The Name Game
As Meadowbrook checked the cookies in the oven, the ponies heard a jingling noise from downstairs indicating somepony had entered the shop.
“Oh, dear. Arca, sweetie, will you go see what that pony wants? Preferably without any wanton destruction?”
“You got it, Boss!”
“Hello? Hello? I did not take a two-hour train ride here to be ignored!” The pony paced around the shop looking for somepony to help her, to no avail.
“Just a moment, miss!”
“About time! I need this prescription filled, and make it snappy! I don't want to miss the next train home!” she maneuvered over towards the stairs, ready to give whoever it was a serious chewing out for slacking on the job.
“Okay! Here I come- aw, buuuck!” A loud THUMP was heard, as though something had fallen over, followed by a series of smaller, rapid thumps. Accompanying this was a chorus of “Ow!”s and “Ouch!”s, as a pony came tumbling down the steps and narrowly avoided the customer before crashing into the metal cauldron with a loud CLANG.
“Is this your idea of customer service? I ought to- oh, no.”
“Hiya! I'm Arcane Catalyst, but you can call me Arca! Welcome to Mage Meadowbrook’s potion emporium, how can I help you today?”
Emerald Essence felt her inner anger rising, but tried to keep her cool. “Arcane. Might I ask what you are doing this far from your little eyesore of a shop in Rainbow Falls?”
The stallion smiled innocently. “I'm visiting my family, of course!” He paused, putting a hoof to his chin in thought. “Wait… how did you know I live in Rainbow Falls? Are you a psychic pony or something? That's so cool! What am I thinking of now?” He appeared to concentrate, only for Emerald to stomp her hoof and snap him out of his focusing.
“I am NOT a psychic! Don't you know who I am?”
Arca leaned in, analyzing Emerald in various ways. He stood up and walked a few circles around her, his gaze flicking across all commonly identifiable traits of unique ponies: Cutiemark, mane color and style, height, muzzle and eye shape…
“...Nah. Sorry, I don't think we've met before. What's your name?”
“Are you as stupid as you are destructive?! It's me, Emerald Essence! I run a massive chain of jewelry stores and one's right across from your shop!”
Arca smiled a welcoming grin. “Oh, okay! Nice to meet you, miss Essence!”
“WE'VE MET EACH OTHER AT LEAST SEVEN TIMES!”
“We have? Sorry, I only remember important ponies.”
Emerald tried to sputter out a response, but only managed to babble incoherently for a moment. “I-I'm important! I'm probably richer and more powerful than some two-bit potion seller like you ever will be!”
“Have you ever bought anything from me?”
“No! Why should I-”
“Then you aren't important enough to remember unless you're a national hero. I can remember all my customers, though.”
“Oh, really?” Emerald sneered. “Who was your two thousand, one hundred and fifty-sixth customer?”
“That’s easy! Shimmer Jewel, a crystal earth pony mare who happened by my shop on a diplomatic mission.”
“Who was your first competitor?”
“Oddly enough, my first rival in the business was a potion seller named, ‘Potion Seller’. Pretty accurate name, if I had to judge, but he lost a lot of sales because he kept refusing to sell his strongest potions to adventurers.”
“Who runs the jewelry store named, ‘Emerald Essence’s Treasure Chest’, that's right across from your store in Rainbow Falls?”
“There's a jewelry store near Alchemiracles? Since when?”
Emerald stomped the floor angrily with a hoof.
“RRGH! You bucking imbicile! Let's try it this way. Say, ‘Emerald’,” she began with the tone of a parent trying to teach a foal their first words.
“Emerald.”
“Now say ‘Essence’.”
“Essence.”
“Now put those two words together.”
“Emerald Essence.”
“Good! Now what's my name?”
“I'm pretty sure you said it was Cucumber Valet.”
“AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH! That's it, I don't care if I have to take the eight hour train ride to Canterlot, I will find an alchemy shop you don't work at to get my prescriptions filled, because I REFUSE TO BUY FROM YOU!”
“Aw, that's a shame, miss Thesaurus. Do take care, and have a nice day!”
“BUCK YOU!” and she slammed the door on the way out, rattling several vials amidst the nearby shelves.
The silence didn't last long, as Meadowbrook came down the stairs, her soft voice soothing the tension in the air. “Arca? I heard a commotion, who was that?”
“I forget.”
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Like Emerald Essence has done anything to Acra to be memorable
I'll bet she was there for her blood-pressure meds.
You know considering his name is Arcane Catalyst, I shoulda figured that’d be what happened...
And essentially the fact he’d become his project.
A future scene:
Emerald: Princess, I request that you to remove Arcane Catalyst from Rainbow Falls. He is a menace and his shop is an eyesore.
Princess Celestia: You want me to use my royal authority to evict Arcane Catalyst, my royal alchemist, from his home?
Emerald: Exact... he's your WHAT?!?
Celestia: My royal alchemist. His home granted to him by royal decree for all time.
Emerald: all...time...
Celestia: Yes.
Emerald: *faints*
Anyone here forgot that Emerald here is a criminal.
She has a hidden talent of brainwashing, and will use it against her competitors.
That is illegal magic.
Highly illegal at that.
9384699
Given the shop's utter destruction on a near annual basis, I have feeling that Celly more likely gave Arca permanent ownership of the property, not the building... plus it would extend protection to the couch cushion fort, which, for the record, is still standing.
Error 404: Name not found.
So you ever think about Nick from prank war going in to get a “you know what” potion from Arca? It would be a Dastardly prank worth 3 moat dunks and a lunar landing in Canterlot.
9385061
Oh, of course I have! But I wanted to build up this story a bit first before a full-fledged crossover, and as this story doesn't have a human tag, that means Nick can't physically appear in this story aside from being tangentially mentioned.
9385085
... I see, it would have to be in Prank War then, but as with all your work I’m sure it will be glorious.
Til next chapter of either story glorious overlord
Did Arca just unintentionally roast Emerald in several ways?
9385296
Savagely. My editor actually stopped his first read through to contact me on discord with:
"'Sorry, I only remember important ponies.'
OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH"
Lmao!
Wonder what she'll scheme next?
9384799
When you say "property", does that extend across the whole Arca Zone? Because Arca giving Emerald an eviction notice, or claiming her shop is squatting on his land would be fucking hilarious. Heck, knowing him it wouldn't even have that much coverage, just enough to convienantly encompass her store, he could start charging her rent!
Potion Seller, I am going into battle. I require your strongest potions.
Literally same
Oh, BURN!
I honestly can't tell if Arca is trolling or not, and that just makes this chapter even better.
Does Arca make potions for aneurysms? Emerald looks like she's ready for one!
9403153
what tanks your photo?
Yes.
Just yes.
She is one unhappy pony.
i'm reading this at work on my lunch hour.
This made me bust out laughing at my desk.
Bravo.
9442016
Excellent. Glad I made you smile, that's all I want.
And upvotes and favoritesCan't tell if I want to say "Well done" or "That was bad and you should feel bad!"
9448452
Its probably worth both
Hahahahahaha. Fucking hilarious
Made the joke already and I'm sure you know which I'm talking about
11299113
I... actually don't? Maybe?
Huh, she sounds familiar
Ouch, right in the pride
Really? I hadn't noticed
All she had to do is buy any potion