Ceci n'est pas une duck
The sky was a perfect, clear blue as a small crowd gathered at the edge of the market district, near one of the public parks. The celebration had just ended, and ponies were talking amongst themselves at the latest addition to the scenery. It was a large statue, beautifully carved marble. It depicted a pony with no discerning features reaching for a bird perched atop a pedestal, just out of reach. The bird had a gem in its mouth, and was clearly indifferent to the pony below's plight.
"I must say, that piece is… oddly fitting for this town," Silver Scroll commented to the artist as he showed him around the nearby area. "The only way it could have been more relatable is if you made the bird a duck instead of a crow."
Gian Clawrenzo clicked his beak in annoyance. His posh Prench accent gave the griffon just the right tone of disgust as he replied. "I, personally, think that sounds utterly ridiculous. What kind of pony in his right mind would chase a duck? Clearly you have no artistic vision anyway. It is meant to symbolize the need to let things go, to accept that which we cannot change and leave for better days. The pony is meant to be pleading the crow for its necklace back, so that the… pony… can…" the sculptor stopped dead in his tacks, as did Silver. The few bodyguards Gian had brought also looked on in disbelief. "Are… are you actually trying to insult me? It's working."
Much to the group's surprise, the middle of the road with the statue and park on one side, and the residential area on the other, had recieved a new addition. Specifically, a large red 'X' painted on the ground, a pile of seeds and corn atop that, and a hastily scribbled sign reading 'FREE BURD SEED' next to it. Gian and his four griffon bodyguards all shot a glare at Silver, who simply sighed.
"Trust me, that's not meant for you."
"You bet it isn't!" Arca interjected. A small circle of the road popped out of place, revealing that it was actually a helmet Arca had been wearing while hiding under the road. Arca turned, completely unbothered by the two foot tall cylinder of dirt and stone on his head, to face Silver. "Hi, Mayor Silver! Have you seen-"
"No."
"Okay! Let me know if you do. I'm getting him for sure this time!" The eccentric stallion ducked back down, blending back in with the cobblestones, only for a different stone nearby to flip open and have a periscope extend out of it. Silver trotted over to it, irritated but careful for anything.
"Arca." The periscope swung around to look the other direction. "Arca, we've been over this. I have not given you any permission to dig under the road! Now get out here!" He gripped the periscope with his mouth and front hooves and pulled. Except this time Arca didn't come out of the ground.
"Goodness, that was rather uncalled for, Mayor Silver. We have already circumvented thy restriction by granting our friend Arca special permission to burrow as he wishes in his quest for the eternal waterfowl!" Luna let out a laugh, while Silver facehoofed at the fact that he now had TWO eccentric ponies to deal with.
"And you are helping Arca with this… why?"
"The accursed bird stole our crown and we had to get a replacement. We desire revenge."
"Quack."
"Aha! The fiend approaches!" Luna and Arca ducked back under the ground as The Duck came in for a landing next to the bird seed, looking intrigued by the offering of food. "Hold thine position, Mayor Silver. We shalt be just a moment."
"Quack."
"Is… is this some sort of performance art piece?" Gian whispered to Silver as the periscope turned to watch The Duck carefully. It was beginning to eat the food happily, clearly enjoying the free meal.
"I wish."
"NOW, ARCANE!"
KA-GRUNCH
On Luna's signal, a massive fissure opened up in the ground in the span of a few seconds. It was at least thirty feet across and long enough to block the entire street. On one side, several houses collapsed into the sudden hole, while on the other side, the gorgeous statue toppled in and shattered at the bottom. The Duck, of course, remained where it was, because ducks can fly. It was also worth noting that the fissure tore through Luna's hiding spot, leaving her dangling over the edge by her hooves.
"Aha! Now we got- HEY! NO FAIR!" Arca popped back out of the ground, glaring at The Duck in anger. "You were supposed to fall in because this is a designated no-flying zone! Can't you read town ordinances?!"
KA-GRUNCH
Another shot of magic and the fissure instantly closed, forever burying that which was below it. This had the notable effect of trapping Luna in such a way that she was completely buried up to her neck, with only her head poking out of the ground. She did not look pleased. "Arcane! Release us at once!"
Arca didn't hear her. He was too busy trying to figure out how to chase after the retreating bird without taking to the skies himself. "Aha! I know!" Arca's horn lit up again, yanking a chunk of earth out of the ground that was shaped similar to a giant bullet. It slowly began to spin in the air as he took aim.
"Arcane?! Put us down right now!" Luna called from the back end of the projectile, starting to feel dizzy. "Arcane?!"
"I CAST YEET!"
"ARCAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa………."
The gathered ponies and griffons watched as the earthen artillery soared off into the distance, over the mountains. Then they all looked at Arcane.
"Drat, I missed. Now, what did you want, Moon-Princess-Boss?" He paused, looking left and right. "...Moon-Princess-Boss? Huh, I guess she had to go to the bathroom or something."
"You!" Gian stormed up to Arca, touching his beak to Arcane's snout. "You destroyed my statue. You… you…" he paused, and the townsponies braced for the inevitable disaster that happened whenever Arca was attacked so obviously even he couldn't remain oblivious. "You… are a GENIUS!"
"Well, I do have a bunch of doctorates, so-"
"To take a piece of art that represents loss, that took a year to get perfect, and destroy it! Such a statement! I weep, for it is magnificent! The pain of its loss is exquisite! I must know your name!" He grabbed Arca's hoof in a claw and shook it enthusiastically.
"Please let go of my hoof. Also hi I'm Arcane Catalyst. Have you seen my friend anywhere? Tall, blue fur, kinda looks like Princess Luna?"
The snow and ice whipped past a rather irritated Princess Cadence and a VERY irritated Shining Armor. The train was still moving, thank Faust, but their personal train car had just been partially wrecked by a direct hit from a huge chunk of dirt and stone. Now their suite looked more like a rubble-covered flatbed car on the train, and while it was still on the rails and moving, she could not have been hit at a worse time. Worse still, the projectile that hit her train car was carrying a passenger.
"Auntie Luna. While I love you very, very much, I do not take kindly to anypony interrupting mine and Shiny's intimate time! You have exactly three seconds to say something to convince me not to buck you off this train and make you WALK home."
"Arcane and Razzle are dating."
"All is forgiven."
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Of course this is how she finds out.
I know this is a typo, but for some reason I could see it being intentional in this scenario.
I knew there was a rule for Arca not to throw ponies, but... rules are meant to be broken
11326499
1) That was only at the trade exchange
2) Arca didn't realize he was holding one (1) moonpone encased in all the dirt
11326504
Fair. But if this becomes a repeat occurrence, I think some revisions would be in order
-Emps TTS flashbacks-
If that's Arcane casting Yeet, what happens when he tries to yeet Cast? Can he cast Cast and yeet Yeet as well?
so what luna said saved her flank from an enraged cadence. very smart.
11326457
Hmm yes
This floor is made of dort
11326586
I mean, she woulda found out eventually. I just had to make sure that, as per Arca always causing trouble, Luna crash-landed somewhere that would horribly inconvenience, but not injure, any sentient creature present.
You know I’m just waiting for for arcane to have a potion accident that instead of causing an explosion that has various effects on the towns people causes the potion to come to life and go on a rampage
11326817
A potion on small stubby little legs with large muscular arms is currently running around town. "DRINK ME."
Does this mean that Cadance will now be part of the madness?
btw
artistic
Luna is very light and aerodynamic appaerantly.
Lmao!
11327176
Nope, that is why the bullet missed forgot to calculate princess head sticking out of dirt, making it less aerodynamic.
11326865
Giant potion bottle smashes through the wall of a building, "OH YEAH!"
I'm sorry but I can't see this ending in anything less than the Koop aid man making a guest appearance. Maybe it would be one of those stamina potions in the shop?
You're not wrong
Indeed. Although altering the period to an exclamation point might fit the tone of the story better, albeit PERHAPS at a slight cost to utter compatibility with Cadance's canon personality?
The last line of the author's note is funny too. As is the chapter as a whole.
11326731
Is dort the top layer of what Dorf's (1) have to dig through when making a settlement in plains?
(1) The Dwarves in Dwarf Fortress.