a contradiction is pointed out in a witness's logic.
-Court is not a court for any sporting event. Not even if Arca supplies the equipment.
-Labcoats are considered appropriate court attire for Arca, but ONLY if there are no stains on it.
-Arca is not allowed to try and get the jury or the audience to do ‘The Wave’.
-Or ‘The Hooflem Shake’.
-Or ‘The Marecarena’.
-You know what, Arca is not allowed to incite the audience to do any dance.
-As useful as potions that make the user incapable of lying may be, the lawyers need to do their jobs, and it usually leads to further trouble as the drinker often accidentally insults others.
-Slipping it into their drink is not allowed, either.
-The phrase ‘Order in the court’ means ‘please quiet down’, not ‘go get food’. Even if Hayburger is having a two for one deal.
-The snack machine in the lobby is not a toy.
-Not allowed to touch do anything to the evidence.
-Arca is not allowed to question the witnesses, especially if it's unrelated to the case.-Can I hire an Oom-Pah-Pah band to improve the atmosphere?
-WHO LET ARCA BACK IN?!
-Also no. That goes double for bagpipes.
-While an artist is present to sketch a picture of the proceedings, Arca is not permitted to make a funny face for it. Or get a copy to use as a paint by numbers activity.
-Any censored curses in the court transcript are NOT mad libs.
-Jury duty is, unfortunately, a legal requirement. Arca may not send Juniper in his place. He may, however, petition the princesses to be forbidden from jury duty ever again.
-Please do that, Arca. Actually, Silver will bring that up during his next meeting with the princess.
-No paper airplanes. Especially not ones made of the opening statements.
-Court having a recess is not permission to go play on the swings in the park or at the school.
-Arca is not allowed to touch the gavel. On a related note, ‘Bring your gong to work day’ is cancelled for the foreseeable future.
-The pony making hoof gestures is there to help the hearing impaired, he/she is NOT a mime.
-Arca is allowed to shout “OBJECTION!” and dramatically point only when court has not officially started yet.
-The jury deliberates to discuss a verdict, not defibrillates. Please, no lightning spells in court.
-Just because Arca has a powdered wig from 700 years ago does not mean it is okay to manifest it on the judge’s head “for that nostalgic feeling.”
-The water fountains are not toys.
-When voting on a verdict, Arca is not allowed to flip a coin, ask a magic 8 ball, or roll for innocence to determine his vote.
-"I caused more damage than that last week and nopony yelled at me” is not an excuse for vandals to walk free. It is also not a contest.
-Arca is not allowed to pay the fine for the accused in order to end court early because he got bored.
-Arca is not allowed to be called as a witness, unless absolutely necessary. He tends to filibuster about his entire day.
-Any damage caused within the Arca limit is not the responsibility of the court. Fix it yourself, Arca.
-The chandelier is not a toy!
-Regardless of which side wins, do not throw confetti. Or tell a convicted criminal to “have a nice day!”
-Not allowed to play duck duck goose hide and seek any game with the jury.
-Crime scene photos are not ‘I spy' games.
-In the event that a truly evil and vile pony is brought to court, life sentences are not to be issued under any circumstances. Use a 300 year sentence instead, as the thought of being imprisoned for life really freaks Arca out, given his immortality.
-Do not try to sell potions to the audience. Or to anypony in the building while court is in session.
-Do not try and promote Alchemiracles during court unless it was actually involved.
-Remember, Arca is classified as a natural disaster/force of nature for insurance claims, he is not to be taken to court over it. Mainly because he can pay off the damage without even blinking, and it saves court fees that way.
-The Duck is also classified as a force of nature, and any damage Arca causes trying to pursue it is covered by the crown.
-If the argument ‘Nopony could possibly do that!’ is brought up, Arca is not allowed to take that as a challenge.
-The statue of Celestia in the courthouse lobby is not a jungle gym toy of any sort.
-Arca is not allowed to bring toys to court.
-Despite what that one pony said, there is no third floor, nor is there a pool on said floor.
-Arca is not allowed to fund construction of a third floor to the courthouse.
-Arca is not permitted to pet service animals in the court. Even if they roll over for belly rubs.
-For court purposes, Juniper Berry may be temporarily classified as a service animal for the purpose of keeping Arca calm during longer trials, and is immune to the above rule.
-Arca may bring ONE deck of playing cards to play solitaire while the jury deliberates, as he usually reaches his vote within five minutes. He is not permitted to challenge anypony to card games, especially not betting games.
-DAMNIT ARCA, NO TOYS IN COURT!
-Except as evidence, and Arca is not allowed to play with those, either.
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Fixed that for you.
Meanwhile, in Ponyville.
Twilight: I am getting the oddest feeling that there are lists that need compiling.
Yup, Arca is definitely my second favourite immortal in a labcoat.
-The Duck is also classified as a force of nature, and any damage Arca causes trying to pursue it is covered by the crown.
What is The Duck?!?!?!?!
9390043
Soon
9390043
It is the DUCK something that will never be spoken of it is simaler to the bucket we never speak of the bucket
9390118
Actually, The Duck has been spotted by Celestia's royal scouts near Appleoosa. It is considered 'active' and Mayor Silver has been notified.
9390130
Oh shit, it's heading for Dodge Junction -- I hear that's where the GOOSE was last seen!
Is the Duck like Kevin when it comes to Chryssy? Loving this story btw keep them coming!
9390354
Who's kevin?
9390015
the other one being Dr. Bright?
9390360
Kevin is the changeling that showed up at Matilda and Cranky's wedding. He was named in the MLP card game with the flavor text "I'm just here for the food." Many fimfic authors have decided to make merely mentioning his name within earshot of Grumpy Momma Changebugtm cause for her to threaten murder/dismemberment/worse.
Edit for example: from Changeling Space Program
9390367
SCIENCE FOR THE SCIENCE GOD!
9390367
Of Course! Though there is a chance for Arca to become tied with Dr. Bright, but it would take some work beating the whole SCP Pornography Scandal and such other amazing ideas.
9390394
No. You're doing it wrong. Allow me to demonstrate:
ƧƆƖЄИƆЄ ҒѲЯ ƬĦЄ ƧƆƖЄИƆЄ ǤѲƉ!!!!!
9390401
If I were to be considering a seperate story down the line where Arca ends up teaming up with Doctors Bright, Kondraki, Gears, and Clef, would anypony be interested?
9390429
If you can pull it off, then hell yes!
Um..just out of curiosity, does she enjoy this? Or does she just tolerate it.
9390503
"It's a living." -Juniper
Remember, Arca and Juniper have a sort of adoptive Father-Daughter relationship going on, so it's more Juniper doing the right thing.
That said, Arca gives good pets, and it also usually means sitting in on important meetings she otherwise wouldn't be allowed to attend. Heck, Arca's faked being stressed to let her tag along on some trips she really wanted to go on! So her enthusiasm varies.
9390526
Father-Daughter? Huh, that really wasn't the vibe I got at all. It, well, it almost reminds me of Doctor Who, the relationship between him and his companions is very similar. Arca is clearly a disaster, no matter how old he is, so he keeps good friends like Juniper to keep him grounded and on track. If anything, she's parenting him.
9390620
Father and incredibly exasperated daughter
9390854
The 'cool dad'
There's a list for when he goes to Court?, what is there a list for when he goes traveling too?
9391347
*Flashback to when Arca left town*
Silver: Alright guys, we don't get this opportunity very often. Now let's vote, all in favor of taking the day off, relaxing as much as we can while Arca is gone?
*Silence*
Silver: All in favor of Arca proofing the town, preparing for potential disasters and copying, editing and recovering the misplaced lists of everything Arca isn't allowed to do?
*Not a second later*
Silver: By unanimous decision, we are now Arca proofing the town, preparing for potential disasters and copying, editing and recovering the misplaced lists of everything Arca isn't allowed to do until Arca returns. Begin!
9391596
-Bubble wrapping the town is not 'Arca-proofing' it, no matter what Arca may say about it. Bubble wrap is a suitable distraction for him, though.
How do you even come up with all this?
9394435
To be fair that specific one is a common joke
"Order in the court!"
"Okay, what do you want?"
But for the most part, I just let my brain off its leash
9390130
So, we talking Euclid or Keter class here?
I'm sure Mayor Silver would be up for borrowing from one of Estee's stories Jury Duty II: Jury Harder He brought up the idea with Luna serving jury duty after a certain age they no longer have answer the summons
That could be a fun interaction with Purple Smart eventually.
I noticed that this list does not forbid arca from altering it
EDIT: I just reread and I cant believe I did not notice that this was rule number 1
I floofing died.
9403133
Meanwhile I'm most proud of Arca trying to hire an Oom Pah Pah band. Did everypony miss it, or did I just find it funnier than the rest of you?
9403139
I was unsure of what an oom pah pah band is, and I first read it as oompa loompa band which made me really confused and yet intrigued.
Huh, so they know Arca is at the very least ageless, so no life sentences; that's nice
and probably to keep themselves safe from him freaking out.I'm kinda sad that these lists are preemptively made instead of being directly rules from the cause of events; ah well.
The service animals
floof 
9412143
Only this one was made preemptively
What did Arca do to that poor duck?
Amuzing chapter but there are actually many ways for a lawyer to remove a jury member. (Not 100% sure I remember this correct) One way is citing a potential conflict and having the judge excuse the member which can be done so long as there is a genuine conflict. The other thing is that in (most?) some cases lawyers have the ability to veto (around 3 for capital cases) jury members and so long as the reason is not racially motivated they can remove the member. So what im saying is we have ways around Arca's civic duty.
#1 When will we find out about this mysterious Duck?!
#2 It is most impressive that Arca always requires such a long list!
#3 Keep up the good work ^^
9429106
"I Veto this jury member."
"Why?"
"It's Arca!"
"Okay, that's a freebie."
9448461
OK for number 1 read his prank war story the duck appears there about halfway through
9792444
The Duck actually appeared in this story first. You just read all of Prank War first.
Imortals and their up and downsides...