On a good day, Alchemiracles remained standing. On a bad day, something happened that ensured the local salt bar had plenty of patrons. Today was a bad day. In fact, nopony could even see the shop without getting close, as Arca had cast a powerful illusion out to the Arca limit to make the shop disappear. Inside his shop though, he had just finished barricading the windows and doors. Twice.
Unfortunately, that did not seem to deter a certain mare, as a series of knocks rang out from the front door.
“Arcie-poo, come out and say hello to your marefriend~”
Razzle Dazzle stood on the front porch, her tail wagging excitedly. “I know you're in there, my love.”
“Sorry, we're closed today! Nopony is home! Uh… this is an automated message!”
Razzle pouted. “But I needed a potion from my Arcie-Warkie!”
An annoyed sigh came from the other side of the door. A light clip-clop of hooves could be heard trotting into the back of the shop, promptly returning amidst a grumble or two. With no warning, a saw poked through the wall, and began sawing out a small circle at face height. With a decent amount of force, an orange furred foreleg punched the circle out of the wall, and slapped a sticky note above the new hole that read ‘Fly-through window’ in hastily scribbled letters. Arca glared at Razzle through the hole in the wall.
“Ugh… Welcome to Alchemiracles, your one stop shop for potions, lotions, tinctures, and any other medicine you can think to drink. How can I help you?” Even the usual greeting Arca did seemed forced, as though he was trying to say ‘floof off and don't come back.’
“Oh, Arcie, it's TERRIBLE! I've fallen madly in love with a stallion and he won't return my affections!” Razzle held a hoof to her forehead in mock despair. “Please, don't you have potion to help me? Or maybe a kiss~” she puckered her lips and closed her eyes, leaning forward for a passionate lip-lock…
Only for Aca to shove a potion into her mouth. Except he put it in the wrong way, leaving her lips suctioned onto the rounded bottom of the bottle, and the top poking out towards the shop.
“There. One anti-love curse potion. Now go away.”
Razzle blinked once, twice, then spit the bottle out of her mouth. It clattered to the ground as she began whining. “But Arcie, it's not a curse!”
Arca glared at her through the hole. “That depends on who you ask.”
“What do you mean, my love?” Razzle pouted, giving her best ‘sad puppy dog’ eyes.
“Well, you pestering me sure seems like a curse to me! And I curse at you from time to time! Oh, and one other thing…” He motioned for Razzle to move closer. She gasped happily, closed her eyes, and leaned in for a kiss…
“I'M NOT YOUR COLTFRIEND!!”
Razzle was knocked backwards as Arca shouted at her through a megaphone behind the wall. Even her mane whipped about from the magical wind used to amplify his voice. This, naturally, led her to panic slightly. “Oh no, my mane! Arcie, quick, is it still okay? This is an emergency!” She ran her hooves around her mane in a rush as she looked left and right to see if anypony else was around.
Behind the wall, Arca sighed. “Ugh. Don't worry Jezebel, I still can't see them unless I focus really hard. If you keep moving your mane around, though, they might end up visible.”
Razzle breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank goodness. And my name is Razzle Dazzle now, Arcie. I'm a supermodel now~” She tried to strike a sexy pose to impress her crush, but was promptly clonked in the head with… “Arca, why did you just throw garlic at me?”
“Why didn't that work? Ugh, GO AWAY!!”
“That only works on vamponies, my silly future husband. You can't run me off with-” another small object bounced off her muzzle, causing her to scrunch her muzzle a bit. “...a condom? That won't work either, unless... are you finally propositioning me, love?”
“Go away, you floofing succupony! I didn't want anything 350 years ago, and I don't want anything now!” Arca pulled a lever on the inside of the shop labelled ‘no solicitors’, and the entire front porch sprung up at an angle and launched Razzle several feet away. Razzle quickly managed to get to her hooves. Arca took notice and lamented the situation aloud. “Aw, buck me, are you still there?”
Razzle's eyes shone like the sun itself, a smile of pure joy spreading across her face. “You really mean it? You want me to-”
“Not what I meant, Jezebel! Go tempt somepony else or something! This is what, your twenty-fifth different pony disguise? Surely you have somepony else to go have fun with!”
She steeled herself and shook a hoof at Alchemiracles. “Just you wait, Arcane Catalyst! You're the only stallion for me! I'll be back, you WILL marry me, and we WILL live happily ever after, forever and ever!” As she turned and walked away with an air of dignity and her head held high at having the last word, she added one last thing under her breath, that even somepony with an ear to her lips would struggle to hear.
“Because even though it used to be different, I really do love you… I have ever since you saved my life. And one of these days, I'll be yours and you'll be mine!”